b52s Posted December 23, 2009 Posted December 23, 2009 (edited) Is the. "I got a lot of things going on right now work, I just don't have time to date" Then , a week later, she has a new boyfriend. You know what I'm talkin' about fellas, right? The AGE old rhetoric that's unoriginal as all get out, and you just heard it for the 100th time from the lucky last gal you dated....you finally feel like screaming! LOL Or just holding up your hand to her face and go, "I don't wanna hear it" and walk away. This post is in lieu of a male late 30's male friend of mine who had something exclusive going on a with a woman, they hit it off really well, dated and she even invited him to her family Thanksgiving dinner (just to give you an idea of how serious it was getting) Then, one day, she stops returning is calls/texts and emails....then she finally gives him "The excuse" and then about a week later...see's shes "In a relationshiph with John Doe" he gets ticked, and boots her off his friends list. So...that being said...how many find this 1. Unacceptable and you would have a right to be ticked? 2. Are so used to this that it doesn't bother you anymore? Insert 3 if you find this to be anything else but unacceptable? I was wondering though, by the time the 100th woman gives us this age old excuse.....should we say something like "Do you expect me to buy that??" LOL I mean.......really?! Edited December 23, 2009 by b52s
alphamale Posted December 23, 2009 Posted December 23, 2009 I was wondering though, by the time the 100th woman gives us this age old excuse.....should we say something like "Do you expect me to buy that??" LOL I mean.......really?! when two people are dating either party has the right to split at anytime and for any reason... thats just the way it is. if you're a man you have to keep your woman and vice versa.
Peaceful Guy Posted December 23, 2009 Posted December 23, 2009 Is the. "I got a lot of things going on right now work, I just don't have time to date" well, in my experience its not just girls that have this attitude. sometimes its.. I got a lot of things going on right now work, I just don't have time to dance, chill, talk, be there for you! :laugh:" and, that's okay to some extent. i get frustrated when people act like that's a part of being an adult. well, im an adult too, and i found time. i still find time, and i never tell people i don't have time for this or that.. unless i really don't. people that take this approach to explaining their situation to other might really believe that its true.. but its a clear sign of putting themselves, or probably more realistically, their goals in life, before others. oh well, clearly, obviously, too truly.. its time to move on.. but that's hard sometimes, and it can hurt a little as well.. "i know its nothing personal, but you choosing to spend time with them instead of me.. well.. it kind of hurt.. as a person."
DustySaltus Posted December 23, 2009 Posted December 23, 2009 It's a pretty weak excuse, especially if she is unemployed. But you dust yourself off and step up your game for the next one.
Author b52s Posted December 23, 2009 Author Posted December 23, 2009 It's a pretty weak excuse, especially if she is unemployed. But you dust yourself off and step up your game for the next one. "Step up your game" LOL....funny.
WTRanger Posted December 23, 2009 Posted December 23, 2009 They weren't exclusive, so she just chose another guy. Sure, she did it in a spineless way, but that's life. In case you haven't noticed, most people hate confrontations and will do anything to save their own skin. Why would he keep her on Facebook? I'd do the same thing! I'm not looking for anymore friends, so good day to you madam and I hit delete. The sissy nice guy who is will to settle for "just friends" would keep her on his Facebook account. The guy who knows what he wants deletes her.
D-Jam Posted December 24, 2009 Posted December 24, 2009 Frankly, I see it as she's not interested, but has no backbone to come clean and say it. Or she'll imagine that she's busy in her life, but would gladly drop it all and free up loads of time for another guy that excites her. I've been there too. I've let it get to me, but later I just learned not to respect that woman or even associate with her. It's amazing even when these women try to make me their "friend" after they basically lie to me. Meh...best to ignore it, walk away, and know you should not respect or trust this woman. Leave her be to whatever fate has planned for her.
D-Lish Posted December 24, 2009 Posted December 24, 2009 When someone says they are busy or have a lot going on- it's their way of saying they aren't interested. When you are really digging someone, you will make time to see them- no matter how tired you are, how much you have going on- you will make space for them in your life. That's the bottom line.
alphamale Posted December 24, 2009 Posted December 24, 2009 When someone says they are busy or have a lot going on- it's their way of saying they aren't interested. When you are really digging someone, you will make time to see them- no matter how tired you are, how much you have going on- you will make space for them in your life. That's the bottom line. indeed D-Lish
Okeydokey Posted December 24, 2009 Posted December 24, 2009 Honesty about not being interested doesn't work. Last year, I told two guys flat out: I'm really just not interested (had decided to take a new approach). One became way more persistent and was convinced that it was a playing hard to get move. The other was pissed. At least with the fade out move, no one has a right to be pissed - in theory you're not entitled to anything (even an explanation) if you're still at the "I just LOVE being single" stage.
