pureinheart Posted December 25, 2009 Posted December 25, 2009 I just checked out a thread where a lot of the replies were bashing the OP....in another thread I sensed heavy overtone of a BW that did not like what I had to say...it was not needed to pull me out and "correct" what I had to say...I saw nothing but projected anger. I do not agree with cheating and never have....I have been a BW 4 freaking times ok..... I understand the hurt and anger, although do the BW's and BH's have to be so controlling and disrespectful... Remember this is OM OW forum....there are forums to release anger for infidelity and personally I believe your fight is not with the OM or OW....it is with the one who has cheated on you. Some of the BW and BH that have come through this forum seem so out of control, very controlling, manipulative and just plain horrible that I can almost see why they got cheated on.... I don't agree with threads that seem to provoke the BW or H, although 1 thread just recently seemed to do that and I did not see anyone pounce on that one....what's up????? For the mostpart it seems the only accepted thread is the OW or OM that wants out...which I totally agree with too, although even they get torn up.... None of us can throw the first stone......
Shouldacouldawoulda Posted December 25, 2009 Posted December 25, 2009 Thank you for this. I agree - the name of the forum is "OW/OM". So many of us feel bad enough for the situations we are in, and God knows many of us have tried NC and to end the As. While I appreciate the candor & honesty even when it isn't what I want to hear, the outright bashing and anger is uncalled for. I bash myself enough over it, TYVM. I never in a million years thought I would be an OW. It goes against everything I believe in, my morals, my values...but until you have been put in certain situations, NO ONE knows how they will react. I also agree that the true anger should be toward the WS. If a WS wants to have an A, s/he will find a willing partner. My MM BW can get angry with me, but if it wasn't me, I'm pretty sure it would be an OW. Happy Holidays to everyone. If you are like me, today is a difficult day for you. I hope we can all find peace and resolution (in whatever form we need) in the new year...
SoulSearch_CO Posted December 25, 2009 Posted December 25, 2009 I have been on all 3 sides of this equation. And surprisingly enough, I agree. So, yes - I've been the bitter BW, and yet I agree that the OW/OM should have a safe place to post and this certainly isn't it. I'm not in any kind of affair relationship right now, I cruise all the different forums. But I am usually disgusted at the self-righteousness that seeps all over this forum, courtesty of BSes.
jennie-jennie Posted December 25, 2009 Posted December 25, 2009 I wonder what is so interesting to BSs that they keep coming back day after day to the OW/OM forum. I read sometimes, but seldom, on the Infidelity forum and post there even more seldom. I truly can't understand the interest many BSs seem to have in the OW/OM. Sure enough, you might want to read up a bit to understand the mindset of the OP, but to try and change that mindset? I believe a lot of BSs are continuing their obsession and hindering their healing by posting here.
Alpha Female Posted December 25, 2009 Posted December 25, 2009 I truly can't understand the interest many BSs seem to have in the OW/OM. Yes, you can. They do it because they are working their own bitterness, rage and anger towards their OWN WH's on any OW who posts here. It is a shame that OW can't post freely on the forum that is meant for them to find support. OP - great post. Considering your history, it reflects on your mental health that you can see the injustice, and I agree - when seeing the attitudes and comments from these BS's, it IS no surprised they were cheated on, sorry to say. You have to assume their rage and misery on LS is also the way they conducted themselves in their M. And most MM who live with bright, cheery and positive women tend to not stray. It's like you reap what you sow. All OW on here take responsibility for their own pain and mistakes, yet every BS just wants to blame the H or the OW. Perhaps if they acknowledged their own foul moods probably contributed to the infidelity, this forum would be a very happy and supportive place. Until then, the ignore button works quite well. lol
moaningmyrtle Posted December 26, 2009 Posted December 26, 2009 (edited) I... I don't agree with threads that seem to provoke the BW or H, although 1 thread just recently seemed to do that and I did not see anyone pounce on that one....what's up????? ... Only one just recently? And this thread is...? (If not you, then maybe the posters that followed you) PS It's Boxing day here - we had a great family Christmas day yesterday. I hope you're all enjoying yours right now. Edited December 26, 2009 by moaningmyrtle
