TOMan Posted December 24, 2009 Posted December 24, 2009 My MW and I have been in a happy and loving A for a few years. She is reasonably-happily married and will not leave her M because of her kids and because of her H who is also a great dad. But we both have found what we are really looking for in our A. We accept the limitations of the A because they are worth it for the love and the bliss we can give to each other. However, we both have been struggling with our respective jealosies. I am feeling jealous about her H, and I guess that's pretty normal, but still hard to manage at times. But she is also terribly jealous of any woman crossing my path. She gets visibly upset with even normal professional contact I have with attractive women. This jealousy does make me feel constrained and may even limit our ability to fully enjoy and deepen our A relationship. Strangely, we both are not the jealous types, at least have not been such before our A. I guess, the inherent lack of security of an A, as stable as it appears to us and as committted as we are to each other, sets off these feelings of posessiveness and the insecurity that must lie beneath it. Anybody has experience with successfully managing such jealousies on both sides?
whichwayisup Posted December 24, 2009 Posted December 24, 2009 Trust is always going to be an issue because she is betraying and lying, cheating on her husband. Ask yourself is this A really worth it? YOU are getting shafted here and will continue to get shafted as the years pass on by. She's getting the best of BOTH worlds, a home, a husband, her family intact, spending holidays and birthdays with her family, her husband.. You're second fiddle, even though she loves you, she's choosing to do nothing. I know I'm not answering your question here, but I can't see that jealously going away, ever, unless you get the courage and strength to walk away and find that love with someone who is available to offer it to you 24/7.
Peanut9330 Posted December 24, 2009 Posted December 24, 2009 Best way to deal with these kind of issues is to not have an affair.
It_Is_What_It_Is Posted December 24, 2009 Posted December 24, 2009 No sure what you are seeking ... an endorsement of the A?! You guys know better. Ask her to tell her husband and you tell you wife/gf, then the jealousy will cease. Remember, what goes around comes around.
Author TOMan Posted December 24, 2009 Author Posted December 24, 2009 Ladies and Gentlemen, I thought this is a SUPPORT forum. I understand your comments, but they sound a bit like the advice to stop all love in the world so that there would be no more heartbrake, heartache, divorce, war, and so on...
reboot Posted December 24, 2009 Posted December 24, 2009 So your definition of support is for everyone to pat you on the head and tell you everything is going to be OK? Despite the fact that we have here a woman banging two guys and getting jealous if one of them even talks to another woman? Fine. Just hang in there, everything will be OK. Feel better?
whichwayisup Posted December 24, 2009 Posted December 24, 2009 but they sound a bit like the advice to stop all love in the world No, just stopping affairs. Have you thought about what will happen if you two are busted? Do you believe she would choose you over her husband and family? Are you prepared for her to more than likely choose them over you and the affair? To be thrown under the bus, your affair minimized, like it meant nothing? GO read Stampdaddy's threads. Do a site search on his username. Most around here can be harsh..If some are outright rude or call you names, ignore it, or hit the alert us button, let the mods/admin deal with it.
It_Is_What_It_Is Posted December 24, 2009 Posted December 24, 2009 You are asking for opinions/support regarding how to deal with A jealousy resulting from f@@king another man's wife who you say isn't leaving her husband because of the kids and he is a good man. Wake up boy. Not sure anyone in their right mind would clap for you and tell you to continue. Guess what you are looking for is 'Hey dude, you are the man. Keep banging her ... and jealousy will eventually cease' How can you be jealous of her husband? You interfered with the marriage ... don't you understand that? You are twisted in your head. When sh@t hit the fan you will be back here seeking advice on how to deal with the fall out. Goodluck.
outofthedark Posted December 25, 2009 Posted December 25, 2009 This area is starting to look like the infidelity forum.... Too many BS are in here ranting and bashing... lets remember what room we are in, cripes! In response to the topic... There will always be jealousy as you have put yourself into a situation surrounded by secrecy and suspicion. You both want each other, cannot have each other and now are jealous of the others attention. It is going to happen and there really is no way to stop it. Sorry but that is how it is in affairs. You are jealous of attention because yours is so limited. How to turn it off... sigh. Really the only way to turn that off is stop the affair. Go nc or be together but not a split as it is during an affair. You can keep reassuring her as to "help" with the jealousy but ti will never go away.
Lovelybird Posted December 25, 2009 Posted December 25, 2009 You both feel jealous because both of you KNOW that you two are cheating, so at the bottom of your heart you don't really trust each other, you doubt each other's character and integrity. You simply reap what you sow.
pureinheart Posted December 25, 2009 Posted December 25, 2009 This area is starting to look like the infidelity forum.... Too many BS are in here ranting and bashing... lets remember what room we are in, cripes! In response to the topic... There will always be jealousy as you have put yourself into a situation surrounded by secrecy and suspicion. You both want each other, cannot have each other and now are jealous of the others attention. It is going to happen and there really is no way to stop it. Sorry but that is how it is in affairs. You are jealous of attention because yours is so limited. How to turn it off... sigh. Really the only way to turn that off is stop the affair. Go nc or be together but not a split as it is during an affair. You can keep reassuring her as to "help" with the jealousy but ti will never go away. Man this is crazy....in most of these forums I have gotten totally attacked...people never cease to amaze me....most people think that theirs is the only opinion and what they say is it....agree to disagree and be respectful about it.....
