itsjustjack Posted December 23, 2009 Posted December 23, 2009 Ok, I'll try to be brief. I am posting this online for semi-anonymity, because this is personal, and I'm too proud to talk to anyone else Ok, my ex girlfriend and I were together for 5 years, and we split this spring/summer. Now she wants to come back, and bad. Almost to the point of creeperish, but not quite. The reservation I have, though, is I know she was promiscuous when we were apart. 2 guys that I'm positive of, and a few more I have heard around the way. We split before in 2007 for a month, and she did the same thing. Now, to be blunt, our relationship lies heavily on sex. I know some people are going to think that's silly, but we're both happy with it. Here's where it gets interesting. This last guy she slept with was the ex of her best friend. Terrible, mighty promiscuous, and very unflattering. She called me after it happened balling her eyes out, and I didn't really give her the sympathy she wanted, because I didn't really care. Her friend wants nothing to do with her. I guess, basically, I'm trying to figure out what the hell was going through her mind, hopefully some other females can give me a heads up on this one. He used to text her constantly while we were broken up, and some of them were blatant flirting. I just don't know if she has what it takes to be with me. I don't share. I like them all to myself, or nothing at all. Is it possible for her to put that in the past and grow up?
jms76 Posted December 23, 2009 Posted December 23, 2009 Jack, Hell no. Let me say that again...HELL NO! I think you would be setting yourself up to be disappointed in a big way if you got back together with her. You have nothing to gain on this one.
Kantor Posted December 23, 2009 Posted December 23, 2009 Jack, Hell no. Let me say that again...HELL NO! I think you would be setting yourself up to be disappointed in a big way if you got back together with her. You have nothing to gain on this one. Agreed, sounds like you need to move on and find another fish in the sea.
curiousnycgirl Posted December 23, 2009 Posted December 23, 2009 Her promiscuity while broken up is less important to me than how she behaves while in a committed relationship. I agree it is an important data point, but not necessarily the most important one. Now if you say that the reason you two broke up is because she cheated, well then the above would be a different story. So why did you break up? Have those issues been resolved? What are the pros and cons going through your head while making this decision? I think we need more data here.
Author itsjustjack Posted December 23, 2009 Author Posted December 23, 2009 (edited) Thanks for all the replies. In a committed relationship, she's fantastic. Wonderful. I think that's why I have turned down a few females since the breakup, in my heart I hoped she would snap out of this and realize the mistakes she was making. As a little background note, when she left, we had a mortgage together on a really nice 2 bedroom home in a nice neighborhood, and I own a small business that takes a lot of my time, but makes a fair amount of profit at the end of the year. We're young. I'm 23, she's 21. Not sure if that makes much of a difference, but I think it does. I initially met her when I was 16, and we started dating when I was 18. We have grown significantly since then, but I'm curious if it's possible for two people to continue to grow. When we split, it was the hardest thing I've been through so far. Devastating. I was actually preparing to ask her to marry me this year, but that didn't work out. Now, I'm at a point in my life where the hurt is essentially gone, and I feel I'm a better man because of it. I do want to spend the rest of my life with her, but I don't want to get hurt again. EDIT: I forgot the last part of your question. The reason she gave for leaving initially was "that I was an ass and didn't treat her right". Now, to be fair, I can be quite a jackass. I have my moments. But, I'm not that bad. I made sure to tell her I loved her every morning and every night, tried my best to do romantic things for her on a regular basis. Made her a rose pedal bath once, and I wasn't even in trouble! Got up at 3:30 every morning and worked my tail off sometimes until 7 at night when I was getting my business off the ground. Just yesterday, she told me some things that made some sense, and reaffirmed my initial thoughts. She was spending a lot of time with her friends, and they basically fed off each other, because her girlfriends are manhaters. She told me she wants to get away from all that, move to another city, and give it a fresh start so she can give me what I deserve. Sounds good to me, but I don't know. The economy stinks here anyway Some of the Pro's going through my head are that my family loves her. I mean loves her. My mother calls her her daughter. I do love her to death. To me, she's incredible. But, some of the cons are that she does have an attitude, but I've grown to love that too. The main problem is her lack of effort sometimes to make a relationship work. It's hard sometimes, and I'm afraid that if I were to take her back, and marry her, that a divorce wouldn't be as devastating to her as it would be to me. Her family history is scarred with divorce and messed up living situations, and that's not me. She's said, as well as shown, in the past that she thinks that's unacceptable, so I don't know. I just don't know what to believe anymore! Why does this have to be so dang hard?! Edited December 23, 2009 by itsjustjack Missing Info
jms76 Posted December 23, 2009 Posted December 23, 2009 Jack, People do change but only a fraction of a bit over a long period of time. But that's besides the point. We're in the present and that's what we have to focus on. Just from reading your post, I would guess that your ex is very insecure? But I don't know enough to really say that. All I know is that she is bouncing from guy to guy when you guys are not together. And why did you two break up to begin with? A relationship based largely on sex can be dangerous. Maybe that's why she is sleeping around when you two are not together? She needs to fill the void that is not fulfilled by other aspects of a relationship. But you are young...you should go see what else is out there!
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