Hi Powered Posted December 23, 2009 Posted December 23, 2009 I am not going to report this. I want some advice, as I am not going to reveal this incident to ANYONE in the real world. Last night I decided to meet a guy I had spoken to for a short while (from a dating site).I was in a destructive mode, due to another guy (from my past). We ended up at his place. He penetrated me against my will. Maybe it is called rape.I would describe it as forceful penetraction, no kissing, no foreplay just straight sex, which I refused. As it was raw and painful, I realized that to finish it I had to pretend to enjoy it. I did this and I think it helped it to be over. He did not use protection and he removed it before he came - or so he thinks.
Strych9 Posted December 23, 2009 Posted December 23, 2009 Yeah don't report it, so it can happen to some other girl. Smart move. 1
Author Hi Powered Posted December 23, 2009 Author Posted December 23, 2009 He then made it difficult for me to leave, by being nasty. As he was a lot stonger and had just done this, and not even asked me if i was ok, or any type of apology I thought he was capable of a lot worse, so I stayed there against my will for a few hours. He half fell asleep but i was within his grip. By the time I did get away, I had a bath at home. I today took the pill. All day (apart from disgust at myself for walking into this situation and allowing all this) I also had back pain. I cannot bring myself to face the dr or face the fact that I may have AIDS. It seems he does this often, from the approach and the fact that he had condoms and gel around - even though he didnt use them. Today - no contact from him - he got away with it. I am not sure why I allowed this. Why I am not as angry as I should be. I have pain. I am coping ALONE....this is a bad situation right, when will that fact register?
Author Hi Powered Posted December 23, 2009 Author Posted December 23, 2009 Yeah don't report it, so it can happen to some other girl. Smart move. I am struggling to cope with all this by myself - do you think I should be worried about other women when I am not sure what to do myself?
Love2love7 Posted December 23, 2009 Posted December 23, 2009 I am not going to report this. I want some advice, as I am not going to reveal this incident to ANYONE in the real world. Last night I decided to meet a guy I had spoken to for a short while (from a dating site).I was in a destructive mode, due to another guy (from my past). We ended up at his place. He penetrated me against my will. Maybe it is called rape.I would describe it as forceful penetraction, no kissing, no foreplay just straight sex, which I refused. As it was raw and painful, I realized that to finish it I had to pretend to enjoy it. I did this and I think it helped it to be over. He did not use protection and he removed it before he came - or so he thinks. Sorry you went thru this but you have to report it. What he did to you is not right! Are you going to let someone who hurt you and raped you get off the hook that easy? Let the police know who he is and where he lives. I hope you also learned your lesson and don't trust people so easily. Don't go to strangers homes! you're under their roof and they can do pretty much anything to you. Be careful next time don't be so naive!
sumdude Posted December 23, 2009 Posted December 23, 2009 Do not blame yourself for what happened. You did not ask for this to happen or do anything to make it happen. Seek counseling, you shouldn't have to deal with it alone. As far as reporting it... it's really up to you but consider that the man should be punished for this heinous crime.
deux ex machina Posted December 23, 2009 Posted December 23, 2009 RAINN - (Rape, Abuse, and Incest National Network) - Click. You can get free, confidential information and advice there. I'm so sorry this happened to you.
quankanne Posted December 23, 2009 Posted December 23, 2009 *hugs* this is a crappy thing to have to deal with, but you need to understand that by NOT going forward and reporting the incident, you leave not only yourself but other women at risk. Because by sweeping it under the carpet you're empowering his behavior ... and you know this, based on your comment, "he got away with it." the longer you bottle this up, hide it, the bigger of a festering boil it's going to become. You need help. Emotional, psychological and legal help. Otherwise you will continue to relive this in your mind over and over and over. at some point, you are going to reach a point where you'll regret not having taken care of yourself/the situation properly
littlebittle Posted December 23, 2009 Posted December 23, 2009 hey, i know how you're feeling. i was assaulted a few years ago and when it first happened, i didn't feel anything. i knew i was hurt, but i didn't even really feel angry. just went about my business. you need to report what happened. if you don't do it now, you will regret it later. the anger will come, it's just different for everyone. you don't want someone else to get hurt. you also need to get checked out at a hospital. no one is going to judge you. i know how awful and uncomfortable you feel, but people know that this isn't your fault, and they want to help you. here is the national website for rape and abuse help http://www.rainn.org/ and here is the number to call 1-800-656-HOPE if you won't see a doctor or report this, at least call that number. you need support right now from people who will understand and be kind. good luck, you'll be ok.
stevejohnson1976 Posted December 23, 2009 Posted December 23, 2009 I am SO SORRY this has happened and it makes me sick. You need to report this. I know you need to figure out YOU first, but you have an obligation to not like this ahole do it to anyone else. Please think this through. Scumbags like this do NOT deserve to be alive, let alone get away with it. I would even volunteer to help you in anyway if you'd like....if that's what it takes.
