Golfilla Posted December 24, 2009 Posted December 24, 2009 That's stupid. If a woman has a boyfriend, I want nothing to do with her, and I wouldn't want a woman who says she has a boyfriend, when she doesn't, just to see if I have balls... The majority of your posts suggest that you want nothing to do with women regardless of their relationship status.
alphamale Posted December 24, 2009 Posted December 24, 2009 Women waitress's have also been known to wear wedding bands when they aren't really married to to ward off all the lonely guys hitting on them or getting the wrong idea about their friendliness... i used to know a restaurant hostess who was so attractive she had to wear two wedding bands and tell guys she was married to TWO guys to get rid of 'em
Peaceful Guy Posted December 24, 2009 Posted December 24, 2009 " Originally Posted by Peaceful Guy and how are we supposed to know thats true? "what if she made him up?.. maybe ive still got a chance.. hmmm.." :lmao:" Notice I said: were I interested in a guy... I wouldn't invent a bogus bf. Let the record show that, yes, back when I was single, I have resorted to inventing bogus boyfriends to turn guys down. I know I know I must be evil somehow - but the point remains the same. I wasn't interested, the guy was usually insistant so the bogus-bf was a way out. really! i was totally joking! that's hilarious! i would be furious if someone did that to me though! i mean, i guess you're talking about someone that's not leaving you alone.. but hmmm.. how did you jump to inventing imaginary people before flat out saying, "im not interested." ???? wtf?:laugh::laugh:
Peaceful Guy Posted December 24, 2009 Posted December 24, 2009 or were you just genuinely uncomfortable?
jerbear Posted December 24, 2009 Posted December 24, 2009 You know, to give you a clue? Or are they just saying that as a declarative statement? Most of the time it is a clue that she is spoken for. Many times when you show interests and she says she has an BF, you'll be put on the back burner.
Peaceful Guy Posted December 24, 2009 Posted December 24, 2009 i guess my point is this.. even if you're right and the guy's not being that cool, wouldn't it hurt your feelings real bad if someone did that to you? i mean, as ackward or lame as people may be, they're into you.. at least that's how im looking at it.. i guess some dudes are just trying to score.. in which case their really just into themselves.. i dont know.. this is all pretty funny!
Art_Critic Posted December 24, 2009 Posted December 24, 2009 how did you jump to inventing imaginary people before flat out saying, "im not interested." ???? I think most times even though we as guys say that is what we want to hear, All hearing "I'm not Interested" does is kick in the gear that makes the guy chase the woman.. causing her to not enjoy the chase.. "I'm taken and have a BF" is Final and Permanent.. it ends the BS chase stuff right then and there.. I've also used it before when some girl was chasing me that I wanted to make go away for good...
Pizzaman81 Posted December 24, 2009 Posted December 24, 2009 I drop the "my girlfriend and I did this..." thing all the time when I feel a woman is approaching me when I am not attracted.
alphamale Posted December 24, 2009 Posted December 24, 2009 I drop the "my girlfriend and I did this..." thing all the time when I feel a woman is approaching me when I am not attracted. i just say that "my blow-up doll is waiting at home for me" to ward off undesirable females..... giggity
Kamille Posted December 24, 2009 Posted December 24, 2009 " Originally Posted by Peaceful Guy and how are we supposed to know thats true? "what if she made him up?.. maybe ive still got a chance.. hmmm.." :lmao:" really! i was totally joking! that's hilarious! i would be furious if someone did that to me though! i mean, i guess you're talking about someone that's not leaving you alone.. but hmmm.. how did you jump to inventing imaginary people before flat out saying, "im not interested." ???? wtf?:laugh::laugh: how would you find out though? I've done both: tell a guy flat out 'I'm not interested' and brought up a bogus bf. Believe me, the bogus bf is lot more gentle. It leaves the guy's self-esteem intact. 'Not interested' is usually followed by a very awkward moment. The bogus boyfriend doesn't (other then: you have a boyfriend! ah that's too bad - and then guy leaves). And yes, the bogus bf was brought up when a guy was a bit too insistent and wouldn't pick up on other cues. Plus, I live in a big city, so I don't see how the guy would ever find out.
Peaceful Guy Posted December 24, 2009 Posted December 24, 2009 how would you find out though? well, people aren't that good at lying.. at least i hope your not, for your sake! i don't know that you really could.. i guess i feel pretty close to people when i talk to them.. especially in person but here on the internet too.. i mean, i try not to lie to people.. i give people the benefit of the doubt.. there is def. a more mature way to handle the situation than lying.. though its not always obvious.. or necessary.. to find it. i get that.. but still, i feel like its kind of putting yourself above other people when you do it.. that wasn't supposed to sound heavy.. i feel like people who do it are into themselves.. not that that really matters i guess.. hmmm. what do you think?
Sam Spade Posted December 24, 2009 Posted December 24, 2009 It's a rather nice gesture that saves everybody a lot of trouble. I've noticed that I wrap up and leave pretty soon after the boyfriend is mentioned . The only improvement I can think of is wearing a sign "I have a boyfriend", so we don't waste time to begin with:mad:.
