CarrieT Posted December 27, 2009 Posted December 27, 2009 You are joking right? You think those things sound fun? Some people like Vanilla, some people like Chocolate, and some people like Neopolitan. To each his/her own...
jw90063 Posted December 27, 2009 Posted December 27, 2009 I don't think its normal one bit, but that's just me. I mean if a guy wants to be led around on a leash and drink out of a flipping toilet, I would say you should lead him to the looney bin as fast you can. Also, I don't think this thread is placed in the correct area of LS.
sally4sara Posted December 27, 2009 Posted December 27, 2009 I don't think its normal one bit, but that's just me. I mean if a guy wants to be led around on a leash and drink out of a flipping toilet, I would say you should lead him to the looney bin as fast you can. Also, I don't think this thread is placed in the correct area of LS. Yeah, you have to chalk it up to there being a flavor for everyone. Not my personal flavor but serving it up paid well. And yeah, it is in the right section because this would fit into SOMEONE's dating life even if it wouldn't fit into yours or mine. Plus the discussion is about domination fantasies; if you don't like those things, , what were ya thinking wandering into a thread titled as such?
jw90063 Posted December 27, 2009 Posted December 27, 2009 Yeah, you have to chalk it up to there being a flavor for everyone. Not my personal flavor but serving it up paid well. And yeah, it is in the right section because this would fit into SOMEONE's dating life even if it wouldn't fit into yours or mine. Plus the discussion is about domination fantasies; if you don't like those things, , what were ya thinking wandering into a thread titled as such? So I have to like it to read it? I can bet not everyone who reads it likes domination. There's a sex area that would be more appropriate than the regular dating section(which has the most viewers) of this site. I think some of this stuff is way too over the top. There are some people out there that may become totally freaked out or offended hearing about a guy giving himself a BJ, and drinking out of the toilet. I can tell you, the images in my head are not pretty.
Pink Cupcakes Posted December 27, 2009 Posted December 27, 2009 Yah, sex is sex, lots of women, whether they are "strong career women" or whatever have all KINDS of fantasies. Most men love the idea of being dominated by a woman in bed, also.
sally4sara Posted December 27, 2009 Posted December 27, 2009 So I have to like it to read it? I can bet not everyone who reads it likes domination. There's a sex area that would be more appropriate than the regular dating section(which has the most viewers) of this site. I think some of this stuff is way too over the top. There are some people out there that may become totally freaked out or offended hearing about a guy giving himself a BJ, and drinking out of the toilet. I can tell you, the images in my head are not pretty. You don't have to like it to read it but if you're oft offended by things in the realm of domination it might help to avoid threads with it in the title. Kinda like if you are grossed out by liver, you wouldn't go to liver festival would you?
CarrieT Posted December 27, 2009 Posted December 27, 2009 You don't have to like it to read it but if you're oft offended by things in the realm of domination it might help to avoid threads with it in the title. Kinda like if you are grossed out by liver, you wouldn't go to liver festival would you? Bravo, S4S! There is no reason a thread like this can't exist in the Dating forum. On another site, I lament the fact that I have a difficult time finding my particular form of kink via "normal" dating sites. There is a conundrum of desiring a certain type of sex and figuring how to find it in a relationship. When/If I go to sites like Alt and Ravishu, it is pre-supposed that all I want is NSA or FWB situations when I would actually prefer a LTR or marriage with a guy who is a bit "bent." It doesn't mean I don't want "normal sex," but I lived in a relationship for 12 years that was 100% vanilla and it got REALLY boring really fast for me. It was only after that relationship ended that my kinky side got re-awakened and helped me realize I would like it to be part of a relationship.
