lostwithafuture Posted December 24, 2009 Posted December 24, 2009 Hi guys, I just need some advice about this girl I am kind of seeing but confused about the whole situation. We got to know each other through a project we were working on together and we are both in our early 20s; we started spending time together as friends outside the project. Although I never intended to start liking her because I had just come out a serious relationship and wanted to be single, the more time I spent with her the more I started to like her. So I decided not to waste much time and just tell her that I liked her more than a friend, she said she knew it but said to give her some time (a few weeks) and classified her answer as a "maybe". I kind of took that as a “no” and tried to move away or detach myself from her but she keeps wanting to see me, we like spending a lot of time together. Problem with her is that she does not make any moves nor does she flirt. She expects the guy to do it all, I was going to try and kiss her the other day but the "rejection" idea did not let me do it. I put my arm round her the other day as we were walking and she didn't mind but I still didn't get a reaction. This is the situation up to now, I really do not know what to do, maybe some of you could give me some advice? It would be really appriciate it! Thanks
skydiveaddict Posted December 24, 2009 Posted December 24, 2009 i'd be way careful dude. that "maybe in a few weeks" sounds like a polite way of saying "no thanks, i just dont to hurt you feelings" . if i were you i'd back off of the idea. if she really likes you she'll tell you. dont let youself fall for her only to get your heart smashed to bits
boogieboy Posted December 24, 2009 Posted December 24, 2009 Make a real move before you get attached to her, dont keep building up the anticipation. This friendship is over anyway as soon as she rejects you. It seems like she wants to use you as her company until she gets a boyfriend, so she wont tell you no, and she might never tell you no unless you make a move. So dont hang around her so much, become more unavailable to her like you were doing. Say no to her invites sometimes, and then next time you hang out, make a move. Dont let her use you for friendship.
Author lostwithafuture Posted December 25, 2009 Author Posted December 25, 2009 i'd be way careful dude. that "maybe in a few weeks" sounds like a polite way of saying "no thanks, i just dont to hurt you feelings" . if i were you i'd back off of the idea. if she really likes you she'll tell you. dont let youself fall for her only to get your heart smashed to bits Many thanks for your reply. That was my intial plan, so I didnt get in touch with her for a few days and all of a sudden she really wanted to see me, so I thought lets give it a go. Yeah you are probably right that it was the polite way of saying "no" but when I did say to her that "I am taking the maybe as no" she said to be patient and not rush things. The more I see her the more I like her so I should probably keep away. Make a real move before you get attached to her, dont keep building up the anticipation. This friendship is over anyway as soon as she rejects you. It seems like she wants to use you as her company until she gets a boyfriend, so she wont tell you no, and she might never tell you no unless you make a move. So dont hang around her so much, become more unavailable to her like you were doing. Say no to her invites sometimes, and then next time you hang out, make a move. Dont let her use you for friendship. Thanks for the advice. I think she loves to build up anticipation for some reason. She has told me similar stories when she had done what you are saying to a few people so those are probably the symptoms for such behaviour. But is there a way to avoid it apart from not seeing her? More advice from other members would be appreciate it!
boogieboy Posted December 25, 2009 Posted December 25, 2009 No there isnt, because the more you give in to her demands, the less attractive you become. Absense makes her wonder, keeps the ball in your court. If she is able to anticipate your moves, then she will know she has power over you.
phineas Posted December 25, 2009 Posted December 25, 2009 your not asking her for sex. You're just asking her for a date. I had a woman "friend" tell me she was dating someone but it wasn't serious but she still wanted to be friends. I told her to let me know when she was single & on the few occasions I see her i'm courteous but do not spend any more time talking to her than I have to. Because she hasn't told me she is single yet. I think she's a bit of an attention whore myself. If it were me i'd tell her to let me know when she's ready & bail on her. Easier said than done.
Green Posted December 25, 2009 Posted December 25, 2009 Telling a girl you like her isn't exactly what I would call a move. You shouldn't expect her to make the first moves, and yes it is up to you. When you wanted to kiss her it would have been confident to go ahead with that. Any time you fear rejection that is exactly what you should be doing, so go ahead kiss her already.
TheBritishGuy Posted December 25, 2009 Posted December 25, 2009 Ask her out and if the date goes well seal it with a kiss and see where things go from there. You really haven't done anything at all yet so make a move.