Kamille Posted December 25, 2009 Posted December 25, 2009 well, people aren't that good at lying.. at least i hope your not, for your sake! i don't know that you really could.. i guess i feel pretty close to people when i talk to them.. especially in person but here on the internet too.. i mean, i try not to lie to people.. i give people the benefit of the doubt.. there is def. a more mature way to handle the situation than lying.. though its not always obvious.. or necessary.. to find it. i get that.. but still, i feel like its kind of putting yourself above other people when you do it.. that wasn't supposed to sound heavy.. i feel like people who do it are into themselves.. not that that really matters i guess.. hmmm. what do you think? I'll be honest. I did it because it was an easy way out. It's much easier to pretend to have a boyfriend then to tell a guy you're not interested. The boyfriend line, when dropped before a guy makes a move, saves everyone a lot of embarassment IMO. Is it arrogant... maybe. But rejection is always arrogant in some way isn't it? Plus having done both the bf line and the 'sorry, I'm not interested line', I have to tell you - in my experience, guys prefer the white lie. At least they react much better to it. I mean, just because I'm not interested in a guy doesn't mean another girl won't find him interesting. So why would I deliver an unnecessary blow?
meerkat stew Posted December 28, 2009 Posted December 28, 2009 (edited) Sometimes I wonder if the people on this forum have actual experience that bears on the threads or are just itching to inject "how they think things should be," which funny enough, makes for the worst possible advice anyway. I have had a woman work a "BF" into the convo, and then tell me not 20 minutes later that "things aren't really all that serious with the guy I'm seeing. Here's my phone number." How many times does that kind of thing happen to a guy before he begins to discount lots of the BF talk that women work into conversations? Once, but if he sees it over and over, he begins to discount all BF talk until it makes sense to take them seriously. Do I hang around and nag a woman who pulls the BF card? Of course not, but there's not much nagging and pressure in my approach to begin with. I will keep talking and see what comes of it. Fact: Women lie about having BFs constantly out and about. Lots of women wear bogus engagement rings. Fact: Women lie about having BFs for several reasons other than "she is not digging you." Here are some. 1. She has her "jerk shield" up and has been hit on in the wrong way once too many times that night. All it takes is being hit on in the right way to change her tune though, and miraculously, you never even hear of the BF again. 2. She wants to narrow the field, or discourage some present and hope that they leave her with the guy she is interested in. She will usually pull "the right one" back as the others fade away. Some of my best friends are complete idiots in how they try to interest women. They get the "BF penalty flag," when we are out together, yet often, by playing my cards right, I get called back into the game from the bench. 3. Many women don't like it to be known that they are currently single, and will turn a FWB, some band dude they get drunk and bang occasionally, or even just a platonic male friend into "the BF." I have a platonic female friend who regularly uses me as her "BF" that the guys she dates "win her away from." It took me years to figure this out, and no I haven't had the bad taste to call her on it, she is a quality person, just happens to be also FEMALE. If I called every female friend on petty, relatively harmless stuff like this, I'd have no female friends. It's the same principle that prevents me from making a row when some friend's kid comes up and yanks the rubber dinosaur out of my hand and runs off... comes with the territory, to be expected, NBD. 4. Women (and men) are often looking for upgrades. No relationship is ideal. For every solid relationship, there is one where either one or both parties are on the way out. In short, relationships are far from static entities. Women throw the BF card to tell if you have the mettle to "rescue" them from something they are leaving anyway. 5. Women sometimes use the BF card when you have done your seduction job too well and they are on the verge of becoming completely smitten in the moment. This is admittedly rare, but it does happen. They also use an "ex" variation here, as in "I'm just out of a relationship, and feel vulnerable." They may really want you to let up and set them free, but more often than not, they are asking you to set the hook even harder. 6. Sometimes, they use the fake BF card because in bizarro female think, it means you are more into them if you persist despite the fake BF. These are usually not quality. The point is, it's just another way they use it that doesn't mean "buzz off." The moral of the story is to work a little past the "BF" card. It's often not the giant nuke on progress with a woman that some in the thread believe it is. If women want men to take them at their word about having a BF, then they need to stop using the BF card as a tactic, they need to stop wearing fake engagement rings, just be honest, and learn to say no directly instead of through dissimulation. Edited December 28, 2009 by meerkat stew
Author b52s Posted December 28, 2009 Author Posted December 28, 2009 Yeah, or how bout when you're doing the online dating thing, and you get the, "I'm seeing someone, so I'm seeing how that's gonnna go right now" And they get pissed at you for questioning them with, "But, you're signing onto a dating site anyhow to check your messages, if that's the case......what's the point in sticking with one guy to 'see how things go'?" She told me, "I have pen pals on here I like to keep up with." Eventually, she told me to "take the hint" and that she actually wasn't interested. LOL
meerkat stew Posted December 28, 2009 Posted December 28, 2009 Yeah, or how bout when you're doing the online dating thing, and you get the, "I'm seeing someone, so I'm seeing how that's gonnna go right now" And they get pissed at you for questioning them with, "But, you're signing onto a dating site anyhow to check your messages, if that's the case......what's the point in sticking with one guy to 'see how things go'?" She told me, "I have pen pals on here I like to keep up with." Eventually, she told me to "take the hint" and that she actually wasn't interested. LOL Yes, this is another example. I have been brushed off in this way (never ever question when you get this online, you can keep talking to them, just don't call them on it). HOWEVER, I have also been the guy that knocks the "I'm seeing someone" completely out of the water such that she may be telling that to certain guys, but not to others who have rung her bell the right way. In such a subjective environment, where a simple phrase can mean one thing one time and another ten minutes later, why should men be expected to take the "I have a BF" necessarily at face value? Moreover, there's a difference in how it is brought up. I -never- hear the blunt "I have a BF." I don't approach women in the horndog way that they would ever say that. They realize exactly what I'm about,though, and usually work the BF into the convo early ala "My BF and I have been there before, it was cool." When you hear it brought up that way, you are a fool if you just walk off because you never know what she is really saying and why. If she is still smiling and talking and touching you, hear the BF card as "blablabla" until he's right there in front of you.
