Raped last night

[hoping2heal]

thanks for your concern. It really really touched me and please be aware that it assisted in my decision today to go to a 24 hour unit that deals with forensic investigations for this kind of thing.

 

I went alone - as noone knows. It was an awkward, degrading and sterile experience and all the time I was cold as ice, they probably expected some hint of emotion but I think i clammed up.

 

Let me tell you that having a plastic beaker shoved inside you (and kept there for evidence) after this whole incident is really painful and just the final injustice. They took samples of everything. I even gave in my underwear.

 

Hello! I have been thinking about you and how you were doing. I am so proud of you for making the decision to report. You are so very brave, I know it feels degrading and awkward now- but knowing you stood up for yourself and gave yourself respect- you're going to feel dignity again in time when the initial shock of everything wears off. So proud of you!

[hoping2heal]

I was in so much pain all day and the fear crept in, I realized that I cannot just wait, forget and hope for the best.

 

The staff were so kind and didnt judge me at all. I felt so stupid having to recount how I met someone online etc etc and i went along to his flat...the whole thing was never going to be easy.

 

sadly i have to wait 2 weeks for STD tests and 3 months for HIV tests.

 

She said the risk of HIV was very low, as it is more common in homosexuals, anal and if the person was from a different jurisdiction...she said that i was not to worry for 3 months. but i am concerned. I didnt expect to be waiting for this long. The only symptoms she mentioned when i asked were flu like symptoms.

 

So if i catch the flu I am going to go through hell.

 

This trauma is not over.

 

I got my first papsmear at 24- because I HAD to be sure I was clean and std free. I know how terrible the anxiety is; but I turned up clean and I have high hopes you will also. I know the trauma won't just go away in a day but we are here for you and you can shoot me a PM at anytime if you would like.

[elaina]

I am not going to report this. I want some advice, as I am not going to reveal this incident to ANYONE in the real world.

 

Last night I decided to meet a guy I had spoken to for a short while (from a dating site).I was in a destructive mode, due to another guy (from my past).

 

We ended up at his place.

 

He penetrated me against my will. Maybe it is called rape.I would describe it as forceful penetraction, no kissing, no foreplay just straight sex, which I refused.

 

As it was raw and painful, I realized that to finish it I had to pretend to enjoy it. I did this and I think it helped it to be over.

 

He did not use protection and he removed it before he came - or so he thinks.

 

I am so sorry that happened. That is horrible.

 

Please report it! Do you know his name? Call the police and file a report.

 

The reason it's important to report it is because he needs to know that there are consequences to his actions.

 

The reason he raped you was probably because he thought he could get away with it. Rapists are bullies at heart.

 

The reason there are bullies is because so many times they scare their "weaker" victims into not talking, and thus they get away with it.

 

Also, please tell your family or friends or a person you trust who can give you hugs and cry with you and be there for you... people are social creatures and it really helps people who have been hurt to be comforted by other people.

 

Please don't meet a guy alone again either, not until he has proven himself to be a man of respect and honor.

 

Please don't let this rapist get away with what he has done to you. You are worth it, to not let him get away with it. Don't ever think otherwise.

 

Take care and I wish I could give you a hug.

[elaina]

I was in so much pain all day and the fear crept in, I realized that I cannot just wait, forget and hope for the best.

 

The staff were so kind and didnt judge me at all. I felt so stupid having to recount how I met someone online etc etc and i went along to his flat...the whole thing was never going to be easy.

 

sadly i have to wait 2 weeks for STD tests and 3 months for HIV tests.

 

She said the risk of HIV was very low, as it is more common in homosexuals, anal and if the person was from a different jurisdiction...she said that i was not to worry for 3 months. but i am concerned. I didnt expect to be waiting for this long. The only symptoms she mentioned when i asked were flu like symptoms.

 

So if i catch the flu I am going to go through hell.

 

This trauma is not over.

 

Oh I didn't read all of the thread,

 

Hi Powered I am so proud of you!!! You are very courageous!!!

 

I am sorry for all the pain you are experiencing.

 

I hope you have no disease and that your heart will heal soon, you are taking good steps for recovery. We're here for you. Please know that.

[Hi Powered]

i have had 3 hell ish days. The pain got worse and now each time I go for a pee it stings like hell. The antibiotics have not worked. The oncall doctors will not come out for this and I do not want to go and wait in accident and emergency for hours. Its not a serious problem in the grand scheme of things.

 

I also had a total blackout today. I had a panic attack, fast breathing, dizzy and headaches. This was awful, I honestly thought this was it. It wasnt triggered by anything specific I just got very wobbly and off balance and felt dowsy.

 

I do not trust myself to go to work tommorow.