Author pureinheart Posted December 26, 2009 Author Posted December 26, 2009 Only one just recently? And this thread is...? (If not you, then maybe the posters that followed you) PS It's Boxing day here - we had a great family Christmas day yesterday. I hope you're all enjoying yours right now. And your problem is? You need to go to the infidelity group and quit trying to provoke and play games...it is very typical though....you are a very cruel individual and I feel sorry for you. I thought of playing your game and throwing some things at you, although it is not worth it. Speaking for me, I had a very blessed day, got a lot done...had Christmas last night and family for me is a football stadium event (very large family, we are everywhere)...the only annoying thing was exMM/exBF calling me rententlessly last night and all day today. Thank you I used to feel very guilty also concerning the EA and at one point asked (yelled actually) what kind of game were him and his W playing. I took what was mine, no more no less...I was not resposible for the horrible M and it is about time people start taking resposibility for their part. As I said before I have seen BS come through the OM OW forum acting quite unbecoming, and yet here I have another example....it is pathetic, and I was not even referring to this BW (MM)....they are always on the attack...is this due to being cheated on or is it a normal way of living...the "bully" type mentality? There are a couple of exBW's that give very good advise in this forum, I could be wrong, but I think they want to learn also, I believe their true intentions are to help and work out the stuff they have dealt with...they have been a blessing. The majority of the BW's are so angry and condescending...you only hurt yourselves, but that is your choice. Please take your anger and hatred for OW OM to another forum...constructive advice, support, compassion and understanding is always welcome, but this garbage is not. Oh BTW, I'm all three too...have been cheated on (I never freaked or even talked to the OW as she was not the problem) I have cheated (It was wrong, I reacted to being cheated on) and have had and EA....actually the other two were the easiest to deal with....the EA made no sense and it was difficult to figure how much of the responsibility to take....all parties like to dump on the OW....I guess it makes it easier, in most cases the MM and BW have to have someone to blame.
Shouldacouldawoulda Posted December 26, 2009 Posted December 26, 2009 Yes, I'd say the problem is on the MM, MW, and the marriage itself. The OW/OM is just a symptom of the disease. Just as with the flu, you can treat the cough but the flu still remains...you can blame the OW/OM all you want, but the problems in the M still remain. Remember, spouses step out for a reason. Bashing the OW/OM isn't going to get to the root of that reason. Love the dig with a great "family" day. I have a fantastic family also - two beautiful, smart, happy, healthy children who adore me, two wonderfully supportive parents, and an extended family that loves me, laughs with me, cries with me, and stands behind me no matter what choices or missteps I may make in this life. In fact, I'd venture to say that I had a much happier day here, single, with my family than my MM had with his W who he quite obviously has dissatisfaction with....YMMV.
moaningmyrtle Posted December 26, 2009 Posted December 26, 2009 Yes I do now think for sure that this is a BW "bashing" thread. Interesting that when I wish that everyone had a good Christmas I am accused of having a dig or being cruel. My family was in absolute crisis last Christmas as it was just after d-day and we had no idea where we would be in a year's time. It was therefore a pleasant surprise to me that yesterday was such a good day for the kids and the adults too. It seems that even the original poster is not willing to "agree to disagree". I am not the cruel one on this thread.
jennie-jennie Posted December 26, 2009 Posted December 26, 2009 Only one just recently? And this thread is...? (If not you, then maybe the posters that followed you) PS It's Boxing day here - we had a great family Christmas day yesterday. I hope you're all enjoying yours right now. Moaningmyrtle, I had to read your post twice before understanding that you might actually just be wishing everybody a merry Christmas. The reason is that the holidays is a classic difficult time for OW/OM, since the MP will be with his family and most likely does not have time or opportunity to be in touch with the OP. Since this is so obvious to the OP, any mention of holidays in the way you posted is likely to feel as you poking at the OW/OM. As for myself, I had a great Christmas, thank you. My exSO has finally accepted that I have moved on to MM, so we were able to celebrate Christmas together with our children. My exSO came from the town he lives to visit me and our daughters, and we had a wonderful family Christmas, just like I hope my MM did with his family.
