number of sexual partners?

[jw90063]

You are entirely missing my point. I have never questioned anyone who has morals - I am questioning people who are imposing THEIR morals on others.

 

I applaud those for having convictions and I question those who point fingers and engage in name-calling to justify their "superior moral attitude."

 

You are not better than me and I am not better than you. I am accepting of you and your lifestyle but you somehow feel threatened by mine to the point of questioning it and demeaning it. What I have done works for me in a way that would probably not work for many others.

 

Don't judge me. You don't know me.

 

So you are implying Elaina is imposing her morals on everyone else? Is that why you are questioning her, or how about asking that other person how long they would wait for sex? You don't seem to be understanding or accepting of a darn thing quite frankly.

 

For something you seem so proud of, you are so highly defensive and sensitive. I get the feeling you are not proud of it, and if that's the case, then don't go around telling people about your sexual habits.

 

Believe it or not, some people do feel strongly about not engaging in promiscuous activities, as well as domination(see other thread).

 

I guess you consider it a personal judgment, because someone doesn't approve of you sleeping with lots of men. Should I have lied?

[Vertex]

Who cares how many men/women someone sleeps with? Honestly? Does it really matter?

[CarrieT]

So you are implying Elaina is imposing her morals on everyone else? Is that why you are questioning her, or how about asking that other person how long they would wait for sex? You don't seem to be understanding or accepting of a darn thing quite frankly.

 

No, actually I was imply that YOU are imposing your morals on others (as you have in other threads), not Elaina whatsoever.

[threebyfate]

Who cares how many men/women someone sleeps with? Honestly? Does it really matter?

Yes it does matter, if this person is a potential partner. Beyond that, let live. As long as it's not cash/gifts for sex, it's all personal preference.

[jw90063]

I'm done with this thread. I'm so sick of people who choose POOR habits, labeling others as judgmental. I'm sorry, but how can you not judge someone who has no respect for their body or others(considering they might give others an STD or worse), and CARRIE I'm not necessarily speaking of you, as I already indicated. Have a great day.

 

And if you are saying I used name calling because I used the word promiscuous, that is insane. I admit I was a bit blunt, but when people come on here bragging about sleeping with hundreds of men, I consider that blunt and beyond. Expect it to hit a nerve with someone.

[JohnP82]

Yes it does matter, if this person is a potential partner.

 

I agree with her

[Vertex]

Yes it does matter, if this person is a potential partner. Beyond that, let live. As long as it's not cash/gifts for sex, it's all personal preference.

 

Certainly it matters if that person is a potential partner to me or to you, but I just find it silly to externally judge people for their sexual practices, which is really no different from any other metric of compatibility. I may not personally want a LTR with someone who's had a large number of sex partners, but I wouldn't necessarily berate someone for doing something I don't see as fundamentally "wrong" -- I see it as just another attribute that some people may or may not be compatible with.

[jw90063]

Certainly it matters if that person is a potential partner to me or to you, but I just find it silly to externally judge people for their sexual practices, which is really no different from any other metric of compatibility. I may not personally want a LTR with someone who's had a large number of sex partners, but I wouldn't necessarily berate someone for doing something I don't see as fundamentally "wrong" -- I see it as just another attribute that some people may or may not be compatible with.

 

Err....I wasn't going to say anything else.

 

In general, society does not see such behavior as appropriate or "good". Lizzie60, if you must know who I'm mostly referring to, has slept with hundreds and hundreds of men. She then chooses to comment or brag on how she "beats everyone else". Honestly, do you think that is something not to judge someone over?

 

If you want to pretend like you don't judge those types of people, go ahead and kiss butt. Your post don't add up. You claim to have only been with a few people, and you wouldn't have sex just to have sex, but then you turn around and say "why does it matter how many people they have slept with". "I think its silly to judge someone for sexual practices". That doesn't make sense. I get what you are saying, that although you don't approve, you are not judgmental, but how can you not judge someone of such practices. I mean I think it speaks high volumes.

[prettybaby]

F, 26, 2 people both in long term committed relationship.

[Okeydokey]

F, 29 y/o

2 Long-Term BF (more than 1 yr.)

2 Short-Term BF (6+ months)

3 Flings (few months together)

 

no cheating and no one nighters

[elaina]

Err....I wasn't going to say anything else.

 

In general, society does not see such behavior as appropriate or "good". Lizzie60, if you must know who I'm mostly referring to, has slept with hundreds and hundreds of men. She then chooses to comment or brag on how she "beats everyone else". Honestly, do you think that is something not to judge someone over?

