name witheld Posted December 23, 2009 Posted December 23, 2009 Well I'm in NC with ex (now calling her that lol) and have been so for less than a week. Long story but we have been broken up nearly four months and it became final last week. Since then we have not contacted each other and i have been getting on with my life. Tonight I get a text from her asking to drop off a xmas present but I have not replied yet. Then the house phone rings and i almost picked it up but recognised her number. I didn't answer because I don't know what to do about the text!! And now she is phoning mobile - right now... So what do i do?
Artist Posted December 23, 2009 Posted December 23, 2009 What is the deal on being broke up for 4 months but now it is final? What does that mean?
Author name witheld Posted December 24, 2009 Author Posted December 24, 2009 Story is in my other posts but I will summarise: Broke up in August Went through initial break up phase ie talking, reasoning etc - no begging though! I decided to go with LC but keep at distance. Didn't seem to work so I considered NC but she kept in touch We started spending a lot of time together and went out to parties, cinema etc. Stayed over at each others place, had sex a few times. Things seemed to progress, although through this she wasn't 'right'. Then it comes to a head and she backs off, says we shouldn't be seeing each other so I initiate NC. Few days later she gets in touch with a practical reason for us to see each other, so i help her out but then maintain NC. She gets in touch again a week or so later with another reason to come round. Im busy but she comes the next day, stays 5 hours. Then there is more contact coming from her so we go back into LC We more or less repeat other LC, hanging out, sex etc then it comes to a head. So we talk this time and thats it all out in the open, this time its final. So I initiate NC, tell her we can't see each other. So again she contacts. When its written down like this its so obvious! What I meant by final was that it was on-off for 3 months and during that time I wanted to sit down with her and talk but we didn't. So when we had final talk it was a relief.
bluestraps Posted December 24, 2009 Posted December 24, 2009 Wow what a breakup. My ex hates me as far as I know ...
Author name witheld Posted December 24, 2009 Author Posted December 24, 2009 It was tempting to agree to her dropping off present, but because of the previous trend it is just not enough to break NC for. I have accepted the situation and let go so i don't want to reverse that progress by seeing her! So I text her back this morning basically saying its too soon to see her, thats why I didn't answer and to hold on to xmas present. So no reply back, which is good. But I doubt thats the last I will hear from her. Hopefully though by the time I do hear from her I will be fully healed and then I can see what the present is!
Author name witheld Posted December 24, 2009 Author Posted December 24, 2009 I know blue, it is a weird one. Strange because its the kind of breakup the dumpee typically wants. But I did not want it to be this way, I thought we were progressing. You are probably in a better place, I have suffered a lot through this. I have healed slightly I mean its now 4 months! But obviously would be more healed had that been 4 months of NC. In another sense though the discussion we had helped me a lot as it answered some questions that had been building up. I don't think we went 2 weeks without contact. Although its important to add I had an accident recently and she was really worried so i think thats what sparked off the last round.
Angel1111 Posted December 24, 2009 Posted December 24, 2009 I think it was a mistake to tell her to hold the present. You should've just continued to ignore her. Now it sounds like you're willing to see her in the next couple of weeks. This relationship isn't going to work out because it's too troubled - for whatever reason.
HLP234 Posted December 25, 2009 Posted December 25, 2009 Did she break up with you or did you break it off with her? If you chose and accepted NC and moved on already, and she broke up with you..than you don't owe her anything. If she hurt you than she has to realize it and just move on herself. If this is the case, it will take some change on her part, well not really change because I've learned no one will change themselves for someone else but more likely, just adapt and choose to work things out. If you broke up with her and you want to move on and don't want anything to do with her, than maybe she is just looking for some closure or for you to just say to her that its not going to work out. Either way if you have been over her and been feeling like your normal self again, there is no reason to communicate with her. If she broke up with you, you have the choice to take her back or not and in most cases, she will need to prove to you that she won't act like she had to cause this..or same for you if you were the one that wanted to end it for watever reason.
Author name witheld Posted January 2, 2010 Author Posted January 2, 2010 Well I was thinking maybe after a couple of months I will see her. But then again that would be breaking NC. I don't see why she can't just drop it through the door or leave with a friend. She broke up with me and I wouldn't say I was fully over it yet but I have accepted the situation. Just this week I have met somebody new and will explore that. I don't think ex is trying to get back together, so really in that case there is nothing for her to prove to me. Think she is just trying to play the friend card.
HLP234 Posted January 2, 2010 Posted January 2, 2010 Who knows maybe she just wants to see you and see if you have changed. If you end up seeing her, since you said you met someone else now, you should not be in so much pain so you should act yourself and just be short with her on conversations. She left you so you want to show her that you are carrying yourself well after this..she may not like it but if she really wanted you back then she would actually talk with you about working stuff out. Go on with the new person you met and get to know them better. If you feel like you can't be a friend of your ex, you don't have to, since she was the one that ended it.
Author name witheld Posted February 3, 2010 Author Posted February 3, 2010 Thanks for the advice, some sensible words. A month on and no further contact, which is good as I'm not over her yet. Also I think it shows the present thing was just a lure. However, recently I have been thinking more and more about ex and I don't know why. Started on the last day of a ski trip with mates and was pretty bad for a week after that, although has settled a bit but not completey gone. Dreams about her have started again almost every night. wtf?? I thought I was past all this and had left the roller coaster... it has taken another dip.
HLP234 Posted February 4, 2010 Posted February 4, 2010 Its been almost 2 months for me too. I know what you mean by the feelings coming back. No matter what I do or who I meet, I still have bad days. Its ok though because it takes much longer to get over it than you expect. We all wish we could just forget it all at once.
Author name witheld Posted February 7, 2010 Author Posted February 7, 2010 Its good to come on here with other folk going through the same thing. No way can I discuss this with my friends anymore. Funny thing is this isn't the first time this has happened to me but it all seems new. I guess things will be ok.
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