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He lied...he treated me like garbage...he's living happily ever after?

mfmf

By mfmf
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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mfmf New Member

mfmf

Posted
Posted

Seriously is there no such thing as karma? Long story..sorry.

 

Summary....ex and I were together for 4 years. Situation is complicated as I'm 10 years older than him, divorced with three kids and he's never been married (when we met I was 35 he was 25 - now 39 and 29). His family strongly objected to our relationship and harassed him relentlessly to end it. They even bought him a Lexus last year as an incentive not to ever speak to me again (he came and picked me up in it the next day lol). He broke up with me a few times over the years...claiming I was the love of his life but long term there was no hope so what was the point - then quickly came back and claimed he didn't care what his family thought. He also cheated on me a few times - begged for forgiveness and stupid me, I did....

 

The most recent official 'break up' happened in June. We continued to talk, and spend time together, and sleep together even though we both were dating other people (him more than me). I was accepting his 'crumbs' in the hopes it would be like the other times and he would change his mind as before.

 

In September he met someone he seemed to be more interested in than the others he was casually dating. We stop seeing each other for a few weeks though we still communicate. I then get a call from him telling me he's 'through with this girl'...he goes on to tell me he's afraid he will never find someone as great as me...blah blah blah. We then spend 7 days/nights together and while we didn't talk specifics, I assume we are once again together. Well, the very next day we were spending the night apart and guess what he did - he went to see this girl. He texted me 'don't freak out, we are just friends'.

 

That weekend he tells me he has plans for a boys weekend a few hours from here...he needs to 'get away'. I texted him that night telling him to 'have fun'. No reply which is unusual. I call him..no answer. I start to worry because again this isn't like him he always has his phone by his side. I call an hour later...no answer. My phone rings, it's him. Only it isn't just him. It's him on speaker telling me he is with THE GIRL and to leave him alone - with her screaming in the background.

 

She proceeds to send me some nasty texts telling me to leave them alone...etc..I didn't reply. I then called him two days later and guess what, he changed his number!

 

He then called me a few days later...tells me he hadn't been honest with me..he and this girl were supposed to be exclusive. She read through his phone and figured out we were still seeing each other and sleeping together and freaked out (uh, yeah duh...that's called cheating!). That she doesn't want him talking to me. Since I didn't have his phone number I sent him an email telling him what an ass he was and that if he was already lying to her at least I now know I'm not the only one he will treat like crap.

 

A few days later COPS ARE AT MY DOOR with a restraining order!!!! I then read through it and literally everything in it is a total lie. There was a hearing scheduled 10 days later. So, I arm myself with my 'evidence' that it's a bunch of crap and show up to court..he's there with HIS MOTHER (who hates me). He pulls me aside and says he's going to withdraw the request. That we can't communicate...and maybe 'someday when this dies down' we can be friends. Oh, yeah right lol.

 

So, here we are ... the court date was Nov 30th...no communication at all since then. I made the mistake of looking @ his facebook page yesterday and there he is - with HER in his profile picture and 'in a relationship'.

 

I miss him like crazy but know in my heart this would never have worked out and he would have continued to hurt me as long as I let him....so it's actually a good thing it's completely over even if it wasn't my idea.

 

What my EGO is having a hell of a time with is that a) he basically picked someone over me...hurt me in an effort to get back into her good graces and b) she was absolutely AWFUL to me via text telling me to 'go away cougar, I'm going to give him everything he's ever wanted in a woman - things you never could like kids'...ouch! She's 33 to his 29 by the way...

 

It also hurts to know he is capable of being in such a serious relationship so soon after ours is over. Sure I've casually dated but I'm in no way ready for that and the thought kind of turns my stomach. So, here I am spending my nights ALONE and him, the liar is happy involved with someone new.

 

I tell myself that he's going to do the same things to her as he did to me (he already did - and she forgave him obviously). But my biggest fear is he will be the person I'd always hoped he would be....just for someone else.

 

It really hurts...really hurts...and doesn't seem to be getting better. I'm doing all of the things I 'should' be doing (exercise...friends....casually dating (not much though)...yet I feel like crap. I always made excuses for him in the past (his parent's pressure, his age) and thought deep down he was a good person who truly loved me. Now I see him for the person my friends have seen him as for a long time - a total selfish, cruel jerk who will do anything and hurt anyone (including me) to get what he wants.

 

Anyone have any words of wisdom? Anything to make me feel better? Is there any hope this is just a rebound (not that I want him back...it's just that 'happily ever after' seems so unfair!)? He's the one who wasn't being honest yet everything goes his way??

LucreziaBorgia Established Member

LucreziaBorgia

Posted
Posted
It also hurts to know he is capable of being in such a serious relationship so soon after ours is over./QUOTE]

 

From what you posted about him, the type of person he is doesn't have a 'happily ever after' - he only ruins them for other people. Just give it time. He'll ruin that relationship too. It sounds like he has some issues that he is avoiding facing by jumping from woman to woman, and it will catch up with him this time too.

