aystro Posted December 25, 2009 Posted December 25, 2009 Hi guys. Is it weird for a guy to feel very bad without others around him? I don't even live in a small town or anything. I'm 22 and I live alone without family in London. I'm not British and it seems like I can't find people to talk to. Thing is I don't like bars. So maybe that's my problem...Does anybody else have a similar problem? I just want people around me
LonelyGuy85 Posted December 25, 2009 Posted December 25, 2009 Aystro, i understand completely. I am little older (24) and moved back to my home town after finishing uni, only to find that my friends and i were completely different people. In the end we went our seperate ways. I am constantly on my own, and despite doing a job i hate i still look forward to work because otherwise i am constantly on my own. I just crave people to be around, but i just can't seem to make it happen. This holiday i am off for 4 days, which most people love, but i hate it. The loneliness is crippling. Just try to hang in there.
Flying Goose Posted December 26, 2009 Posted December 26, 2009 Aystro, i understand completely. I am little older (24) and moved back to my home town after finishing uni, only to find that my friends and i were completely different people. In the end we went our seperate ways. I am constantly on my own, and despite doing a job i hate i still look forward to work because otherwise i am constantly on my own. I just crave people to be around, but i just can't seem to make it happen. This holiday i am off for 4 days, which most people love, but i hate it. The loneliness is crippling. Just try to hang in there. I read a quote from a funny amateur philosopher and he said: "'loneliness' is what those with an addiction to human company call boredom". I think most people find boredom easier to cope with than loneliness. The solution is therefore (if the above is right) to cure the addiction; reduce your need for human approval if you can.
Hot Carl Posted December 26, 2009 Posted December 26, 2009 The drawbacks to needing people around are: 1) when you can't find anyone to be around you get super-down. 2) you are more apt to fill the void with people who aren't really your friends. 3) when you get older and realize that people aren't really that great to have around, you're going to have to learn some other way to occupy yourself. On the other hand, at least you have it in you to be social. And amongst the lame people you may have buzzing around you, there may be some who you can really count on. The best place to be is somewhere in between. Loneliness is a direct result of boredom. The ability to entertain yourself when no one else is around is a great thing to have.
TheBritishGuy Posted December 26, 2009 Posted December 26, 2009 Everybody is at pubs nowadays especially because its cold and beer helps when its cold. Go to a pub.
Awesome Username Posted December 26, 2009 Posted December 26, 2009 Sometimes it's especially lonely if you live in a big city, because everyone's always too in a rush to talk. You just need to find a special hangout coffee shop, pub or bookstore.
Pizzaman81 Posted December 26, 2009 Posted December 26, 2009 ...You just need to find a special hangout coffee shop, pub or bookstore. And then you see someone at a distant table and instead of talking or making a move to talk to him, you draw out diagrams of the place then you call him "Stupid head"
Hot Carl Posted December 26, 2009 Posted December 26, 2009 That's hot. I wish a girl would call me stupid head.
TheBritishGuy Posted December 26, 2009 Posted December 26, 2009 That's hot. I wish a girl would call me stupid head. Yeah stupid head sounds kind of cute.. well cuter than a racial slur and a kick to the nuts anyway.
carhill Posted December 26, 2009 Posted December 26, 2009 And then you see someone at a distant table and instead of talking or making a move to talk to him, you draw out diagrams of the place then you call him "Stupid head"And post it on LS OP, just go for a walk. No place in particular. Get on the tube. Ride around. I like being alone and still enjoy getting out in the world. The key is accepting that you're not the center of it; the center of attention. You're invisible, living your life like billions of other people.
Citizen Erased Posted December 26, 2009 Posted December 26, 2009 That's hot. I wish a girl would call me stupid head. Stupid head.
Hot Carl Posted December 26, 2009 Posted December 26, 2009 Stupid head. But you don't mean it. I want a girl to really mean it. We know who the real stupid head in your life is.
Awesome Username Posted December 26, 2009 Posted December 26, 2009 And then you see someone at a distant table and instead of talking or making a move to talk to him, you draw out diagrams of the place then you call him "Stupid head" LOL Shut up Pizzaman!!!!!!!