TheBigQuestion Posted December 24, 2009 Posted December 24, 2009 When someone says they are busy or have a lot going on- it's their way of saying they aren't interested. When you are really digging someone, you will make time to see them- no matter how tired you are, how much you have going on- you will make space for them in your life. That's the bottom line. These are lessons I wish I had learned before January 2009.
D-Jam Posted December 24, 2009 Posted December 24, 2009 Honesty about not being interested doesn't work. Last year, I told two guys flat out: I'm really just not interested (had decided to take a new approach). One became way more persistent and was convinced that it was a playing hard to get move. The other was pissed. At least with the fade out move, no one has a right to be pissed - in theory you're not entitled to anything (even an explanation) if you're still at the "I just LOVE being single" stage. I understand, and it's a shame too many guys think "no" means "try harder". It's even worse the women out there who really do use "no" as "try harder"...it thus puts the message into guys to keep pushing and make her "cave in"...thus those who don't do that get the lies. Such a messed up scenario this dating thing has become. It's why both sides have to get a big cold now. Women just have to coldly say the truth and even become a little bit of a bitch when he just won't back off...and men need to just be cold and walk when they see it's not a "yes" or even a positive "maybe". I dunno...I'm just very cut and dry on things.
alphamale Posted December 24, 2009 Posted December 24, 2009 I dunno...I'm just very cut and dry on things. look D-J, what it comes down to is if two people are genuinely attracted to each other they WILL hook up and there will be a minimum of games. the proof is that you take a look around you and see all the couples.
TheBigQuestion Posted December 24, 2009 Posted December 24, 2009 Honesty about not being interested doesn't work. Last year, I told two guys flat out: I'm really just not interested (had decided to take a new approach). One became way more persistent and was convinced that it was a playing hard to get move. The other was pissed. At least with the fade out move, no one has a right to be pissed - in theory you're not entitled to anything (even an explanation) if you're still at the "I just LOVE being single" stage. It's very presumptuous of you to say that no one has a right to be pissed. Any time a person leads another person on or is less than clear about his/her intentions, that person is doing something wrong. Your honest approach is the right one, regardless of the results you get. Yeah, I may get pissed, but if some girl that I had been seeing still unofficially had decided she didn't want to see me anymore, I'd rather hear it straight out than have any sort of mind game or "fade-out" occur. I'd appreciate the straightforwardness, as would anyone who isn't completely out of their mind. That just reeks of cowardice and is something I vow to never do to anyone (nor have I yet).
Author b52s Posted December 24, 2009 Author Posted December 24, 2009 It's very presumptuous of you to say that no one has a right to be pissed. Any time a person leads another person on or is less than clear about his/her intentions, that person is doing something wrong. Your honest approach is the right one, regardless of the results you get. Yeah, I may get pissed, but if some girl that I had been seeing still unofficially had decided she didn't want to see me anymore, I'd rather hear it straight out than have any sort of mind game or "fade-out" occur. I'd appreciate the straightforwardness, as would anyone who isn't completely out of their mind. That just reeks of cowardice and is something I vow to never do to anyone (nor have I yet). Yeah, it's one thing if it's a brief online dating encounter....where they "disappear" But it's another if you're ACTIVELY seeing each other...then pull that crap. Then they use the, "I have a right to change my mind" line....of course you have a right to be an inconsiderate "you know what", but the consequences of your actions will cause people to DISLIKE you.
silic0ntoad Posted December 24, 2009 Posted December 24, 2009 Agreed. If you are seeing someone, I would say they earn an explanation on a 3rd date. And not some horsesh*t explanation. A true, honest explanation. Spinelessness and cowardness is what is demolishing the dating world and relationships in general.
Author b52s Posted December 24, 2009 Author Posted December 24, 2009 Agreed. If you are seeing someone, I would say they earn an explanation on a 3rd date. And not some horsesh*t explanation. A true, honest explanation. Spinelessness and cowardness is what is demolishing the dating world and relationships in general. Right, I believe if you have gotten to a certain POINT in a relationship...and you pull that crap on me...I'd ask for an explanation. Before that, when I was talking to my friend, I asked him how thing were going with her and him...and he goes, "well, we hadn't been talking much lately...she's been busy with work and all." I shook my head and just new what was about to happen. lol LIttle did he know.