jw90063 Posted December 27, 2009 Posted December 27, 2009 You don't have to like it to read it but if you're oft offended by things in the realm of domination it might help to avoid threads with it in the title. Kinda like if you are grossed out by liver, you wouldn't go to liver festival would you? Well, I have the right to comment on the thread. I simply said I think a guy is looney if he wants to be led around on a leash and what not. I also added I think this thread is in the wrong area. Perhaps, you should have just ignored my post if you didn't like it, because it sounds like you are saying I can't comment on whether I approve of certain domination activities. However, I'll let you get back to your "dog" walking. Have fun
bac Posted December 27, 2009 Posted December 27, 2009 (edited) You are joking right? You think those things sound fun? Yes, I was joking. From what I understand, when it comes to sex/porno world, the word 'dominance' means 'torture'. Now , I can see who is a submissive man from sex/porno point of view. It is a man who makes a woman to torture him badly because it turns him on. A female is forced to torture him and she does it to please the guy. I first thought that a submissive man would do things to please a woman but it has nothing to do with pleasing a woman. Edited December 27, 2009 by bac
CarrieT Posted December 27, 2009 Posted December 27, 2009 Yes, I was joking. From what I understand, when it comes to sex/porno world, the word 'dominance' means 'torture'. Now , I can see who is a submissive man from sex/porno point of view. It is a man who makes a woman to torture him badly because it turns him on. A female is forced to torture him and she does it to please the guy. I first thought that a submissive man would do things to please a woman but it has nothing to do with pleasing a woman. In no way does dominance equal torture. I'm not going to go into details, but I want to assure you that you are under a HUGE false impression about what the sub/dominant relationship is all about. You admit that you are basing your entire opinion on porno which is a single, extreme example of what the lifestyle is like. Many people (male and female alike), who are into the sub/dom lifestyle do not like physical pain whatsoever. The dominance can often be entirely psychological. Here is an example: I once had a remote-control, butterfly-shaped vibrator. My partner would have me wear it when we would dress up and go to the symphony. At any given moment, he could raise and lower the power of the toy, teasing me and bringing me to the brink in a public setting. In this case, he was in complete control and "dominating" the situation and my ability to potentially have an orgasm. Now yes, in a humorous fashion that could be considered "torture," but I think in a fun and good way.
New_Life08 Posted December 27, 2009 Posted December 27, 2009 I don't think she harbored anything accept insecurity. She probably didn't want a man in her life because she was hurt before, knew she could take care of herself; so she made that clear. She was probably drawn to your lack of caring because she secretly harbors fantasies that a man will sincerely care for her. Once he does...it becomes too much responsibility. Beware of this (as you obviously did) because emotions can be a big game to some people. So long as you do not care, they will come after you like a rabid dog on steroids...once you do start to care, they got what they want and then they are on to the next. These are the same emotional vampires who do not want you until you are in a relationship, then they start revealing their undying love for you. You have an understanding, loving wife it seems. It is great that you two can talk as friends about past relationships.
bac Posted December 27, 2009 Posted December 27, 2009 In no way does dominance equal torture. I'm not going to go into details, but I want to assure you that you are under a HUGE false impression about what the sub/dominant relationship is all about. I visited those sites that you mentioned. All videos were about sadism/masochism. It was about that one person hits another in many different painful ways and they even do not have intercourse most of the time. They are very angry with no kisses, no hugs, no smiles and sweet words.
CarrieT Posted December 27, 2009 Posted December 27, 2009 I visited those sites that you mentioned. All videos were about sadism/masochism. It was about one person hit another in many different painful ways and they even do not have intercourse nost of the time. They are very angry with no kisses, no hugs, no smiles and sweet words. The sites I mentioned are where like-minded individuals go to meet each other; they were not intended to depict the intimate underbelly of the community to non-participants. But how much porn has sweet words and hugs and smiles? The act of physical sex as it is depicted in porn is distorted. It is the same with the world of BDSM; the sweetness and affection is not depicted online. Actually, if you were to sit through the kink.com sets, at the end of those "sessions" there ARE kisses and smiles and sweet words when the participants end to show that the men and women being subjugated are doing so willingly and with pleasure.
bac Posted December 28, 2009 Posted December 28, 2009 What does BDSM stand for? I am very confused now about the dominant men. Mostly because the dominance is associated with torture/sadism on porno. Is a normal, typical man considered to be dominant in bedroom? My friend told me that a normal man should be well-rounded. In other words, he should be dominant or submissive in bedroom depending on the situation. When I have sex with men, I have a sense that they are dominant in bedroom because they take the lead and almost all the initiative. I have a sense that I please them but they do not please me. They do not feel comfortable to follow a girl's directions. But they do not do anything painful to me. Can I consider them dominant in bedroom?
