McGrupp Posted December 24, 2009 Posted December 24, 2009 so im experiencing the holiday depression hard. been trying to keep my mind off of it, but it is just getting compounded. im thinking about her and what she is doing, if she is thinking about me, why i even care, if im better off, if i deserved better, if ill look back at her as the one that got away (can that be if THEY left?)... idk its like i know ill be ok and probably meet someone else. its just i ****ing loved HER and still do even though the pain she has put me through wouldnt be acceptable to even take her back. the way my breakup happened so slowly over time, and yet so quickly in the context of the relationship, and that the windows of opportunity she gave me to just relax never happened, made it seem like she had some doubts about the breakup. and then the way i acted after solidified her decision. when this happened i was going to use it as a catlayst to go do something i wanted. its been almost 4 months and i havent really done anything. im sinking into a comfort zone that i hate. i have to do something to get my head out of my ass. at least i sleep better now, have great moments or hours where i dont think about her, and am off the suicidal tip. however...i miss her.
Author McGrupp Posted December 24, 2009 Author Posted December 24, 2009 my bday is the 31st also. i have a feeling that day will tough unless i make it a blur
nobmagnet Posted December 24, 2009 Posted December 24, 2009 miss her. But you are mending mcgupp. New Year is coming. That always is a good time to evaluate and move on............my intention is to drink less, smoke less, and have lots of adventures and find out more about the world. I hope you find peace. xxx
HeavenOrHell Posted December 24, 2009 Posted December 24, 2009 You have made some progress and that is a good thing Not sure if I have Had lunch with my ex today and seeing him tomorrow eve, but tbh you are probably in a better place than me not seeing your ex, you will prob move on more quickly than me. I can't imagine not feeling scared or lonely now. Ugh. What are you doing for the rest of today, what about tomorrow, seeing family?
HeavenOrHell Posted December 24, 2009 Posted December 24, 2009 Sounds good I want lots of adventures too miss her. But you are mending mcgupp. New Year is coming. That always is a good time to evaluate and move on............my intention is to drink less, smoke less, and have lots of adventures and find out more about the world. I hope you find peace. xxx
Author McGrupp Posted December 24, 2009 Author Posted December 24, 2009 i will be with family on christmas. a large family and friends on NYE. its not all bad. just work by myself that gets me down. heres a nice lil rant i just typed out. enjoy: its like i believe in that god or whoever you look up to or whatever spiritual guide you believe in gives us chances to make our lives great. we have this fleeting moments where if we grab on and take hold our lives will be different and more fulfilled. i think she was one of those things and i lost it. like the way we met. her friend came to me and said her roomate liked me. i thought she was too hot for me and didnt do anything. 1 full year later the same friend comes and says the same thing. this time i say **** it and take her out. the rest is history. but... when you act selfish, insecure and are scared you can lose these things just as easy and be sure to never get them back again. perhaps you will get something different or just as unique but never the same. and thats hwat i have to hope for. something as that makes me feel the same way again but now know that I have learned from my mistakes and that when these opportunities come, to cherish the moments that you may never have again.
worldcavedin Posted December 24, 2009 Posted December 24, 2009 well here i am sitting just waiting on xmas day to arrive so i can go up and see my kids for one or two hours to open their presents. This is after 14 year of being with them every xmas. Also knowing that my kids will then spend the rest of the day with their mums new bf. i am absolutly horrified at the thought of it. I thought i was slowly moving on after 2 month but the last couple of days have been tumultous to say the least and no doubt the next week will be worse. It is such a strange christmas but hopefully after this week i can move on as it is a new year and a new decade. I can only hope that i have the strength and the courage to move on and be happy once again. Just like to wish everyone a very merry christmas and a prosperous and fullfilling new year.
HeavenOrHell Posted December 24, 2009 Posted December 24, 2009 Good post That's a comforting thought; "perhaps you will get something different or just as unique but never the same." I like that i will be with family on christmas. a large family and friends on NYE. its not all bad. just work by myself that gets me down. heres a nice lil rant i just typed out. enjoy: its like i believe in that god or whoever you look up to or whatever spiritual guide you believe in gives us chances to make our lives great. we have this fleeting moments where if we grab on and take hold our lives will be different and more fulfilled. i think she was one of those things and i lost it. like the way we met. her friend came to me and said her roomate liked me. i thought she was too hot for me and didnt do anything. 1 full year later the same friend comes and says the same thing. this time i say **** it and take her out. the rest is history. but... when you act selfish, insecure and are scared you can lose these things just as easy and be sure to never get them back again. perhaps you will get something different or just as unique but never the same. and thats hwat i have to hope for. something as that makes me feel the same way again but now know that I have learned from my mistakes and that when these opportunities come, to cherish the moments that you may never have again.
LovelyDaze Posted December 24, 2009 Posted December 24, 2009 Hey McGrupp! Honey, You are growing each and everyday! So proud of you and how far you have come. You probably have already been told by now that sometimes you will feel just fine and other days you will feel pretty s****. Take heart... you just wrote that you "loved her." Past tense. That's a step to use your feelings in the past tense. Not that you should hate her. Of course not. But you should definitely get the romanticized feelings out into the trash bin. Nothing wrong with missing her or even still loving her. That shows what a wonderful person you are to be able to do so. We will all get past these holidays and events and create new and better memories!
soheartbroken Posted December 24, 2009 Posted December 24, 2009 at least i sleep better now, have great moments or hours where i dont think about her, and am off the suicidal tip. This is great progress. I have not gone more than 1 minute without thinking of my ex, and it's been five months for me (and 4 of super strict NC).
tiredofit Posted December 25, 2009 Posted December 25, 2009 Hey McGrupp! Honey, You are growing each and everyday! So proud of you and how far you have come. You probably have already been told by now that sometimes you will feel just fine and other days you will feel pretty s****. Take heart... you just wrote that you "loved her." Past tense. That's a step to use your feelings in the past tense. Not that you should hate her. Of course not. But you should definitely get the romanticized feelings out into the trash bin. Nothing wrong with missing her or even still loving her. That shows what a wonderful person you are to be able to do so. We will all get past these holidays and events and create new and better memories! Very well put and all true
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