heartbr0ken1 Posted December 24, 2009 Posted December 24, 2009 My boyfriend and I have been together for a while and he moved in last month. We got into a lot of fights, because he started spending a lot of time with the girl he cheated on me with which also is his baby's mama. I know, I know you all are probably asking why take someone back after they cheated on you? I always give people the benefit of the doubt, but I'm pretty sure he was sleeping with her when he spent time there. She is very needy and protective and constantly calls him for every little thing. That is where our fights started getting out of control. So one day he comes home and gets some of his stuff and leaves for the night. I told him if he is going to spend the night out then it's best he stay at her house for good (I'm 99% sure he stayed with her). So he starts moving his stuff out when I'm not home, so one day we cross paths and I finally asked what the hell is going on? So he mumbles break and runs down the stairs. He then sends me a long text saying how "we need some space to work things out" and "I need to get myself together before I can be good to anyone" I know things were getting bad with the fighting and all, but I do miss him. All this happens right before the holidays and a few days before my birthday. He is the only person I really know out here ( I moved out of state) so that makes it much harder. How can I get such an already stressful time and a breakup too?? Why do guys always use the space thing. That always means the same thing from what I've experienced. I'm not holding my breath......
LovelyDaze Posted December 24, 2009 Posted December 24, 2009 My boyfriend and I have been together for a while and he moved in last month. We got into a lot of fights, because he started spending a lot of time with the girl he cheated on me with which also is his baby's mama. I know, I know you all are probably asking why take someone back after they cheated on you? I always give people the benefit of the doubt, but I'm pretty sure he was sleeping with her when he spent time there. She is very needy and protective and constantly calls him for every little thing. That is where our fights started getting out of control. So one day he comes home and gets some of his stuff and leaves for the night. I told him if he is going to spend the night out then it's best he stay at her house for good (I'm 99% sure he stayed with her). So he starts moving his stuff out when I'm not home, so one day we cross paths and I finally asked what the hell is going on? So he mumbles break and runs down the stairs. He then sends me a long text saying how "we need some space to work things out" and "I need to get myself together before I can be good to anyone" I know things were getting bad with the fighting and all, but I do miss him. All this happens right before the holidays and a few days before my birthday. He is the only person I really know out here ( I moved out of state) so that makes it much harder. How can I get such an already stressful time and a breakup too?? Why do guys always use the space thing. That always means the same thing from what I've experienced. I'm not holding my breath...... By all means...don't hold your breath. He is in the middle of a teeter-totter with you and his baby's mother. DON'T play this game with him. Just let him have his so-called space. And you already know in your gut that it isn't space from a relationship, but space from YOU! Take it with a bitter spoonful but definitely swallow that fact. I feel bad that you have moved from your other state to be with this clod. Do you work and have co-workers you can talk to? I don't know how close you are to your home state but maybe it'll do you some good to go back home to visit if you can. You need people who love you right now more than anything. If not, we are always here at LS. So vent whenever you need to.
Kantor Posted December 24, 2009 Posted December 24, 2009 By all means...don't hold your breath. He is in the middle of a teeter-totter with you and his baby's mother. DON'T play this game with him. Just let him have his so-called space. And you already know in your gut that it isn't space from a relationship, but space from YOU! Take it with a bitter spoonful but definitely swallow that fact. I feel bad that you have moved from your other state to be with this clod. Do you work and have co-workers you can talk to? I don't know how close you are to your home state but maybe it'll do you some good to go back home to visit if you can. You need people who love you right now more than anything. If not, we are always here at LS. So vent whenever you need to. Well said, it sounds like this break will be good for you too. I think its time to rebuild your life and find a guy who will treat you with the respect you deserve. We're here for you!
Author heartbr0ken1 Posted December 24, 2009 Author Posted December 24, 2009 Thank you guys for the replies! I'm throwing myself a pity party, because I am not able to fly back home for the holidays so it makes it that much harder to spend them alone and then have a breakup at the same time. I'm trying to just remember that life goes on and I do deserve better. I did text him to get some things out, but I know that isn't helping. He is acting so weird. Just I do no contact? He keeps coming here to get the last bit of his stuff so that is the only time I would have to break it. I just feel so unloved and depressed and I know things can only get better. Anyone have tips to get me going and see the light at the end of the tunnel????
Kantor Posted December 24, 2009 Posted December 24, 2009 Anyone have tips to get me going and see the light at the end of the tunnel???? Time... it brings closure we need. Tis' a hard time for all of us right now. Im sitting here playing the what if game... What if my ex texts me happy holidays, do i respond, what if she doesn't contact me at all (most likely the case). The holidays are hard for all of us, just try to stay busy. Do things for you, work on making yourself a better person so you can heal and move on. When you're down, come here and vent, we all do it! As far as the NC goes, Im not one to give advise, as I normally don't listen to the same advice given. I've broken NC a couple times and each time while I do feel better I said what I felt needed to be said it also brings a lot of pain with it. Currently I am in NC for me. I can't allow myself to contact her just to get shot down again. She knows where I stand, I'm not playing the game how far will he go to show he loves me. I've said what I needed to say, she knows how to contact me if she so pleases. Ok.. so sorry for rambleing on! Happy Holidays, were here for you! *Hugs*
adamt Posted December 24, 2009 Posted December 24, 2009 unfortunately there is no fast track to moving. you just have to get through it, stay mentally strong, stay as busy as possible, hook up with old friends, take up new hobbies and interests. do physical activities. you will hit rock bottom but hang in there and stay NC and you will begin to rebuild yourself. just be selfish and do things you want to do. you wil have good and bad day, but try to take little steps forward. if you feel like crying then dont be afraid to let it all out the only comfort I can give is it will get better. I broke up back in may/june, i found it devastating. but the last month or so i have began dating and found someone i would like to take thigns further and some other girl is interested too. just let time heal you but work on yourself and make yourself a happy and interesting person to be around and you will meet someone else. dont feel you have to rush into antoher relationship
Author heartbr0ken1 Posted December 26, 2009 Author Posted December 26, 2009 I just started the NC rule today and he has been sending me Merry Christmas texts all day. I feel bad, but I also have to remember what a douche he was to walk out on me. God give me strength to get through this day!
CentralJersey Posted December 26, 2009 Posted December 26, 2009 Stay strong with NC. I'm on day 3 of my breakup...and we had no problems at all as far as I know. She told me she 'wasnt into it anymore'. The conversation was so quick and I was so shocked...and 2.5 years was done in 10 minutes. There are definitely some things I want to say...but if she can so easily end something great so quickly, then it wont matter what I say. I've also gone through all the 'what ifs' and am sure that I'll be going through them for a few weeks. The good thing is that all the what ifs end the same...no reason to talk to her....
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