Lovelybird Posted December 24, 2009 Posted December 24, 2009 Hi, I am sorry what happened. even you take responsibility for going to a stranger's house, that doesn't give him the right to violate your will and body. I heard that a dark secret lose its power when it is exposed to light. Hoping2real really made good points. You need support from other people and support will give you courage. Please seek out trustworthy people who know what you are going through, and get support from them.
Okeydokey Posted December 24, 2009 Posted December 24, 2009 I had a similar thing more than 10 years ago (was my first actually - horrible) and a close friend of mind did a couple years back. Her mom was a therapist so she set up an appointment withing a few days and went for six months. I think it helped her a lot. I never really think about what happened to me, but I'm pretty sure it still messes me up because I never dealt with it. So, I suggest facing it right away: cops or therapist or whatever floats your boat, but deal with the emotional baggage right now.
heartbroken1109 Posted December 24, 2009 Posted December 24, 2009 Please, please report this. I know you may feel as if you have done something wrong by going to his place in the first place, but NO means NO. I think you also need to talk to someone you can trust. This incident can leave scars that will last a lifetime if you do not address them. If you don't report this, he may still be victimizing women via the dating service. I'm saying a prayer for you. You have the strength and the power to put an end to his behavior. Do it for yourself and others. ((hugs))
heartbroken1109 Posted December 24, 2009 Posted December 24, 2009 Where are you from? What culture? And why did you go to his home? That is irrelevant, and if you can't offer any better insight than that, I'm sure there are other threads you can post on...good grief...some people!
heartbroken1109 Posted December 24, 2009 Posted December 24, 2009 Just a thought...can you notify the dating service you were using? I'm not sure if clients have a way to report or not, but at least that may prevent him from doing it again.
Draw your wheel Posted December 24, 2009 Posted December 24, 2009 [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3]First of all you are not stupid, you were inexperienced. And besides making sure someone like him should be punished and behind bars. We also should make sure girls are educated enough. if not with the advice then with the awareness that you are trying to keep for yourself.[/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3]I am from the same culture, that you can’t have sex before marriage. I understand where you are coming from and why you prefer to keep it to yourself. Also, I understand why you kept silent while is all happening to you and after you said no. I guess it is a part of the way we were raised. [/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3] [/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3]Right now, you are confused. Take a deep breath, and when you are ready, stand up to fight for your rights to live the life you want to live (no unresolved issues) that will effect every aspect of your life in the future and as long as you live. This is will be your choice and no one else’s. [/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3] [/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3]You did a mistake going? YES. But you learned your lesson and you will keep going.[/sIZE][/FONT] I understand that you believe every girl who is stupid to do the same mistake she will deserve it and you can’t be responsible for it. Does the same rule apply if it was your sister or a dear friend of yours? or you will find a way to save her? GET HELP. And refuse to make him win, he doesn’t deserve to get a way with it. And you don’t deserve to be a victim. Please, choose to not be one, It is your choice
kimflute26 Posted December 24, 2009 Posted December 24, 2009 Ya... maybe you could let us all know who he is on the dating service? A lot of us here are on the internet..... who knows, maybe one of US could be his next victim!!!! And please get help.
stepka Posted December 24, 2009 Posted December 24, 2009 Where's the pain and rage? You're numb hun, and it will come, and I suggest a therapist at the very least b/c you're going to need someone there when it starts, esp if you can't tell anyone else about it. This forum is better than nothing, but there's nothing like a real human face and voice when you need to talk. Also, I'm on the side of those who think you should report, but if you decide not to, at least report it to the dating site you met him on, and any others you can think of, so you can limit his opps to do this again. At least online.
calizaggy Posted December 24, 2009 Posted December 24, 2009 That is irrelevant, and if you can't offer any better insight than that, I'm sure there are other threads you can post on...good grief...some people! Not really.. I am curious as to what she was thinking and why she went to an internet strangers home.. How did he just end up inside ? Rip her clothes off? Mutually undressed each other? Obviously I am not justifying any sort of rape, but women also need to think ahead to avoid any possible situation like this.. Yes, it is my free will to take a cab to crack town and walk around the streets at 3am, and nobody has the right to harm me, but chances are everyone would ask "Calizaggy, why were you there?"
Mary3 Posted December 25, 2009 Posted December 25, 2009 Not really.. I am curious as to what she was thinking and why she went to an internet strangers home.. How did he just end up inside ? Rip her clothes off? Mutually undressed each other? Obviously I am not justifying any sort of rape, but women also need to think ahead to avoid any possible situation like this.. Yes, it is my free will to take a cab to crack town and walk around the streets at 3am, and nobody has the right to harm me, but chances are everyone would ask "Calizaggy, why were you there?" This is my guess : She went there because she believed him. She believed whatever he said . He could have promised her candlelight romantic dinner with music for all we know. But the point is she trusted him somewhat to go inside his place. Huge mistake. Some women are never heard from again. But she won't be the first person on the internet who believed a stranger and that person talked them into meeting somewhere. A sad , very sad learning experience. She did learn from this. What irks me is this guy committed a crime and he is not paying for it. And like most serial rapists their attacks accellrate to murder eventually. Please OP report him before some girl ends up dead. I know its your culture to not say anything. This needs to be changed.
