HayleyBoBayley Posted December 24, 2009 Posted December 24, 2009 Okay. I've been with my current boyfriend for 3 years. He's the only boyfriend I've ever had, and I guess I can say our relationship has been good. But recently, he's been acting differently. I'd usually go to his house, and we'd have a bit of "fun", but now that doesnt happen anymore. We no longer "make out", and whenever I try to do something intimate, he pushes me away. I dont know the reason for this, and it's really bugging me. Also, sometimes, when we have an arguement, he loses his temper. He doesnt control what he says. It could be anything from, "I hate you" to "This isnt what a relationship is supposed to be like." To me, it feels silly to stay with him.. But honestly, I'm afraid to breakup! I dont remember what it's like to be without him. But anyway... I recently moved to a new school. And there's this one guy, that caught my attention. He recently confessed that he has a pretty big crush on me, and I guess I can say I feel for him too. No, we havent done anything relationship-wise, we're just friends for now. But a part of me wants to be so much more than that. Sometimes, I vent to him about my boyfriend. This is probably just a jealousy thing, but the new guy keeps telling me how much he cant stand my boyfriend. He hates him, and he wants me to break up immediately. I do love him, but he doesnt treat me the way he used to... What do I do??? Stick to this 3 year relationship, or see what it's like to date another guy?
lkjh Posted December 24, 2009 Posted December 24, 2009 Break up with both, because right now you are not capable of being in a relationship. You have one bf that you are currently cheating on and yes this is cheating. Grow up before you get into a relationship.
FilthMerchant Posted December 25, 2009 Posted December 25, 2009 If you aren't able to walk away from a relationship when it goes sour then you are not able to have a relationship
Hot Carl Posted December 25, 2009 Posted December 25, 2009 This is what burkhas were made for, right guys? My opinion is that you're doing things the best way you can. Be careful not to let things progress with the new guy until after you've decided once and for all to break up with the old guy. Which I think is inevitable. The attraction you have for someone has a lot to do with the circumstances you're in when you get to know them. When you break up with the other guy, your circumstances will change. And it's possible that your feelings will, too.
Author HayleyBoBayley Posted January 8, 2010 Author Posted January 8, 2010 Break up with both, because right now you are not capable of being in a relationship. You have one bf that you are currently cheating on and yes this is cheating. Grow up before you get into a relationship. Okay, that was just rude and unnessecary. This is not cheating until I do anything with the other guy, which wont happen while im still with my boyfriend. After 3 years, you tend to get a little bit bored of the same thing. I'm perfectly capable of being in a relationship if I've kept one for 3 years, so think a bit before you post rude comments. I asked for help, not somebody to post a rude comment, and make me feel worse.
Author HayleyBoBayley Posted January 8, 2010 Author Posted January 8, 2010 If you aren't able to walk away from a relationship when it goes sour then you are not able to have a relationship Have you ever had a relationship that has lasted as long as mine? You have no idea how hard it is to let go.
OnlyJake Posted January 8, 2010 Posted January 8, 2010 I don't think it's a good idea, or healthy, or jump from one relationship to another. Situations like that also tend to cause a lot of drama for all three (or more) people involved. I agree with the poster who suggested you break up with them both. I think you need to be single, and be comfortable being single, before you can have a healthy and successful relationship with another person.
OnlyJake Posted January 8, 2010 Posted January 8, 2010 If you aren't able to walk away from a relationship when it goes sour then you are not able to have a relationship Have you ever had a relationship that has lasted as long as mine? You have no idea how hard it is to let go. We've all been there, and of course it's hard But I think FilthMerchant is right.
Javelin Posted January 8, 2010 Posted January 8, 2010 Okay, that was just rude and unnessecary. Perhaps the way it was written was a bit rude, but don't dismiss it as bad advice, because it's true and I'll explain why in a bit. This is not cheating until I do anything with the other guy, which wont happen while im still with my boyfriend. You have a lot to learn don't you? Your actions right now with a boyfriend and 'friend' is what we'd call emotional cheating. Meaning, you may not be having physical intimacy with this new guy friend, but you're using him as an emotional crutch. This new boy that you've befriended may make the grass seem greener, but think things through before you jump ship. After 3 years, you tend to get a little bit bored of the same thing. I'm perfectly capable of being in a relationship if I've kept one for 3 years. You've kept a relationship for 3 years, yes... However, you're struggling between two guys and can't even step up and have a heart to heart with your current boyfriend. With that said, let's say you do leave your boyfriend for this new guy and if the same thing happens, but within the first year. You still won't know what to do in that situation and everything will repeat itself once more. That basically leads to the saying, ' you are not relationship material at this point in time. ' So think a bit before you post rude comments. I asked for help, not somebody to post a rude comment, and make me feel worse. I hate to say it, but if you can't see that your actions are in the wrong, then no amount of help on this forum will save you. You want help? Then you really need to drop this new kid and focus on either working things out with your boyfriend or building the courage to end the relationship. We're not going to hold your hand, but we will show you a promising road.
