lovebubble Posted December 23, 2009 Posted December 23, 2009 so, my h just broke the news to me that he will not be here for xmas. this is our last week + together, as he deploys jan 2nd and he chooses to drive 10 hrs away and see his family on xmas day, while i sit here alone (no fam). i cried and practically begged to go but apparently i just learned that his family hate me ( this is why im not invited ) and he dosen't want it to be '' awkward ''.. he just '' wants time alone with his family ''.. but aren't i a part of it?? ive only met his mother 2 times, never met his father or sister but apparently they hate me because of the constant back and fourth me and my husband go through ( several seperations, drama drama drama ).. am i being selfish? plz tell me if i am.
D-Lish Posted December 23, 2009 Posted December 23, 2009 Is he coming back after x-mas before he goes? Did your inlaws come to your wedding? What back and forth drama do your inlaws know about if you've only met them twice?
offplanet Posted December 23, 2009 Posted December 23, 2009 No you are not being selfish, but his family is. Relationships arent perfect as Im sure you know, and I think his family really believes they are helping him, by shunning you. What he doesn't see is that they arent being respectful of his choice to be in a relationship with you, just as he isn't being respectful to you by not wanting to be "awkward". Tough spot to be in. So you have to decide what it is you want. You cant make him do anything he doesn't want to do, and you cant make his family like you, but you can do what is right for you. If you know what it is that you want, and know how you go about getting it, then nothing in this world can make you unhappy. If it were me, I would leave. In the long run his family will win, and if he isnt man enough to know that love in its truest form is usually awkward anyway, then you should spend what precious time you have finding that person who will love you inspite of yourself.
Toodamnpragmatic Posted December 23, 2009 Posted December 23, 2009 Yes you are being selfish..... His family is his family and you already state you have a dyfunctional relationship (several seperations, drama drama drama). Obviously never (seldom) meeting his family says much more about the relationship too.... A deployment is obviously a stressful time and he needs some time with his family too in a calm setting, which you have not created with him or his family..... Now conversely, why are you not going with him, staying in a hotel (cost is pretty low right now) and thus he can spend time with both of you????
Art_Critic Posted December 23, 2009 Posted December 23, 2009 A deployment is obviously a stressful time and he needs some time with his family too in a calm setting, which you have not created with him or his family..... You do realize that his wife IS also his family ? Love Bubble.. you are not being selfish.. it seems that your husband is.. I would honestly look into what amount of disrespect that you can tolerate before it becomes a deal breaker in your marriage or at the very least if not a deal breaker a time where you both discuss what happened and how you felt and how to proceed from here. While there isn't anything wrong with him wanting to spend time before he deploys with his family, he also did not include you in this and as his wife that is pretty disrespectful. He never even discussed it with you.. Time to look at the foundation and the primary reason you are married to someone like that. I'm sorry your Christmas will not be spent with him.. do you have some of your own family or friends you can spend it with ?
Toodamnpragmatic Posted December 23, 2009 Posted December 23, 2009 You do realize that his wife IS also his family ? Love Bubble.. you are not being selfish.. it seems that your husband is.. I would honestly look into what amount of disrespect that you can tolerate before it becomes a deal breaker in your marriage or at the very least if not a deal breaker a time where you both discuss what happened and how you felt and how to proceed from here. While there isn't anything wrong with him wanting to spend time before he deploys with his family, he also did not include you in this and as his wife that is pretty disrespectful. He never even discussed it with you.. Time to look at the foundation and the primary reason you are married to someone like that. I'm sorry your Christmas will not be spent with him.. do you have some of your own family or friends you can spend it with ? I think it is very apparent this is a completely dysfunctional family/marriage just reading a 7 line post. She should be driving down with him (20 hours), staying away to lessen the stress with family. Frankly don't even have to tell her parents she's there. Terrible situation in ay case.
PortuguesePrincess80 Posted December 23, 2009 Posted December 23, 2009 Yes your relationship surely does sound like lots of drama! Maybe this should be an eye opener and a chance for you to get on with your life. Not sure if your the innocent party here..but in any case you both have major relationship issues. Either work it out...or get rid of it all together! Sounds VERY dysfunctional either way!
Samantha0905 Posted December 23, 2009 Posted December 23, 2009 When I first read your post, I thought you meant he was leaving the marriage -- so, therefore, going to spend Christmas with his family alone and then deploying. If you mean the two of you are still married and that's his option -- well, then YES, that's very dysfunctional and you are in no way being selfish. A husband should spend Christmas with his wife if at all possible, and most especially if he is getting ready to deploy!!
rina_r Posted December 23, 2009 Posted December 23, 2009 No you are not selfish. I went through a deployment with my ex. We went to visit his family before the deployment TOGETHER.
hoping2heal Posted December 24, 2009 Posted December 24, 2009 so, my h just broke the news to me that he will not be here for xmas. this is our last week + together, as he deploys jan 2nd and he chooses to drive 10 hrs away and see his family on xmas day, while i sit here alone (no fam). i cried and practically begged to go but apparently i just learned that his family hate me ( this is why im not invited ) and he dosen't want it to be '' awkward ''.. he just '' wants time alone with his family ''.. but aren't i a part of it?? ive only met his mother 2 times, never met his father or sister but apparently they hate me because of the constant back and fourth me and my husband go through ( several seperations, drama drama drama ).. am i being selfish? plz tell me if i am. Are you being selfish? No. A doormat? Yes, most definatey. Your husband has no, and I mean absolutely NONE respect for you. He is completely thoughtless of your feelings, and you are wondering if there's something YOU have done wrong? Are YOU asking too much? Doormats do not get respect or adoration from their husbands. He isn't going to wake up one day and go "you know, she has put up with so much from me, gosh I love her so much." No, he's going to view you as weak, inferior and his little personal punching bag. You my dear, have much bigger problems than the fact he is leaving you alone for Christmas. Do you know what having your feelings mowed over and being treated with no consideration or respect is going to do to your self esteem, self respect, and happiness quotient?? (what it already HAS done!!). What is going on here that you tolerate someone mistreating you?
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