 

If you want to pretend like you don't judge those types of people, go ahead and kiss butt. Your post don't add up. You claim to have only been with a few people, and you wouldn't have sex just to have sex, but then you turn around and say "why does it matter how many people they have slept with". "I think its silly to judge someone for sexual practices". That doesn't make sense. I get what you are saying, that although you don't approve, you are not judgmental, but how can you not judge someone of such practices. I mean I think it speaks high volumes.

 

I agree with you concerning sex and love, but about judging, I don't agree, because it's impossible for people to be totally objective and understanding absolutely everything. Everybody is different and has had different experiences in life.

 

Concerning why some people who have the same morals don't judge those who don't is because peace is very important, and in order to have peace, respect is paramount, even if both sides don't agree on everything.

 

Peace often means compromise, and in this case, the compromise is to agree to disagree and to respect each person's right to believe or not as they do.

 

Also, how does judging anybody help anything? Correct me if I"m wrong Lizzie, but you're being judged doesn't make you all of a sudden think, "Oh no, I am wrong... I must change my ways!" Right? I don't see how people judging other people does anything but gets people defensive and hurts their feelings and makes them feel rejected by others. ?

[jw90063]

I agree with you concerning sex and love, but about judging, I don't agree, because it's impossible for people to be totally objective and understanding absolutely everything. Everybody is different and has had different experiences in life.

 

Concerning why some people who have the same morals don't judge those who don't is because peace is very important, and in order to have peace, respect is paramount, even if both sides don't agree on everything.

 

Peace often means compromise, and in this case, the compromise is to agree to disagree and to respect each person's right to believe or not as they do.

 

Also, how does judging anybody help anything? Correct me if I"m wrong Lizzie, but you're being judged doesn't make you all of a sudden think, "Oh no, I am wrong... I must change my ways!" Right? I don't see how people judging other people does anything but gets people defensive and hurts their feelings and makes them feel rejected by others. ?

 

Oh brother. I'm sorry, but I will judge someone who parades around on this forum bragging about banging tons of men. This is a forum, and some people will judge people for things. That's how the world works. I simply made a comment, and it has become a huge discussion, because someone had to pick apart what I said.

 

I think if you don't want to be judged-in the case this thread. I wouldn't bother stating how many people you have slept with, if it gets into the hundreds. You are just asking for almost, because that's obvious someone is going to comment on it. Just like Pizzaman was the first to say "the world is a scary place " in regards to CarrieT's thread. Also, no need to come on here smirking "I've beat you all.....", as if it's something to feel good about it. Nope, its not something to get airs about.

 

I'm not that judgmental as some may think. My ex slept with more women, than I wanted, but I didn't not date him for that. He also didn't lay hundreds either. In that case, he would have been history from the beginning. I think you not judge someone to an EXTENT. Then it is highly questionable.

[Vertex]

Err....I wasn't going to say anything else.

 

In general, society does not see such behavior as appropriate or "good". Lizzie60, if you must know who I'm mostly referring to, has slept with hundreds and hundreds of men. She then chooses to comment or brag on how she "beats everyone else". Honestly, do you think that is something not to judge someone over?

 

If you want to pretend like you don't judge those types of people, go ahead and kiss butt. Your post don't add up. You claim to have only been with a few people, and you wouldn't have sex just to have sex, but then you turn around and say "why does it matter how many people they have slept with". "I think its silly to judge someone for sexual practices". That doesn't make sense. I get what you are saying, that although you don't approve, you are not judgmental, but how can you not judge someone of such practices. I mean I think it speaks high volumes.

 

I see nothing inherently "wrong" with sleeping with hundreds of men. The only extent I would "judge" such a person for myself would be: 1. I'd worry about diseases, and 2. I'd wonder if they were capable of a strong emotional/intellectual connection or if they were more into short-term flings. Although one's history is typically a good indicator of how one will act in the future, you have to be careful not to be biased by the "data" -- it would depend on how many of those past men were, at first, LTR material and how those relationships ended, if so.

 

But either way, again, I see nothing wrong with sleeping with many people, as it's a lifestyle choice. Some lifestyle choices merely don't mesh well with others.

[jw90063]

I see nothing inherently "wrong" with sleeping with hundreds of men.

 

Wow....just wow

[kiss_andmakeup]

22, female, 9.

 

3 in serious relationships (more than a year), 2 in short-term relationships (less than 6 months but more than a few weeks), 2 FWB's and 2 ONS.

 

Good times! :]

[sugar_and_spice]

Wow....just wow

I personally won't sleep with guys out of relationships, but that doesn't mean I feel morally superior to those who do or those who have slept with lots and lots of men.

[Vertex]

Wow....just wow

 

Care to give me a counterargument, please? What do you find inherently wrong? Why do you feel the need to "judge" so harshly the content of someone's character?