 

I hope in time you'll see that you didn't lose him, you gained your freedom from him. There is a huge difference.

  • Like 1
You'reasian Established Member

You'reasian

Posted
Posted
Seriously is there no such thing as karma? Long story..sorry.

 

Summary....ex and I were together for 4 years. Situation is complicated as I'm 10 years older than him, divorced with three kids and he's never been married (when we met I was 35 he was 25 - now 39 and 29). His family strongly objected to our relationship and harassed him relentlessly to end it. They even bought him a Lexus last year as an incentive not to ever speak to me again (he came and picked me up in it the next day lol). He broke up with me a few times over the years...claiming I was the love of his life but long term there was no hope so what was the point - then quickly came back and claimed he didn't care what his family thought. He also cheated on me a few times - begged for forgiveness and stupid me, I did....

 

The most recent official 'break up' happened in June. We continued to talk, and spend time together, and sleep together even though we both were dating other people (him more than me). I was accepting his 'crumbs' in the hopes it would be like the other times and he would change his mind as before.

 

In September he met someone he seemed to be more interested in than the others he was casually dating. We stop seeing each other for a few weeks though we still communicate. I then get a call from him telling me he's 'through with this girl'...he goes on to tell me he's afraid he will never find someone as great as me...blah blah blah. We then spend 7 days/nights together and while we didn't talk specifics, I assume we are once again together. Well, the very next day we were spending the night apart and guess what he did - he went to see this girl. He texted me 'don't freak out, we are just friends'.

 

That weekend he tells me he has plans for a boys weekend a few hours from here...he needs to 'get away'. I texted him that night telling him to 'have fun'. No reply which is unusual. I call him..no answer. I start to worry because again this isn't like him he always has his phone by his side. I call an hour later...no answer. My phone rings, it's him. Only it isn't just him. It's him on speaker telling me he is with THE GIRL and to leave him alone - with her screaming in the background.

 

She proceeds to send me some nasty texts telling me to leave them alone...etc..I didn't reply. I then called him two days later and guess what, he changed his number!

 

He then called me a few days later...tells me he hadn't been honest with me..he and this girl were supposed to be exclusive. She read through his phone and figured out we were still seeing each other and sleeping together and freaked out (uh, yeah duh...that's called cheating!). That she doesn't want him talking to me. Since I didn't have his phone number I sent him an email telling him what an ass he was and that if he was already lying to her at least I now know I'm not the only one he will treat like crap.

 

A few days later COPS ARE AT MY DOOR with a restraining order!!!! I then read through it and literally everything in it is a total lie. There was a hearing scheduled 10 days later. So, I arm myself with my 'evidence' that it's a bunch of crap and show up to court..he's there with HIS MOTHER (who hates me). He pulls me aside and says he's going to withdraw the request. That we can't communicate...and maybe 'someday when this dies down' we can be friends. Oh, yeah right lol.

 

So, here we are ... the court date was Nov 30th...no communication at all since then. I made the mistake of looking @ his facebook page yesterday and there he is - with HER in his profile picture and 'in a relationship'.

 

I miss him like crazy but know in my heart this would never have worked out and he would have continued to hurt me as long as I let him....so it's actually a good thing it's completely over even if it wasn't my idea.

 

What my EGO is having a hell of a time with is that a) he basically picked someone over me...hurt me in an effort to get back into her good graces and b) she was absolutely AWFUL to me via text telling me to 'go away cougar, I'm going to give him everything he's ever wanted in a woman - things you never could like kids'...ouch! She's 33 to his 29 by the way...

 

It also hurts to know he is capable of being in such a serious relationship so soon after ours is over. Sure I've casually dated but I'm in no way ready for that and the thought kind of turns my stomach. So, here I am spending my nights ALONE and him, the liar is happy involved with someone new.

 

I tell myself that he's going to do the same things to her as he did to me (he already did - and she forgave him obviously). But my biggest fear is he will be the person I'd always hoped he would be....just for someone else.

 

It really hurts...really hurts...and doesn't seem to be getting better. I'm doing all of the things I 'should' be doing (exercise...friends....casually dating (not much though)...yet I feel like crap. I always made excuses for him in the past (his parent's pressure, his age) and thought deep down he was a good person who truly loved me. Now I see him for the person my friends have seen him as for a long time - a total selfish, cruel jerk who will do anything and hurt anyone (including me) to get what he wants.

 

Anyone have any words of wisdom? Anything to make me feel better? Is there any hope this is just a rebound (not that I want him back...it's just that 'happily ever after' seems so unfair!)? He's the one who wasn't being honest yet everything goes his way??

 

Try this: take a break from dating.

 

Work on yourself, heal, whatever you need to do. Forget the ex. Next thing you know, you'll be over them, wishing good for them and living your own life doing your own thing.

 

I did it. Worked well.

LovelyDaze Established Member

LovelyDaze

Posted
Posted

Oh my. No, that jerk won't be happy with this person either.

