Boundary Problem Posted December 23, 2009 Posted December 23, 2009 sorry this is long... I thought he was crazy, but it turns out I was ignorant. I was reading about wolves last night and it explained my ex-bf perfectly: 1. He didn't want me out of his sight. 2. He was shockingly jealous of any male between the ages of 15-60 in my life; 3. He was constantly checking up on me. 4. He wanted me to contact him every day. 5. He preferred me naked when around him. 6. He kept writing his name and phone number on my a** in permanent marker. 7. He exposed himself to me in his natural state (ie he was very honest with me about his problems) 8. He was a biter 9. He devoted his career and his free time (hobbies) to saving the world 10 He would redirect my thoughts if I forgot to do something or if I was depressed. I was clueless at the time, that his behaviour and feelings were primal. I assumed that his jealousy was a "choice" not to control himself. Sort of like deciding to buy a chocolate bar in the line-up at the grocery store. So for his "lack of control" on his jealousy issues, I decided as a "point of principal" to assert by "right" to live a life with him based on trust. So I told him about the sexual fantasies I had about other men. I mean, I gave him ALL the details of these fantasies. I never intended to pursue these other men, but I willfully insisted that it was my right to have lunch with these men that I found sexually attractive - and that i could have lunch with them any time I chose. And that my ex-bf should just trust me. Well, he dumped me. He said his heart said 'yes' but his head said 'no'. I lost a great guy and it was a really nice relationship in all other respects. And all because of a point of principle because I didn't understand his core nature. I think feminism ruined my relationship. It has taught me nothing about men, and caused me to assert independence on an issue that truly meant nothing to me. In retrospect I think he was really torn up about the jealousy thing, and he hid as much of it as he could from me, but the chilly demeanour, name calling, hurt feelings were unmistakable. It went far beyond a casual decision to be jealous. It seriously was something primal with him, and I was completely oblivious.
McGrupp Posted December 23, 2009 Posted December 23, 2009 He kept writing his name and phone number on my a** in permanent marker thats the funniest **** ive ever heard
Author Boundary Problem Posted December 23, 2009 Author Posted December 23, 2009 thats the funniest **** ive ever heard Gets better. He would write his name, phone number and messages for the intended guy, like "this is mine, call me". He's a negotiator by nature. He likes to talk out problems.
lkjh Posted December 23, 2009 Posted December 23, 2009 Gets better. He would write his name, phone number and messages for the intended guy, like "this is mine, call me". That is pretty freakin funny. Feminism ruins a lot of things. It is no longer about getting women to live happy lives, its about control. "feminist" want power and they try to get all women to act like them. Look at it from the other side, if your bf told you "hey I really want to bang this chick and she makes me horny but we are just friends and Im gonna take her to lunch and you need to deal with it" would you have been cool with it?
Author Boundary Problem Posted December 23, 2009 Author Posted December 23, 2009 Gets better. He would write his name, phone number and messages for the intended guy, like "this is mine, call me". That is pretty freakin funny. Feminism ruins a lot of things. It is no longer about getting women to live happy lives, its about control. "feminist" want power and they try to get all women to act like them. Look at it from the other side, if your bf told you "hey I really want to bang this chick and she makes me horny but we are just friends and Im gonna take her to lunch and you need to deal with it" would you have been cool with it? To be honest. I don't know. He dumped me so I don't have to worry about it. By necessity I have "turned off" my jealousy switch. So about 90% of my internal jealousy signals I'm able to diffuse. But 10% of the time, the impulse is too strong, and I tend to say nasty stuff to him (usually about the girl I'm jealous about). But I can't see myself ever telling him he can't do something. He sort of lived his life and if I didn't like something I would let him know. I don't believe in setting down a bunch of 'rules'.
DustySaltus Posted December 23, 2009 Posted December 23, 2009 He kept writing his name and phone number on my a** in permanent marker. What do you mean he "kept", why didn't you stop him? This is hilarious though.
Author Boundary Problem Posted December 23, 2009 Author Posted December 23, 2009 What do you mean he "kept", why didn't you stop him? This is hilarious though. Well he would exhaust me in bed and while I was sleeping-he was busy with the marker. It was when I got up and went to have a shower that I would get a glimpse in the mirror. Really interfered with my hot tubs at the local swimming pool. Had a wait a week for the ink to wear away, since he wrote in really big letters (everything about him was larger than life). Did I mention that he was amazing in bed. Feminism basically took the best sex of my life away from me. New guys never write on me. They have zero creativity. When I was a child, it was a firm 'rule' that I was never allowed to write on myself. And if I did, I was in trouble. Seriously. So the fact he writes on my a** in permanent marker to me was so shamfully explicit and exciting.
make me believe Posted December 23, 2009 Posted December 23, 2009 Am I missing something?? He sounds like a controlling as*hole. I don't think it's funny that he was pissing on his territory by writing his name & phone number on you while you were sleeping. What an immature tool! And clearly there was no trust in this relationship if he felt the need to do that as a way to warn other guys that you might cheat on him with. Being jealous and controlling is not "primal". You should not be flattered by it or consider it just part of his nature. He can AND SHOULD change that part of his personality. I don't know why you told him your sexual fantasies about other men but I guess it's a good thing you did because it allowed you to get rid of a potentially abusive (the name calling & controlling behavior) jerk.
silic0ntoad Posted December 24, 2009 Posted December 24, 2009 Hm. I think if a girl I was with came up to me and said "I have fantasies of Jim rogering me at the beach after three bottles of 99 bananas all while listening to girls just wanna have fun" and the proceeded to have lunch with him, I'd save face and dump her azz too. I am not the jealous type. But I am intelligent enough to know a wolf in sheeps clothing. It's an attractive nuisance. If you wanted to swim, and you walked by a swimming pool every day, it's only a matter of time before you take a dip. Laws of probability.
silic0ntoad Posted December 24, 2009 Posted December 24, 2009 Feminism ruins everything... Ain't that the truth. The funny thing about feminism is how rhetorical it is. They want equal treatment..... ......but have a belief they are entitled.
