coleP Posted December 25, 2009 Posted December 25, 2009 My wife and I are coming up on 23 years (it's my second, her first). I'm 12 years older than her, and we have had a good marriage, although the sex has never been what I would call great. It's mainly me, and has gotten progressively worse as I have gotten older. The last few years have been very frustrating for her. Her sex drive has increased, mine has dwindled. I am afraid she is eventually going to go outside of our marriage for gratification (and I honestly can't blame her). Viagra seems obvious, but I feel I'm doing it out of a sense of duty. Take the garbage out, pay the bills, get an erection, have sex, exercise...you know, my heart is not really in it. But I want our marriage to work, and I want to do what I must do...
mark982 Posted December 25, 2009 Posted December 25, 2009 i can see your point. but fail to see why you're all upset over it? hows your general over all health? excerise?
carhill Posted December 25, 2009 Posted December 25, 2009 Welcome to LS and Merry Christmas! Are you in your mid 50's? IME, being 50, age rearranges one's priorities and psyche a bit. I'm seeing friends talk about not getting it up anymore, having health problems, some are ill, a few are dying. Many have parents who are in their final years or months. Kids are gone. They're alone (with their spouse). Mortality is creeping in. On the surface, life should be great, but it's not. Why is that? What do you think would happen if you asked your W to join you in MC so you could work on this? You have a good M, apparently, but have these doubts within yourself. Engage her help and have a professional guide you to a new understanding of yourself. Also, get a thorough physical and blood work done. Often, body chemistry changes affect the brain and our subsequent psychology. How we feel (and perform sexually) is a big chemistry factory. Many things can go wrong or alter our perceptions. Don't be afraid of that. Accept it. Sounds like a good New Year's resolution to me. I'll be newly divorced in the new year so best wishes for a healthier outcome for you and your spouse
Author coleP Posted December 25, 2009 Author Posted December 25, 2009 Thanks for the replies. My health is pretty good, but I work in an office and recently enrolled in online college courses, so there's a lot off sitting on my rear time these days. I don't exericise.... I know better, but just can't seem to find time. I do feel older now that I've hit my 50's, just a general lack of interest in everything it seems. There's just something inside me that says taking a pill to make a relationship better is not a good idea. I've always been one to resist crutches like drugs and such, but what the heck I need to go to the doctor anyhow so I'll mention it. It's a little embarrasing. I do love my wife and I do not want her to be unsatisfied, and I can tell she's getting more frustrated every day. Interesting forum... funny how total strangers can give the most honest and objective advice. Oh yeah, Merry Christmas and Happy New year...
Green Posted December 25, 2009 Posted December 25, 2009 No Viagra is not the solution but you already know that. Your problem goes deeper then just not being able to get hard because like you've said your heart is not in it. I think you should go to the gym and excorise it may fix your problem in both your sexdrive and sexual abilities. There are things you can do for her sexualy like fingering and eating her out that would probably please her just fine. I wouldn't worry about your wife cheating, if she does do that it is not your fault and shouldn't blam yourself though she may ask for a divorce but it doesn't sound like you think she will so she probably wont.
carhill Posted December 25, 2009 Posted December 25, 2009 Try something. Just open the front door; walk outside. Yeah, I know it could be raining or snowing. Life's tough . Walk one hundred yards. Turn around; walk back. Go back inside. See how you feel. Do that once a day for one week. See how you feel then. Next, try it with your W. Talk. Hold hands. Don't go any farther than a hundred yards. See how you feel. I'll be interested in your report on New Year's Day
quankanne Posted December 25, 2009 Posted December 25, 2009 Viagra's not a bad solution, but to be honest, if your heart is not in it, she's gonna be able to tell. And there's nothing worse than knowing the guy you love, and who you desire just doesn't want to be doing *that* with you. talk to her about your sex life, even if you don't like the idea, and come up with some mutually agreed-up activity. You'd be surprised at what we women are happy with when it means we've got your undivided attention, and all it takes is a little bit of your time. as I tell my husband, you don't have to put out, because I can learn to live without the sex. But I really miss the intimacy of cuddling and pillow talk, and it bugs me to no end that I have to ask for even that anymore, because what does it say about us?
carhill Posted December 25, 2009 Posted December 25, 2009 But I really miss the intimacy of cuddling and pillow talk, and it bugs me to no end that I have to ask for even that anymore This......
Samantha0905 Posted December 26, 2009 Posted December 26, 2009 (edited) Is it possible you are not "into it" because you don't feel like you are performing adequately enough to please her? I mean an actual physical problem where you are not able to maintain an erection for very long? There's no shame in getting Viagra if that is the case and if you are okay with taking it (I'm not sure what the possible side effects of Viagra involve.) If it's low risk and you want your sexual performance to be better, I say go for it. Your 50s is still pretty young and I think some people still have a good sex drive at that point and beyond. I think a relationship should be well-rounded -- and while this includes intimacy, it also includes a healthy sexual relationship if both parties are physically healthy. I personally would not like to learn to live without the sex just because my husband wasn't into it. I enjoy sex very much. If it's not a physical problem on your part, do you think it could be psychological? Perhaps it's something about which you could receive counseling? Oh -- and have you had your hormone levels checked? It could be a low level of testosterone or something and could be remedied by a doctor without the Viagra. Edited December 26, 2009 by Samantha0905
Hot Carl Posted December 26, 2009 Posted December 26, 2009 Maybe you should visit a doctor to find out if your testosterone levels are ok.
Samantha0905 Posted December 26, 2009 Posted December 26, 2009 Maybe you should visit a doctor to find out if your testosterone levels are ok. We must have posted at the same time. :-) That could very well be the problem.
quankanne Posted December 26, 2009 Posted December 26, 2009 by all means, get checked out medically, but be prepared if nothing changes for you mentally and you just are no longer interested in sex
BigArms Posted December 27, 2009 Posted December 27, 2009 You need to check your testosterone levels. Mine were low, I could tell .. but unfortunately my doc was too afraid to do anything about it. He kept telling me to wait a year and see how it goes. I self medicated with testosterone and steroids (i don't recommend this for everyone), and my libido as well as my erections were even better than when I was 20! Try and see a doctor that has some experience with the issue as opposed to your usual general practitioner.
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