lkjh Posted January 9, 2010 Posted January 9, 2010 Okay, that was just rude and unnessecary. This is not cheating until I do anything with the other guy, which wont happen while im still with my boyfriend. After 3 years, you tend to get a little bit bored of the same thing. I'm perfectly capable of being in a relationship if I've kept one for 3 years, so think a bit before you post rude comments. I asked for help, not somebody to post a rude comment, and make me feel worse. You can get as mad as you want but its still cheating. You are with one guy and talking to another all the while trying to decide between the two. By the way 3 years is not that long
doushenka Posted January 9, 2010 Posted January 9, 2010 He's the only boyfriend I've ever had, and I guess I can say our relationship has been good. Which is great! Absolutely! Three years of feeling good with this guy can't be all wrong, huh? On the other hand, you haven't experienced that with anyone else, and now you seem a little confused. Confusion is natural. In fact, I applaud you for twigging to the fact that something's off, especially in light of your boyfriend's changed behavior. Honey, he's treating you like dirt. They say "better the devil you know," but when the devil you know is withholding affection and calling you names, maybe they're wrong and need a crash course in the concept of emotional abuse. If you stay with your boyfriend, things could get really ugly for you. It's not a matter of loving him enough or not; it's what's healthy for you, and he sounds like he's not, so I'd say you should ditch him now and save your own skin. However, I think you'd be doing yourself a disservice if you went right into another relationship. How old are you? Have you been with him since before you turned eighteen? So much changes when you go to college -- and as you go through college -- and as you graduate and get a job -- get what I mean? Other Guy sounds like someone you don't want to mistreat. Am I right? So don't let him be the rebound. At the very least, take a month off from men, concentrate on school, and just be you. If he really does care, he'll wait that month (provided you two talk about this first!). Good luck, Hayley.
Author HayleyBoBayley Posted January 9, 2010 Author Posted January 9, 2010 This is an answer I was looking for. :/ I didnt want to be told I was cheating, I'm not trying to, and I never meant to. I guess it's just different from an outsiders point of view. I've always been considered the innocent one in my school.. While everyone else is drinking and smoking, I just hang out and try to look pretty. I agree with your idea of taking time off, along with everybody else who said it. I think I just might.. & I may seem a little bit immature with this entire thing... But Im 16. .__.; If anybody thinks I'm too young to be in love or any of this, keep it to yourself. I dont really care. :/ But yeah, back to what you were saying.. Time off would be good. Midterms are coming up, I do need to study. I honestly dont remember what it was like to be single, so it's a bit scary if you ask me.
doushenka Posted January 9, 2010 Posted January 9, 2010 Only sixteen? For what it's worth, I thought you were around twenty-one.
Author HayleyBoBayley Posted January 9, 2010 Author Posted January 9, 2010 Oh wow, no no no! I still have 5 years left! xDDD But does this change the situation at all?
doushenka Posted January 9, 2010 Posted January 9, 2010 If anything, it makes me admire the fact that you two held on for three of the other most change-laden years of your lives. Better than I did at your age, anyway. No change to my advice. Wishing you even more luck. <3
road Posted January 10, 2010 Posted January 10, 2010 haley One does not go from one relationship right into another one. Time is needed to grieve the ending of the current relatioship. I think your BF1 wants break up with you but is pushing you to dump him because of his behavior towards you. Anything that a girl does behind a BF's back but would not do in front of him is cheating. Cheating does not have to be a physical affair, PA. Cheating can be an emotional affair, EA. EA is confiding deep issues such as how your BF is treating you. EA's quite often lead to PA's. You are in an EA now. You are a cheater. BF2, or aka OM is cheating with you. He wants you all to himself and is saying and doing what he needs to get you. It is ego boosting to be courted, but when being done behind someones back. This OM is a coward. Attacking your BF behind his back. So you think this new guy is awesome. If low moral cheater's get you wet, then go for the OM. Remember they cheat with you they will cheat on you.
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