any guys out there that have had an affair and found love with the other woman?

[baby86]

Does the MM ever actually stay for the kids or is it just an excuse to keep the OW happy. I know that many people believe that all men that have affairs are just cheating scumbags but surely there are some that are really having a bad time?????

[temple]

You'd hope..

[Awakening]

The reason he stays does not matter. It's the fact that he stays.

[Brokenlady]

The reason he stays does not matter. It's the fact that he stays.

 

I second that motion. If you try to find a way to justify it, you're going to feel sorry for the MM, and that's going to keep you hooked for a long time. At the end of the day, you still sit alone, and he with his wife, and you can bet your buttons that isn't going to change. Feeling sorry for him removes your ability to focus on your life and what's good for you. I can promise you that nothing good comes from that.

[outofthedark]

When you stop justification of the mm/mw behaviors, it lets you see it, really SEE the behaviors as it is and allows you to accept it. It gives you a freedom for yourself. When I stopped justifying my mm's behavior, I saw him in an entirely new way. I stopped enabling him by making excuses for him. It gave me power. Gone was the sympathy..though I was still understanding. I just no longer took it all in myself. Do MM find love with the OW, yes. Do they stay for the kids, yes. DO they leave their wives, yes. DO they chit all over the ow and leave her, yes. It depends on the man. That is too broad a question.

[jwi71]

Does the MM ever actually stay for the kids or is it just an excuse to keep the OW happy. I know that many people believe that all men that have affairs are just cheating scumbags but surely there are some that are really having a bad time?????

 

Exactly as above...its a hook.

 

If it was REALLY that bad at home, they'd divorce. Oh, I'm NOT doubting its not "bad"...just the degree of "bad".

 

Lets face it, all R's have ups and downs. And in a M those downs can last for months or longer (often tied to fiances...and have you seen the economy lately?)...and, pick your character flaw, they look OUTSIDE the M for whatever is missing.

 

99.99% of the time its a lie by degree. And its 100.00% of the time a worm on a hook - don't bite.

[Got it]

Some stay and leave for all the reasons but it is as personal as the individual. The marriage is about them, no one else, and they will stay or part ways depending on the two individuals. Honestly, I felt as the OW I actually made things easier for him to stay.

 

But did he love me? Absolutely. Does he love me? Absolutely. Did he finally leave? Yes. But because there was no resolving their relationship. She wouldn't own her part for her affair and he didn't want to try and mend things after all that had happened.

 

But I will promise you there was nothing special I did or didn't do that had any influence on him.