mybrowneyedgirl Posted December 25, 2009 Posted December 25, 2009 Agreed. This is a forum for people involved in affairs. Right or wrong affairs happen. Doing something that is wrong does not negate the feelings involved. Its a hard situation all the way around. whether staying or leaving an affair support is necessary to make your way through it and find a solution to the problem. no one in this world deserves to be alone and unsupported, regardless of their actions. to get back to the thread, im sorry this is difficult. i know that when i entered the A i surely had no clue the feelings involved or the issues like this that would be there. i dont know what i thought i was getting myself into, but it sure wasnt this. i spent the majority of my affair without any jealous feelings. i knew he belonged to her and thats where his responsibility should be. towards the end when i realized she always had and always would be the one to hold his heart i felt jealous. jealous of something that was never mine in the first place. its not about them, its about realizing the fact that i am not worth as much to the man who meant everything to me. things were different for him. he was and still is jealous of me and my husband as well as other aspects of life. i guess jealousy sometimes is a normal feeling that comes with these situations. try to think of it objectively. its hard, but step outside of the box and look from the outside. hopefully it can find you some peace.
You'reasian Posted December 25, 2009 Posted December 25, 2009 My MW and I have been in a happy and loving A for a few years. She is reasonably-happily married and will not leave her M because of her kids and because of her H who is also a great dad. But we both have found what we are really looking for in our A. We accept the limitations of the A because they are worth it for the love and the bliss we can give to each other. However, we both have been struggling with our respective jealosies. I am feeling jealous about her H, and I guess that's pretty normal, but still hard to manage at times. But she is also terribly jealous of any woman crossing my path. She gets visibly upset with even normal professional contact I have with attractive women. This jealousy does make me feel constrained and may even limit our ability to fully enjoy and deepen our A relationship. Strangely, we both are not the jealous types, at least have not been such before our A. I guess, the inherent lack of security of an A, as stable as it appears to us and as committted as we are to each other, sets off these feelings of posessiveness and the insecurity that must lie beneath it. Anybody has experience with successfully managing such jealousies on both sides? Manage the jealousies? Are you kidding? Break off the affair and love your wife! There's no other way around it. As far as women crossing your path whom are strictly professional contacts, be transparent with them and her. Let her see your dealings open and clear so that she knows you are strictly business and not fooling around. Love your wife. She loves you.
torranceshipman Posted December 26, 2009 Posted December 26, 2009 Some posters are tryin to help you with a bit of tough love...what you are asking is like saying 'i want to walk in the rain but refuse to use an umbrella. But I'm tired of getting wet. Please tell me what to do, but don't tell me to use an umbrella OR stop walking in the rain. Be logical...ending jealousy means ending the A.
fooled once Posted December 26, 2009 Posted December 26, 2009 This area is starting to look like the infidelity forum.... Too many BS are in here ranting and bashing... lets remember what room we are in, cripes! In response to the topic... There will always be jealousy as you have put yourself into a situation surrounded by secrecy and suspicion. You both want each other, cannot have each other and now are jealous of the others attention. It is going to happen and there really is no way to stop it. Sorry but that is how it is in affairs. You are jealous of attention because yours is so limited. How to turn it off... sigh. Really the only way to turn that off is stop the affair. Go nc or be together but not a split as it is during an affair. You can keep reassuring her as to "help" with the jealousy but ti will never go away. Why are you automatically assuming that the negative responses are from BS's???????
jwi71 Posted December 26, 2009 Posted December 26, 2009 My MW and I have been in a happy and loving A for a few years. She is reasonably-happily married and will not leave her M because of her kids and because of her H who is also a great dad. But we both have found what we are really looking for in our A. We accept the limitations of the A because they are worth it for the love and the bliss we can give to each other. However, we both have been struggling with our respective jealosies. I am feeling jealous about her H, and I guess that's pretty normal, but still hard to manage at times. But she is also terribly jealous of any woman crossing my path. She gets visibly upset with even normal professional contact I have with attractive women. This jealousy does make me feel constrained and may even limit our ability to fully enjoy and deepen our A relationship. Strangely, we both are not the jealous types, at least have not been such before our A. I guess, the inherent lack of security of an A, as stable as it appears to us and as committted as we are to each other, sets off these feelings of posessiveness and the insecurity that must lie beneath it. Anybody has experience with successfully managing such jealousies on both sides? I saw this when originally posted and I have a sense for this but I can't put it into words. Her behavior is deeply conflicted. I think the word is cognitive dissonance. Apologies if I have my pyschobabble wrong. Let me TRY and say what I wish to communicate. I find her behavior very possessive, controlling and hypocritical. It seems "off" to me. If you are single, and it kinda sounds like it, then she is TROUBLE. Its hard to reconcile, in my mind, being a MW having an A and being JEALOUS of your W. See what I mean? And if you aren't M...it just amplifies, to me, some deep and significant issues. Anyway you slice it...she's bad news. If you are single I will tell you what I tell most OW...you are wasting your life. She isn't leaving. If it were that bad at home...she'd be gone. You are now and forever will be nothing more than the "cake". The ONLY possible way she comes to you as a "real partner" is if there is a d-day and her BH divorces her. And in that case you are simply the "default choice" since she got dumped. I would aim higher. Maybe someone smarter than I can expand on what I touching on...apologies for the ill-formed opinions here.
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