teanoranges Posted December 24, 2009 Posted December 24, 2009 So I have over 200 old emails from my ex that are tucked far away in my inbox... sadly I opened some of them today and was reading the way we conversed. I was trying to convince myself that I missed the intimacy and romance, and not so much the person... but I do miss the person. I miss him so much and everything we had. I felt like I was raised to some other realm with him. Life was something else. I really thought he loved me. I really thought we were in love. It was always so back and forth with him. I miss him so much. He loves someone else and I'm so lonely without my love. I just can't believe this has all happened. It feels so surreal without him. I know I have to be strong and I am. I won't be breaking NC, but I just miss him and I just can't believe its over... I know I should delete the emails, but I've kept so many emails from other people to give me examples of past experience, so that's why I want to keep his. Just a little sad from it. thanks for listening.
LovelyDaze Posted December 24, 2009 Posted December 24, 2009 A question: Are they recent e-mails since the break-up? And if so, how else has he contacted you in co-ordinance with the e-mails?
Fitness Dude Posted December 24, 2009 Posted December 24, 2009 I'm also having a rough day as well, so I know what you're going through. I have also stumbled upon old emails and found myself wondering WHAT HAPPENED? How do people talk one way to each other about how much they love one another, and then just a few months later decide that it can't be saved? It's torturous to read those emails, I would suggest you don't ever do it again. I promised myself I wouldn't. This has been a really rough day, REALLY rough.
Author teanoranges Posted December 24, 2009 Author Posted December 24, 2009 no, they are old. From Nov 08-May09... while we were together so they are pretty much meaningless things from the past. we talked alot and hung out a lot even thoug it was long distance for a bit.. I haven't read those emails since maybe sept, before I knew it was absolutely over.. don't plan on reading them again until after my next breakup to show me how strong I was and how things don't always last forever.... (not that I'm planning on being in a relationship again... giving myself 1 year before I even think about it unless it happens naturally) Its a constant struggle, but I'm hoping the end of the tunnel is soon.
JohnnyB Posted December 24, 2009 Posted December 24, 2009 I know this isn't a competition...but try dealing with 1027 emails saved from over a 4 year period! There was so much in them, from the first nicknames we gave eachother, to the Disneyland Trip Reservations...I could go on. I deleted them all yesterday. It sucked. and yes, afterward I thought "Shoot, I wanted to save that one message..." But here is my rule. If something is important enough to you, you won't forget it. All the emails are good for is bringing back forgotten memories. Your mind has much more storage than a Gmail Inbox, and it also has a good filter that sorts out what you need to know, and what you need to forget. Delete them. If there is something you want to remember, then remember it...
Author teanoranges Posted December 24, 2009 Author Posted December 24, 2009 As much as I know its over and done, and I do.. I really don't want to forget him... and I'm scared because I know I will... I know once I'm fully done, I'll forget it all. I just want to keep them to remember.. I'm like that with a lot of things I hold on to (not just an ex). I keep a journal too from the past that has him in some of it... but I could never throw that out either... too many memories. plus, sometimes I feel nothing so much that I guess I need to remind myself I felt something. I think you're wrong about memories... there's so much I wished I wrote down in my life so that I'd remember it better but didn't.. (not about him, just other things) We forget more and more as time goes on. Not trying to justify it, I know you are all right and I knew that's what I was going to hear.
leap83 Posted December 24, 2009 Posted December 24, 2009 You're not alone. I didn't delete any of the e-mails we've sent back and forth. I haven't opened them and read them though. But they're still is "Archives". And I won't be deleting them. So you're not alone.
Eisenhower Posted December 24, 2009 Posted December 24, 2009 I do the same from time to time. I removed all pictures of her from my computer, but a lot of old emails are still there and occasionally I read them. It kind of makes me feel good for a while reading her say how much she loved me, etc. And it also allows me to "post-mortem" exactly when the real breakup began, right after her Dad's death. For some reason I don't yet want to delete them - they're kind of like history. And no, I don't read them thinking we'll get back together, I just enjoy momentarilly remembering how good it was at one time. On the other hand, I did send her back all the love letters she wrote me. I guess I wanted her to see sitting in front of her how many promises and commitments she made to me and then just gave up and withdrew. I didn't want them anymore and I guess it was my sort of way of rubbing her nose in them in hopes she'll think twice before she says those things to the new guy. Be strong, Eisenhower
Art_Critic Posted December 24, 2009 Posted December 24, 2009 I'm a deleter of emails and a saver of picture albums.. but I cannot remember a time that I looked at an old photo album from the attic. You could burn the inbox/emails to a cd and put in in a box in the closet too... Leaving them available in your inbox or email package is nothing short of smacking yourself in the face each time you read them..
Author teanoranges Posted December 24, 2009 Author Posted December 24, 2009 if you let me know how I can burn the inbox, I would!! I just have no idea how to do that. I save pictures but haven't looked at them in soooo long.. I guess I know that'd be too painful... (don't give me any ideas! lol) Eisenhower, I know how you feel about the love letters (those are also stored away for me though) but he has a picture I painted of the two of us and a few sketches I did of him... I wanted to take them from him soo bad but think its not worth it... plus I know he has them hidden away too (on other breaks he still had them displayed in his place... I actually watched him hang a curtain in his room that 'accidentally' covered them, but never said anything (they're too small to notice I guess) i don't know if I don't care or hope he looks at them in the future with some kind of sense of compassion in his heart for me... right now I'm sure he just feels pity for me.
GrayClouds Posted December 24, 2009 Posted December 24, 2009 If you keep picking the scab it will scar.
Author teanoranges Posted December 24, 2009 Author Posted December 24, 2009 Grayclouds, I absolutely love your straight-to the point advice. I try not to pick, I swear... but sometimes the scabs taste good (lol) and scars look so neat. Scars are our experiences and each one has its own story. We are beautiful no matter how many scars we have.
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