NeverGonnaRegret Posted December 25, 2009 Posted December 25, 2009 Hey, Me and my partner were together for 6 years. We had a rough patch about half way through because I discovered he had been cheating on me. I forgave him and we carried on and worked through it. Now, I've found out that he has actually cheated on me with 8 different people throughout our time together. Some of these affairs have lasted as long as 3 months whilst a couple were one night stands. He said he can't help it, he doesn't want to do it but it just happens. I forgave him...with the promise he would never do it again. Guess what? A week back into the relationship and I found out he had been seeing someone. I told him it was over and promised myself that I wouldn't take him back. The thing is I really do love him...but I don't know if I can forgive him again. He's been begging me for another chance and I don't know if it would be a wise idea to do that. He'll probably cheat on me again. Yet we've been through so much together that it's impossible to forget. Every day without him hurts. Am I crazy? Should I forgive him and let him break my heart again? Or should I just leave and forget about him?
xpaperxcutx Posted December 25, 2009 Posted December 25, 2009 How does that saying go, " Fool me once, shame on you.. etc" You're in love with a serial cheater. There's really nothing you can expect from him except cheating. Save yourself further heartache and find yourself a good man who won't end up giving you gonorrhea.
TaraMaiden Posted December 25, 2009 Posted December 25, 2009 NeverGonnaRegret.... Never going to regret....what? finally freeing yourself from somebody who disrespects you, cannot love you as he says, or just needs to put it about a bit? or staying with somebody with your eyes wide open, knowing he finds it impossible to keep his word, or keep his dick inside his pants, and always comes back to you out of a sense of duty and guilt, but very probably not actually love? because, therein lies your basic choice: Kick him out and start a new life, or stay with him but be fully aware that he will cheat, cheat and cheat again - because he wants to. This - He said he can't help it, he doesn't want to do it but it just happens. - is complete, total and utter bhullschit. Nobody ever holds a gun to his head, and forces him to phuk around. he does it because he wants to. he does it because the woman concerned, opens her legs for him. He seeks, finds and takes the opportunity, so all this 'can't help it' and 'it just happens' is utter total crap. he fully intends to be a cheater, always has, and always will be. So live with it, accept it, and deal with it. Or not. Ultimately? The choice, is yours.
2sunny Posted December 25, 2009 Posted December 25, 2009 sure forgive him all you want. change your expectations IF you decide to go back - because you are ultimately choosing more of the same for yourself... cheating. don't blame him at this point - only blame yourself - because you now know that he will always cheat - expecting him to be different is completely silly when he's made it perfectly clear that he intends to cheat and have you put up with it. his actions and words give you this evidence. only go back knowing he will always cheat. is that what you want for yourself?
Author NeverGonnaRegret Posted December 25, 2009 Author Posted December 25, 2009 Thanks for replying everyone. I know I'm being really stupid for even thinking of taking him back. For that, I really am a complete idiot. The only reason I considered it was because I love him so much. Obviously, he doesn't love me, you three realised that as well. It's just...I don't know. He's been a part of my life for so long, when he's not there everything feels so empty. I never think about the bad things he's done, just the good things. Anyway. Thanks to all of you, you've helped me realise that he's never going to change. No matter what I do or say, no matter what he does or says, he will always be the same. Don't think it's such a wise idea to take him back...
kimmi Posted December 25, 2009 Posted December 25, 2009 HI, Been where you are right now and darn I feel bad for you... However have to ask questions to you, - What is the true reason you LOVE him so much? - What are you Afraid of losing if you never turn back? - Are you not Afraid of catching a STD from this man? - How do you feel when he is not around you? Nervous? scared? unsure? I would not take him back if I were you as he has proven to you time and time again that he does not have your best interest at heart, he knows you really well and he knows how to push your buttons, he will expect you to take him back and he will expect that it is okay for him to continue to hurt you. SAVE YOURSELF THE PAIN ...
Author NeverGonnaRegret Posted December 25, 2009 Author Posted December 25, 2009 I don't know why I love him so much. I think it's because we've been through so much together and he's been there for me when my world was a dark place. And about the STD...yeah, he's already given me something. When he's not around me...I dunno how to describe it. It's like somethings missing.
XKatieX Posted December 25, 2009 Posted December 25, 2009 Leave and forget about him, save yourself the continuous heartache and pain he will cause you..if you leave now and later down the road find out hes with someone else it wont phase you like it does now. Good luck.
HeavenOrHell Posted December 25, 2009 Posted December 25, 2009 He doesn't deserve you, you've been letting him get away with walking all over you and taking the p*** I was going to say maybe if he or both of you are prepared to go to relationship therapy (he needs sex therapy!!) maybe he could change, but he's cheated so many times I would never trust him again. He has serious issues. If my ex had cheated even once in 18 in years I would have found it very hard to forgive and forget, mostly because it would mean he wasn't the caring, compassionate person I thought he was, he wouldn't do that to me.
kimmi Posted December 26, 2009 Posted December 26, 2009 When he's not around me...I dunno how to describe it. It's like somethings missing. I was talking about when you two are together and he is late or he says he is going out somewhere, Do you not live in fear at all that he is doing this to you? This person that claims he loves you might love you but you will have to except that you will not be the only one that is having sex with him. Sex to me is the one and only thing that say's you are a couple, everything else besides marriage you can do and have with your friends while in a relationship... After I went through it with my ex of 14 years I seen that there was no way that he would ever be able to have a healthy relationship with just me. It took many years and a lot of tears to understand that... I asked him recently why he mistreated me in all the ways that he did in the past, he said it very clearly " you allowed me to so I did not have to stop". There is truth to that statement. He married the lady that he had a affair with... I asked him why ... he said she would never put up with any crap from me ever... Whatever you let him do he will ... I would stay away from him and let him have all the woman that he wants in the world and you can move on to a trusting and loving person... If you keep on going back to im he will damage you mentally and you will not trust again and ruin your chance of a healthy relationship.
