LovelyDaze Posted December 24, 2009 Posted December 24, 2009 (edited) Hey everybody, After being very disturbed by a fellow LS member who is very excited about breaking NC & having a "talk" with her ex. I wanted to remind everyone why we are here. We are here for healing, understanding, advice and care. I am saddened that the LS member is right now probably making the biggest mistake of her life. Breaking NC sets you back many,many steps. Steps and time you need to move on with. Don't cling to what WAS. Reach for what IS. Any ex that allows you to bombard them with calls pretending to need closure, stuff and the like is just playing the game with you. No, they do not love you. Love doesn't hurt. Prove that your heart is full of pure love by letting that ex go. Period. Love for yourself is job #1 and imperative to healing. No matter what your ex says after a break up, it is not going to matter. They don't want to be with us anymore and that is the bottom line. It hurts to write that but it is the truest statement I can make. If you keep devising a plan to make your ex jealous, slip into rebounds, call, text, e-mail your ex, drive by their house, "conveniently" show up where they are, and all of that, you are just making it worse. LET GO!!! My ex is leaving for Afghanistan after the new year and we still have to work together a few days up until then. Nah, I already put in for a late vacation so I will shorten our contact by a few days less. But while he is gone over seas, I will continue to work on my healing process and finding the love I seek that is deep inside of me so the next person I meet will get the very best. And YOU deserve the very best too. Let go of your ex...and you will find out! Edited December 24, 2009 by LovelyDaze
alphamale Posted December 24, 2009 Posted December 24, 2009 And YOU deserve the very best too. Let go of your ex...and you will find out! indeed LD, indeed
bluestraps Posted December 24, 2009 Posted December 24, 2009 I was just thinking . If our exes really cared and loved us us wouldnt they have stayed. Would'nt they come back after they realize they miss us. If you want to be with someone you would do whatever it takes. Its really hard to realize that someone that meant so much doesnt feel the same . I dont know how that happens.
p01130 Posted December 24, 2009 Posted December 24, 2009 I was just thinking . If our exes really cared and loved us us wouldnt they have stayed. Would'nt they come back after they realize they miss us. If you want to be with someone you would do whatever it takes. Its really hard to realize that someone that meant so much doesnt feel the same . I dont know how that happens. This is the hardest part for me to have to come to realize..
WTRanger Posted December 24, 2009 Posted December 24, 2009 Sometimes it takes a break to realize that you really don't want that ex out of your life and it makes the relationship stronger. Yes, those are very rare cases and you probably won't see those on LS, due to the nature of this board. Yes, in those success cases BOTH parties had to be willing to work. If one person in the row boat does not want to row then no matter how hard the other person rows, they just end up going in circles. It all boils down to mutual understanding and a healthy two-way road of communication. Which, again, is extremely rare in breakups. There really isn't a success stories section and most of us are on here because all went wrong. Or at least what we "thought" was wrong. However, some of the veteran members can attest to the fact that everything always happens for the greater good. It just takes so long to figure that out sometimes. Sometimes it all boils down to this. If you can open it, it is a door. If you cannot figure out how to open it, it is a wall.
gaudi Posted December 24, 2009 Posted December 24, 2009 Yes, it is without doubt extremely difficult, it's the hardest thing I've ever had to go through anyway. Especially this time of year, but it's because it's Christmas that makes me realise what I have got, A Family who love me very much, a great group of friends who will go out with me/come round to visit me at the drop of a hat, and a whole bunch of people on this website who will listen to me sound off and then tell me exactly what I need to hear. I can see more clearly every day, big THANK YOU to everyone on LS.
HeavenOrHell Posted December 24, 2009 Posted December 24, 2009 Very well said! I was just thinking . If our exes really cared and loved us us wouldnt they have stayed. Would'nt they come back after they realize they miss us. If you want to be with someone you would do whatever it takes. Its really hard to realize that someone that meant so much doesnt feel the same . I dont know how that happens.
Author LovelyDaze Posted December 24, 2009 Author Posted December 24, 2009 Sometimes it all boils down to this. If you can open it, it is a door. If you cannot figure out how to open it, it is a wall. And you can believe my ex is a concrete wall! LOL!
trueblue72ny Posted December 24, 2009 Posted December 24, 2009 its nice when you get a break from seeing your ex. kinda feels like a vacation!
Back2dabasics Posted December 26, 2009 Posted December 26, 2009 i couldn't agree more with what you said, LovelyDaze. Well said.
Kantor Posted December 26, 2009 Posted December 26, 2009 Let go of your ex...and you will find out! But...but...but... I don't want to give up yet!
HLP234 Posted December 26, 2009 Posted December 26, 2009 Well if its an official break up..NC is the only thing to do. Try to think about how you feel and see how upset they have made you..is it worth continuing to cling to them? It seems if you are upset or mad at them, you will forget easier and also if you have someone else or other people to be around with. I have realized that even if its a "break" from each other, you have to pretend it is over, and move on and perhaps if you are getting sick of the wait and are confused..offer an ultimatum. Tell them you can't take this situation anymore..that way it seems like you are the one making a decision and taking some control back. I wish it would just go away and not affect me but everyone says time will do that although it doesn't seem like it. I'm just glad I can ramble on about here, it makes me feel somewhat better and that's a good thing I think.
Author LovelyDaze Posted December 26, 2009 Author Posted December 26, 2009 Yea, guys. I have learned that trying to hold on to something that wants to flee only causes them to wriggle and wry about like a fish out of water. They can and WILL find a way to get away from you. I wish we all can just tell every future dumpee to just smile and say ," OKAY!" the moment they get dumped but we know it is not so easy. I do strongly advise to let that person be free. Keeping them emotionally captive doesn't work. If they want to leave, let them. Convincing them to stay only sets the stage for the inevitable.
mmk1 Posted December 26, 2009 Posted December 26, 2009 I have to agree with these posts. As Caliguy has stated many times, why try and hold on to someone who doesn't want you? As John Wayne also said, "I learned a long time ago to let people be who they want to be." Probably the first time Caliguy and John Wayne have been quoted in the same paragraph, but very similar thoughts. People change and things that we don't like happen. Break-ups are probably the most emotional examples of this. But, and it took me a good year to get to this point, you have to let go for your own sake. IMHO, I believe a dumpee should go NC for 2-3 weeks following being dumped, get their head together and make one final contact if they want to get back with their dumper. If the dumper says no, NC forever after that point as there is nothing left to say. Others may disagree and say total NC and they may be right, but this is just my point of view. When its over, though, don't fight it because you're just fighting with yourself.
HLP234 Posted December 26, 2009 Posted December 26, 2009 Usually by that time, when you have gone NC for 2 to 3 weeks, the other person still has not gotten their head straight, or is "talking" to someone else. If you definitely know its over than just don't sweat it and never talk to them. They know how to get a hold of you if they want to work with you. It may seem rude that you can't be there and be a friend, but they left you, not the other way around. So you are only being rude to yourself by accepting 2nd hand treatment. That just helps them feel less guilty in my opinion, making them get over you so much easier. Its weird how i can sit and give advice like this yet I'm stuck in my own limbo lol. I can never seem to help myself, yet I've always managed to help others..and that to me makes me feel good, its a big difference. I've always given my friends advice and they've taken it seriously. Taking my own advice seriously is harder to do than say.
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