They sound like they BOTH thrive on drama and with you scooting clean out of the way of their s***fest of a "relationship", they will have to face each other in every sense reality will throw at them...and it won't be pretty.

 

Want an example? Check my short story out:

My ex dumps me for an 18 year old (He's 30) and gets engaged after only knowing her TWO WEEKS back in October! So we work together and throws the "joy" in my face occasionally only days later, trying to have dinner with me and every since then texts and calls for me to "Have a Wonderful day! :)"

and dumb juvenile stuff like that.

 

Just a week or two ago, he dumped the fiance' and begged me for another chance. I refused and you know what he does?...Goes back to her and she ACCEPTS! Engagement back on in less than 2 DAYS!

 

Just yesterday, Christmas morning, He gave me a text that read: Hello, Gorgeous! Hope you and your family is having an awesome Xmas!"

 

He's a tool. And so is yours.

 

Just stay 50,000 feet from the two a-holes, don't make contact and don't answer any contacts from them. You'll see. Their relationship is made of dirt, explosives, bulls***, and drama...a pure recipe for disaster.

 

The more you stay in contact with them and fuss and tassel, the more they LOVE it. It heightens their life together since they both don't sincerely love each other as it is. Let them drown in their mess...it is inevitable.

 

Karma IS a bitch..it just takes time. It's funner when they think they are happy and WHAMO!!! one or the other IS going to screw it up somehow and wish they never ever met!

 

We are for you, stay NC from that d***head and his tacky chick. You will see how well you are better off!;)

Woggle Established Member

Woggle

Posted
Posted

That's the way of the world. He has moved on with is life and you would benefit by moving on with yours.

carolinawanderer Established Member

carolinawanderer

Posted
Posted

Okay, wow. A few things-

 

1. Anyone who is going to place a restraining order against you for something like THAT probably has some serious emotional/mental issues.

 

2. This guy obviously does not know what he wants. There's a right way and a wrong way to handle that. He did it totally the wrong way.

 

3. There are forgivable mistakes in a relationship that can be worked on if the couple communicates to each other what's wrong, and steps that can be taken to correct them. With this guy, it sounds like he is probably never going to be "the person you always wanted him to be." To do as much to you as he did takes a pretty crappy person. It's not like he wasn't thinking clearly - when he blatantly lies to you about ANOTHER GIRL, that's a deal-breaker.

 

I know you miss him, but face it - he is probably not going to be what you want. He cheated on you not once, but several times. People are not there simply for your amusement, and he treated you like you were. My advice is to realize you'd never have the life you want with this guy, and move on.

 

Not to mention he tried to get you into legal trouble over nothing but you telling him he was an ass for screwing around behind your back! That's pretty low.

You'reasian Established Member

You'reasian

Posted
Posted (edited)
My ex dumps me for an 18 year old (He's 30) and gets engaged after only knowing her TWO WEEKS back in October! So we work together and throws the "joy" in my face occasionally only days later, trying to have dinner with me and every since then texts and calls for me to "Have a Wonderful day! :)"

and dumb juvenile stuff like that.

 

 

Dating where you work is bad juju. Your case demonstrates this.

Edited by You'reasian
Golfilla Established Member

Golfilla

Posted
Posted
Seriously is there no such thing as karma?

 

Yes, there is such a thing as karma, but you need to give it time and space to work. This guy has ruined his other relationships (not just the one with you), so clearly karma is coming to get him, but it won't work if you're there to pick him up after karma hits him. So here is what you need to do:

 

1. Delete his number from your phone (if you still have it), block his number from calling yours.

 

2. Block him from facebook and email, pretty much block any possible method he has of contacting you. Also block the texts from his current gf. Frankly, I'm surprised you didn't do that after the first one.

 

3. Do what the other poster said about taking a break from dating and working on yourself for a while. Develop some hobby or interest to the point where it becomes a passion and take the view that even if Mr Perfect shows up in the next 6-12 months, you'll probably be unavailable anyway.

 

4. Stick to these things and give it time. The pain won't go away immediately, but in time it WILL subside. You just have to let it.

kittenkit Member

kittenkit

Posted
Posted
Seriously is there no such thing as karma? Long story..sorry.

 

Anyone have any words of wisdom? Anything to make me feel better? Is there any hope this is just a rebound (not that I want him back...it's just that 'happily ever after' seems so unfair!)? He's the one who wasn't being honest yet everything goes his way??

 

I'm so sorry you've been through this. I think anyone reading this can see clearly that there's no way this guy is going to live happily ever after - he is going to heap misery on himself and those around him and from what you say about this girl they thoroughly deserve each other and will heap misery and drama on each other over and over until they break up and wallow in their own misery. (I need a thesaurus - lol)

 

Thank God you're out of it. It sounds to me like the new girl wants you to stick around just for the drama, and I bet he does too. You'd upset both of them by walking away with your head held high, leaving them to their own miserableness.

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