Kantor Posted December 26, 2009 Posted December 26, 2009 I've found out that he has actually cheated on me with 8 different people throughout our time together. Some of these affairs have lasted as long as 3 months whilst a couple were one night stands. Thats a long pattern of wrong choices. No room for forgiveness there. Don't do it, you'll be sorry ... AGAIN
Author NeverGonnaRegret Posted December 29, 2009 Author Posted December 29, 2009 When he's not around me...I dunno how to describe it. It's like somethings missing. I was talking about when you two are together and he is late or he says he is going out somewhere, Do you not live in fear at all that he is doing this to you? This person that claims he loves you might love you but you will have to except that you will not be the only one that is having sex with him. Sex to me is the one and only thing that say's you are a couple, everything else besides marriage you can do and have with your friends while in a relationship... After I went through it with my ex of 14 years I seen that there was no way that he would ever be able to have a healthy relationship with just me. It took many years and a lot of tears to understand that... I asked him recently why he mistreated me in all the ways that he did in the past, he said it very clearly " you allowed me to so I did not have to stop". There is truth to that statement. He married the lady that he had a affair with... I asked him why ... he said she would never put up with any crap from me ever... Whatever you let him do he will ... I would stay away from him and let him have all the woman that he wants in the world and you can move on to a trusting and loving person... If you keep on going back to im he will damage you mentally and you will not trust again and ruin your chance of a healthy relationship. I thought he'd change after that first time, he managed to keep the others secret so well from me. When we had our partnership, I thought it meant he loved me. If he was willing to commit me then I honestly thought it meant he had changed. Stupid, right? He doesn't deserve you, you've been letting him get away with walking all over you and taking the p*** I was going to say maybe if he or both of you are prepared to go to relationship therapy (he needs sex therapy!!) maybe he could change, but he's cheated so many times I would never trust him again. He has serious issues. If my ex had cheated even once in 18 in years I would have found it very hard to forgive and forget, mostly because it would mean he wasn't the caring, compassionate person I thought he was, he wouldn't do that to me. One of our friends tried to convince him to go to therapy but he says he doesn't need it. He says there is nothing wrong with him. Leave and forget about him, save yourself the continuous heartache and pain he will cause you..if you leave now and later down the road find out hes with someone else it wont phase you like it does now. Good luck. Thanks.
TaraMaiden Posted December 29, 2009 Posted December 29, 2009 NGR, so what do you think you are going to do? One of the most beautiful definitions of Love, is actually Biblical, and I think it speaks volumes: Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.(1 Corinthians 13: 4 - 7) Arguably, one could say you are practising this kind of Love. By no stretch of the imagination, is he doing so. At one point, you will be left drained, lifeless and a completely empty shell. A mere shadow of the woman you used to be, and you will feel nothing but a void numbness, because every fibre of your resistance and willingness to love, will have been sucked dry by his behaviour. he is callous, selfish, arrogant, cruel, deceitful and abusive. Please, I really hope you can find the strength to do this, but for your own sake, you must end this. he truly does not deserve your affection, love, devotion and loyalty. Whatever brought you together, is outweighed by his blatant disregard and complete lack of respect for your role as his wife. Look, I had a guy in my life when I was in a dark place. His name was Tuffy, and he was a small poodle. he took care of me, loved me unconditionally and got me through the hard times. I loved him until he died, and I still miss him terribly. But your H can't even muster the bad qualities of a dog, let alone the good ones. A dog has been kinder and more loving to me than your H has been to you..... it's not right, is it?
singlegirl Posted December 29, 2009 Posted December 29, 2009 I don't know why I love him so much. I think it's because we've been through so much together and he's been there for me when my world was a dark place. He is your dark place. How can anyone grow and learn to feel good about themselves wilst the one they are in "love" with treats them like this? I am similar and might even have put up with this kind of behaviour but I simply couldn't do it. My reactions, my emotions cry out of me even when my head questions them. My feelings changed towards the man I was with. I dumped the man I was in love with only to let him get to me again...I wanted so much for the peace and safety of this wonderful him to return but none of it was real This man is playing on your waeknesses to get his needs met. rest assured he will discard you when he is done. You will feel worse if he leaves you broken, maybe gives you HIV? Have some faith in yourself . You have put up with this for so long if you can handle this you can handle anything
trueblue72ny Posted December 31, 2009 Posted December 31, 2009 probably cheat? more like is going too. go ahead keep taking him back and let him break your heart again, and again and again and again. or you can just stop it now. those women he is with -they dont respect you either.
D-Lish Posted December 31, 2009 Posted December 31, 2009 If you get back together with him- he WILL cheat again. The message you send him everytime you take him back after cheating is that you will put up with it. You can love him, but that doesn't mean he deserves you.
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