Pizzaman81 Posted December 25, 2009 Posted December 25, 2009 So today I got a message from one of the girls I'm going on dates with, that she says she feels insecure about me dating other women, and that we should stop seeing each other unless I stop dating them. She doesn't want to dive into serious dating but wants me to stop dating the other women. I've been on about 4 dates with her. Over the span of about 1.5 months. I seriously don't know what the rush is, it's not like i am making out with anyone, I don't even kiss any of them, i'm just getting to know them all. I find the problem with all of this is that it forces me to make a decision when I am not ready for yet. Hmmm, what do you all think? How many dates does it take to figure it out. Do you guys just do one date after another? Only date other girls if the previous one is a definite no go?
Beerme Posted December 25, 2009 Posted December 25, 2009 I'm assuming that she is not currently dating anyone other than you. What strikes me as strange is that she doesn't want to get serious, but wants you to stop dating other women. Maybe its just me, but that seems to mean that she wants an exclusive relationship, which is serious in my opinion. How odd. For me, there's no right answer as to how many dates it takes to know if you want to be exclusive with a someone. I've dated women 5-8 times and still didn't know if I wanted to be in a relationship with them. I've also gone out with one or two women in my life that I pretty much knew by the end of the second date or so that I wanted to only date them. Ain't chemistry a weird and wonderful thing? Basically the only piece of advice I can give you is that you shouldn't commit or become exclusive with someone if you aren't ready. That's the bottom line.
jw90063 Posted December 25, 2009 Posted December 25, 2009 I personally do not like it when a guy is multi-dating. Whether we are serious or not, I do not like it. I want him to spend his time getting to know me only...not other girls at same time. Just something about multi-dating rubs me the wrong way.
alphamale Posted December 25, 2009 Posted December 25, 2009 So today I got a message from one of the girls I'm going on dates with, that she says she feels insecure about me dating other women, and that we should stop seeing each other unless I stop dating them.? dude when a man multi-dates he doesn't tell one chick about the other chicks. you've broken the cardinal rule about multi-dating and now you deserve what you get. you NEVER talk about other people you're seeing otherwise the whole ball of wax explodes
jw90063 Posted December 25, 2009 Posted December 25, 2009 Well, I always find out. I simply ask if the guy is dating anyone else. If he lies, that is another story. Might as well be up front about it. The girl either cares or doesn't. Everyone is different.
boogieboy Posted December 25, 2009 Posted December 25, 2009 Tell her you stopped dating the other women, but dont actually do it. You dont want to close your options just in case she blows you off after you go her way.
alphamale Posted December 25, 2009 Posted December 25, 2009 Well, I always find out. I simply ask if the guy is dating anyone else. If he lies, that is another story. Might as well be up front about it. The girl either cares or doesn't. Everyone is different. if i'm dating two chicks i'm not gonna be dumb enough to tell one about the other. that would be dating suicide
D-Lish Posted December 25, 2009 Posted December 25, 2009 Wow, why are you being so open about dating more than one girl? You should be keeping that to yourself.
kimmi Posted December 25, 2009 Posted December 25, 2009 dating suicide LOL Ok so I am in a awesome mood and I find that so funny ... Dating Suicide
alphamale Posted December 25, 2009 Posted December 25, 2009 Wow, why are you being so open about dating more than one girl? You should be keeping that to yourself. indeed...a true gentleman never kisses and tells
boogieboy Posted December 25, 2009 Posted December 25, 2009 Yeah, well, he hasn't kissed anyone yet He wont be if he doesnt keep quiet!
jw90063 Posted December 25, 2009 Posted December 25, 2009 Am I the only one that thinks its wrong to not tell someone you are multi-dating? indeed...a true gentleman never kisses and tells I think a true gentleman would tell.
alphamale Posted December 25, 2009 Posted December 25, 2009 Yeah, well, he hasn't kissed anyone yet its just an expression; "kissing" signifies any possible romantic entanglement I think a true gentleman would tell. no he wouldn't
carhill Posted December 25, 2009 Posted December 25, 2009 I never did (tell) because I didn't think it was relevant. I expected the single ladies to be entertaining other gentlemen as well. My stbx didn't tell me she had been dating other guys until we were well into our relationship, presumably after she felt secure enough to do so. Healthy or harbinger of future behavior? Unknown
jw90063 Posted December 25, 2009 Posted December 25, 2009 So say, this so called gentleman was multi-dating, as well as multiple fin'g around? Do you think a girl wouldn't want to know if he might be getting in other girls pants at same time?
alphamale Posted December 25, 2009 Posted December 25, 2009 So say, this so called gentleman was multi-dating, as well as multiple fin'g around? Do you think a girl wouldn't want to know if he might be getting in other girls pants at same time? depends on if shes banging other dudes or not, innit?
DustySaltus Posted December 25, 2009 Posted December 25, 2009 Loose lips sink ships. You NEVER say anything unless you are asked, then you tell the truth. If she really likes him she will understand that and either do things to differentiate herself from the others or get possesive and risk losing his interest entirely. It's a delicate balance, you NEED to be honest but at the same time you need time to develop things...say, 5-10 dates.
You'reasian Posted December 25, 2009 Posted December 25, 2009 Women don't tell either. Love me a good, truthful girl.
You'reasian Posted December 25, 2009 Posted December 25, 2009 who says??? Honesty is the best policy and shows respect. Not everyone believes this - but it would be nice to know, for instance, if you are looking for something serious and say the woman is out getting nailed by her other guy friends. Protection against STDs and saves time/effort.
carhill Posted December 25, 2009 Posted December 25, 2009 So say, this so called gentleman was multi-dating, as well as multiple fin'g around? Do you think a girl wouldn't want to know if he might be getting in other girls pants at same time? Personally, I'd only have sexual relations in an exclusive committed relationship but I'm not the OP. My read on him is that he is a careful man. His postings and the fact that he can go out on four dates with a woman, not kiss her or approach her sexually speak volumes to that. In modern society, he is in danger of the friendzone, IMO. At my age, if I met a woman whom I wanted to date more than once, she'd definitely be feeling that affection much earlier than date four. To me, the key is making the dates interpersonal rather than activity-oriented. Situations which focus on each other rather than outward. That's how intimacy is recognized and develops, if it is there. If I was still figuring it out by date four, I'd probably be found hanging from my belt in the lav.
DustySaltus Posted December 25, 2009 Posted December 25, 2009 who says??? competition brings out the best in people. you tell them the truth and let them show you why you should be with them. C'mon alpha, you know this better than anyone..
jw90063 Posted December 25, 2009 Posted December 25, 2009 I think a guy could actually be the one to bring it up himself, even if the girl doesn't ask. He could simply ask the girl if she multi-dates and then tell her he does. There will then be no secrets, and see how each other feels about the situation. Honesty is the best policy and shows respect. Not everyone believes this - but it would be nice to know' date=' for instance, if you are looking for something serious and say the woman is out getting nailed by her other guy friends. Protection against STDs and saves time/effort.[/quote'] I agree with this, and you have the right to know if they are sleeping with someone else, especially because of the STD's.
Pink Cupcakes Posted December 25, 2009 Posted December 25, 2009 You aren't really that into her if you have only had 4 dates in the span of 1 1/2 months. After that long of dating someone, you should be exclusive or cut bait. You dont' seem to care about her taht much or you would have made an effort to see her more than 4 times over the course of a month and a half. Nothing is going to develop at that pace, so I sort of see her point. Yah and it is rude to mention to someone you're dating that you're seeing other women. Do her a favor and just stop seeing her.
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