 

I am unsure what to do now.

[Mary3]

i have had 3 hell ish days. The pain got worse and now each time I go for a pee it stings like hell. The antibiotics have not worked. The oncall doctors will not come out for this and I do not want to go and wait in accident and emergency for hours. Its not a serious problem in the grand scheme of things.

 

I also had a total blackout today. I had a panic attack, fast breathing, dizzy and headaches. This was awful, I honestly thought this was it. It wasnt triggered by anything specific I just got very wobbly and off balance and felt dowsy.

 

I do not trust myself to go to work tommorow.

 

I am unsure what to do now.

 

Do you have a Quick Care Center ? Like a local small clinic ? Also here in my town we have CVS Pharmacy where they set up a walk in clinic in the drug store . Can you do a check on Google and see whats in your town ?

 

I don't know what would cause your pee to burn. Maybe urinary tract infection. I can look this up quick for you but wanted to comfort you because you must be so scared.

 

I think the Black out and Panic attacks are possibly PTSD. Thats post traumatic stress disorder. Thats your body reacting in a physical way although we try to block what happened.

 

Mental Health Clinics as well. Check and see if you can go talk to someone...

[Chubbi]

Please, just take it slow and breathe.. I'm sitting here crying. I can't stand stuff like this.......

[crystal_lostheart]

If you did that, are you sure he knew that you didn't want to have sex?

 

I"m sorry you're going through this, I'm just concerned...

 

She said 'NO'. That was enough

[Chubbi]

Exactly, Crystal. Which is why I disagree completely with Calizaggy.

 

He asked, "Why did you go up to his room in the first place?" as if a woman should know when she's about to be raped or she should know that a man expects sex if she goes to his place. As if it's her fault she was raped because the guy just misread her intentions!!

 

It's a Catch 22. The question is when does a woman ever know she can go to a man's room and be safe!! The point is she will never know. Every single time a woman goes to with a man to his house she is gambling with her body. Her trust of him is the only thing holding her there. Just as there are women who are raped by strangers there are women who are raped by their boyfriends, there are women who are raped by their husbands, there are women raped by their relatives!!- there is never a time when a woman would somehow be safe from being raped.

 

You can never be safe from being rape. At any time, wearing any clothes, at any location, you can be raped- at home, by your neighbors, in a Catholic church apparently! There is no way for a woman to prevent herself from being raped which is why questions like Calizaggy asked is stupid because a woman can't prevent herself from being violated. Saying why did you do this or why did you do that means nothing! What she does or doesn't do is inapplicable because she can't control the other person! She can't control another man! How would this apply if the OP was with her boyfriend, Calizaggy. Would it be her fault then because she went to his room? How about her husband?

 

The bottomline is she said NO and he kept going. That's rape.

 

Those kinds of questions wouldn't be asked if men were thought as morally equal to women. Men are not thought morally equal to women- men are thought as more violent, whimsical, sexually-driven and less in control of their aggression. Basically, animalistic. And according to statistics, it's actually a very good summary of the male species in general.

[Okeydokey]

good for you for getting the kit done. and I'm glad that this website had something to do with giving you the confidence to do that. hopefully the time ahead will be better. encourage you to find a good therapist. as far as the pain, it is probably a bladder infection (sounds like) i would not get worried about more serious medical concerns until you get the results from the tests. that is all you can do.

[Hi Powered]

thanks all.

 

I am not at work. I am getting up late when half the day has gone and I have lulled myself into a reclusive state.

 

There is absolutly no way I can tell anyone about this. I do not trust anyone (apart from family and this would hurt them too much). People are very judgemental.

 

The pain has lessened but it is still a physical cringe almost always which makes me retreat away into my room.

 

I want to snap out of this but that involves going out.

[anne1707]

Maybe there is a support group that could help you. Just to have someone to talk to about all this and provide somewhere for you to express the pain and confusion you are going through may help. Possibly the clinic you went to may have some details.

 

I know that posting on LS may be helpful to you but actually speaking to someone may help more.

 

 

((Hugs))

[Angel1111]

Aw, HP, I am so sad to hear about this. I have tears in my eyes. It breaks my heart that you can't report him, or that you don't have anyone to turn to. Please try to get help, at least, in dealing with it for yourself if you can. I can't imagine how horrible this must've been to be held down by a cold stranger and made to stay there for hours. OMG. I just can't imagine. Yes, you should've been more cautious but it doesn't make it your fault. Most of us women are very trusting and cannot fathom the reality of something like this. And we've all done dumb things. You're going to get through this, and move on with your life. Please take the time you need to heal and don't let him destroy you. Cry it out, get angry, whatever it takes.