Author Hi Powered Posted December 23, 2009 Author Posted December 23, 2009 Reporting it has consquences and will draw me into a court case I cannot endure. I simply am unable to feel responsible for other victims if they are as stupid as I was. He didnt take me of the street I went to him, so how will that look? I have read about how these things ruin the WOMAN not the man. My culture does not allow sex before marriage so for this to get out would actually ruin many many lives. This would "shame" me into disappearing. You simply cannot take on these people. They would make an example of me - modern day persecution. Is it worth a label for life for my whole family to deal with? This kind of thing destroys lives. I am worried that I am not at all angry, I am not even angry at myself, I am just at the stage of wondering how to practically get over this. Thank you for the words. they help in some way. Does anyone know why my back hurts so much?
Awesome Username Posted December 23, 2009 Posted December 23, 2009 You are acting like a lot of women after this happens to them - questioning yourself and trying to analyze it. There is nothing that says that if you go out with a guy, or even make out with him, that he has a right to have sex with you without your consent. A lot of women pretend to like it while it's happening - it's a coping mechanism. Wish I could break the guy's neck.
Star Gazer Posted December 23, 2009 Posted December 23, 2009 I had to pretend to enjoy it. If you did that, are you sure he knew that you didn't want to have sex? I"m sorry you're going through this, I'm just concerned...
deux ex machina Posted December 23, 2009 Posted December 23, 2009 Reporting it has consquences and will draw me into a court case I cannot endure. I simply am unable to feel responsible for other victims if they are as stupid as I was. He didnt take me of the street I went to him, so how will that look? I have read about how these things ruin the WOMAN not the man. My culture does not allow sex before marriage so for this to get out would actually ruin many many lives. This would "shame" me into disappearing. You simply cannot take on these people. They would make an example of me - modern day persecution. Is it worth a label for life for my whole family to deal with? This kind of thing destroys lives. I am worried that I am not at all angry, I am not even angry at myself, I am just at the stage of wondering how to practically get over this. Thank you for the words. they help in some way. Does anyone know why my back hurts so much? You are in shock and bewilderment, love. Please call the people that can give you a kind ear, and clear guidance, okay? Breathe, do one thing at a time. Pick up the phone. Call.
Author Hi Powered Posted December 23, 2009 Author Posted December 23, 2009 If you did that, are you sure he knew that you didn't want to have sex? I"m sorry you're going through this, I'm just concerned... He knew, the conversation turned to sex as soon as the door was shut. I said no then and it just got worse. I said no, he got on top of me (twice my wieght) and carried on anyway.
Author Hi Powered Posted December 23, 2009 Author Posted December 23, 2009 You are acting like a lot of women after this happens to them - questioning yourself and trying to analyze it. There is nothing that says that if you go out with a guy, or even make out with him, that he has a right to have sex with you without your consent. A lot of women pretend to like it while it's happening - it's a coping mechanism. Wish I could break the guy's neck. Maybe - it was brutal and feelingless, cold. thanks - i wish it was that simple.
cat-power Posted December 23, 2009 Posted December 23, 2009 even if you don't want to report it, though I seriously advise you to do this ! (if the girls before me reported my rapist, he might not have raped me!) I advise you to see your doctor or ER asap so you can be on antiviral medicine. If by chance he does have HIV or hepititus it can be stopped but only RIGHT NOW.
Awesome Username Posted December 23, 2009 Posted December 23, 2009 Maybe - it was brutal and feelingless, cold. thanks - i wish it was that simple. It was brutal and feelingless because you were basically attacked. I know the word "rape" strikes a feeling of oddness and an electric shock of alarm. It's not something that is a light subject, but please understand that it absolutely DID happen. This guy is a predator, and he will likely do it to another woman. You should file a police report, even if you don't want to spread the word around. You'll only be a victim in this if you let him get away with it. It's a lot to take in at once and I'm sure you don't want to be in this situation (having to take action) but he attacked you. No women should EVER have that happen to them.
