Woggle Posted December 25, 2009 Posted December 25, 2009 Tonight my wife and I were talking about our exes and one ex I brought up was a FWB that I saw between marriages. We were not exclusive and I did not consider it a relationship but it almost became one. She was your typical super independent alpha-female who played with men and threw them away. She was the type to give the I don't need a man speech and you pretty much know the type. We met and started a FWB relationship. Neither one of us wanted commitment and wanted sex so it seemed ideal. I pretty much set the terms because I figured if she did not agree to them I could always find somebody else and this turn her on. She loved being told what to do and dominated in the bedroom. I truly saw her as just sex and I treated her as such and this drove her crazy. Pretty soon Miss independent was acting like an obsessed stalker and claiming that she was head over her heels. Eventually I had to cut her off and she acted like I played her even though I was honest from the start. My wife said that she has know several women like this who are alphas but secretly harbor domination fantasies. Anybody have thoughts on this?
Lovelybird Posted December 25, 2009 Posted December 25, 2009 I think many people put on a strong front to cover their fears and insecurities and neediness. When someone often claim they are independent, intelligent, I usually think the opposite it is like a real wise person doesn't claim he is wise. Your ex obviously is very needy and insecure, and she hated that because of past hurt maybe. so she does somethings to make her look like independent, but in fact she isn't If she is honestly facing her weaknesses, she can be healed from those
lecasanova Posted December 25, 2009 Posted December 25, 2009 whoa, slightly freaky, let's just say i believe your personality won her over. few other guys probably treated her the way you did, and after finding someone as .. frank and straightforward as you, she probably decided you were perfect for her! good thing you didn't get together with her though, such a relationship and it's established guidelines would have been preeeety disastrous, haha.
CarrieT Posted December 25, 2009 Posted December 25, 2009 All right, I will bite -- and spill my guts. I was raped multiple times as an adolescent. I only mention that because it seems to be a fairly standard pattern that many rape victims turn to BDSM as submissives later on in their life. However, as a single, middle-aged business owner, I am in control and responsible for EVERYTHING 24/7 in my life. That means on a day-to-day basis, I can't ask someone to pick up my laundry, start the dishwasher, or clean the cat box. If I get the flu, I have to drag myself to the store for chicken soup and medicine. For my business, I have to do my own accounting, selling, and production. And being in control and responsible ALL THE TIME is exhausting. So when it comes to sex, yes, I prefer to relinquish control to someone else. Moreso than wanting the guy to just "do me," I prefer the submissive role. My current FWB is not an actual Dom and I admit that I wish I could find a permanent relationship that would be more with me in a submissive role.
Author Woggle Posted December 25, 2009 Author Posted December 25, 2009 She would have been an utter nightmare if we actually got involved. I think you are right that she fell for me because I was the first guy that she could not wrap around her finger. She was quite attractive and great in bed but that was all she had going for her.
Sam Spade Posted December 25, 2009 Posted December 25, 2009 Maybe it's even simpler than that - I don't think I've ever met a woman that doesn't like being dominated in bed, at least a little a bit...
TheBritishGuy Posted December 25, 2009 Posted December 25, 2009 Maybe it's even simpler than that - I don't think I've ever met a woman that doesn't like being dominated in bed, at least a little a bit... I have to agree with this while domination comes in many extremes I think being a natural leader in bed is just.. well natural. I've not had any problems.
calizaggy Posted December 25, 2009 Posted December 25, 2009 Women are at a point in time in which many are conflicted.. The act of sex in itself is a woman submitting to a man. She opens legs and takes. Man conquers.. Media and current society tell women to "be independent" and "strong" which is more of an act than their natural role. So sexually many women like to be dominated so that they atleast feel like a woman some of the time.
CarrieT Posted December 25, 2009 Posted December 25, 2009 I don't think I've ever met a woman that doesn't like being dominated in bed, at least a little a bit... I have a handful of friends who are quite the opposite; THEY are the ones who are "tops" and prefer to take the dominant role in the bedroom.
calizaggy Posted December 25, 2009 Posted December 25, 2009 I have a handful of friends who are quite the opposite; THEY are the ones who are "tops" and prefer to take the dominant role in the bedroom. Outlier behavior.. The idea of this is silly in itself.. No woman on earth can truly "dominate" a man in bed, as there is no way to make a guy have sex with a woman. Never in my life have I heard of a "top" or "bottom" unless it was some gay lingo. We have certain traits ingrained into us through thousands of years of evolution. Man would grab woman, take her, dominate her, have sex with her, impregnate her, keep her. The opposite obviously never did, or never could happen. Women wanting to be dominated are just doing this instinctively.
