genieinbottles Posted December 25, 2009 Posted December 25, 2009 We both went through divorces at the same time and he moved out of state about 278 miles away from me. But we were seeing each other often. I really wanted us to move together. He kept saying he had to much to take care of and marriage was not on him mind. This man was everything to me and I had waited for years to be with him because we were best friends before we became boyfriend and girlfriend. So I guess I pressured and became very jealous because I did not want to lose him. He kept saying he loved me and we were committed to each other, but i saw he had developed profiles on several dating sites. So I guess that is what started it. I am so devasted because early on in the relationship we had spoken of marriage. I am having trouble moving on. He drove all the way down from his state to break up with me. I begged him to stay but he said it was not going to work and he was feeling very comfortable. Eventhough his decision to break up with me all of a sudden. He said it was an accumulation of things. I begged him not to do this before the holidays but he left me in a crying begging heap anyway. He finally told me that I would find someone else. He said in 3 months you wont even know my name. He said the only thing I was worried about was what my family and friends were going to say. That was far from the truth. I saw myself growing old with this man and I loved him unconditionally. I miss him so much but I am trying not to annoy him by calling. I was not prepared for the sudden break up. He even blocked me from his facebook. I gave him about 25 days of space and then I wrote him a letter explaining where I felt I went wrong in the relationship and asked if we could be friends at some point. I has been 2 weeks and he still has not responded. I want to call him and tell him how I feel but I dont think he will answer my call. I need help
Kantor Posted December 25, 2009 Posted December 25, 2009 We both went through divorces at the same time and he moved out of state about 278 miles away from me. But we were seeing each other often. I really wanted us to move together. He kept saying he had to much to take care of and marriage was not on him mind. This man was everything to me and I had waited for years to be with him because we were best friends before we became boyfriend and girlfriend. So I guess I pressured and became very jealous because I did not want to lose him. He kept saying he loved me and we were committed to each other, but i saw he had developed profiles on several dating sites. So I guess that is what started it. I am so devasted because early on in the relationship we had spoken of marriage. I am having trouble moving on. He drove all the way down from his state to break up with me. I begged him to stay but he said it was not going to work and he was feeling very comfortable. Eventhough his decision to break up with me all of a sudden. He said it was an accumulation of things. I begged him not to do this before the holidays but he left me in a crying begging heap anyway. He finally told me that I would find someone else. He said in 3 months you wont even know my name. He said the only thing I was worried about was what my family and friends were going to say. That was far from the truth. I saw myself growing old with this man and I loved him unconditionally. I miss him so much but I am trying not to annoy him by calling. I was not prepared for the sudden break up. He even blocked me from his facebook. I gave him about 25 days of space and then I wrote him a letter explaining where I felt I went wrong in the relationship and asked if we could be friends at some point. I has been 2 weeks and he still has not responded. I want to call him and tell him how I feel but I dont think he will answer my call. I need help You have your answer already in your message. Sounds like he had been planning a break up for a while, as he was on dating sites... Doesn't sound like the kind of guy you deserve... He blocked you on facebook? He didn't respond to your messages? He doesn't want you in his life - at least right now. I'm sorry but sometime you have to be frank and look at the facts. He doesn't want to be with you anymore. You deserve better then trying to chase him. Plus that's only going to push him away further and faster. While your situation is different from mine - I broke up with her, wised up, and she wasn't having it. I tried for two weeks to beg and pled for her back. She didn't respond... I waited two weeks and sent a simple message about how I felt ... she didn't respond ... I waited two more weeks and simply asked for a coffee sometime ... she didn't respond See what I'm getting at here? Once someone makes that decision, THATS IT - DONE. Its very hard for them to reverse that decision. They made it, because thats what they want. The rest of us come here and talk about our experieces and cope together. Im sorry, but you need to hear it like it is.