[jw90063]

I personally won't sleep with guys out of relationships, but that doesn't mean I feel morally superior to those who do or those who have slept with lots and lots of men.

 

How are they are the same level, as far as morals? I do not understand this one bit. I mean how are you not morally superior in comparison to someone who has done hundreds of people???

 

Care to give me a counterargument, please? What do you find inherently wrong? Why do you feel the need to "judge" so harshly the content of someone's character?

 

Is it really that difficult to understand my point? I am seriously starting to wonder if you were dishonest about your history, because you seem awfully defensive and like you don't understand one bit. If someone doesn't want judgment, then it's best not to make up controversial threads asking how many people someone has shacked up with.

 

I don't make a big deal out of someone sleeping with lots of girls or guys usually (even if I don't agree), but when it gets into the hundreds, and someone acts like it's a COOL thing, that is when I think its totally unacceptable. I wouldn't go near a person like that. It does speak high volumes IMO. No offense, but I question their intelligence, and general knowledge. Even if they don't have STD's, I question how do they not respect their body more than to give it to so many people. I have very little respect for someone who doesn't respect themselves. I also question their ability to obtain a serious relationship.

[Vertex]

Is it really that difficult to understand my point? I am seriously starting to wonder if you were dishonest about your history, because you seem awfully defensive and like you don't understand one bit. If someone doesn't want judgment, then it's best not to make up controversial threads asking how many people someone has shacked up with.

 

I don't make a big deal out of someone sleeping with lots of girls or guys usually (even if I don't agree), but when it gets into the hundreds, and someone acts like it's a COOL thing, that is when I think its totally unacceptable. I wouldn't go near a person like that. It does speak high volumes IMO. No offense, but I question their intelligence, and general knowledge. Even if they don't have STD's, I question how do they not respect their body more than to give it to so many people. I I have no respect for someone who doesn't respect themselves. I also question their ability to obtain a serious relationship.

 

I have not been dishonest about my history, nor have I been overly defensive in the slightest. If anything, I feel you're reacting a bit more strongly to this particular issue.

 

Okay, so your points are generally as follows:

1. Questionable intelligence

2. Potentially lacking in general knowledge

3. Lack of respect for body/self

4. Possible inability to have a serious relationship

 

All of these things are not inherently "wrong" -- they simply may or may not be compatible with your dealbreakers. Some people simply don't care about sexual past and only care about how such a person behaves with *them*. How exactly does having a lot of sex imply a lack of self-respect? And as per questionable intelligence and relationship issues, it's hard to say. I'd say it's a per-person basis, since I know both intelligent and unintelligent people with very active sex lives, and so I would not be so quick to judge. But in my experience, I have seen that people with very active sex lives typically have little interest in LTR or are somehow emotionally closed off on some level, so I think there may be *some* merit to such a claim.

 

My point though is that having an active sex life is still not necessarily morally "wrong." It all depends on your viewsystem though. An an atheist, for instance, my idea of morality derives from social optima (e.g. we shouldn't kill others because we wouldn't want to be killed, we should not steal because we wouldn't want to be stolen from, we should follow such rules because it helps us become better people who feel greater levels of utility, which helps bring about a synergy of utility in conjunction with others, etc). Sleeping with a lot of men doesn't really violate any sort of social optima and isn't really "wrong" -- just unattractive to some.

[kiss_andmakeup]

I mean how are you not morally superior in comparison to someone who has done hundreds of people???

 

How? Really? You know nothing else about the person, that's how.

 

For all I know you could be someone who steals money out of the salvation army kettles and steps on kittens. In my book it wouldn't matter if you'd slept with 1 or 100 people. I would consider you an immoral person.

 

For all you know, Lizzie or the other people that quoted higher numbers could volunteer at homeless shelters, save babies from burning buildings, regularly give to charitable causes, and manage their own animal shelter. It wouldn't matter if they slept with 1 or 100 people...I would consider them a moral person due to their other accomplishments and qualities.

 

You have to realize you don't know everything or even close to it about someone based on one aspect of their life.

 

I mean really...say that you disagree with or disapprove of the lifestyle...but you really can't comprehend that there is more to the idea of general morality than sexual lifestyle?

[threebyfate]

Vertex, in this, I will throw in a judgment. I've yet to see one person who's in the high double digit to triple digit number of partners, who doesn't have serious emotional issues. They're use of sex as validation, ends up to be counterproductive to their long-term emotional health. The minute they start losing their physical attractiveness, they lose their sense of self-worth and do all kinds of stupid things to compensate for it. The scramble for external eternal youth is one. This is applicable to men and women.

