cardinals515 Posted December 25, 2009 Posted December 25, 2009 Im a guy and i screwed up... I started of dating this girl in high school and yes i know im young and all like everyone else i told to but i really like this girl i just made some mistakes. Well i remember the first time i seen her there was something about her that i liked we started talking and hanging out and then dated and she was my first real relationship and i was hers we dated for around six months then i cheated on her i was really messed up at the time i was caught up in partying and all that and im not blaming it on that i hate myself for it but she didnt break up with me then we went on for a while i was still caught up in the drinking crowd and she never liked it but i didnt listen to her like i should of and i did flirt with some girls when i was drinking but i still liked her and didnt intend to do anything it just happend the one time. we went on fighting some about the drinking and that but we really liked each other. she was younger than i was and i was going off to college and i was having trouble committing myself to her bc i thought college would be all about partying and girls i didnt think i could trust myself and we would be away from one another so i broke up with her.. i never stopped liking her and we started talking again after a couple months we were a thing but i still wouldnt commit to dating and i really dont know why when i had someone that loved me i was just afraid i didnt love her like she loved me but she said she would wait for me to figure it out and then we go on like this for a couple more months and i figure it out im changing dont care about partying i just want to be with her the next time we hang out im going to ask her out then all of a sudden she says she doesnt want anything to do with me and now ive been pretty much begging her to take me back for the last four months and she says she isnt over me and i know hurt her when i cheated and didnt treat her the way she deserves but i hate myself for it all and ive always liked her. i understand that i really screwed up but i want to do whatever it takes to make it up to her but she just completely changed her mind and i think its because of the ppl she has been hanging out with she reminds me of how i was and i just dont know what to do she says shes not over me but doesnt want to be anything and i think its because she just doesnt want to get hurt but im not going to hurt her i want to be there for her in every way i really love this girl and i hate myself for screwing the best thing i had going up i know i probably dont even deserve another chance but i cant stop thinking about her so any help or advice i will appreciate....
TheBritishGuy Posted December 25, 2009 Posted December 25, 2009 A lot of people are going to blast you and probably flame you for being a cheater but I respect how you acknowledhe you did something wrong and are so determined to fix it. Just understand something. IF you do get a second chance you will never get another one. Anyway I suppose the best way to deal with it is to text her after things have simmered and try to ease into communicating again and see if there is a way forward.
TaraMaiden Posted December 25, 2009 Posted December 25, 2009 Three bits of advice: One: Badgering her and trying to press your attentions on her, will not work. You need to back off. maybe send her a card telling her how sorry you are, and that you'd do anything to put things right, but then, wait for her to make the next move. She might never make one, so you'll have to prepare yourself for that, and accept it. Two: In any relationship you're in, understand that if you get the urge to cheat, then the relationship itself lacks something which holds you there completely. Nobody holds a gun to your head, and makes you cheat. It's your decision, and it's completely voluntary and intentional. So there was something about your relationship which lacked the power to keep you faithful. Someone in love doesn't cheat on their partner. If that love is compromised, the person cheats. remember how bad this feels, and when you enter into a more intense relationship with someone further along your life, respect them enough to communicate with them, and keep their trust, instead of deciding to put it somewhere else. Three: please - punctuate. It's like reading without taking a breath, and makes absorbing your post very laborious. Thanks. Good luck. Merry Christmas.
Madelf Posted December 25, 2009 Posted December 25, 2009 1) Professionally, "they" will say that at least 6mo has to pass, and you both need to date other people before returning. In order words, it's ok if she has sex with another guy. 2) You sound impulsive. Impulsives can deal with each other, but she doesn't appear to be like that.
Strych9 Posted December 25, 2009 Posted December 25, 2009 As someone touched on earlier, cheating is a deliberate choice, not some simple "mistake". It's good that you're realizing and confronting your problem, and hopefully learning something valuable about yourself that will in turn make you wiser. It's too bad that it has to be at someone else's expense that you do learn these things, it can cost you dearly as well. Personally speaking, I am baffled as to why so many people enable cheaters by handing out more than just one chance, they might not ever cheat again, but why be someone's "practice round" to self realization? My advice to you (besides completely agreeing to the punctuation comment) is to not repeat the same choices, learn from this and grow up a little.
Author cardinals515 Posted December 26, 2009 Author Posted December 26, 2009 Thanks for the advice. This is what happened today. I texted her merry christmas and that I truly do love you. I know what I did was wrong and that you being mad this long shows how much you loved me and how much i hurt you. It hurts me to and i just hope that someday you can forgive me. Then we just talked a little bit in the afternoon. Then she called me tonight and we talked for an hour just about all the things that went wrong. We both got out the way we felt. Which is I really like her and from the things that has happened she just forced herself not have feelings for me. But the way it sounded is that she still has some feelings for me and I don't think she would of called me out of the blue like that if she didn't. I know they aren't like they were and probably just barely there. I think there is a chance though. She said she didn't want to be anything right now but didn't rule out that we wouldn't. She just needs time to heal and I need to show her that she can trust me again because she can. I have really learned my lesson. I was just wondering how I should go about this because I don't want her fooling around with other people. But I know there's not much I can do. How should I handle all this is what im not sure of so if anyone has more advice I would appreciate it. Thanks
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