Author Woggle Posted December 25, 2009 Author Posted December 25, 2009 The bedroom was part of it but she genuinely seemed turned on by the fact that I held all the cards in this relationship.
calizaggy Posted December 25, 2009 Posted December 25, 2009 http://www.thefrisky.com/post/246-why-independent-women-like-to-be-dominated/ Feminist writer thinks rape fantasies work on an evolutionary level. "A woman who gives it up too easily is capable of having a baby born to a father different from the man who's ****ing her. A man naturally feels more attraction to a woman who's judicious and says no." This goes for both parties. "For most, if not all, of the women I know," e-mails Soloway, "good sex entails a shared fantasy of dominance, where the man knows you're playing. How weird is this? We fight for the right to say yes, then once we have it we find it's hottest if we pretend to say no." I think it's innate for every woman to have an internal need to be wanted so badly that a man would take sex from her. This led Hawley to probe further. The rationale, her studies seem to indicate, is that ladies don’t enjoy the forcefulness itself as much as the idea that an overpowering passion is bubbling over behind that forcefulness. A socially dominant woman, in particular, was more likely to fantasize she was sexually irresistible and was turned on by the idea that her partner was so engorged with lust that he was going to burst. But that’s not all—Hawley has performed yet another study on the subject. She asked both men and women to read six different versions of saucy vignettes so she could monitor the reactions. Five of the stories had a different sexy theme removed each time. As Hutson at Psychology Today‘s blog wrote: “It turns out that force was the only element whose removal didn’t significantly reduce the vignette’s appeal, a finding that supports Hawley’s view that forceful submission fantasies are ‘generally construed as an ardent, passionate pursuit rather than force per se.’...For alpha females, apparently, submission is empowering.” It totally makes sense, doesn’t it? It’s not the legions of women who like to be tied up or who enjoy a swat on the ass are pain-loving masochists—no, aggressive partners make them feel like they’re being lusted after! Men would be wise to figure this out.
Author Woggle Posted December 25, 2009 Author Posted December 25, 2009 I think that many women also get sick of being the alpha all day and they want a man to take the drivers seat sometimes. They like to feel feminine and the alpha man or bad boy that takes charge makes them feel that.
Author Woggle Posted December 26, 2009 Author Posted December 26, 2009 Outlier behavior.. The idea of this is silly in itself.. No woman on earth can truly "dominate" a man in bed, as there is no way to make a guy have sex with a woman. Never in my life have I heard of a "top" or "bottom" unless it was some gay lingo. We have certain traits ingrained into us through thousands of years of evolution. Man would grab woman, take her, dominate her, have sex with her, impregnate her, keep her. The opposite obviously never did, or never could happen. Women wanting to be dominated are just doing this instinctively. The act of penetration in and of itself is not domination plus oral sex can be considered an act where a woman is the dominant one. I think that alpha types like her actually get sick of being in control all day and want a man to take the drivers seat.
bac Posted December 26, 2009 Posted December 26, 2009 Being dominant socially and being dominant/capable sexually are totally different things. Being dominant socially depends on your self-confidence and other psychological factors. Being dominant sexually depends mostly on testosterone level in your blood. Your ex. probably had high self-esteem but it does not mean that she had higher testosterone level in blood than a male has.
CarrieT Posted December 26, 2009 Posted December 26, 2009 Being dominant socially and being dominant/capable sexually are totally different things. Being dominant socially depends on your self-confidence and other psychological factors. Being dominant sexually depends mostly on testosterone level in your blood. Your ex. probably had high self-esteem but it does not mean that she had higher testosterone level in blood than a male has. I totally disagree with that statement. You implying that sexually dominant women would be more manly because they have more testosterone in their blood. The sexually dominant men that I have known are not necessarily more "manly" (which would indicate a higher level of testosterone), but are so because of psychological reasons.
bac Posted December 26, 2009 Posted December 26, 2009 I totally disagree with that statement. You implying that sexually dominant women would be more manly because they have more testosterone in their blood. What do you mean under 'sexually dominant females'? What do they do to be sexually dominant? Do you mean that a male follows their orders as a sex slave or smth else? The sexually dominant men that I have known are not necessarily more "manly" (which would indicate a higher level of testosterone), but are so because of psychological reasons. What do you mean under 'sexually submissive man'? Do you mean that it is a man who does only things that a female wants him to do to please her? I guess it is rare to find a submissive man. And he is probably dominant anyway at least in his dreams.