Author b52s Posted December 28, 2009 Author Posted December 28, 2009 Yes, this is another example. I have been brushed off in this way (never ever question when you get this online, you can keep talking to them, just don't call them on it). HOWEVER, I have also been the guy that knocks the "I'm seeing someone" completely out of the water such that she may be telling that to certain guys, but not to others who have rung her bell the right way. In such a subjective environment, where a simple phrase can mean one thing one time and another ten minutes later, why should men be expected to take the "I have a BF" necessarily at face value? Moreover, there's a difference in how it is brought up. I -never- hear the blunt "I have a BF." I don't approach women in the horndog way that they would ever say that. They realize exactly what I'm about,though, and usually work the BF into the convo early ala "My BF and I have been there before, it was cool." When you hear it brought up that way, you are a fool if you just walk off because you never know what she is really saying and why. If she is still smiling and talking and touching you, hear the BF card as "blablabla" until he's right there in front of you. Meh, I guess...how about this. I was talking to this woman I met at a Game Night Meetup event....but she's always coming by herself....at first I thought she was available. I emailed her when I got home, and we got to talking back and forth. Turns out she has a LIVE IN boyfriend....he's just one of those typical boyfriends that doesn't like to go anywhere with his g/f and sits on his ass at home watching TV. So she's stuck amusing herself. Should I still "talk" to her...or perhaps get her to join me for a drink.....or would I seem like a jerk for asking a "taken" woman out? Because she will think this.
Art_Critic Posted December 28, 2009 Posted December 28, 2009 or would I seem like a jerk for asking a "taken" woman out? Because she will think this. I don't think she will think you are a jerk... Asking out an unavailable woman is your issue.. not hers. Remember.. she is sleeping with her BF.. you know.. the one that she shares bills and a life with.. If you think becoming her friend is a way into her pants then you are dead wrong.. you will only be her friend and after your nights out she will go home and bang her BF.. You would be better off asking out someone who is actually available rather than going against the odds that they will breakup and you will be her next BF...
Author b52s Posted December 28, 2009 Author Posted December 28, 2009 I don't think she will think you are a jerk... Asking out an unavailable woman is your issue.. not hers. Remember.. she is sleeping with her BF.. you know.. the one that she shares bills and a life with.. If you think becoming her friend is a way into her pants then you are dead wrong.. you will only be her friend and after your nights out she will go home and bang her BF.. You would be better off asking out someone who is actually available rather than going against the odds that they will breakup and you will be her next BF... Okay, just find a woman that's not living with someone.....increase my odds that way. lol
Vertex Posted December 28, 2009 Posted December 28, 2009 Whether or not the girl actually has a boyfriend is irrelevant. She's telling you to back off.
sweetjasmine Posted December 28, 2009 Posted December 28, 2009 Whether or not the girl actually has a boyfriend is irrelevant. She's telling you to back off. Exactly. This isn't rocket surgery.
Art_Critic Posted December 28, 2009 Posted December 28, 2009 Exactly. This isn't rocket surgery. .......
sweetjasmine Posted December 28, 2009 Posted December 28, 2009 ....... Never heard that one before? My boyfriend says it a lot. Now everyone write up an analysis of why I mentioned him and what I'm really saying.
meerkat stew Posted December 28, 2009 Posted December 28, 2009 Now everyone write up an analysis of why I mentioned him and what I'm really saying. Not necessary. If you showed the propensity to date someone who thinks bon mots like "rocket surgery" are clever, would just take you at your word and let you be.
sweetjasmine Posted December 28, 2009 Posted December 28, 2009 Not necessary. If you showed the propensity to date someone who thinks bon mots like "rocket surgery" are clever, would just take you at your word and let you be. I'd rather date a sophisticate who appreciates bon mots and jeux de mots and has un certain sens de l'humour than someone who responds to light-hearted joking with bitterness, hostility, and passive-aggressive insults.
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