michg Posted December 23, 2009 Posted December 23, 2009 (edited) If a married man does the following: Exchanges over 500 emails with another married woman,all about sex Keeps talking about what a great dad he is Keeps telling her what a beautiful child he has, praising her What a perfect wife she is, who sets the standards for every other woman he knows What a lucky man her husband is Goes out of his way to email her and see how she is, feeling insecure about her response Months later,w hen she doesn't reply warmly, emails again baiting her with topics that would get her to write back (like how fast her child was growing) Tells her to keep in touch, because she doesn't work there anymore Tells her he REALLY hoped she was doing well too, when all she said was she hoped he was Asks her to call him because he'd love to chat and was really looking forward to talking with her When she didn't and asked him to call and speak to her husband, he did (to save her) She finally goes to the office, he keeps talking about his kids again, how much he loves them and spoils them, showing off his fatherly skills He asks her to come into his office and close the door He touches her She says no and promises to come back He accepts and is disappointed, but tries his best to ensure she comes back They talk about their families He promises to bring her back to work soon And this has been happening for a year - he has waited for her for a year, even using EXACT words from emails he wrote a year ago (I've read them all and he doesn't know it, even the recent ones). It's like he can't forget about her, so how can it be just about sex? Does waiting this long and doing all of this mean that he has feelings for her too? Thanks in advance for your honest opinions. Edited December 23, 2009 by michg
freestyle Posted December 23, 2009 Posted December 23, 2009 I hate to say this dear, but these are the classic signs of an emotional affair. The mere fact that your H has kept all this communication hidden from you is a HUGE red banner. You can let this eat you up inside , or you could confront him about it. If you choose to confront, however, it would be in your best interests to have printed copies of all their communications.(leave an extra set with a trusted friend or family member as well) There is a chance your H will lie and deny, and attempt to gaslight you. He's already shown that he's capable of being dishonest with you, by the mere fact that he's kept the depth of this "friendship" hidden from you. His behavior is completely inappropriate for a married man. You need to decide whether or not you want to try to save your M. I'd strongly recommend that you get a copy of "Not Just Friends" by Shirley Glass. It may help you to better understand what's happening in your M right now. It's very comprehensive. I'm so sorry you're going through this...................... also, try Googling, "confronting a cheater" you'll find lots of articles that will give you advice on how to proceed. It's much wiser than being unprepared.
misternoname Posted December 23, 2009 Posted December 23, 2009 Wow...you're having to ask if he has feelings for her is mind boggling in itself! His behavior is beyond inappropriate. It appears to be WAY past time for a "come to Jesus" meeting with him. Good luck.
2sure Posted December 23, 2009 Posted December 23, 2009 I give you my advice from my own experience. You can continue to wonder, to find proof, to snoop, etc. But until you put everything on the table in front of ALL parties involved...you are not even having a conversation, you are spinning your wheels. There is no stopping, no change, no turning point until you are all looking at the same thing and talking about reality. Print all of the emails. Call her husband and ask if he wants them. Only after that sit down with your husband and put it in HIS lap.
imagine Posted December 23, 2009 Posted December 23, 2009 This is a trick question... right... Please follow 2sures advise!
bittersweet memories Posted December 23, 2009 Posted December 23, 2009 (edited) If a married man does the following: Exchanges over 500 emails with another married woman,all about sex Keeps talking about what a great dad he is Keeps telling her what a beautiful child he has, praising her What a perfect wife she is, who sets the standards for every other woman he knows What a lucky man her husband is Goes out of his way to email her and see how she is, feeling insecure about her response Months later,w hen she doesn't reply warmly, emails again baiting her with topics that would get her to write back (like how fast her child was growing) Tells her to keep in touch, because she doesn't work there anymore Tells her he REALLY hoped she was doing well too, when all she said was she hoped he was Asks her to call him because he'd love to chat and was really looking forward to talking with her When she didn't and asked him to call and speak to her husband, he did (to save her) She finally goes to the office, he keeps talking about his kids again, how much he loves them and spoils them, showing off his fatherly skills He asks her to come into his office and close the door He touches her She says no and promises to come back He accepts and is disappointed, but tries his best to ensure she comes back They talk about their families He promises to bring her back to work soon And this has been happening for a year - he has waited for her for a year, even using EXACT words from emails he wrote a year ago (I've read them all and he doesn't know it, even the recent ones). It's like he can't forget about her, so how can it be just about sex? Does waiting this long and doing all of this mean that he has feelings for her too? Thanks in advance for your honest opinions. Sorry to say, but by the sound of it your husband has the hot's for this woman. I think you already know this deep down inside. We tend to hope that is not the case. I think you should have a talk with him and find out whats up. You might not get the whole truth but atleast he knows you know. Im sorry you are going through this. I feel your pain. I wish you good luck. Edited December 23, 2009 by bittersweet memories
freestyle Posted December 23, 2009 Posted December 23, 2009 OP, please make sure you have all your ducks in a row before you confront....................I know it's tempting to react impulsively, but when you're dealing with someone who's been lying to you, their typically going to do everything they can to minmize, deny, or cover-up. They won't play fair. If you confront too soon, your H will simply delete the evidence, and take this "friendship" further underground. It's in your best interests to "play dumb" for a while until you have hard copies (with spare copies stashed away) to make your case. I agree with 2Sure, your best bet is to bring this to the attention of her H. Exposing the affair to the light of day will help bring it to an end , if that's what you're seeking.
tryagaintoday Posted December 28, 2009 Posted December 28, 2009 "Nope. No feelings for her at all. Don't think he has any feelings for this other woman." So says my ex-fiancee. She should know because she did many of these things listed. "Don't you believe that man and woman can be best friends? They're just best friends". And then stressed that leaving you is definitely not because of this other person. And then immediately go after this other person and starts sleeping with him/her.
Hazyhead Posted December 28, 2009 Posted December 28, 2009 I'm sorry Mich, I agree with the other posters. I think you must do too. Have you spoken to him about it/her? Has he no idea you know about any of it?
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