LovelyDaze Posted December 23, 2009 Posted December 23, 2009 It's been chaotic how my ex has put me through dumping his new GF, trying to win me back, only to still go back to the new GF anyway within a week. In January 2010, he leaves for Afghanistan until January 2011. He has said a dozen times (we work together) to me that he KNOWS she will cheat (she's about 18 to his 30) while he's away and he's scared he will realize that I will be the one that got away...huh? Any thoughts on that comment?
JohnnyB Posted December 23, 2009 Posted December 23, 2009 I've known 4 close friends who have gone off to serve our country. Each of them regret having a relationship in the states. Two ended up cheating with someone on base, 1 got cheated on by his girl at home, and the other...well, he didn't come home... Do Not Tie yourself to this man for a year of uncertainty. It may sound nice to be the 'One that got away', but don't let flattery risk heartbreak. If he is Man Enough to go to war, then He should be Man enough to be Responsible and Single for a year.
Author LovelyDaze Posted December 23, 2009 Author Posted December 23, 2009 I've known 4 close friends who have gone off to serve our country. Each of them regret having a relationship in the states. Two ended up cheating with someone on base, 1 got cheated on by his girl at home, and the other...well, he didn't come home... Do Not Tie yourself to this man for a year of uncertainty. It may sound nice to be the 'One that got away', but don't let flattery risk heartbreak. If he is Man Enough to go to war, then He should be Man enough to be Responsible and Single for a year. OH JohnnyB! You have been a fly on the wall when my ex & I talked. Back in 2007, he left his exGF on his first tour to Afghanistan because he said himself he knew she would cheat while he away for that long...and sure enough she did and is married to the guy and living in Florida! NOW, he attempted to dump his new fiancee' & admitted he knows she is in Vegas cheating as she so hints to him in text messages. She told him that she can't be dumped since she already ordered the wedding dress and he backed down. I don't want to be the new fiancee', believe me. She really thinks he will be true and as you stated, some soldiers aren't able to keep from dating around. My ex said he had several times. This new fiancee' is in a world full of hurt more than I am. I KNOW he can cheat on a dime...she thinks she is that special that he won't.
Kantor Posted December 23, 2009 Posted December 23, 2009 while he's away and he's scared he will realize that I will be the one that got away...huh? Any thoughts on that comment? He doesn't know it now, whats going to change out there that makes it any different? I didn't know what I had until it was too late though, but you're already gone from his life and he doesn't realize it, he's not going to realize it when hes gone. We'll at least not for the right reasons.
Author LovelyDaze Posted December 23, 2009 Author Posted December 23, 2009 He doesn't know it now, whats going to change out there that makes it any different? I didn't know what I had until it was too late though, but you're already gone from his life and he doesn't realize it, he's not going to realize it when hes gone. We'll at least not for the right reasons. I hear you guys. It's like, I want to be the example of grace and class about the whole thing. Not to win him back, but so that he realizes he did lose a wonderful person over a fiancee' he says over and over again that he can't trust as far as he can throw her. What irks me is that he wants to rehash his "plan" that he did to an ex-GF in 2007 and HOPES his new fiancee' will forget about him while he's gone in Afghanistan for a year and that way he doesn't have to dump her again. He wants her to just lose interest. It's beyond nuts.
Kantor Posted December 23, 2009 Posted December 23, 2009 I hear you guys. It's like, I want to be the example of grace and class about the whole thing. Not to win him back, but so that he realizes he did lose a wonderful person over a fiancee' he says over and over again that he can't trust as far as he can throw her. What irks me is that he wants to rehash his "plan" that he did to an ex-GF in 2007 and HOPES his new fiancee' will forget about him while he's gone in Afghanistan for a year and that way he doesn't have to dump her again. He wants her to just lose interest. It's beyond nuts. If thats the person you were to him, he will remember that about you. Sounds like its time for you to move on, him to lose the fiancee for his own good and for you both to take the experience from the last couple years into new relationships and be stronger because of it. Good luck, hopefully things will work out in everyones best interest.
