Aksion Posted December 25, 2009 Posted December 25, 2009 So as much as I feel I need help I don't want to be concious at all tonight or tomorrow. I'd like to drink myself to sleep and not wake up until the morning of the 26th. I'm spending the night again with my family, but it doesn't help. Everything just reminds me of her. Even the TBS marathon of A Christmas Story reminds me of her and she hates that movie. I'm keeping a happy facade, but I've already been drinking since 3 and it's not looking to good tonight. I just wanna sleep, just want this day to go away. Sorry LS. Just need to rant and don't want to involve the family on this one.
carhill Posted December 25, 2009 Posted December 25, 2009 No alcohol in the house. I was a good boy at the store today. Got some egg nog and I'll pollute the environment a bit tonight with a fire for just me and the cat. I look at it this way. Christmas was cheap this year I think I'll plug in my usual holiday fare of 'Airplane' and 'Planes, Trains and Automobiles' and laugh in solitude....
D-Lish Posted December 25, 2009 Posted December 25, 2009 You are pretty coherent for someone that has been drinking since 3. Just hang in there and go through the motions. X-mas is a lonley time for a lot of people. I took off to my family's place in Florida last year to get away from everything. Broke up with someone on the 20th, then booked and left on the 22nd. Went by myself- spent x-mas on the beach- met a ton of cool people. I'd do it again in a heart beat! It was liberating and helped me through the suffering. I don't much like x-mas myself- but I go through the motions to make everyone else happy. I'm sitting here at my parents computer in my pj's just coasting through the holidays. I am actually looking forward to getting back to work so I can just get back to occupying my mind again. The worst is having to deal with being asked "are you still single?"- and "WHY?" Keep your chin up- and by all means get loaded and cause a scene:p
Author Aksion Posted December 25, 2009 Author Posted December 25, 2009 Sadly if you've read any of my story I just started AA and today has already ruined that for me. For those that have, I haven't popped any sort of pill or anything like that. I'm coherent I suppose, but my phone edits the puncuation for the most part so that helps make me look better. I'm hanging out with my younger sister who I can't understand why isn't out doing something instead of sitting here with me. Let's just hope when I do sleep I sleep til the day after tomorrow
LakesideDream Posted December 25, 2009 Posted December 25, 2009 Aksion, It's only another day and a have. I've had a few years of that... Tomorrow I'll make a wonderful Prime Rib dinner for one... it's in the marinade now. Tonight I had Christmas Eve spaghetti with frozen meat balls. I'm also putting Toll House cookies in the oven, for the carollers I am expecting a little later. Make the best of it my friend. ... and Carhill, your lucky. My new (old rescue) kitty is to stupid to appreciate any effort... he'd rather eat 9 lives than fresh turkey with gravy.
JaneDoe35 Posted December 25, 2009 Posted December 25, 2009 It is hard Aksion. No denying it. I have been lucky enough to have never experienced a Christmas tinged with sadness. This is the first one where I am finding it hard to breathe. Especially when I can see tears forming in the eye's of my 9 year old daughter It has made me think about what Christmas is really about...... You will be able to start AA again properly. Almost impossible to do right now. Just keep away from the pills and let your sister be there for you. I am here for you too, just a bit further away geographically!!!! JD
Gunny376 Posted December 25, 2009 Posted December 25, 2009 Be it a day in Afghastain, Iraq, Iran, Sudam, where ever ~ its just another day in December. Just another day in Paradise! Your still sucking air in and out! You've still got four arms and legs! You've still got ten fingers and toes! Your ahead of the game! You ate today? Your ahead of the game! You ate more than once today? Your way ~ way ahead of the game! You ate three times today? You're freaking wealthy! Count your blessingings ~ not your sorrows!
LisaUk Posted December 25, 2009 Posted December 25, 2009 We'll get you through it. You're not alone, many of us are finding it hard this year. I think next year I am going to do help at a soup kitchen, this Christmas has really brought to the forefront of my mind just how many people have it worse than me. All the people suffering here included. The junior lawyer division that I belong to were asking for volunteers this year, but unfortunately no trains to get down to the city where I go to uni, but next year I'm going to try and figure something out. I think it would help to know I could make someone elses Christmas better, if only in a small way. I don't know your story, but I do know it's hard. I know my ex is just up the road right now, have been NC over 7 months, it's tough, but as time has gone on I see things and him differently and you will to in time. Your sister is with you, b/c she loves you and she knows how hard this is for you. Take comfort in her and your family and put that alchol down, if your in AA you know it's not going to make anything better in the long run. Go for a long walk with your sister and talk, it will help you much more than the booze. Today-back on track-one day at a time. I know you can do it, I have faith in you. Hugs.