TheBritishGuy Posted December 25, 2009 Posted December 25, 2009 You need to move on darling. Everybody develops strong feelings for somebody but what makes you think you won't love somebody that treats you right one day? Yeah it hurts when you have to call an end to something but the only reason you fall is so you can learn to pick yourself up. He isn't good for you as evidenced by the way he treats you and one day you will come across a man you will love and he will love you just as much. It's time to face facts. This is a tough thing to do but a journey of a thousand miles starts with a single step. The sooner you take that step the better. Good luck.
LovelyDaze Posted December 25, 2009 Posted December 25, 2009 The more you try to contact him, the less likely he will be to respond in anyway. If you haven't seen on other posts already, NC (No Contact) is the way to go. Find a post from DenverBachelor (I think in Second Chances) that has a list of what an ex usually has a pattern of doing after a breakup. Incredibly enlightening! Your heart wants to call,text and e-mail endlessly right? Well....don't. It doesn't do you any good and most often than not, the ex just gets an ego brushing, not caring how you feel really. Try to not contact him each day. Make it a personal goal. Trust me, when I had my hand on my phone soooo ready to push his number on speed dial, I held back and promised I would give it 24 hours. When I got over that time, I felt empowered! Just do a little for you everyday, try not to give in.
Kantor Posted December 25, 2009 Posted December 25, 2009 Try to not contact him each day. Make it a personal goal. Trust me, when I had my hand on my phone soooo ready to push his number on speed dial, I held back and promised I would give it 24 hours. When I got over that time, I felt empowered! Just do a little for you everyday, try not to give in. Great stuff here ^^ I have a friend who I contact before every time I want to call or text. She is aware of the situation and is a mutual friend of both of ours (I know.. I know..) Anyways, by doing that she helps analysis what the situation really is and can help you make the correct decision... which is usually no contact... not always though. NC is not for everyone. However, in your situation NC needs to be done for YOU! It is essential for your healing!
Author genieinbottles Posted December 25, 2009 Author Posted December 25, 2009 thank you all so much for your comments. It really helps. It just hurts so very badly. I really feel he left me for someone else.
TheBritishGuy Posted December 25, 2009 Posted December 25, 2009 thank you all so much for your comments. It really helps. It just hurts so very badly. I really feel he left me for someone else. He screwed up not you don't let it reflect back onto you. If you are in a relationship and somebody breaks it off it means they are the ones that did wrong. You've done nothing wrong here and if you don't let it hurt you then you won't give him what he wants. “Always forgive your enemies - nothing annoys them so much.” Think positive and don't let this come back onto you he screwed up regardless of whether he cheated, left for another woman or whatever. It does NOT reflect back on you negatively in any way.
Nubian Posted December 25, 2009 Posted December 25, 2009 Usually when a man makes a concious decision to move on and break up...They have absolutely no thought of getting back together... Ive been through it and i know that as a woman our first instinct is to call and see whats up, but its NOT a good idea because 9 times out of 10 he already had another bed to crash on before he split with you.. so it was more than likely over for him before you even knew it was over...Sucks i know. But you WILL get over him.... as difficult as it may seem right now soon you wont even have a desire to see him, or even talk to him for that matter..I think the best thing to do after a break up is to stay busy go back to school, workout, travel..Just dont jump right into another relationship give youself time to be pissed, angry, cry, whatever it takes for you to heal... Wishing you all he best!!;)
Brightmoon Posted December 25, 2009 Posted December 25, 2009 I have a friend who I contact before every time I want to call or text. She is aware of the situation I agree with everything said in the thread so far Genie. Like Kantor, I have a way of expressing how I feel to a friend of mine. That way I can say what is burning inside me and yet have no contact with the guy who can no longer be there for me. What I do is email... email to my hearts content as if it were to him and then I send it to my friend. That way I know someone has heard my feelings. From what I read in your posts, you have said all you can say and he had heard all he wants to hear. Whatever else you have to say... try pouring it out in an email ..send it to yourself or to a trusted friend.. get it off your chest BUT don't contact him. This is hard. Let us know how you are getting on. Hugs.
Zeegagge Posted December 25, 2009 Posted December 25, 2009 Don't think he'll call, but thats not whats important. Take the energy you are using feeling for him and put it into yourself.
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