Payden Posted December 26, 2009 Posted December 26, 2009 (edited) Oh hell no it is not strange to feel bad without people around you. If I may ask, Why is it that you aren't out socializing or trying to meet people. Why do you say you can't seem to find people to talk too? Did you have a recent breakup or are you a shy person, social anxieties?. Please answer this if you want. If it is none of that then you have to attempt to get up and go out or you will only go further into the darkness of being lonely. If you are currently depressive, lonely and thinking bad thoughts then don't be ashamed to talk it out with someone.. Talking is the key to releasing those types of feelings..they won't go away if you sit with them alone. If you come back, I would like you to answer my questions and remember it is never the end of the world...there's always a way to get back on the right path and be happy. Always remember that. Edited December 26, 2009 by Payden
bberryguy Posted December 29, 2009 Posted December 29, 2009 Totally not abnormal at all. I have and maybe even a little still gone through that. My wife and I split back earlier in the year. I see my daughter once a week and every other weekend. My guy friends all live over an hour away. My local friends are mainly women and even they live a bit away. Only recently have I been able to start developing local friendships and that only because a woman who is now my girlfriend moved home earlier in the year too and I rediscovered old connections and new ones too thru her. I wish I could tell you how to cope. It's easy to say learn how to entertain yourself - and yes that does help for a time - but when it comes down to it sometimes you just need some friends around. We're social creatures. As an adult man it's not easy to make local friends. Usually our friendships develop over time from youth or school. Sometimes work. That would be the best place for you to try to develop friendships. Even with a girlfriend and local friendships blooming, I still find the lack of local guys a tax sometimes and still have nights alone when I feel lonely. I hear ya man.
DanD Posted December 29, 2009 Posted December 29, 2009 Payden has a good point. We are all social creatures, and in fact we have an internal "fight or flight" response everytime we spend too much time alone. That accounts for some of that "stir crazy" feeling you were describing.
temple Posted December 29, 2009 Posted December 29, 2009 Hi guys. Is it weird for a guy to feel very bad without others around him? I don't even live in a small town or anything. I'm 22 and I live alone without family in London. I'm not British and it seems like I can't find people to talk to. Thing is I don't like bars. So maybe that's my problem...Does anybody else have a similar problem? I just want people around me Try joining a university sports club (usually you can join with 'outsiders' membership fees and they're not that expensive). I'm sure you'll meet a lot of people through that and sports will keep you active and happy
randall Posted December 30, 2009 Posted December 30, 2009 I think what you're feeling is pretty common in big cities like London. There are so many people yet you are still alone, it only helps to amplify the isolation. I lived in London for a short period while working and found it very lonely as well. I was constantly surrounded by people but never had any real social interaction outside of work. I wasn't there for long so I never bothered to dig myself out of the rut. If you're going to be living in London for a long time you are going to have to either adapt to being lonely or be more proactive with your involvment in recreational activities. There really aren't any other realistic options -- don't expect someone to magically invite you into their group of friends, that just doesn't happen to single, lonely guys. (Cute girls are different, one of my sisters travelled to London and had strangers inviting her everywhere, but that's a different story!).
dazzle22 Posted December 30, 2009 Posted December 30, 2009 Humans evolved as "pack" animals so when you find yourself the lone wolf, it is natural to feel lonely and somewhat out if itl. Seems everyone else has a "pack" except you. I think you need to frame this around two things - this state of affairs for the vast majority of people is COMMON for a time period, and TEMPORARY. Something will change for you that will move you out of this place. Second, when you find yourself in such a situation, that is the time when it is good to self reflect, just BE with yourself and work through any issues you have that stand in your way of being self assured. It is also a good time to work on becoming a more interesting person to be with - start exercising, take up an interesting hobby- whatever grabs you, whether it be a sport, learning to cook like a chef, painting, becoming a fabulous dancer, learn a second language, study some of the great history of England and go see the amazing things in England, do some traveling in short jaunts to Europe (that will make you quite interesting to talk to) - something that will make you more "interesting" to people that you can dialogue about. Personally, I find people who have extensively traveled to be fascinating, and I think most people do. This could be a great time in your life to do this. My husband has traveled and lived all over the world and I find him to be the most interesting person I have ever met because of the cosmopolitan viewpoint and experiences this gave him.
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