singlegirl Posted December 23, 2009 Posted December 23, 2009 (edited) Whilst I think a cheat is a cheat, I would imagine the Afghanistan thing makes men feel their mortality. I guess when you believe you could die you grasp at any life, including sex whilst it's available..... Having said that I believe your are in a loose loose situation with this man. No man who doesn't know what he wants can truly love a woman. There are hundreds of men who go off to war and have children and wives they live for and risk life and limb for without question because they truly love them. He's not the man you want him to be I think I will be the one who got away for my guy. I gave myself to him without condition. I accepted his lack of job, lack of money. I didn't judge his situation but his behaviour towards me was anot acceptable. I gave him my heart and he continually pushed my emotional boundaries mercilessly in the final 2 weeks of our relationship...I ended it and his head was spinning. He saw my kindness as weakness but time reveals all to even the most arrogant of men Edited December 23, 2009 by singlegirl
Author LovelyDaze Posted December 23, 2009 Author Posted December 23, 2009 He saw my kindness as weakness but time reveals all to even the most arrogant of men Special thanks to Kantor too! Yes, I plan to remain classy and not grab and beg him to "change" because he won't. Thank you singlegirl. Your last comment especially made sense because as my ex got sick of his smothering fiancee', he came running back to me. I wasn't going to take that so he went back to her! I need to look at that red flag I claim I wave, my ex is a douchebag who shouldn't be in a relationship of ANY kind. Not back with me, not her, not anyone. Perhaps Afghanistan is good for him only in the sense that he is away from the both of us and can possibly get his s*** together. After that, he needs to assess how much of an a**hat he was and stop doing THAT! LOL!
2sure Posted December 23, 2009 Posted December 23, 2009 I will definitely be the one that got away...if I have to chew off my right arm to do it.
gaudi Posted December 23, 2009 Posted December 23, 2009 It's not for anyone to decide if they themselves are someone elses "one that got away". That's up to the EX. More important is to make sure that when you meet "THE ONE" that you don't let them get away....
Author LovelyDaze Posted December 23, 2009 Author Posted December 23, 2009 It's not for anyone to decide if they themselves are someone elses "one that got away". That's up to the EX. More important is to make sure that when you meet "THE ONE" that you don't let them get away.... I get that. But what I hope is that my ex realizes too late that I am gone and wishes he worked on it. Like I stated in a post. Just last week, he has tried to come back only for me to refuse...he goes back to the new fiancee. Says A LOT about how what he is. Very junior high-ish.
gaudi Posted December 24, 2009 Posted December 24, 2009 I get that. But what I hope is that my ex realizes too late that I am gone and wishes he worked on it. Well he probably will. I've read a lot of your posts, and not that it's for me to make judgements, but it sounds like he and this girl deserve each other. ie; You deserve better, so make sure you get it !!
Author LovelyDaze Posted December 24, 2009 Author Posted December 24, 2009 Well he probably will. I've read a lot of your posts, and not that it's for me to make judgements, but it sounds like he and this girl deserve each other. ie; You deserve better, so make sure you get it !! Awww! Thanks gaudi! Yes. I have come to the realization that these two LOVE drama, confusion, lies, and dysfunction. There lives would be boring without all of that I suppose. I definitely will stay out of their debacle for good!
Zeegagge Posted December 25, 2009 Posted December 25, 2009 Oh Ms. Daze, you sound so... I mean you've got it figured out! I hope you're not upset by any of this anymore. I too have figured much out, I only wish to realize your clarity about it all.
Author LovelyDaze Posted December 25, 2009 Author Posted December 25, 2009 Oh Ms. Daze, you sound so... I mean you've got it figured out! I hope you're not upset by any of this anymore. I too have figured much out, I only wish to realize your clarity about it all. Aww, Thanks Zeegagge! I don't pretend to know it all but I have done a lot of thinking in the past two months since my breakup. Not to wish him any ill will going overseas of course, but I am happy that we will be apart for over a year. By then, I really feel I will be in a different place, a newer place where he can no longer hurt me. January 2011 is a long time to see someone again. So many things can change within a year. I am actually looking forward to me healing up nicely during 2010. I hope all of us can come back and be healed by then too!