Author lostwithafuture Posted December 25, 2009 Author Posted December 25, 2009 Telling a girl you like her isn't exactly what I would call a move. You shouldn't expect her to make the first moves, and yes it is up to you. When you wanted to kiss her it would have been confident to go ahead with that. Any time you fear rejection that is exactly what you should be doing, so go ahead kiss her already. Yeah you could be right but I messed it up, so I need to wait for another opportunity if I am going to do this. Ask her out and if the date goes well seal it with a kiss and see where things go from there. You really haven't done anything at all yet so make a move. I did ask her for a date but she said she said she wasn't ready and I got a "maybe"...meaning "no"... To be honest I haven't been in a similar situation before, its so difficult to flirt with this girl because she doesn't respond so I never know where I stand.
TheBritishGuy Posted December 25, 2009 Posted December 25, 2009 How about calling her and asking her what she is doing on Friday and seeing what her response is. If she says no then instead of picking another date on the spot ask her again some other time with a different date. Just try and get things running.
Author lostwithafuture Posted December 25, 2009 Author Posted December 25, 2009 How about calling her and asking her what she is doing on Friday and seeing what her response is. If she says no then instead of picking another date on the spot ask her again some other time with a different date. Just try and get things running. Good point! Could do that, the only problem is that if she doesnt like it and starts to think I am weird then it is going to complicate things because I am still going to have to work with her on this project so i cannot run if everything fails. Plus I told her where I stand so technically she should respond if she wants something from me right!?
TheBritishGuy Posted December 25, 2009 Posted December 25, 2009 It doesn't usually work like that. You are going to have to make the first move and make your intentions clear. If she thinks your weird for asking her whether she wants to go out on Friday night or not thats her problem not yours. Just be confident in what you are doing. Things don't always go your way but with 3 billion women on the planet you'll run out of mistakes before you run out of dates. Take some action.
Author lostwithafuture Posted December 25, 2009 Author Posted December 25, 2009 Sounds good, I will probably give that a try, at this rate not much is going to happen so I might as well go for it.
Green Posted December 25, 2009 Posted December 25, 2009 Yes make your intentions clear and put her in a posistion where she either has to accept you or reject you. The only way to get a girl is to risk completely losing her! Oh and make your intention clear with actions not words. Don't say "I like you alot we should go out" but instead just invite her to dinner, or a party or anything really and then some time before the night is through Kiss her.
Zeegagge Posted December 25, 2009 Posted December 25, 2009 Anytime ya'll are around each other make sure you have your game face, and clothes, and attitude, etc. on. Make her want you!
Author lostwithafuture Posted December 27, 2009 Author Posted December 27, 2009 Thanks for all the advice guys and I did ask her out for dinner but she refused accept it as a "date", she said I was very persistent and she didn't like that and she needs a bit of time to sort her life out. Personally i just don't want to get burned. She is currently "dating" someone else, I did know that before I asked her out but only because she said he isn't a boyfriend. So I was pointing out that if she refuses to call him a "boyfriend" it would mean she can date other people at the same time. From what I can see, she is not going to give me a chance in the next 3-4 weeks. She also complained that guys don't want to enjoy the moment but want more, my answer to that was that I just don't want to get burned and its not my fault that she is nice and I like her. Unsure about what I am going to do now....? Thanks again for all the advice!
littlebittle Posted December 27, 2009 Posted December 27, 2009 I'm going through something similar with a guy. We've been hanging out for about a month, and he told me the other day that he really likes me. I felt happy and flattered, but I'm also trying to move slowly because I got out of a serious relationship 3 months ago. I don't want to just jump into something, I want to make sure that my heart's in it, and it's really what I want. I told him that, and he seemed ok with it, but he has also backed off (probably similar to what you're doing). I still want to hang out with him, and every time I see him I like him more. I'm a pretty shy person when it comes to affection, so although I'm not super flirty or affectionate just yet, when I'm ready, I will definitely show him how I feel. Some people just move slowly. You should ask her to elaborate on the "maybe". This guy and I have had open communication about my shyness and taking things slowly, so hopefully there is less confusion for him!
Author lostwithafuture Posted December 27, 2009 Author Posted December 27, 2009 hey littlebittle, its nice to hear a girl opinion about this. Well I think that most guys have gone through a similar situation and have gotten burned in the end. Which is what I am trying to avoid, if I stay close to her for another month or two I will like her even more and if she decides to go for someone else in the end it will not work out well for me. Its just a confusing situation where I should actually move on but something tells me to keep going...?
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