Stung Posted December 28, 2009 Posted December 28, 2009 What does BDSM stand for? I am very confused now about the dominant men. Mostly because the dominance is associated with torture/sadism on porno. Is a normal, typical man considered to be dominant in bedroom? My friend told me that a normal man should be well-rounded. In other words, he should be dominant or submissive in bedroom depending on the situation. When I have sex with men, I have a sense that they are dominant in bedroom because they take the lead and almost all the initiative. I have a sense that I please them but they do not please me. They do not feel comfortable to follow a girl's directions. But they do not do anything painful to me. Can I consider them dominant in bedroom? There is a difference between domination/submission and sadomasochism. They are sometimes intertwined, but also can be separate. This thread is discussing domination, not sadism. And yes, someone who takes the initiative and takes control of their own pleasure and yours is being dominant to you in the bedroom...it doesn't have to be some kind of aggressive rape scenario. As a six-foot-tall woman I found myself overrun with would-be submissive men in my clubbing days, it became predictable and amusing. I have also known a handful of sexually dominant women, and was once friends with a dominatrix, but most of the submissive men I met bemoaned that true 'top' females were harder to find...the ratio of submissive men seems to be significantly higher. It's not really my bag as a lifestyle but I can appreciate the kink and play with it from time to time, in various scenarios. My husband and I switch, as we both enjoy being a little dominant one time, and a little submissive another time.
CarrieT Posted December 28, 2009 Posted December 28, 2009 What does BDSM stand for? Bondage/Discipline - Sado/Masochism A generic term to encompass most of what takes place in a very diverse, expansive community. I am very confused now about the dominant men. Mostly because the dominance is associated with torture/sadism on porno. Stop looking at porn and assuming what happens there is the same as what happens in the privacy of someone's bedroom. That is the same as looking at regular porn and assuming that what happens there is the same as normal sex when it is far from the truth. There are too many threads and discussions about how what is seen in porn is what guys and girls see and assume to be how they need to perform. Very bad example. Is a normal, typical man considered to be dominant in bedroom? My friend told me that a normal man should be well-rounded. In other words, he should be dominant or submissive in bedroom depending on the situation. Yes, a normal man SHOULD be well-rounded and what is "normal" is what works for you and your partner. It can't be pigeon-holed and the fact that many men *are* dominant in the bedroom is probably a sociological factor moreso than a sexual one. When I have sex with men, I have a sense that they are dominant in bedroom because they take the lead and almost all the initiative. I have a sense that I please them but they do not please me. They do not feel comfortable to follow a girl's directions. But they do not do anything painful to me. Can I consider them dominant in bedroom? I can't emphasize enough how much you should stop trying to categorize what is dominant and what is not. I believe it is far too nuanced to differentiate between just having open communication (i.e., following a girl's direction) and having a truly dominant "scene."
LucreziaBorgia Posted December 28, 2009 Posted December 28, 2009 women like this who are alphas but secretly harbor domination fantasies It is not uncommon for dominant people to fantasize and search out people who they think can 'out dominate' them.
sally4sara Posted December 28, 2009 Posted December 28, 2009 There are men who think that because he enters a woman, it is an act of dominance. It is the "take it" mindset. But then there are men who identify the act as an engulfment by the woman via her vagina and being absorbed into her. This is the "take me" mindset. If you want to know if you have a dominant tendency or a submissive tendency - search your mind. Which way do you perceive the act as a man? For women - how do you perceive your role in the act of sex? That is how Dom/sub plays out in even vanilla relationships.
gopher Posted December 28, 2009 Posted December 28, 2009 Upon reflection, I used to be submissive sexual, and relationshipwise. I don't think that's the case for all men though. For me, it led me to being with women who treated me badly otherwise as well, again I don't think this is the case with all such relationships. In contrast, in my relationship, I am the "Man" sexually and otherwise, and I've found that I love it, as does my g/f.
bac Posted December 28, 2009 Posted December 28, 2009 That is how Dom/sub plays out in even vanilla relationships. Thank you. Does the 'vanilla' term imlpy 'normal/standard' or 'boring'? I guess the sex that I have with men is probably vanilla sex anyway because it is normal, boring and it is only for their pleasure.
CarrieT Posted December 28, 2009 Posted December 28, 2009 Thank you. Does the 'vanilla' term imlpy 'normal/standard' or 'boring'? I guess the sex that I have with men is probably vanilla sex anyway because it is normal, boring and it is only for their pleasure. 'Vanilla' tends to imply straight intercourse and oral sex. And if you are not being pleasured, why are you having sex? You should both be having fun, not just the guy!
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