hockeyman80 Posted December 24, 2009 Posted December 24, 2009 Hey everyone. I've been going out with this girl for about 4 months now, our relationship for the most part has been exciting and fun. We're both 20. The problem I've been having though is that she thoroughly enjoys meeting new people and that's fine, but sometimes I'm not sure if her mind wanders. She truly does make me feel like she cares about me and was the one who asked me out, dropped the "L" word, amongst other things. I let her chase me, but I also show that I care back at this point. Back to the mind wandering issue. I trust her as she has been real picky in the past with males and has not had many relationships, although she has lasted a long time in one before. While I was studying for an exam late on the weekend, my girlfriend was gone out to a club with her friends. Unfortunately while going through Facebook ( which really causes a lot of crap, doesn't it? ) saw a picture in which she was in the background and it looked like she was grinding some dude, as she was clearly back on to him. I confronted her about it, didn't lose my cool but told her to explain it, she said she didn't know many people and the dude said he had a girlfriend ( which he doesn't ) so she thought it would be OK to dance with him. That's fine. She got emotional about it, got teary and the sorts. So my gut told me that she was being sincere at the time, although sometimes I'm not too sure. The random dude adds her on Facebook, she waits a week then accepts, but hides the post that says she added him, I guess hoping that I don't see it? I don't understand her reasoning behind this. She hides no other friend requests on her FB. This may be just pure paranoia on my part. Other than this garbage our relationship is fine, any insight?
Javelin Posted December 24, 2009 Posted December 24, 2009 (edited) Other than this garbage our relationship is fine, any insight? How is your relationship fine when your girlfriend is playing within the shade of deceit? If her actions were harmless then she wouldn't have cried when you asked her calmly about that night out. Also, if her actions were harmless, she wouldn't try and hide things from you, especially a guy. At this point, don't be a fool. You should really concentrate on the morality of your girlfriend and decide whether or not you want to waste your time with her. Edited December 24, 2009 by Javelin
Bryanp Posted December 24, 2009 Posted December 24, 2009 Judge a person by their actions and not by their word. Her actions indicate that she is trying to hide this friendship from you. It seems pretty obvious.
Author hockeyman80 Posted December 24, 2009 Author Posted December 24, 2009 How would you deal with it without sounding like a psycho? Most girls these days tend to direct the problem back at you.
lostsunsets Posted December 24, 2009 Posted December 24, 2009 You need to get face to face with her and ask her straight up " Are you being deceitful with me about anyone?" She is sure to ask what you mean. If she asks, you know she is a liar and dump her. She is obviously playing the field with this guy. It may not be serious yet. But she is totally keeping him as a backup and maybe even a replacement. You know she is hiding their relationship.
Author hockeyman80 Posted December 24, 2009 Author Posted December 24, 2009 (edited) Yes, these were my gut instincts too so I'm glad I wasn't seeing this wrong. When I brought up the grinding at the club with this dude, she cried and said she didn't need to defend herself because if I had been there I would have seen that it was harmless. I don't understand how she can be there grinding a dude and still be texting me and saying she wishes that I was there with her and that she misses me? The more I bring things up though, the more I feel like a complete psycho. It obviously took some snooping around on my part to see that she had hid their Facebook friendship from me. I don't know when I should just ignore things and let it go, or when I should step up and confront her about things. I don't think you can confront a person about every single little thing, but I don't want to get played with either. Edited December 24, 2009 by hockeyman80
FryFish Posted December 24, 2009 Posted December 24, 2009 When she is done with your relationship she will indicate it to you by cheating. She wont tell you honestly.
Space Ritual Posted December 24, 2009 Posted December 24, 2009 Sorry this is happening to you, but really she played dumb about the grinding, then hid her friendship with the guy on Facebook. I maintain that Facebook, Myspace and Tagged are relationship Killers. For one, if there is anything wrong in a relationship, the way people conduct themselves there will bring it out. Sadly the person who most needs to know is usually the last to find out So you know that she has been deceitful on at least two occasions. The rule of Three Lies(which is something I try to live by as much as possible in my relationships) states that one lie may involve a misunderstanding. Two, a serious mistake. But a third one(which is bound to happen rather soon as in "honey he is just a friend and I am helping him with his relationship problems") says you are dealing with a downright liar. In that case it is best to get out as soon as possible, because your affections, love, time and money will be wasted on her. She did already kind of set herself up to get caught in the third lie with the "he told me he had a GF". So mark my words, because that whole diatribe about helping him is coming next. It's a pretty played out script, but every generation uses it. I mean after all what if the shoe were on the other foot? would she be so forgiving and unqyuesrtioning of you had it been a pic of you grinding with some hottie bent over in the background? I think not...she would freak out bigtime. She never figured you'd see that pic, man! Spare yourself the heartache. It's only going to go downhill from here and she will accuse you of trying to control her and spy on her at FB. Release her to her destiny
lkjh Posted December 24, 2009 Posted December 24, 2009 Judge her by her actions not her words. When a girls cries over something like this, they are just trying to get sympathy
cody5 Posted January 3, 2010 Posted January 3, 2010 Ahhh... My favorite topic: Clubbing in a committed relationship w/o SO. One day the world will wake up!
imagine Posted January 3, 2010 Posted January 3, 2010 Ahhh... My favorite topic: Clubbing in a committed relationship w/o SO. One day the world will wake up! Yep, Yep, Yeppity yep!
parky-our-zeppelin Posted January 3, 2010 Posted January 3, 2010 1.) She could have hid it so you wouldn't feel weird about it. 2.) But she still should have denied his friend request given what happened. So...it's a problem.
Dexter Morgan Posted January 4, 2010 Posted January 4, 2010 While I was studying for an exam late on the weekend, my girlfriend was gone out to a club with her friends. Unfortunately while going through Facebook ( which really causes a lot of crap, doesn't it? ) saw a picture in which she was in the background and it looked like she was grinding some dude, as she was clearly back on to him. simulating being f####d from behind, directly or otherwise on the dancefloor is not in any way shape or form, harmless. I confronted her about it, didn't lose my cool but told her to explain it, she said she didn't know many people and the dude said he had a girlfriend ( which he doesn't ) so she thought it would be OK to dance with him. so not only did she act like she was having sex on the dancefloor, she lied about him having a girlfriend, as if whether or not that was true made any difference. That's fine. She got emotional about it, got teary and the sorts. BOOM, if she did nothing wrong in her mind, she would be getting all emotional about it. So my gut told me that she was being sincere at the time, although sometimes I'm not too sure. no, if she did nothing wrong, she wouldn't have been crying about it. The random dude adds her on Facebook, she waits a week then accepts, but hides the post that says she added him which in itself is another lie. I guess hoping that I don't see it? I don't understand her reasoning behind this. She hides no other friend requests on her FB. you understand her reasoning behind hiding a guy she acted like was giving her the big stick from the rear on the dancefloor...you just don't want to see it. My guess is that aint all they did that night.
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