Monster Posted December 26, 2009 Posted December 26, 2009 Please go to the emergency room immediately and tell them what happened. They can give you treatments to reduce the possibility of contracting an STD. They can also direct you to the needed emotional support. I'm so sorry this happened to you. M-ster
bac Posted December 26, 2009 Posted December 26, 2009 Sorry to hear about what happened to you. Take care of your emotional health and you can take a free HIV test at many places. If you have medical insuarance, your doctor will take all STDs tests, if you ask her. You can say her any reason which you are comfortable with about why you want tests. The reasons can be a broken condom with a partner who has unknown STD status, a felt off condom, multiple (2 and more) sexual partners and you can tell her the truth. Doctors do not report rape if you do not give them consent. A guy who is able to rape a woman has a psychiatric condition called antisocial personality disorder. No normal man can rape a woman. The guy lacks some chips in his brain and nothing can be done about that except that prison hepls them to behaive. They are really do not understand what is right or wrong, lie, lack remorse, aggressive, disregard for the rights of others and act on impulse. Did you noticed any signs of "sociopath" when you meet him? How did he behaive and talk to you so you trusted him to go to his place? How old you and him? Why did not he put condom on? Did you ask him to put condom on? Did you show him that you were weak/depressed/emotionally unstable?
dreamergrl Posted December 26, 2009 Posted December 26, 2009 She either contracted something or didn't. You can't stop that from happening now if she did. She should find out so she can know and be aware for the future. OP also def needs to go get some help period, whether she reports this guy or not. Which I hope she does. Guys like that don't deserve to walk around as if nothing bad happened. That crap makes me sick.
harmfulsweetz Posted December 26, 2009 Posted December 26, 2009 I'm so sorry this has happened to you. *hugs*. I don't have much more to offer, but I will say what I can. I understand why you think the police will not believe you because you went there voluntarily, but you still must report. It does not matter whether you practically bounced through the door and he did that, or whether he tied you up and did it. It's the same thing. He raped you. He forced himself onto you without your consent, in fact, with you saying no. He violated your rights. Looking back on this, you don't want to think 'I wish I had reported it.' I know you can't think straight, but consider what you would say to a close friend, a sister in the same situation. Right now, he is getting away with it, and probably finding other women like yourself to do it too. You aren't stupid. And this isn't your fault. He lured you to his place so he could do that...that's viler than vile. Do you want to read about him someday in the paper as a serial rapist, and possible murderer? Someone you could have stopped? I know it's hard, really hard, but really do consider it. You have to face this. It happened, and it will hit you, right now, you are in a state of shock. The physical pain you feel will pass, and it is common among rape victims, try warm baths, and some ibuprofen. I would speak to your doctor about STD tests, and a pregnancy test. The sooner it's done, the sooner you can do something about it. Also, phone a rape support helpline, these services can be invaluable at times like this. Don't keep this to yourself, please don't. If you don't report it, seek support in either a therapist, support group or a close, close friend. I really do hope you are coping, and take care of yourself.
harmfulsweetz Posted December 26, 2009 Posted December 26, 2009 Not really.. I am curious as to what she was thinking and why she went to an internet strangers home.. How did he just end up inside ? Rip her clothes off? Mutually undressed each other? Obviously I am not justifying any sort of rape, but women also need to think ahead to avoid any possible situation like this.. Yes, it is my free will to take a cab to crack town and walk around the streets at 3am, and nobody has the right to harm me, but chances are everyone would ask "Calizaggy, why were you there?" I understand what you are saying, and to some extent, I agree. However, he had no right to do what he did, and the fact that she was inexperienced and perhaps a tad naive does not even out the balance. It was beyond disgusting. Many women do not report rapes because of these actually insignificant details, they think it makes it look voluntary, like they 'asked for it.' They didn't. I always say a woman should be able to lie naked next to a man, and if she says no, that's no.
Lost-n-confused Posted December 26, 2009 Posted December 26, 2009 Didn't read the whole post so I'm sorry if I'm repeating. You need to goto the hospital now! They have medication that can prevent HIV but you need to go now and not tomarrow. Tomarrow maybe too late... You can always refuse to press charges and not get the police involved. Your health is the most important thing right now. I'm sorry this happens but don't make it worse!!!!
