Chronic pain - what to say

[etaoinshrdlu]

I've been seeing a girl for a little over a month. We both really like each other. Things are casual at the moment and not particularly intense emotionally or physically, but they could easily become more serious.

 

A year and a half ago, I got kicked very hard in the back during karate. This was half a year after injuring my leg rock climbing. I'd already had some medical conditions and chronic pain I was dealing with, but these injuries added new layers of chronic pain. I feel okay most of the time, but there are issues; some days I just can't walk very far or even stand up for very long without having aching, throbbing legs. Some days I can walk around a city for hours. I drove downtown today and shopped for half an hour, and my right leg feels like a giant bruise. The other day I walked a mile, jumped around for an hour on stage playing bass, and felt fine.

 

During the lazy months of the winter, this erraticness isn't a big deal, but as things head towards summer it will start to be.

 

So the thing is, I would totally understand if this girl didn't want to be in a relationship with me. I mean, spinal injuries are scary. Things could easily get worse, or they could stabilize, but they won't get better. I would be fine just being her friend. It probably makes more sense for me to be alone, actually, at least until I get this stuff figured out. What I don't want to have happen is for us to get serious and then for her to feel betrayed by my not being honest with her.

 

I'll have to at least mention that I deal with chronic pain at some point. But I don't know when.

Edited December 24, 2009 by etaoinshrdlu

[tkgirl]

I've been seeing a girl for a little over a month. We both really like each other. Things are casual at the moment and not particularly intense emotionally or physically, but they could easily become more serious.

 

A year and a half ago, I got kicked very hard in the back during karate. This was half a year after injuring my leg rock climbing. I'd already had some medical conditions and chronic pain I was dealing with, but these injuries added new layers of chronic pain. I feel okay most of the time, but there are issues; some days I just can't walk very far or even stand up for very long without having aching, throbbing legs. Some days I can walk around a city for hours. I drove downtown today and shopped for half an hour, and my right leg feels like a giant bruise. The other day I walked a mile, jumped around for an hour on stage playing bass, and felt fine.

 

During the lazy months of the winter, this erraticness isn't a big deal, but as things head towards summer it will start to be.

 

So the thing is, I would totally understand if this girl didn't want to be in a relationship with me. I mean, spinal injuries are scary. Things could easily get worse, or they could stabilize, but they won't get better. I would be fine just being her friend. It probably makes more sense for me to be alone, actually, at least until I get this stuff figured out. What I don't want to have happen is for us to get serious and then for her to feel betrayed by my not being honest with her.

 

I'll have to at least mention that I deal with chronic pain at some point. But I don't know when.

 

I think you should tell her about it soon... if she really cares about you (and she should) she would want to know this. If I were dating you, I definitely would... and no, it wouldn't make me bolt at all.

Honesty and communcation is very important to me... especially at the beginning of a relationship.

[etaoinshrdlu]

I think you should tell her about it soon... if she really cares about you (and she should) she would want to know this. If I were dating you, I definitely would... and no, it wouldn't make me bolt at all.

Honesty and communcation is very important to me... especially at the beginning of a relationship.

 

You're right. I'm going to mention it, slip it into conversation. I mean, she knows I have a couple of injuries that sidelined me from martial arts (she kickboxes) but has no idea that they affect me systemically. Ahh spines, when will you learn to repair yourselves? I've been thankful that things haven't progressed to real physical intimacy yet, because for me that always necessitates a commitment and I suspect it does for her as well, and she should probably know that I come with caveats. I'm a pretty great and very active person when I'm feeling well, and she's one of the most compassionate people I've ever met, so I hope she'll take it okay. If not, oh well, I agree that honesty and communication are crucial.

[Trimmer]

Have you brought it up yet? How did it go?

 

( Love your screen name; recognized it immediately. )