Author Hi Powered Posted December 23, 2009 Author Posted December 23, 2009 I am feeling physically hurt for sure. Pain in the general area, back pain and now i am told periods are irregular on the pill. This is hard to accept.
anne1707 Posted December 23, 2009 Posted December 23, 2009 It is very easy to say you must report this when I have not experienced abuse at this level. However I really do believe that you should at least talk to a support group for women who have been raped to help you deal with this and decide what you need to do. (I am in the UK hence I would not know which organisations to suggest but maybe others would). Also please remember that many women who have been in your situation try to deal with it by pretending they are participating in order to minimise the potential threat from the man. THIS IS NOT YOUR FAULT. None of us would know what we would do in these circumstances. I know it's a horrible thought but you also do need to get yourself checked out - for STDs and pregnancy. Dosing up on the pill is very different to taking the morning after pill. Look after yourself
Mary3 Posted December 24, 2009 Posted December 24, 2009 He knew, the conversation turned to sex as soon as the door was shut. I said no then and it just got worse. I said no, he got on top of me (twice my wieght) and carried on anyway. Had you ever met up with him at any other time ? Was going to his place the first time you ever met ? Had he ever talked about sex through text , chat , IM or phone prior to meeting ? This is a sick internet predator. You wont be the first or the last. He will do it again. Aren't you concerned he may find you and try it again ? He gets his arrousal from forced sex. They don't get it from your pleasure but from your pain.
hoping2heal Posted December 24, 2009 Posted December 24, 2009 I am not going to report this. I want some advice, as I am not going to reveal this incident to ANYONE in the real world. Last night I decided to meet a guy I had spoken to for a short while (from a dating site).I was in a destructive mode, due to another guy (from my past). We ended up at his place. He penetrated me against my will. Maybe it is called rape.I would describe it as forceful penetraction, no kissing, no foreplay just straight sex, which I refused. As it was raw and painful, I realized that to finish it I had to pretend to enjoy it. I did this and I think it helped it to be over. He did not use protection and he removed it before he came - or so he thinks. I'm sorry to hear this happened to you. I know you have said you don't plan to report, and if that is what you choose to do no one can stop you or change that. However, I would like you to at least take a few things into consideration before you make the decision you will absolutely not report. The first thing I would like to say to you, is I have been in your shoes. Except the perpetraitor was a family member and I was a child at the time. I never spoke a word about what happened to me until nearly 20 years later. I have since filed a report against my perpetraitor and informed the family and need to know people about what happened to me. While it's very true what they say; that one benefit of telling is that it stops that person from inflicting the same abuse and trauma on another person and that IS a very important statement, I would like to share with you another side of the coin to reporting. Reporting an attacker validates the trauma you have suffered and makes you feel empowered. Not reporting the incident serves to make you ashamed of yourself. You don't want to talk to anyone about what happened because you feel so ashamed and humiliated and can't bear to have anyone LOOK at you know something so deeply painful and what feels like "disgusting." When you don't report these incidents? That only affirms in your mind that you ARE shameful, you ARE disgusting, There is something wrong with YOU. Having now come out in the open, it has helped me to overcome a lot of the shame and disgust I held about myself. It gave me back some power and it has helped to slowly restore the dignity and respect that has been vacant for so long. Knowing I had the strength to stand up and do what was right, even after all that time; it wasn't a magic fix all for the pain and trauma I have been through, but it sure has given me back a hell of a lot that was taken from me. The family members of the person who did this do not speak to me, nor do I wish to speak to them. They either don't believe me, or don't want to believe me. The family is divided now and will never, ever be the same. And you know what? That isn't MY fault, that is the doing of this person. When they chose to violate and abuse me sexually- they caused the pain and the damage to their families; not me. So, while you may be feeling to low and humiliated to tell another person what has happened to you, that shame and disgust you are feeling will be exacerbated if you don't hold the person who did this responsible. Please think about what I said, I know if I had understood and known better at the time, it would of made an already traumatic and painful situation, less so.
Skidog Posted December 24, 2009 Posted December 24, 2009 (edited) I think the person above me has put it in much better words than I ever could, so I'm just going to say you can't let him get away with this. If you do, you're sending him the message that what he did was okay - it's not, it's atrocious. At the very least, tell someone. For your own emotional sake. I can't imagine what you must be feeling right now, but know that I stand with everyone else in the thread in that I want to give you a hug and break that guy's neck. Edited December 24, 2009 by Skidog
calizaggy Posted December 24, 2009 Posted December 24, 2009 Where are you from? What culture? And why did you go to his home?
Sam Spade Posted December 24, 2009 Posted December 24, 2009 Well, that sucks big time. I'm not sure why didn't your report it. I'd imagine that taking a bath and waiting will make it much harder to make a case. It would basically be your word against his word. I'd recommend dealing with the emotions later, and focus on quickly putting the legal ducks in the row for the time being. If all else fails, recruit male friends and relatives to break his knee caps. Good luck.
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