Green Posted December 26, 2009 Posted December 26, 2009 She either contracted something or didn't. You can't stop that from happening now if she did. She should find out so she can know and be aware for the future. OP also def needs to go get some help period, whether she reports this guy or not. Which I hope she does. Guys like that don't deserve to walk around as if nothing bad happened. That crap makes me sick. The fact is guys like this do get to walk around as if nothing bad happened I know this for a fact because this isn't the first time I've heard of this situation. OP you have nothing to be ashamed of we all put our trust in people and what happened to you could really happen to almost anyone. Don't feel like you did something wrong or that you should have fought back more or what ever this guy might have killed you and he still might so for that reason alone you should tell some one. You can't keep this to yourself so please call a rape hotline or see some one that can help you through this and do not feel guilty or ashamed.
muse08 Posted December 26, 2009 Posted December 26, 2009 I regret that this happened to you. I hope you realized that you need to go to authorities and go get yourself checked... Don't be frozen in fear. Be brave, be assertive and go get help. http://www.rainn.org/ click and get help! If you have already then thank God for that.
Author Hi Powered Posted December 27, 2009 Author Posted December 27, 2009 thanks for your concern. It really really touched me and please be aware that it assisted in my decision today to go to a 24 hour unit that deals with forensic investigations for this kind of thing. I went alone - as noone knows. It was an awkward, degrading and sterile experience and all the time I was cold as ice, they probably expected some hint of emotion but I think i clammed up. Let me tell you that having a plastic beaker shoved inside you (and kept there for evidence) after this whole incident is really painful and just the final injustice. They took samples of everything. I even gave in my underwear.
Author Hi Powered Posted December 27, 2009 Author Posted December 27, 2009 I was in so much pain all day and the fear crept in, I realized that I cannot just wait, forget and hope for the best. The staff were so kind and didnt judge me at all. I felt so stupid having to recount how I met someone online etc etc and i went along to his flat...the whole thing was never going to be easy. sadly i have to wait 2 weeks for STD tests and 3 months for HIV tests. She said the risk of HIV was very low, as it is more common in homosexuals, anal and if the person was from a different jurisdiction...she said that i was not to worry for 3 months. but i am concerned. I didnt expect to be waiting for this long. The only symptoms she mentioned when i asked were flu like symptoms. So if i catch the flu I am going to go through hell. This trauma is not over.
Author Hi Powered Posted December 27, 2009 Author Posted December 27, 2009 what do i do>? I also texted the ***** and asked him if he had been tested lately...he took his time to reply and said he was tested 3 weeks ago. not sure why i contacted him, it was while i was waiting, I guess i need a straw to clutch. I am still in pain.
Author Hi Powered Posted December 27, 2009 Author Posted December 27, 2009 Sorry to hear about what happened to you. Take care of your emotional health and you can take a free HIV test at many places. If you have medical insuarance, your doctor will take all STDs tests, if you ask her. You can say her any reason which you are comfortable with about why you want tests. The reasons can be a broken condom with a partner who has unknown STD status, a felt off condom, multiple (2 and more) sexual partners and you can tell her the truth. Doctors do not report rape if you do not give them consent. A guy who is able to rape a woman has a psychiatric condition called antisocial personality disorder. No normal man can rape a woman. The guy lacks some chips in his brain and nothing can be done about that except that prison hepls them to behaive. They are really do not understand what is right or wrong, lie, lack remorse, aggressive, disregard for the rights of others and act on impulse. Did you noticed any signs of "sociopath" when you meet him? How did he behaive and talk to you so you trusted him to go to his place? How old you and him? Why did not he put condom on? Did you ask him to put condom on? Did you show him that you were weak/depressed/emotionally unstable? he put a condom on but when i told him i did not want sex and pushed him away, he then gave up and after a short while tried again with no condom on. It was dark and i think he used gel. he turned nasty very quickly at his place. rude and unsocial. i showed him i did not want this and he coldly carried on.
Author Hi Powered Posted December 27, 2009 Author Posted December 27, 2009 Didn't read the whole post so I'm sorry if I'm repeating. You need to goto the hospital now! They have medication that can prevent HIV but you need to go now and not tomarrow. Tomarrow maybe too late... You can always refuse to press charges and not get the police involved. Your health is the most important thing right now. I'm sorry this happens but don't make it worse!!!! i was too late for the PEP medicine which can prevent HIV...but she said that she would not have advised it in this case as the side effects outweigh the benefits and it was low risk.....
lovebubble Posted December 27, 2009 Posted December 27, 2009 something very similar happened to me. i chose not to report it.. and i moved on with my life.
Mary3 Posted December 27, 2009 Posted December 27, 2009 thanks for your concern. It really really touched me and please be aware that it assisted in my decision today to go to a 24 hour unit that deals with forensic investigations for this kind of thing. I went alone - as noone knows. It was an awkward, degrading and sterile experience and all the time I was cold as ice, they probably expected some hint of emotion but I think i clammed up. Let me tell you that having a plastic beaker shoved inside you (and kept there for evidence) after this whole incident is really painful and just the final injustice. They took samples of everything. I even gave in my underwear. This has to be the worst experience for most rape victims . Going in there and having them take samples and go inside your body to find it. It might have been easier had you a friend along but I understand your fear. I wish you the best . Its not easy. If they find this man , give it everything you can. Most Prosecutors might blame you in some way. I think most rape victims are subjected to this. NOBODY deserves to have their body attacked and touched . Nobody. Remember that as you fight the good fight...
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