Woggle Posted December 24, 2009 Posted December 24, 2009 I remember somebody told me on here that I need to stop fighting battles that I don't have to and stop vigilant when there is no need. I think that many feminists need to take that advice themselves.
silic0ntoad Posted December 24, 2009 Posted December 24, 2009 I remember somebody told me on here that I need to stop fighting battles that I don't have to and stop vigilant when there is no need. I think that many feminists need to take that advice themselves. LOL Good luck with that. As for feminists, really? I ignore them. They're just women, with small brains. LOL
New_Life08 Posted December 27, 2009 Posted December 27, 2009 yeah...no wonder he was jealous, he probably sensed this about you. If my bf insisted on having lunch with women he had sexual fantasies about, I would dump him too. Like a wolf...you cannot throw competition into anyone's face without someone getting hurt.
Justtoodangtired Posted December 27, 2009 Posted December 27, 2009 WTF? I am confused. Was your post serious???? He did all the things on that list and what conclusion you came to, was to tell him you're having fantasies about other men and are going to "lunch" with them? Really? Then he broke up with you and you're sad about that? This wasn't for real was it?
an hero Posted December 27, 2009 Posted December 27, 2009 Hm. I think if a girl I was with came up to me and said "I have fantasies of Jim rogering me at the beach after three bottles of 99 bananas all while listening to girls just wanna have fun" and the proceeded to have lunch with him, I'd save face and dump her azz too. I am not the jealous type. But I am intelligent enough to know a wolf in sheeps clothing. It's an attractive nuisance. If you wanted to swim, and you walked by a swimming pool every day, it's only a matter of time before you take a dip. Laws of probability. 100% agreed.
LESS then EURO Posted January 3, 2010 Posted January 3, 2010 sorry this is long... I thought he was crazy, but it turns out I was ignorant. I was reading about wolves last night and it explained my ex-bf perfectly: 1. He didn't want me out of his sight. 2. He was shockingly jealous of any male between the ages of 15-60 in my life; 3. He was constantly checking up on me. 4. He wanted me to contact him every day. 5. He preferred me naked when around him. 6. He kept writing his name and phone number on my a** in permanent marker. 7. He exposed himself to me in his natural state (ie he was very honest with me about his problems) 8. He was a biter 9. He devoted his career and his free time (hobbies) to saving the world 10 He would redirect my thoughts if I forgot to do something or if I was depressed. I was clueless at the time, that his behaviour and feelings were primal. I assumed that his jealousy was a "choice" not to control himself. Sort of like deciding to buy a chocolate bar in the line-up at the grocery store. So for his "lack of control" on his jealousy issues, I decided as a "point of principal" to assert by "right" to live a life with him based on trust. So I told him about the sexual fantasies I had about other men. I mean, I gave him ALL the details of these fantasies. I never intended to pursue these other men, but I willfully insisted that it was my right to have lunch with these men that I found sexually attractive - and that i could have lunch with them any time I chose. And that my ex-bf should just trust me. Well, he dumped me. He said his heart said 'yes' but his head said 'no'. I lost a great guy and it was a really nice relationship in all other respects. And all because of a point of principle because I didn't understand his core nature. I think feminism ruined my relationship. It has taught me nothing about men, and caused me to assert independence on an issue that truly meant nothing to me. In retrospect I think he was really torn up about the jealousy thing, and he hid as much of it as he could from me, but the chilly demeanour, name calling, hurt feelings were unmistakable. It went far beyond a casual decision to be jealous. It seriously was something primal with him, and I was completely oblivious. wow do I know you? All of this describes me perfectly, and how I am in my current relationship, it was very interesting reading all of this! can you link me to were you read this information as I'd really like to read more! Thanks
You'reasian Posted January 3, 2010 Posted January 3, 2010 Hm. I think if a girl I was with came up to me and said "I have fantasies of Jim rogering me at the beach after three bottles of 99 bananas all while listening to girls just wanna have fun" and the proceeded to have lunch with him, I'd save face and dump her azz too. I am not the jealous type. But I am intelligent enough to know a wolf in sheeps clothing. It's an attractive nuisance. If you wanted to swim, and you walked by a swimming pool every day, it's only a matter of time before you take a dip. Laws of probability. This post speaks truth. I'm sure Jim would love the thought, but as far as the realm of committed relationships are concerned, its a problem. I don't think feminism is the cause for the OP's mistake though. Maybe she hasn't examined her thoughts about how promiscuity with other men fits into the picture of a committed relationship. We're all humans - but we draw the line at different places.
FryFish Posted January 4, 2010 Posted January 4, 2010 I think Im going to start writing my name and number on asses... edit: and Im not even in a committed relationship anymore.
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