This girl always

[samlife]

My friend stephanie, is the type of person that no matter what she never thinks she did anything wrong. We have had major problems in the relationship, and i've tried to end it 2 times. But she always says a friendship is like a missile both ppl have to turn the key to end it all. But it bothers me so much that she never thinks she is wrong even when she finally see's i'm right she still wont admit it. She is always asking me for advice and i give it to her, but she never takes it, does what she wants anyway and then when a guy hurts her or she's in trouble or whatever i'm the one she comes too.

Today however I had been really sad, so I wanted to hangout really badly, and i had invited her to hangout, but later found out i wouldn't have the car because my brother asked to borrow it because his was in the shop. so I said never mind, but i expressed how upset it made me because i really needed to hangout with someone.

 

Then later on in the day i was texting her friend, and she said they were at the mall hanging out. so it kind of bothered me that she didn't invite me, knowing that i really really needed to hangout with someone, so i asked her straight up, via text and she had the nerve to say " I don't know what your talking about" like i would actually believe she wasn't hanging out with her friend.... so I got angry, like what the hell do i look like stupid? I was really mad that she would try and fool me. So i told her i knew she was with her friend and asked why she didn't invite, and all i was expecting was oh sorry it was last minute you know... or any dumb thing but at least admit she was wrong for trying to act like she didn't know what i was talking about! Then i got more upset because i had been clearly and calmly just telling her it bothered me, and she started acting like i was over reacting, and mad me out to be the bad guy

 

ANYBODY PLEASE GIVE ME YOUR HONEST INPUT PLEASE!!! AND WHAT SHOULD I DO ABOUT THE FRIENDSHIP? AM I WRONG FOR FEELING MAD?

[Peaceful Guy]

ANYBODY PLEASE GIVE ME YOUR HONEST INPUT PLEASE!!! AND WHAT SHOULD I DO ABOUT THE FRIENDSHIP? AM I WRONG FOR FEELING MAD?

 

your not wrong for feeling mad, but it doesn't make you right either. those feelings do not give you permission to behave however you want. that may sound harsh, but you have to know that. moving on..

 

My friend stephanie, is the type of person that no matter what she never thinks she did anything wrong.

 

that can be frustrating.

 

We have had major problems in the relationship, and i've tried to end it 2 times. But she always says a friendship is like a missile both ppl have to turn the key to end it all. But it bothers me so much that she never thinks she is wrong even when she finally see's i'm right she still wont admit it.

 

okay, she might have been trying to keep you from leaving a situation she feels is healthy. by that, i mean if she thinks you want out of the relationship because of how you feel about yourself, not her, than she would be sticking up for you by keeping you in the relationship. that's confusing.. but possible.

 

But it bothers me so much that she never thinks she is wrong even when she finally see's i'm right she still wont admit it.

 

she should not have to "admit" that she is wrong. apologize, maybe, but that is different. people should apologize when they feel they have hurt someone else and would like to be forgiven. but, you do not have to wait for someone to apologize to forgive them.. and that is a beautiful thing!

 

She is always asking me for advice and i give it to her, but she never takes it, does what she wants anyway and then when a guy hurts her or she's in trouble or whatever i'm the one she comes too.

 

okay.. she depends on you. she is your friend. she believes in you.. but she is her own person. she needs to be able to make her own decisions, and that means sometimes making mistakes. i don't always agree with the decisions that my friends make, but i have learned it is still my responsibility to be at peace with them.

 

Today however I had been really sad, so I wanted to hangout really badly, and i had invited her to hangout, but later found out i wouldn't have the car because my brother asked to borrow it because his was in the shop. so I said never mind, but i expressed how upset it made me because i really needed to hangout with someone.

 

its okay to be upset. and its okay to be sad sometimes. you can ask your friends for help, but it is not their responsibility to fix your feelings. if you ask them for help, and they do not feel they can help you, they might choose to not be with you.. and that is okay. you want her to make her own decisions.. that's part of being a good friend.. just a reminder.

 

Then later on in the day i was texting her friend, and she said they were at the mall hanging out. so it kind of bothered me that she didn't invite me, knowing that i really really needed to hangout with someone, so i asked her straight up, via text and she had the nerve to say " I don't know what your talking about" like i would actually believe she wasn't hanging out with her friend.... so I got angry, like what the hell do i look like stupid?

 

there are trust issues here. you do not have permission to treat her poorly because of how you feel she has treated you. these feeling are going to be resolved internally, not externally.. look within yourself to find freedom from the negativity that is hurting you.

 

So i told her i knew she was with her friend and asked why she didn't invite, and all i was expecting was oh sorry it was last minute you know... or any dumb thing but at least admit she was wrong for trying to act like she didn't know what i was talking about! Then i got more upset because i had been clearly and calmly just telling her it bothered me, and she started acting like i was over reacting, and mad me out to be the bad guy

 

well, you guys are having trouble communicating. i think you both need some space. and if time doesn't resolve these feelings then you need to forgive and move on. you don't have to wait to forgive her though.. and you should think about the things that you would like to apologize for. both of you have stuff you can work on.. and your job is to worry about the things that you can work on... not what she can work on.