 

It's possible that the pain you're experiencing is a bladder infection. Lots of women get them after sex. If it is a bladder infection, get some medication for it because they can be serious. If you can't get medicine, get some cranberry pills from the health store and take a bunch of them for at least a week. Also, soak in a hot bath often. That always helps me when I get those infections. Take care, sweetie.

[Angel1111]

HP, how are you?

[hoping2heal]

thanks all.

 

I am not at work. I am getting up late when half the day has gone and I have lulled myself into a reclusive state.

 

There is absolutly no way I can tell anyone about this. I do not trust anyone (apart from family and this would hurt them too much). People are very judgemental.

 

The pain has lessened but it is still a physical cringe almost always which makes me retreat away into my room.

 

I want to snap out of this but that involves going out.

 

 

Hello, HP.

 

I had hoped to PM you, but I guess there aren't enough posts yet to do that. You said you feel like you can't tell your family because it will hurt them, and others are judgemental. That is very normal feelings to have. Please try a website such as www.rainn.com - they have an internet chat hotline where you can talk to somebody about your feelings. You wouldn't have to have anyone listen to your voice or look at you while you are feeling the way you do. It's just good to talk some things out I think. You don't have to give any kind of information about yourself and you don't need to call or do anything you don't want to do.

 

That said, I wanted to give you some more food for though. Just something to think about. When I first started having flashbacks, one in particular was very, very nasty. It was so bad that I began having aches in my genitals and my emotions felt raw- not like I was raped years ago, like I was raped THAT day. I became very sullen, nearly inconsolable. I felt really depressed and deeply sad. I decided to get help through a woman's sexual assault center in my area- it was free of charge and my counsellor had been a formal sexual abuse victim- turned survivor and advocate. She didn't judge- she understood.

 

I got help because I knew that I was overwhelmed and this was bigger than me. If you decide to retreat to your room every day for a long time and avoid people, no one can judge or fault or blame you for that; but I encourage you to consider getting some sort of help to deal with and sort this out. I'm not telling you this because I figure it's the right thing to do; I'm telling you this because I have been there; and this is what helped me to heal and get a footing on what was taking place in my life. It helped me to rise above the surface of the ocean trying to overtake me; instead of drowning in it.

 

Getting help doesn't mean telling your family or your friends. It can be extremely discreet and private and you in your own time, if ever can open up and share on your own terms. One of my good friends said something really wise to me just last night. Like me, she is a sexual abuse survivor; when we sit in the corner and rock and cry we are letting that rapist or that abuser continue to hurt us.

 

Now, I know it's not as simple as putting a smile on your face and shaking it off and I'm not suggesting that at all, but you deserve a life and you deserve to find inner peace at some point. You've been through a terrible ordeal; you mentioned that you were on a self destructive streak when you met this guy. That doesn't mean you asked or deserved to be raped, that doesn't mean that's just what you get for makign this bad choice. You are human, and you paid a price no one should ever have too.

 

I don't want to see your spirit killed and see you wither away because of what this man did to you. You already excersized courage that many men and women cannot find in themselves to do. You need to be proud of yourself for that, you stood up for your right as a woman to not be violated; you may not be looking at it that way, but you did. That's exactly what you did. You did the right thing when it was hardest, and you know what? That's something not everyone has it in them to do.

 

So please, don't think this is your fault because you were on a self described self destructive streak when you met this guy. Consider getting yourself some help from somewhere, from source. You deserve healing and you deserve to find peace again.

[Angel1111]

You already excersized courage that many men and women cannot find in themselves to do. You need to be proud of yourself for that, you stood up for your right as a woman to not be violated; you may not be looking at it that way, but you did. That's exactly what you did. You did the right thing when it was hardest, and you know what? That's something not everyone has it in them to do.

 

So please, don't think this is your fault because you were on a self described self destructive streak when you met this guy. Consider getting yourself some help from somewhere, from source. You deserve healing and you deserve to find peace again.

 

This is a beautiful post, h2h. You're so right that she stood up for herself and I also thought about how brave she was to pretend until she was able to get out of there. HP, I think it's important to understand that you didn't ask for this. All of us have done dumb things that put our safety in jeapordy at one time or another. You couldn't conceive of this happening. I'm just so sorry. You've gotten some excellent advice here and I hope you do get help, but I also hope you continue to talk to us and let us know how you're doing.

[burningashes]

Yep, what other people have given you here are very good advices. I was never raped, but I was molested by someone who I thought was a good friend. I faced the same difficulties, we both had same friends and were well known in our community. The morning after, I accused him of doing it and he denied it at first then said he was sorry and asked me not to tell anyone. I went to the police straightaway. I didn't have much evidence to start with, but I still went to court. They couldn't get the assault charge to stick, but I managed to get a peace bond against him with conditions I had attached for him- to see a counsellor, do community service and to stay away from me. It was hard dealing with other people- our friends took sides and there were sooo much drama- I was put through the strainer emotionally dealing with the court proceedings with that on top.