Brightmoon Posted December 25, 2009 Posted December 25, 2009 (edited) We'll get you through it. You're not alone.... Your sister is with you, b/c she loves you and she knows how hard this is for you. Take comfort in her and your family....... Go for a long walk with your sister and talk, it will help you. I know you can do it,..... I have faith in you. Hugs. These are my sentiments too Aksion. You are not alone. ((((hugs)))) Edited December 25, 2009 by Brightmoon
tojaz Posted December 25, 2009 Posted December 25, 2009 Merry Christmas from the land of corn and lake effect snow! Don't give up the Holiday because of one persons absence. This is my first Christmas morning alone ever! In 31 years this is the first time I'm not opening gifts with a smile on my face right now. Yet, its not spoiling it because i won't let it! I'm doing Christmas morning here with my new friends! Shes not here and that hurts like hell, but shes not taking my holiday from me! Fire in the fireplace! Christmas Music! Hot cup of tea! and LS, MERRY CHRISTMAS! TOJAZ
Author Aksion Posted December 25, 2009 Author Posted December 25, 2009 Thanks all, I know its rough for yall too, guess we all just are finding different ways to deal with it. I ended up passing out watching "Dexter" somewhere around 3 but I woke at 5 like usual for me. Nobody was awake, was a bit depressing as I've always been used to me waking and doing all the 'morning things' before she'd get outta bed to open presents. Trying to keep a smile on my face for those around me today, if anything, to make sure they aren't worrying about me and can focus on the good times. I did get my one gift I wanted. I sound like a kid every time I say this, but I definently asked for a bicycle this year -- and they all decided to get it for me. Now I don't have to drive this p.o.s. car to and from work/gym anymore! So that was nice. Hope the rest of yall have a wonderful day, and Merry X-Mas to all of yall.
tojaz Posted December 25, 2009 Posted December 25, 2009 Merry Christmas to you too Ak! Find some joy for yourself today, not just the brave face you put on for family and friends. If your not open to a little happiness, then it's not going to find you and I think we can all use all we can get.! TOJAZ
Author Aksion Posted December 25, 2009 Author Posted December 25, 2009 I agree Tojaz. And as I sit here with my Heineken waiting on my sister to come get me for the 'festivities' so to speak -- I've found something that always has been a 'tradition' of mine that made me smile. I play this song every X-Mas every morning as soon as I get up right before gifts were to be opened. I'm sure some of you will remember this one. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F_J4SBUwe5U
tojaz Posted December 25, 2009 Posted December 25, 2009 LOL, been a while, but yeah, I remember that one. Enjoy the festivities Ak and take it easy on the Heines! Time to do the family thing! TOJAZ
Gunny376 Posted December 25, 2009 Posted December 25, 2009 It may take you a day, a week, a month or even a year or more, you'll have those Bruce Willias Christmas' hang over moments, when it seems everything that can go wrong will go wrong (YippiKYay!) But when you get right down to it? Christmas is just another day in December and when you someone you love walks out on you? Its just another day in December and you've got to get off your dead @zz and go find yourself some new that appreciates what you've got to offer? Damnned the bad luck! What one will abuse? Another can and will certainly use! At the end of the day ~ through it all ~ at the bottom of a bottle? F*** It! I'm still standing and I'm still alive! I've got more than most! I've got a lot to be thankful for! God has laid many a blessed thing in my life and before me! Count your blessings not your sorrows. There are so many more worse off than I. But for the Grace of God? There go I. You can let life define you or you can define your Life ~ the choice is yours. Life is what happens when you make other plans
HeavenOrHell Posted December 25, 2009 Posted December 25, 2009 Happy Christmas Tojaz My first one without my partner for 18 years, I'm sitting here opening my prezzies alone, but I did have a nice dinner with a friend, and I am seeing the ex later for a takeaway Hugs to you
tojaz Posted December 26, 2009 Posted December 26, 2009 Happy Christmas Tojaz My first one without my partner for 18 years, I'm sitting here opening my prezzies alone, but I did have a nice dinner with a friend, and I am seeing the ex later for a takeaway Hugs to you Thank you HoH It truly wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. Spent Christmas morning woith my LS friends and loved every minute. Hugs to you too. TOJAZ
nobmagnet Posted December 26, 2009 Posted December 26, 2009 tojaz, at least you aint got the crImble house I have today a big crimble bomb dropped yesterday! ugh cleaning. still at least I am alone and dont have to rush at it! happy boxing day to one and all xx
trippi1432 Posted December 26, 2009 Posted December 26, 2009 Oh the joy Nob...lol!! Ever wonder why there is more garbage for the collectors during this time of year? All cleaned up here and watched a beautiful Florida sunrise...a bit chilly this morning.