[Vertex]

How? Really? You know nothing else about the person, that's how.

 

For all I know you could be someone who steals money out of the salvation army kettles and steps on kittens. In my book it wouldn't matter if you'd slept with 1 or 100 people. I would consider you an immoral person.

 

For all you know, Lizzie or the other people that quoted higher numbers could volunteer at homeless shelters, regularly give to charitable causes, and manage their own animal shelter. It wouldn't matter if they slept with 1 or 100 people...I would consider them a moral person due to their other accomplishments and qualities.

 

I mean really...say that you disagree with or disapprove of the lifestyle...but you really can't comprehend that there is more to the idea of general morality than sexual lifestyle?

 

Right, I mean it's generally a bad idea to judge an entire person as become morally reprehensible for something that is not inherently "wrong." How does someone's active sex life harm themselves or put others at risk unless they are having sex irresponsibly (i.e. not safely)? It's purely a lifestyle choice. It'd be akin to calling homosexuality "wrong" when there's really nothing "wrong" about it. If you think sleeping with many men is "socially unacceptable," that's one thing -- perhaps you merely want to be with someone who is socially acceptable. But socially deviant doesn't always equate to "wrong and morally worthy of being berated or judged negatively."

 

Either way, it's just a function of preference. If you are religious and you consider having sex with many people "wrong," then that is by your own belief system. Not everyone shares the same belief system, of course. However, I think we can safely say that judging an entire person's character on one trait is risky. Only once we know more about the multifaceted nature of someone's attributes can we really get a clearer picture about someone 's character and whether or not they're worth dating or pursuing a relationship with.

 

Would you like it if I, for instance, judged you on your posts in this thread and assumed you were a closeminded person? Not that I am saying that at all, but my point is that it's usually hurtful and oftentimes illogical to draw conclusions about someone's overall character from only a few bits of information. You still haven't really told me what's inherently "wrong" about sleeping with multiple people outside of personal preference, which has been my primary argument here.

[Vertex]

Vertex, in this, I will throw in a judgment. I've yet to see one person who's in the high double digit to triple digit number of partners, who doesn't have serious emotional issues. They're use of sex as validation, ends up to be counterproductive to their long-term emotional health. The minute they start losing their physical attractiveness, they lose their sense of self-worth and do all kinds of stupid things to compensate for it. The scramble for external eternal youth is one. This is applicable to men and women.

 

Of course -- this has been the only real "judgment" I have derived empirically as well about people with that many sex partners. But I would still not say that what that person is doing is "wrong." Is it wrong to be emotionally closed off? I would say not -- but it sure isn't very convenient for someone who wants a LTR with that person.

 

Either way I am not going to look at a woman who's been with hundreds of men and just assume that she's some morally blameworthy individual who is somehow worthy of being deemed inferior.

[jw90063]

For all I know you could be someone who steals money out of the salvation army kettles and steps on kittens. In my book it wouldn't matter if you'd slept with 1 or 100 people. I would consider you an immoral person.

 

For all you know, Lizzie or the other people that quoted higher numbers could volunteer at homeless shelters, save babies from burning buildings, regularly give to charitable causes, and manage their own animal shelter.

 

You would consider me an immoral person for that. Of course, that's a duh. I would as well. Funny, you have a right to consider that immoral, but I don't considering someone promiscuous? To me, they are both bad.

 

Luckily, I don't steal anything, and I love kittens/cats. I'm not even that religious, but it's still a no-brainer, to realize getting into high digits of sexual partners is not a good thing. How does that not speak volumes?

 

Also, doesn't matter if they do other nice things such as volunteer work etc. What does that have to do with this? I mean that's great, but come on. I'm not saying they are bad people in general, it's just bad to be that promiscuous.

[Vertex]

You would consider me an immoral person for that. Of course, that's a duh. I would as well. Funny, you have a right to consider that immoral, but I don't considering someone promiscuous? To me, they are both bad.

 

Luckily, I don't steal anything, and I love kittens/cats. I'm not even that religious, but it's still a no-brainer, to realize getting into high digits of sexual partners is not a good thing. How does that not speak volumes?

 

Also, doesn't matter if they do other nice things such as volunteer work etc. What does that have to do with this? I mean that's great, but come on. I'm not saying they are bad people in general, it's just bad to be that promiscuous.

 

I would say that the difference is that stepping on kittens/stealing things negatively affects others and decreases the utility of social optima. Having safe, consensual sex with multiple partners really hurts nobody and does not violate any sort of fundamental human rights. At this point it would become a preference with respect to whether or not we'd want to date someone whose traits fall within correlation of that type of sexual lifestyle choice.