 

If you haven't gotten tested for STD's, please do so now. I understand that you do not want to report it, and I respect your reasons. But, please, for your own health, get tested and get treatment if you do have something. Also you may want to consider something here: you can report what happened, and it is up to you whether you want to press charges. Either way, it will be on record if he hurts someone else. No one is going to force you to press charges. Although they will have to interview you and him and investigate. At least that's how it works where I live anyhow. Just something to consider.

[Justtoodangtired]

thanks all.

 

I am not at work. I am getting up late when half the day has gone and I have lulled myself into a reclusive state.

 

There is absolutly no way I can tell anyone about this. I do not trust anyone (apart from family and this would hurt them too much). People are very judgemental.

 

The pain has lessened but it is still a physical cringe almost always which makes me retreat away into my room.

 

I want to snap out of this but that involves going out.

 

{{{{{HUGS}}}}

 

All you need to do right now is take care of yourself. If that means crawling into bed and pulling the covers up, so be it. Don't worry about anyone else but YOU! You have been through a terrible trauma. I think the best advice is to get in contact with the rain site that has been suggested. They really can help you learn how to get through this. You shouldn't go through this alone. I will keep you in my thoughts!

[Hi Powered]

Thanks.

 

I am doing ok. Better now, that I had teh tests at my doctors surgery. The clinic gave me a date 2 weeks away. I had the results for STDs and it was clear.

 

Now I have to wait 3 months before I can be tested for HIV. Scary but I am trying to get it out of my head until March.

 

I feel better because I made it to work but I have an overwhelming desire to contact the guy, somehow maybe I wasnt to legitimize this and hear him say he doesnt have HIV. mad i know.

[dreamergrl]

Thanks.

 

I am doing ok. Better now, that I had teh tests at my doctors surgery. The clinic gave me a date 2 weeks away. I had the results for STDs and it was clear.

 

Now I have to wait 3 months before I can be tested for HIV. Scary but I am trying to get it out of my head until March.

 

I feel better because I made it to work but I have an overwhelming desire to contact the guy, somehow maybe I wasnt to legitimize this and hear him say he doesnt have HIV. mad i know.

 

Please get retested for HPV and HSV again in 3 to 4 months, and ask for them. It takes that long to get into your blood work, and you have to ask for the HSV test, it doesn't come with the general testing.

[Angel1111]

Hey, it's good to hear from you, HP! I was just thinking about you today and wondering how you were doing. I'm glad you're doing a little better. You know, I don't think anything is 'mad' for you at the moment. I don't know about actually calling him, though, because I think it'll just send you back into orbit. He's a dirtbag, plain and simple, and you know that you'd never believe a word that he said anyway.

 

That's good about the results on the test. I think the best you can do at this point is be positive for the next 3 months and just know in your heart that you're ok. But if you feel strongly about calling him, then do it. I just think it's going to set you back a lot because he's an uncaring SOB and he's no doubt a liar, too. Even if he does have HIV, that doesn't mean you got it. So, really, no matter what he said to you, it probably wouldn't be very valuable info.

 

How did things go at work? Do you still have no close friends or family you can talk to?

[Hi Powered]

Hey, it's good to hear from you, HP! I was just thinking about you today and wondering how you were doing. I'm glad you're doing a little better. You know, I don't think anything is 'mad' for you at the moment. I don't know about actually calling him, though, because I think it'll just send you back into orbit. He's a dirtbag, plain and simple, and you know that you'd never believe a word that he said anyway.

 

That's good about the results on the test. I think the best you can do at this point is be positive for the next 3 months and just know in your heart that you're ok. But if you feel strongly about calling him, then do it. I just think it's going to set you back a lot because he's an uncaring SOB and he's no doubt a liar, too. Even if he does have HIV, that doesn't mean you got it. So, really, no matter what he said to you, it probably wouldn't be very valuable info.

 

How did things go at work? Do you still have no close friends or family you can talk to?

 

aw thanks - that means a lot.

 

I will not call him - the most i might do is text. I know he is a s*** BUT I guess i just want something to hold onto (however worthless), some info, rather then wait so long.

 

there is noone i can speak to. i just want to be practical and move on and one way is not talking about it.

 

What is HSV testing??

[dreamergrl]

 

What is HSV testing??

 

HSV is herpes, and you can carry it a long time without symptoms. It takes about 3-4 months to create antibodies in your blood. I don't mean to get you more worried, I only wish for you to be safe!