tojaz Posted December 26, 2009 Posted December 26, 2009 tojaz, at least you aint got the crImble house I have today a big crimble bomb dropped yesterday! ugh cleaning. still at least I am alone and dont have to rush at it! happy boxing day to one and all xx No Nob, but I have two nephews wor regularly turn my house into a disaster area, so I know what thats all about! Will be cleaning today too. So AK, how did the holidays treat you??? TOJAZ
PWSX3 Posted December 26, 2009 Posted December 26, 2009 Maybe I was one of the lucky ones that had a great Christmas. Went to my folks Christmas eve for dinner. My sister's family (4) was there & my G/F & her boys (3) so we had a bunch (11) of us. Then we went to the G/F's & watched Christmas Story.... My G/F was planning on going to her dad's but the snow kept her from doing that so they were a little down because of that so they opened there presents early. Me & my boy had a present for each so he put them under the tree after everyone went to bed so the 10 yr. old was excited to see presents under the tree on Christmas day. Christmas we made pancakes for breakfast, opened presents, then went to a movie (Avatar) and then Panda Express for mid afternoon lunch/dinner since that was the only place open..... My G/F shared with me later that she had been down because she wasn't able to be with her family but we helped make this one of the best Christmas she has had. She had never gone to a movie on Christmas, never had thought of that before. She said Christmas was about family in the past, which I replied; who are you with at the movie? My point is; sometimes what we have done in the past is how we look at a situation & that nothing else can/could replace those moments, but sometimes when you look outside your box there is so much more out there to learn, share, enjoy. Just like Lisa wanting to help out next year at a soup line, or going to a movie for the first time on Christmas, or giving to a family that doesn't have anything, or inviting a family into your house that wouldn't have had Christmas. Sure it might not be like it used to be but we can make it a new start, a new beginning and only "YOU/ME" can make it good or bad, no one else can do that to us!!!!!! For those that had a rough time this year, next year will be better. Start planning today to do something new & different.
Author Aksion Posted December 26, 2009 Author Posted December 26, 2009 I'm not quite sure Tojaz. X-mas as usual except w/o her with me. I really wanted to make the best of it, but I was just more depressed than anything. Gave/got gifts, food, sports, but I don't know, I just felt down most of the day. I was pretty drunk most of the day, and honestly, I'm glad I was. I kept to myself, and just tried to smile when I was around everyone. Honestly, for the first time in a long time, I was just glad to come back to my empty place and lay on the couch with the cat. Got to finish watching season 3 of Dexter, that was probably the highlight of it all for me. I'm glad its over with, and now I can hopefully start to pull myself out of this 'funk' so to speak that I've been in. Sadly, our wedding anniversary is coming up late January, which I know she'll be thinking of, as she always shoved it down my throat -- hopefully she stays clear though. Outside of that, I should be ok to start trying to clean myself up.
tojaz Posted December 26, 2009 Posted December 26, 2009 Holidays were like that for me too. Answering the questions and just feeling the absence. Just feels wrong. Like I was just going through the motions for the most part, but there were happy times too. It's fake it til you make it Ak, thats really all you can do, and it's going to take some time and freeing yourself from the brown bottle crutch. I slip sometimes, polished off a bottle of wine once it was all said and done last night. Just stay strong Ak and focus on healing. TOJAZ
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