Excellent Posted December 22, 2009 Posted December 22, 2009 I'm not going to give you the whole story about the breakup, i just thought i'd stop by to share my ups and downs after i got dumped last december. If you want the full story you can read my threads. Long story short, she began at my office last fall, got assigned to me, she showed very much so interest, we started dating and i fell head over heels for her. About 3 months later, after 2 weeks of treating me like crap, she dumped me, at work, right before we were about to go to lunch. That marked the beginning of the worst year in my life, wich i'm just starting to get on it's feet now. I haven't been on here for a couple of months now, i think. I felt that LS was a double edged sword if you can say it like that. It's nice to share your feelings and get support from people you don't even know. But i came to a point where LS kept me reanalyzing my relationship whenever i was reading someone elses thread, or posting. In short, it kept me thinking of her. So i quit coming here, in hopes of finally being able letting go if this. The aftermath of the breakup has been to put it mildly: hell. Before i met her i hadn't had so much as a fling for almost 10 years, and when i think back, i had given up on finding someone. Like, really given up, you don't even think about it as a reality anymore, and you don't even care. So when i met her and fell in love, i completely dropped my guard, without even thinking. There has been so many things happening at the same time this year in addition to my broken heart, that i have no problem in saying that suicide has been in my head several times. At points, that seemed like the only solution, i'm just glad i'm too much of a chicken to actually do it The breaking point came when my ex got involved with my neighbor. She already had been through another relationship after me, but this one hit me hard. I found that i still had feelings for her (eventhough i had refused to accept that, even to myself), though it was a mixture of love and hatred. To see her car parked outside, knowing that she was with him, always gave me the feeling of getting hit by a rock in the chest. To even hear her laugh from the floor above sometimes, was enough to send me into depression that could last for hours, sometimes a couple of days. And at the same time, i needed to interact with her at work, pretending like nothing. She has never said anything, neither have i (i'll be damned if i show any weakness for her), but she knows that i know. The only person who does not seem to know, is my neighbor. For me, the real turn of events came about a month ago. By then, i could feel myself distansing my feelings for her steadily, just because of the stuff that was going on right above my head, so to speak. But, feelings were still there. It was after i went to work one morning, and could see her car outside, and i knew she had spent the night there again. For some reason, that just really killed the mood for the day, eventhough by then i should have been used to the sight. When i came to work i was in a pretty bad mood, and could even feel myself tearing up sometimes. And then one of my co-workers said it, or asked me. He asked me to smile, because i was moping too much. I replied that i was smiling inside (biggest lie i've ever uttered). To wich he said:"You look like you are crying inside.." That one hit me like a slap in the face, if it was that obvious that i was hurting it had to stop, right now. It's like someone flicked a switch, i have just had enough. After that, my mood gradually came back. And i haven't been depressed about her since. Sure, i still have my moments of loneliness, and sure i wish sometimes that i was in a relationship, and of course do i still think about her often. But, i don't wish a relationship with her anymore. When my landlord came to me on friday, saying that my neighbor was moving out and in with his girlfriend (my ex) i just said "oh". I was happy, not envious. It's like "finally, some peace". That gave me even more joy. Don't get me wrong, all this sad stuff is not only because of my heartbreak, a lot of other stuff has happened this year. And it has pushed me so hard mentally that i am surprised i came out of it right minded. There has been times where i had to wonder if i had a job next year, that alone is worrying enough.The neverending piles of work at my office has made me sacrifice too many hours of my private life this year too. My brother got cheated on and dumped this spring, and has had it extremely tough, and he was riding the train to hell with alcohol and uncontrollable rage before he finally pulled himself together just in the last two months. I have had many nights worrying about him, wondering if he would do something stupid. Combining all of this has made this year exceptionally tough for me. And i have without a doubt changed a lot, especially because of my ex. I have gotten a lot tougher you might say, hardened. I feel more secure and confident among people. I used to worry way too much what people thought about me, wich i don't do anymore. I just care less, wich actually is a pretty good feeling I never allow anyone to treat me unfair, and if they do i haven't hesitated to let them know loud and clear, in retrospect i just used to stand there and take it before. I don't tolerate anyone to treat me like crap anymore, and got no problem in shutting them out the moment they do. Because of that, i have lost a couple of fake friends this year, without it bothering me too much. But i have also gained a couple of new ones I have never been in better physical health either. I stepped up my training routine after she left, and have kept it there throughout the year. In one year i think i have gone down about 3 sizes in clothing. I've never looked better! Right now, i feel good. And have started talking to a girl at the same age as me. It's still so early in the game that i won't dare to hope for anything just yet, but if it doesn't it's ok, i'm just enjoying talking to someone who's not got "drama" written on her forehead. I feel like i have crawled through a pile of crap the entire year, with occasional periods of smugness and huge egoboosts mind you, and coming out clean on the other side. I'm going for a great start of the new year, perhaps in a new job wich i am currently waiting on a reply for. My ex is still fishing and throwing breadcrumbs at work, eventhough we haven't spoken after work for almost 4 months now. She glances when she thinks i'm not looking and all that. But i don't pry too much into it anymore, i know if it was something it would all be the same anyway. She would just befriend me again, and then rub her new boyfriend in my face, like she did with her last one. So i'm staying clear of her this time. All in all, i have had it rough, but i came out as a winner in the end, i think! Just sux that i have the flu, two days before christmas eve, but other that that, i'm ok! Hopefully this little story can help someone in here, or atleast give them a few minutes of break from their own reality. Merry christmas, and a happy new year everyone!
bitteorca Posted December 22, 2009 Posted December 22, 2009 I don't usually post on other people's threads, but I thought this post was really nice and worth doing. Its good that you took the time out to tell people about a recovery. I think that's what loveshack needs more of, because 99% of people get through this kind of stuff. And I totally agree with you about loveshack being a double edged sword. When I surf on here too much, it just reminds me I have a problem (the ex), but when I'm not on here I tend to be alright. Although cause and effect is probably blurred. I'm not going to comment on your past relationship or any of her actions at present. I think another thing I realised about loveshack is that people make presumptions, and can lead you to conclusions. tough love is required sometimes, but I think the only people who truely know are the people involved, people are complicated and can't be analysed by randomers on LS by a couple of paragraphs of one-sided description. But yeah...thanks for posting that. I've always vowed that when I'm in complete recovery I will post something like that as well. I'm not QUITE there yet, had a little bit of a hurdle recently, but getting there. Hope you have a great Christmas, and a great future, the important thing is you now know you will
tVII Posted December 23, 2009 Posted December 23, 2009 dude congrats. working with her and the whole neighbor thing plus MORE. wow man. that calls for applause. crazy. if you can do it. i can do it.
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