nc2nv Posted December 24, 2009 Posted December 24, 2009 okay for the past 4 years i've been in a really serious relationship we have lived together for most of that time, about 3 months ago i had broken things off, the fighting every weekend and bitching pushed me to the breaking point, and i broke it off i moved out and stayed with a friend for a few months untill she moved out. at first i felt so free and calm no one was bitching at me no fighting, nothing. so after she left she begged and pleaded for me to come back to her. i ignored her she had stuff stolen from her and i blew her off she said she needed me. i ignored it, and just did my own thing... dated a few girls and stuff really feeling good about myself... but all of a sudden it hit my like a ton of bricks the anger was gone no more fuel for the anger fire and i find myself wanting to get back with her... well i told her how i felt, she said was seeing someone for a few weeks.. and it didnt last long.. and she said she couldn't get back together with me. cause of everything i did to her. well after a while she had decided to "date" me again however she wants to "date" others too to see if im what she really wants. i agreed to this on the terms that i can date others too... well its been like 2 days now and shes already asking me questions on who I'm dating and whats I'm doing and stuff and who i"m going out with. my plans are to ride it out... but not really sure if i should....any help would be grateful.
Author nc2nv Posted December 25, 2009 Author Posted December 25, 2009 can a mod move this over to the right place.
luvflower Posted December 25, 2009 Posted December 25, 2009 I think you're in the right place... If I knew why you two were arguing so much every weekend, I could form a better opinion. However, it's clear that you still care for her to some degree. I'm just not convinced that you love HER. It seems as though you care more about the IDEA of missing someone. Now that you two are communicating again, you seem like you're ready to bounce again. Relationships are going to have conflicts. If you missed her and you both want to date other people, what's the point of dating each other again? At least you're being honest about it, but do you think either of you is capable committing to one another? How old are you both?
Author nc2nv Posted December 25, 2009 Author Posted December 25, 2009 I think you're in the right place... If I knew why you two were arguing so much every weekend, I could form a better opinion. However, it's clear that you still care for her to some degree. I'm just not convinced that you love HER. It seems as though you care more about the IDEA of missing someone. Now that you two are communicating again, you seem like you're ready to bounce again. Relationships are going to have conflicts. If you missed her and you both want to date other people, what's the point of dating each other again? At least you're being honest about it, but do you think either of you is capable committing to one another? How old are you both? first of all thank you for replying... I'm 26 and she is 28, we would argue bout some really stupid stuff. nothing comes to mind.. i don't want to date anyone else but she says she is unsure now if i"m the "one" or she can trust me with her heart...she always pushed me into marrying her and all that stuff and now i don't understand i have said and did alot of hurtful things durring our breakup. and i totally regret it. i DO love her... in some way i feel like i need to do what i need to do to win her back, and another part of me feel like im being used as a backup plan. she keeps telling me she loves me and she Still thinks of me as hers. so she keeps sending me alot of mixed signals its very hard... i want to prove to her im ready to marry her but not push her away at the same time.
luvflower Posted December 25, 2009 Posted December 25, 2009 You're welcome. It feels like it was meant for me to see this post when I did. I'm in a very similar situation with my ex right now. Perhaps you can be of some help to me as well to get the male perspective. But back to you. Do you love her for real or not? Do you really think you can trust her at this point? Do you want to marry her? What hurtful things have you done during the breakup and why? Why do guys do hurtful things during breakups?!
luvflower Posted December 25, 2009 Posted December 25, 2009 Frankly, if she didn't care she wouldn't ask who you're going out with. If it bothers you that she asks, maybe you should be single for a while. otherwise, you may continue to hurt her and that's not fair. You moved out and basically abandoned ship. If you want to get her back yu may need to be a bit more transparant and not try to date other people. Even though it's what she said, it's not the way for YOU to show her that you really care for her. Not trying to beat you up here, but Remember... you were the one who left...
Author nc2nv Posted December 25, 2009 Author Posted December 25, 2009 You're welcome. It feels like it was meant for me to see this post when I did. I'm in a very similar situation with my ex right now. Perhaps you can be of some help to me as well to get the male perspective. But back to you. Do you love her for real or not? Do you really think you can trust her at this point? Do you want to marry her? What hurtful things have you done during the breakup and why? Why do guys do hurtful things during breakups?! Well, im glad to help you any way that i can.... I love her for real. i do think i can trust her, and yes i want to marry her. i told her to "f" off and leave me alone and that i was going to change my number and stuff telling her i wasnt "in love" with her. just real bad stuff, and i have told her i regret every word of it. i don't know why i did those things maybe you make them hurt as much as me.
Author nc2nv Posted December 25, 2009 Author Posted December 25, 2009 Frankly, if she didn't care she wouldn't ask who you're going out with. If it bothers you that she asks, maybe you should be single for a while. otherwise, you may continue to hurt her and that's not fair. You moved out and basically abandoned ship. If you want to get her back yu may need to be a bit more transparant and not try to date other people. Even though it's what she said, it's not the way for YOU to show her that you really care for her. Not trying to beat you up here, but Remember... you were the one who left... you are right i'm going to just put myself in her hands and tell her im not going to go on dates with anyone.
HeavenOrHell Posted December 25, 2009 Posted December 25, 2009 I only read the first post but from that it sounded like you're playing games with each other Any chance you could both sit down and say what you both want? Or relationship counselling?
Author nc2nv Posted December 28, 2009 Author Posted December 28, 2009 okay, after getting a crummy xmas gift, i was upset i told her i didnt wnat to play her games anymore and that i cant deal with her dating others... she agreed and now NC comes into play.
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