moaningmyrtle Posted December 26, 2009 Posted December 26, 2009 Moaningmyrtle, I had to read your post twice before understanding that you might actually just be wishing everybody a merry Christmas. The reason is that the holidays is a classic difficult time for OW/OM, since the MP will be with his family and most likely does not have time or opportunity to be in touch with the OP. Since this is so obvious to the OP, any mention of holidays in the way you posted is likely to feel as you poking at the OW/OM. As for myself, I had a great Christmas, thank you. My exSO has finally accepted that I have moved on to MM, so we were able to celebrate Christmas together with our children. My exSO came from the town he lives to visit me and our daughters, and we had a wonderful family Christmas, just like I hope my MM did with his family. Ok I understand Christmas can be stressful without your love. I'm glad you had a good one and sorry for mentioning it. I will not contribute to this particular thread any further. It does seem to me to have degenerated into a BW "bashing" thread (including suggestions I should not have responded) despite despite apparently inviting BWs to contribute on the topic of "agreeing to disagree".
jennie-jennie Posted December 26, 2009 Posted December 26, 2009 Ok I understand Christmas can be stressful without your love. I'm glad you had a good one and sorry for mentioning it. I will not contribute to this particular thread any further. It does seem to me to have degenerated into a BW "bashing" thread (including suggestions I should not have responded) despite despite apparently inviting BWs to contribute on the topic of "agreeing to disagree". Moaningmyrtle, I hope you did not take any of my posts as wife bashing, because none of them were meant as such. I genuinely wonder why BS have such a desire to participate in OW/OM forum. If any BS has an answer to the question what motivates them on a personal basis, I would be very interested in hearing it.
Author pureinheart Posted December 26, 2009 Author Posted December 26, 2009 mm....I think you knew exactly what you were doing and intending...I read your other replies in other threads...you seemed to be well worded and there were no mixed messages or double meanings to phrases...this was obvious....I hope you quit playing games
jennie-jennie Posted December 26, 2009 Posted December 26, 2009 first , it's a Open forum and OW/OM forum is the section where the thread starter is going to be OW/OM where respondents could be anybody BW/BH/BGF/BBF/single guy like me ..i can write what ever the F*** i feel...if you don't like it ignore the poster or stop writing here....it's a freaking open forum learn to read forum guide lines.... simple logic is if every body thinks like you where is the difference of opinion comes from...it's better than writing replys to your own posts Still, what do YOU personally get out of it? Is it beneficial to you and your healing as a BS (if that is what you are)?
Author pureinheart Posted December 26, 2009 Author Posted December 26, 2009 first , it's a Open forum and OW/OM forum is the section where the thread starter is going to be OW/OM where respondents could be anybody BW/BH/BGF/BBF/single guy like me ..i can write what ever the F*** i feel...if you don't like it ignore the poster or stop writing here....it's a freaking open forum learn to read forum guide lines.... simple logic is if every body thinks like you where is the difference of opinion comes from...it's better than writing replys to your own posts Dude...you are on some good stuff and still not sharing...what's up?????
Shouldacouldawoulda Posted December 26, 2009 Posted December 26, 2009 Seriously, please pass it along scorpmale... MM - no one is bashing you by saying we want support, we have fantastic families, and we enjoyed our holidays. At first, I thought you were only wishing everyone a happy holiday too until I saw your other posts and a pattern in your posting. It did seem to be a dig at those of us who are single or are having an EA. OW hurt just as much if not more than the BS. No one minds a difference of opinion, but everyone here is already so blistered by intense feelings that making little jabs is obviously going to get people a little riled.
bentnotbroken Posted December 26, 2009 Posted December 26, 2009 Seriously, please pass it along scorpmale... MM - no one is bashing you by saying we want support, we have fantastic families, and we enjoyed our holidays. At first, I thought you were only wishing everyone a happy holiday too until I saw your other posts and a pattern in your posting. It did seem to be a dig at those of us who are single or are having an EA. OW hurt just as much if not more than the BS. No one minds a difference of opinion, but everyone here is already so blistered by intense feelings that making little jabs is obviously going to get people a little riled. Yup, that one caught my eye. I don't know who hurts more or for what reasons. I do know that for some of us there is a lot more to it(gas lighting and made to feel as if you are losing your mind) tactics that are meant to question your own sanity. It was not only tolerated by some AP but encouraged by others who didn't want to be found out.
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