rainshine Posted December 22, 2009 Posted December 22, 2009 We've been dating for six months now. I met him while he was living with a female room mate. He got rid of her, because she can't pay the rent and lost her job. At first, I was dubious about their relationship but I was introduced to her and met her....so that alleviated my doubts Now, I just found out that she owes him rent money and other debt due to her medical bills. My bf mentioned that he helped her out because she needed to get into surgery. My bf is broke and hasn't save enough money. Who would lend a "female room mate" cash even your broke for surgery related to removing ovaries. Help me on this....for some reason I'm not buying his explanations. He told me that it's not my business to ask more questions about it. I know it's in the past and she is now living with her boyfriend. Did they have a relationship? Was it platonic?
tfkizzle Posted December 22, 2009 Posted December 22, 2009 I had a bf who let his "female roommate" live rent free for several months when the government began to garnish her paycheck because she owed tens of thousands of dollars in back child support. He also bought her groceries, didn't make her chip in for utilities, and loaned her money. Turns out, the real story was she was his roommate-turned-gf. Did that bother me? Not at all...it all happened before I dated him. I didn't even find all that out until he and I had become quite serious - I never asked him, so he never told me to mind my own business, but eventually he mentioned it. He also loaned money frequently to friends who asked. Never as much as this girl, but so what? I don't really understand why you care. Does he currently have other female roommates or something?
make me believe Posted December 22, 2009 Posted December 22, 2009 Did all of this stuff happen before he was your boyfriend? Unless it happened while you were together, who cares? Maybe they did have a relationship or something beyond just a normal roommate situation, but it doesn't matter either way. (Other than if they did have a relationship then he's lied to you, but that would be a separate issue.) I think you should just let it go.
D-Lish Posted December 22, 2009 Posted December 22, 2009 Nothing about what you said sounds suspicious!
Maggotface Posted December 23, 2009 Posted December 23, 2009 I really wouldnt worry about it, I'm super jelous/suspicious too but if you dig to much into it and ask to many questions the more stressed out and and him are going to be. It is not worth it, you will drive yourself crazy and drive him away. It doesnt sound suspicious to me but if she happened before you it really doesnt matter anyway.
SoulSearch_CO Posted December 23, 2009 Posted December 23, 2009 I'm trying to understand what it matters. How long were you a couple before he booted her out of the place? Maybe it's possible he was dating her before you two met, but why in the heck would that matter? I've seen plenty of examples where the former SOs can live together with no funny business (my XH and I being one very good example - we lived together for 7 months after our divorce was finalized...I was dating someone new the last 2 months of that). But even that aside, I don't see anything in your story that screams anything past platonic. Yes, SOME guys are THAT nice and would lend money to someone in need. As they get older, they realize how foolish it is to ignore their own needs to do nice things for people. Just sounds like poor money management.
Author rainshine Posted December 23, 2009 Author Posted December 23, 2009 I really wouldnt worry about it, I'm super jelous/suspicious too but if you dig to much into it and ask to many questions the more stressed out and and him are going to be. It is not worth it, you will drive yourself crazy and drive him away. It doesnt sound suspicious to me but if she happened before you it really doesnt matter anyway. I agree...thanks for making it clear. Being to overly suspicious doesn't help...that's why I need other people's opinion
Author rainshine Posted December 23, 2009 Author Posted December 23, 2009 But I forgot to mention that it crossed my mind that maybe he got her pregnant and had an abortion. I just don't understand why would he mention this to me. And it would not make sense to ask someone (who you impregnated) pay him back. It would be tacky to make this person pay. So maybe he simply lend her money?
FilthMerchant Posted December 23, 2009 Posted December 23, 2009 First, it doesn't matter what sort of relationship they had because it is in the past and they have clearly moved on. If they had a romantic relationship that doesn't mean anything. Second, why not believe that your boyfriend simply lent her money to pay the rent and for surgery? This is the most likely explanation.
tfkizzle Posted December 23, 2009 Posted December 23, 2009 But I forgot to mention that it crossed my mind that maybe he got her pregnant and had an abortion. I just don't understand why would he mention this to me. And it would not make sense to ask someone (who you impregnated) pay him back. It would be tacky to make this person pay. So maybe he simply lend her money? Wow, you have a really overactive imagination, to say the least. Your bf is probably wondering the same thing.
Author rainshine Posted December 23, 2009 Author Posted December 23, 2009 Wow, you have a really overactive imagination, to say the least. Your bf is probably wondering the same thing. I think you are naive to say the least.....you don't know him. I was going out with him when all these things are happening between them. It's disrespectful if he wasn't forthcoming and truthful at very start.
tfkizzle Posted December 23, 2009 Posted December 23, 2009 I think you are naive to say the least.....you don't know him. I was going out with him when all these things are happening between them. It's disrespectful if he wasn't forthcoming and truthful at very start. No, I don't know...but neither does anyone else on this forum. If you have a problem with him because he's shady and lies all the time, then I don't know why you're bothering to ask us instead of just dumping him. You were specifically asked in this thread if you two were dating while these things were going on with the female roommate and I don't see that you responded to that question at all. This is the first time you're mentioning it. Unless you have other information or examples, based just on what you've said here, I still think he's probably just a nice guy who was helping out his friend/roommate and he's probably unbelievably sorry he ever told you about any of this.
Author rainshine Posted December 23, 2009 Author Posted December 23, 2009 @ TFKIZZLE: I specifically mentioned my situation on the first paragraph of my thread. BTW, I'm not her to be JUDGED....and you're being JUDGEMENTAL....an very ABRASIVE. I'm here to seek compassion in times when things are uncertain and need a sense of were my relationship is going.... I WONDER WHY YOU ARE IN THIS FORUM IF YOU ARE SO SURE OF YOURSELF and YOUR RELATIONSHIP?
Strych9 Posted December 23, 2009 Posted December 23, 2009 On the other hand, if he is lying about some sort of relationship BEFORE you, with his roomate, what else could he be lying about? Why not fess up to it? Instead of "it's none of your business."
carhill Posted December 23, 2009 Posted December 23, 2009 Yeah, the stuff may be in the past but the tone is in the present. That would concern me.
tfkizzle Posted December 24, 2009 Posted December 24, 2009 @ TFKIZZLE: I specifically mentioned my situation on the first paragraph of my thread. BTW, I'm not her to be JUDGED....and you're being JUDGEMENTAL....an very ABRASIVE. I'm here to seek compassion in times when things are uncertain and need a sense of were my relationship is going.... I WONDER WHY YOU ARE IN THIS FORUM IF YOU ARE SO SURE OF YOURSELF and YOUR RELATIONSHIP? You didn't do a very good job of clarifying your situation, I don't think it was clear, and it seems to me that at least one other person who posted didn't think it was clear either. You said you met your bf when he was living with her inthe OP; you didn't say that you and he were dating or in an exclusive relationship. I'm not judging you, I just see you bf's side here. It sounds like he was doing something nice, maybe he felt like he had to. Especially if it's his house and she was paying him rent, or if both their names are on the lease and collectively they are responsible for paying X amount. What is he supposed to do in that situation? Let both of them get kicked out? And you're giving him a ridiculous time over it, so I'm sure he's sorry he brought it up, whether he's shady or on the up and up. From the very limited amount of information you have posted about your situation, it seems like your bf is just frustrated with you. If that's not the case, then you should give more information. Several people have asked you questions that you haven't answered. He would have to be incredibly stupid to tell you about this if it were in regards to an abortion. If you don't trust him, and you can't talk calmly with him about it and have him acknowledge the things you have an issue with, then why are you with him?
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