DustySaltus Posted December 24, 2009 Posted December 24, 2009 With the way technology has developed these days you are lucky if you actually hear a voice when someone cowardly evades you. People hardly ever break up in person. Some people do it on the phone or via text or via email or the dreaded facebook......"is no longer in a relationship", before you even know what's going on. And it's a no win situation because if you call these people out on their bs, they make you look like YOU are the crazy one for not easily accepting their decision. IMO it's all about the principle, but it's so easy to throw them out the window when you know that you aren't going to see them anymore...
silic0ntoad Posted December 24, 2009 Posted December 24, 2009 Yeah, this is exactly why I always give a reason. If you tell me what you think is wrong with me, I may be angry or upset, but I'll respect you more for it, and won't consider taking wayward paths to avoid you in the future.
phineas Posted December 24, 2009 Posted December 24, 2009 Yeah, i'm a cut my losses & run kinda guy. The only time I tried to hang onto a woman was when my wife cheated on me. I've given up that fight & getting a divorce. I'm not dateing but i've been meeting women who want to be my friend & I suspect it's only because i'm single & their trying to stake their claim for when I feel like dateing again. i'm very lazy about contacting them though. They usually intitate & now I understand when one sounded annoyed when I said I was very busy this week. But, I explained what was keeping me busy. Kids, cutting fire wood, repainting kitchen cabinets, holiday parties. ect. The few times I broke up with a woman I told her the reasons why. Too possessive, found out they used cocaine, got pissed if I hung out with the guys once a week ect. I never insulted them with "I need space" or "i'm too busy" then ignored them. Maybe that's why I expect the same.
D-Jam Posted December 24, 2009 Posted December 24, 2009 look D-J, what it comes down to is if two people are genuinely attracted to each other they WILL hook up and there will be a minimum of games. the proof is that you take a look around you and see all the couples. I agree. I just think a lot of women and men could avoid much of the trouble in dating if they used less gray area and be more black and white. Women should just come clean and ignore the little boys who can't take it...and men should learn to walk rather than persist.
Author b52s Posted December 24, 2009 Author Posted December 24, 2009 Some quotes from a friend of mine: "Making excuses–whether conscious or unconscious–may be the number-one reason for people’s poor character development, and therefore the perpetual and futile attempt to realize their ideal future - their success." "Nothing is easier than making excuses. Nothing is harder than taking responsibility."
PandaStillLovesBunny Posted December 24, 2009 Posted December 24, 2009 If she can't be honest with you, she's not worth your time.
Monster Posted December 25, 2009 Posted December 25, 2009 (edited) I'm always straight with men I date because I would never want to mislead someone since I know how hurtful that can be. I do my best to communicate and avoid sending mixed signals. Also, I like closure (as in don't just disappear off the face of the planet if you decide after several dates that I'm not for you). Finally, I can't stand games and I won't play. I once met a man at a friend's birthday party. We really hit it off and seemed to click. We spent hours and hours hanging out together at the party laughing, and joking, and discussing all sorts of things about our lives. During the party, he invited me out to breakfast the next morning, and I was so excited because I was really enjoying getting to know him. We had a nice breakfast, which turned into hanging out all day talking, and then later having dinner. A couple of days later he calls to see if I would like to go to dinner. I tell him I'd love to. We go out, have a great time, and he tells me how much fun he has with me, how pretty I am, etc. After dinner we go back to his house, watch some TV, and then make out. Everything was wonderful. Then, I don't hear anything from him for many days. This seemed odd given the pace that things were moving at. Finally, I conclude that he's not interested for whatever reason, but doesn't have the courage to just say so. I had left my watch at his house, so I sent him a message asking him when I could come pick it up. He asked if anything was up. I told him that given that I hadn't heard from him in many days and that we had no plans to meet again, that I figured he was no longer interested and that I should pick up my watch. He said that he was interested and asked if I wanted to hang out that day. I go to his place and he tells me how he hadn't expected to meet me, he wasn't looking for anyone, he really likes me, feels like we just clicked, is really enjoying getting to know me, and wants to continue to get to know me, but he just broke up with his girlfriend of two years the weekend we met and he wasn't sure it was over. He apologized for not telling me sooner, said that he still wanted to see me, and that he felt it was only fair to tell me this now. Despite the fact that I hadn't known him very long, I was hurt by this. I wish he had been upfront about his situation sooner. He had numerous opportunities to disclose where he was at as we had talked about past relationships and dating. M-ster Edited December 25, 2009 by Monster
Recommended Posts