Kantor Posted December 25, 2009 Posted December 25, 2009 I am actually looking forward to me healing up nicely during 2010. I hope all of us can come back and be healed by then too! One more week to get through! You sure sound like you have your head on a level plain. Hopefully he'll figure his life out and figure out what he really wants. You will be that girl who he'll think of as the one who got away. I know I still think of mine that way, the hardest part for me is I am the one who left her only to realize she was the one. I was just too stupid to realize it. Stick around here and keep sharing whats going on in your life, hoping for the best for all of us in 2010.
Author LovelyDaze Posted December 25, 2009 Author Posted December 25, 2009 One more week to get through! You sure sound like you have your head on a level plain. Hopefully he'll figure his life out and figure out what he really wants. You will be that girl who he'll think of as the one who got away. I know I still think of mine that way, the hardest part for me is I am the one who left her only to realize she was the one. I was just too stupid to realize it. Stick around here and keep sharing whats going on in your life, hoping for the best for all of us in 2010. *happy tears* Kantor, I thought the best thing that ever happened to me was my ex. Nope. It was finding LS and the care and support of you guys! We will see this breakup as a gift, no question. Especially when we fall in love again! Yes, I am human..I miss who my ex USED to be. But the man he is now is no one I recognize or want to be with. That's what makes my recovery easier. You bet I will keep giving updates and my two cents throughout the year. You do the same! We have to! Because you know all of those couples walking around lovey dovey right now? You know a grand majority will be kaput by Dec 2010. Guess where some of thos will go for understanding? Loveshack! We have to be here to educate those newbies on how we healed our broken hearts!
Zeegagge Posted December 25, 2009 Posted December 25, 2009 Aww, Thanks Zeegagge! By then, I really feel I will be in a different place, a newer place where he can no longer hurt me. You ever think of moving to the Caribbean??
Author LovelyDaze Posted December 25, 2009 Author Posted December 25, 2009 LOL! I should! Well, since he will be far off in Afghanistan until 2011, I will be okay where I am. I'd be impressed if he had the berries to try to talk to me again after all that time. Impressed not stupid...he is still fired from my heart!
TheBritishGuy Posted December 25, 2009 Posted December 25, 2009 I think you need to leave him. You say yourself he has put you through a lot. I'm sorry but if you put somebody through a lot you have amends to make. To make matters worse hes dumping his girlfriend because he doesn't trust her. What makes you think he will treat you any better? I really hope things work out for you but I can see big huge red flags being waved ferociously so my advice is stay away from a guy that has hurt you before and is now dumping another woman when there is nothing stopping him from doing the same to you.
Kantor Posted December 25, 2009 Posted December 25, 2009 I really hope things work out for you but I can see big huge red flags being waved ferociously so my advice is stay away from a guy that has hurt you before and is now dumping another woman when there is nothing stopping him from doing the same to you. Walks like a duck... quacks like a duck... something tells me it might be a duck... Heed this advise, I think you've painted a pretty good picture of this guy, and doesn't sound like hes a winner. However, you know that now. This is a good step!
Author LovelyDaze Posted December 25, 2009 Author Posted December 25, 2009 You guys are wonderful! Yea, my ex had chance after chance but failed miserably. You know one thing he said at our job stuck out in my mind though. All of us co-workers were talking about how we might change in the year 2010. Everyone felt they would grow and learn to make themselves better. My ex? He said and I quote, "I won't change at all. Not at all, thankfully." I was thinking, What? So if he doesn't think he needs to change, then that tells me all I need to know. Getting back with him is a train going nowhere.
Kantor Posted December 25, 2009 Posted December 25, 2009 So if he doesn't think he needs to change, then that tells me all I need to know. Getting back with him is a train going nowhere. You are 100% correct! To change you not only need to have the tools to do so... YOU HAVE TO WANT TO CHANGE! Sounds like he doesn't have either, and you deserve someone who will treat you like the queen you are!
Author LovelyDaze Posted December 25, 2009 Author Posted December 25, 2009 You are 100% correct! To change you not only need to have the tools to do so... YOU HAVE TO WANT TO CHANGE! Sounds like he doesn't have either, and you deserve someone who will treat you like the queen you are! Can't smile any wider! From this disaster of a relationship, I will take my break from dating to figure things out. I am actually looking forward to seeing what I am made of!
TheBritishGuy Posted December 25, 2009 Posted December 25, 2009 lol wow you sound pretty tough.. tougher than me anyway
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