 

okay, whew.. that was alot. i get the sense that you are deep down a very gentle person. get back to that, it suits you! as far as this other stuff.. really, forgive forgive forgive.. her, yourself, whatever made you upset earlier.. let it go.. in the best way possible. and please, have a happy holiday!

Edited December 25, 2009 by Peaceful Guy

[samlife]

Thank you so much! This was all excellent! Thank you really!

[samlife]

So this girl again my "friend" stephanie as i said in my first post months ago, we are good friends but we had a fight back in late october that made it so we didn't speak til late november and ever since then I feel like it has never been the same, like she really has no interest in the friendship because before we wouldn't go a day without atleast texting, now after that fight we'd go weeks without talking over little fights, and then we'd both say sorry and be friends again for a short period of time. I should say we are both very stubborn, our tempers often clash and we end up hurting eachother, our fights are always the same i'll text her and she'll reply with a cold short answer usually ending with som "...'s" I.E. I'll say I love ya steph your an amazing friend, and depending on the day i'll get one back, or i'll get " hmm interesting...." or " oh haha" which really hurts my feelings alot.

 

Ever since the initial fight, we had little ones but had another almost 3 weeks of no talking over a fight, and after that we'd talk for a day fight not talk for a week or two

the fights are always the same like i said i try to talk to her about how i feel, how i feel that she doesn't want to be friends anymore that she doesn't talk to me anymore.. etc etc and she'll get mad and not even talk about it.. she's the type that loves to ignore problems and pretend everything is fine.

 

I have caught her in lies a few times also. I'll text her or something and she wont text back, so i'll text her.. " are you mad?" and she'll say " nooo?" so i ask "then why aren't you replying?" and she wont respond again for hours, then usually she'll ignore the question and the next day say she fell asleep, when i had been texting her friend who said they had been hanging out the whole day..

 

Another big problem is that she is the kind that replaces friends if they make her mad or something like that, she has a friend named carlos that she was first friends with just kinda, then they fought and they stopped talking.. this was back when me and her were best friends, then after we fought the second time big.. they became friends again because she was trying to replace me. and now they are like her and i used to be..

 

What hurts the most for example, we went to the movies about a week and a half ago to try and fix the friendship and as i was talking to her she just started texting him and just saying mhmm while i talked.. then she said let me show you something and it was a video of him and her having a blast and it was like she ripped out my heart and stomped on it.. because it was like she was showing me, look this is my new best friend...

 

I then stopped talking for the rest of the time till half way through the movie when i got myself together but the whole time she didn't even care she just sat next to me texting with her feet up on the chair..

 

PLEASE someone give me advice on what to do with her i love her because of all we've been through i wish things were like before, and she says so too, but she never show's it or tries to fix things

 

Help me anyone! what should i say to her?

oh and i should mention that since i caught her in a lie like 3 days ago she had said she was looking for jobs at 8 at night and it was a lie because her friend said they were at her house the whole time.. i lost it and told her i was done with the friendship because she obviously didn't care.

 

Please help me!!

[dispatch3d]

She is always asking me for advice and i give it to her, but she never takes it, does what she wants anyway and then when a guy hurts her or she's in trouble or whatever i'm the one she comes too.

 

Girls vent by talking about their problems. Just because she has a problem and is talking to you doesn't even mean she's looking for a solution. She probably just wants you to listen to her.

 

Just because you do this for her doesn't mean she's automatically going to do the same for you. Or come at your beck and call everytime you're having an "emotional crisis". I mean I'm not the guy girls rag on their problems about because it annoys the hell out of me. Especially if it's about some guy. I don't care and she's got girlfriends for that. Stop trying to "catch her in lies". Seriously man girls tell little fibs all the time. Stop putting so much of yourself into this friendship. You aren't dating the girl there's no reason to be emotionally attached. I bet if she was a guy you wouldn't get all pissy everytime your guy friend didn't hang out during your emotional crisis.

 

I would just do fun things with her and not focus on the negatives. At the movie I would have just stated in an even tone that it's rude to be texting while I talk to you. She probably didn't even realize how rude it is.

[StarrySkyBlue]

I think she's the carefree, fun-loving type who isn't looking for the same level of 'deep connection' or 'caring' that you'd like. She wants to hang out with you and have a good time. Maybe she's not a good listener, but that's just who she is. People are different. I don't think she's the kind of friend you'll ever establish deep connections with, though. You're on different wavelengths.

[princehole]

It is a simple natural system.If u feel some body is taking care of you and can at least give you the sympathy then you will also cry and be pampered in front of them, so in the same way naturally wife is taken care bye husband so see feels protective i front of him so cries. In the same way children cry more because they are more protected by their elders and parents.

[jayrenee]

she seems selfish. personally id cuss her out tell her every single feeling you were feeling when you found out she did that to you. then never call/text or respond to her again. it will probably driver her crazy. i dont understand how people can so blatenly be so self absorbed.

[samlife]

Lol jayrenee i'm with you on this, i actually did this and didn't talk to her anymore, she really took my friendship for granted

[alphamale]

AND WHAT SHOULD I DO ABOUT THE FRIENDSHIP?

this stepanie chick is not your true friend