dashing daisy Posted December 23, 2009 Posted December 23, 2009 How do you know it's time to let go? It'll never work out? I still have that hope. Like this was too special to NOT work out. This relationship was only 6 months but everything just felt so right, he said it too, he'd never felt like this ever before. I miss just being with him.
Kantor Posted December 23, 2009 Posted December 23, 2009 Tell us more, why didn't it work? What went wrong?
Author dashing daisy Posted December 23, 2009 Author Posted December 23, 2009 It's a long story, not sure if anyone wants to hear it. The jist is he went to a different country to study abroad for 6 months, there was a 14 hour time difference and he barely got internet. We were going to stay together. Probably a stupid decision, what long distance relationships ever work out... Then one time we talked, I joked I would study abroad next year, he left immediately, then a few days later sent me an email saying if I was going to study abroad we would be staying together and it would be really hard for 6 months only to have to break up later, so we should break up now. He's coming back in a month. I don't know maybe I'm just going to have to write the whole thing, I know I'm going to hear just get over it because I'm being an idiot. But if I hadn't made that stupid joke maybe we would still be together.
Kantor Posted December 23, 2009 Posted December 23, 2009 It's a long story, not sure if anyone wants to hear it. We all want to hear it, that's why we're here. Sounds like you're in a tough place and LDR's can be very complicated. Perhaps someone with a little more experience with LDR's can help you out. The best advice I can give, was given to me by a friend, its all about open communication. Put everything you have out there and hold nothing back. That way each party knows exactly where the other stands and you can go from there. Good luck!
GrayClouds Posted December 23, 2009 Posted December 23, 2009 Then one time we talked, I joked I would study abroad next year, he left immediately, then a few days later sent me an email saying if I was going to study abroad we would be staying together and it would be really hard for 6 months only to have to break up later, so we should break up now. He's coming back in a month. I don't know maybe I'm just going to have to write the whole thing, I know I'm going to hear just get over it because I'm being an idiot. But if I hadn't made that stupid joke maybe we would still be together. I suspect he was looking for an out when you joked, that gave it to him.
teanoranges Posted December 23, 2009 Posted December 23, 2009 This is tricky because no matter what there will always be a 'hope'... but I think we are more in love with the idea of what COULD be and not what was... but that might just be me.
Kantor Posted December 23, 2009 Posted December 23, 2009 How do you know it's time to let go? It'll never work out? When you decide you are not going to be hurt anymore...
D-Lish Posted December 23, 2009 Posted December 23, 2009 I don't think your joke had anything to do with it. My bet is he had been mentally checking out of the relationship knowing he was going to leave- or he never allowed himself to fully invest because he knew he was leaving. Have you kept in touch?
Author dashing daisy Posted December 23, 2009 Author Posted December 23, 2009 We've talked a couple times, but it doesn't go anywhere. I don't think he cares anymore.
Author dashing daisy Posted December 23, 2009 Author Posted December 23, 2009 I just don't understand why he says he wishes he "didn't break up with me" and that we were still together. But now that he's ruined it we should try to be friends. What does that mean? If he wanted to be with me, he would be with me right?
D-Lish Posted December 23, 2009 Posted December 23, 2009 I just don't understand why he says he wishes he "didn't break up with me" and that we were still together. But now that he's ruined it we should try to be friends. What does that mean? If he wanted to be with me, he would be with me right? Well you'd think so. You said he's home from his time away in a month? Maybe you should suggest meeting in person when he returns. He seems to be contradicting himself all over the place.
Kantor Posted December 23, 2009 Posted December 23, 2009 Well you'd think so. You said he's home from his time away in a month? Maybe you should suggest meeting in person when he returns. He seems to be contradicting himself all over the place. I agree, I think it really needs to be an all or nothing deal. If you're not good enough to be his lover, why are you good enough to be his friend? I agree that you should sit down and try to have an open communication and try to figure out what you both really want. However, keep in mind that if you want different things beware of any contact what so ever. The person who wants more always ends up hurt.
LovelyDaze Posted December 23, 2009 Posted December 23, 2009 The person who wants more always ends up hurt. True words there. This is not an NC situation...yet. It's either or break-up or not. It's like being just a little bit pregnant...no such thing. If he chooses to dance and hum away the conversation, then you've got your answer right there. He doesn't care.
Author dashing daisy Posted December 23, 2009 Author Posted December 23, 2009 We talked. He doesn't love me anymore, but he still "cares". Bets on how long till I fall apart?
tVII Posted December 23, 2009 Posted December 23, 2009 put yourself in his position. if you broke up with someone, what do you expect them to do? move on. if you told someone 'hey i don't love you, i just care for you'. what do you expect them to do. move on. hurts but take it as a blessing. all hope is gone so you can take that step forward in your life and start getting yourself together. stay strong.
Author dashing daisy Posted December 23, 2009 Author Posted December 23, 2009 You are right, it is better to know that it's really over. It hurts something awful though. But better than him always saying "I love you so much, I wish I hadn't screwed up, I want to be with you" but then saying we couldn't be together. At least now I know he really doesn't want to be with me. He doesn't love me. I have to really go NC now, no excuses. This is going to be hard.
Kantor Posted December 23, 2009 Posted December 23, 2009 You are right, it is better to know that it's really over. It hurts something awful though. But better than him always saying "I love you so much, I wish I hadn't screwed up, I want to be with you" but then saying we couldn't be together. At least now I know he really doesn't want to be with me. He doesn't love me. I have to really go NC now, no excuses. This is going to be hard. Yes - its going to be very hard. Read the stories on NC, I still struggle with breaking NC, and everytime you do you take a step backwards. Be strong, post here when you want to talk to your ex.
LovelyDaze Posted December 23, 2009 Posted December 23, 2009 Yes - its going to be very hard. Read the stories on NC, I still struggle with breaking NC, and everytime you do you take a step backwards. Be strong, post here when you want to talk to your ex. Kantor is on the money. NC is sooooo outrageously tough. I hate it. I used to be "that" girl: begging for another chance, coercing my ex back only to get my heart broken again 100x worse, changing who I am to fit who I think he wanted me to be. All wrong. All a fail. NC is like running a marathon. The prize is running the race, don't cut corners, don't cheat, just run. You'll be tired as hell but victorious. Stopping to trip and fall over your ex all the time keeps you back behind and you won't heal at all. Show him you are a winner! You've got friends cheering you on to the finish line!
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