lovebubble Posted December 25, 2009 Posted December 25, 2009 i'm just really at a loss for words and confused by my husband and his motives. okay, here's the situation... and please, just take it for face value. there are a lot of deeper issues but, what can i possibly do or tell myself to make this okay? earlier this month, we were not on speaking terms. petty argument that got blown way out of proportion so, we gave eachother space and pretty much didn't speak for 2 weeks. well, i've been on the birth control pill for about 5 years now.. and i always put my pills in the same place, obviously i take them nightly.. but, they went missing when he left the home to stay with a friend for a while and i thought that i had misplaced them. i rushed to my doctor, where i had to practically beg for pills because i'm only alotted 12 packs per year and i '' lost '' several packs. come to find out... he took/hid them. i found them in an old torn up trash bag in our laundry room. when i asked him why they were there, immediately his words were.. '' i took them when we were arguing. i did it so that you wouldn't cheat on me ''. i was pretty much blown away... what kind of sense does this make???? i've never cheated on him before.. but regretfully, i have made threats.. but, still.. it's a really weird way to retaliate. he then goes on to say '' i figured if u cheated on me, you'd get pregnant.. and then i'd know ''.. does he sound mentally ill to anyone? this just dosen't sound sane to me but, i love him and don't know if i want to end the marriage.. i can't trust him around my very important personal belongings. this isn't the first time that he's done this.
Simon Attwood Posted December 25, 2009 Posted December 25, 2009 Let me ask you this; When people argue in relationships, do these arguments stay within the confined walls of sanity? During the heat of the exchange, where all the past indiscretions and failings are dredged up. Every single failing from your history and the emotions rise up from where they have been hidden and buried, where any piece of emotional ammunition you can lay your hands on is cocked and ready to fire. Are we in fact sane at this point? No, we do insane things, we say insane things, and our fears rise up and dominate our perceptions, interpretations and responses. Things that a totally rational person (that we may become after the heat of an argument has been extinguished) would consider insane. It's just the way our brains are wired. Character is not a fixed state, as much as we would like to think it should be, and like a boat in stormy seas, it can be blown off course.
tkarma7 Posted December 28, 2009 Posted December 28, 2009 I have to agree with Simon, few of us are rational, or even sane when we argue with those we love. We want to be heard and understood, and say or do bizarre things thinking it will get the other persons attention. On another note....You may want to ask your husband if he understands how birth control pills work. That's a silly way to find out if someone is sleeping around, you have just as good a chance (probably a better chance) of your husband being the one to get you pregnant if you can't take your pills regularly. Then you'd have to go through the stress and drama of testing to prove he's the father, etc... As for whether you want to stay with him or not, that is something you must decide for yourself. The two of you may want to try getting counseling, or even learn to fight fairly, it could help your situation. Good luck!
BlueeyedJonesy Posted December 28, 2009 Posted December 28, 2009 Its more than likely because of the threats you made. I don't know your story but I wouldn't make threats. It can be turned into emotional abuse really quick.... Another thought..it may be pretty far fetched but it may be possible he is accusing you because he is guilty. You always accuse people of what your capable of. on another note I am sorry that your marriage is suffering, I hope you can both find the right resolution you need.
Author lovebubble Posted January 3, 2010 Author Posted January 3, 2010 okay thanks for the input guys, i honestly didn't know how to take it and now i have a better perspective on why he would have done that.
whichwayisup Posted January 3, 2010 Posted January 3, 2010 You two really need to go seek marriage counselling. The way you are with him, threatening him HAS made him feel insecure and doubt you, mistrust you..Ofcourse his reaction is wrong, but it seems what YOU are doing to HIM is causing alot of damage. Not only to him, but to the WHOLE marriage. What happened to respect, compromising, communication, LOVE and care? Why have things gone bad?
Author lovebubble Posted January 4, 2010 Author Posted January 4, 2010 You two really need to go seek marriage counselling. The way you are with him, threatening him HAS made him feel insecure and doubt you, mistrust you..Ofcourse his reaction is wrong, but it seems what YOU are doing to HIM is causing alot of damage. Not only to him, but to the WHOLE marriage. What happened to respect, compromising, communication, LOVE and care? Why have things gone bad? respect.. was never there. compromising.. is mainly my fault. i have issues with compromising stemming from my childhood. communication is usually ALL me.. he never wants to sit down and talk, sometimes i say very hurtful things just to see some type of life in him.. i.e threatening him with infidelity.. it was childish on my end but, his lack of communication/concern was eating me alive and i stooped to a really low level. love, is there in some sick twisted way and i think it's the thread that holds us together. care.. i think we're both lacking in. basically, a marriage that should have never happened.. but, we're in it.. and i love him.
sugarmomma Posted January 4, 2010 Posted January 4, 2010 (edited) Maybe he reacted that way because you have threatened to cheat on him. That would make any guy somewhat insecure. You both have a lot of maturing to do. This relationship is drama filled and will need a lot of help to recover. Please don't make excuses for your behavior, just own it and try to be a better person. I helped ruin a marriage in this same manner and learned so much. Edited January 4, 2010 by sugarmomma
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