CarrieT Posted December 26, 2009 Posted December 26, 2009 What do you mean under 'sexually submissive man'? Do you mean that it is a man who does only things that a female wants him to do to please her? I guess it is rare to find a submissive man. And he is probably dominant anyway at least in his dreams. Wrong, wrong, wrong... It is not rare to find submissive men at all. Maybe because I am far more involved in a sexual sub-culture than most, I have been approached by more sexually submissive men than I can count. And, no, they have NOT dominant in their dreams at all; if anything, they desire more submission sexually. It is "not my thing," but I have had a large number of men who have asked me to dominate them sexually. And it often has very little to do with "only doing things that a female wants him to do to please her," it has to do with being subjugated, demeaned, ordered, forced, etc.
bac Posted December 27, 2009 Posted December 27, 2009 Wrong, wrong, wrong... It is not rare to find submissive men at all. Maybe because I am far more involved in a sexual sub-culture than most, I have been approached by more sexually submissive men than I can count. And, no, they have NOT dominant in their dreams at all; if anything, they desire more submission sexually. It is "not my thing," but I have had a large number of men who have asked me to dominate them sexually. And it often has very little to do with "only doing things that a female wants him to do to please her," it has to do with being subjugated, demeaned, ordered, forced, etc. Sounds very interesting. What is a sexual sub-culture? I would love to find a submissive man. Where can I find them? But, in my experience it is hard to find such a man. Could you explain how to subjugate, demean, order, and force men?
sally4sara Posted December 27, 2009 Posted December 27, 2009 Sounds very interesting. What is a sexual sub-culture? I would love to find a submissive man. Where can I find them? But, in my experience it is hard to find such a man. Could you explain how to subjugate, demean, order, and force men? Lets see.... One liked to be restrained and have me leave him in his home that way; he would call later and let you know he got out. Another liked to be lead around on a leash like a dog and spanked when he was "caught" drinking out of the toilet. Another liked to be photographed while he gave himself a BJ in what was most closely the bicycle exercise position.
CarrieT Posted December 27, 2009 Posted December 27, 2009 Sounds very interesting. What is a sexual sub-culture? I would love to find a submissive man. Where can I find them? But, in my experience it is hard to find such a man. Could you explain how to subjugate, demean, order, and force men? A sexual sub-culture is where those of us with certain sexual proclivities go to find like-minded individuals. We find each other on Alt.com, Collarme.com, the Society of Janus, Lifestyle Lounge, etc... And, no, I'm not going to explain how to do it. You can google male domination porn to see it for yourself. Kink.com has a wide variety of such material.
bac Posted December 27, 2009 Posted December 27, 2009 Lets see.... One liked to be restrained and have me leave him in his home that way; he would call later and let you know he got out. Another liked to be lead around on a leash like a dog and spanked when he was "caught" drinking out of the toilet. Another liked to be photographed while he gave himself a BJ in what was most closely the bicycle exercise position. Thank you. Sounds like a lot of fun.
bac Posted December 27, 2009 Posted December 27, 2009 A sexual sub-culture is where those of us with certain sexual proclivities go to find like-minded individuals. We find each other on Alt.com, Collarme.com, the Society of Janus, Lifestyle Lounge, etc... And, no, I'm not going to explain how to do it. You can google male domination porn to see it for yourself. Kink.com has a wide variety of such material. Thank you.
jw90063 Posted December 27, 2009 Posted December 27, 2009 Thank you. Sounds like a lot of fun. You are joking right? You think those things sound fun?
threebyfate Posted December 27, 2009 Posted December 27, 2009 Woggle, I think this woman had issues. From the sounds of it, she wasn't terribly dominant, just using external strength as a cover for internal weakness.
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