thatguy85 Posted December 22, 2009 Posted December 22, 2009 Where can we draw a line between a guy dating multiple women, vs. a man being a player? Keep in mind no dating situation has been discussed and agreed upon as being exclusive; and there are definitely no boyfriend/girlfriend situations. For example: Say I was dating like 6 women right now... nothing crazy, just going on spot dates for dinner/drinks/etc. Not looking for anything specifically besides getting to know the women better... and who knows maybe find a new friend, screw-buddy, or even relationship. At what point would I be considered a dog/player, vs. a guy who is single and just looking and testing the waters?
Yukikazi Posted December 22, 2009 Posted December 22, 2009 Most women will tell you you are being a player... Then most of those same women are doing the same and dating a few guys at a time. Double standard..
Buckeye Candy Posted December 22, 2009 Posted December 22, 2009 A player is playing someone, emotionally. If you aren't misleading the woman emotionally (kissing her passionately, telling her how how special she is) then you aren't playing her. But, if you are sleeping with the women, be forewarned, many women attach emotional significance to sex. Unless these dates are strictly platonic, tread carefully.
Author thatguy85 Posted December 22, 2009 Author Posted December 22, 2009 A player is playing someone, emotionally. If you aren't misleading the woman emotionally (kissing her passionately, telling her how how special she is) then you aren't playing her. But, if you are sleeping with the women, be forewarned, many women attach emotional significance to sex. Unless these dates are strictly platonic, tread carefully. What about sex if it is already discussed that no strings can be attached?
Buckeye Candy Posted December 22, 2009 Posted December 22, 2009 What about sex if it is already discussed that no strings can be attached? Like I said, tread carefully. Women are notorious for suddenly changing their minds and opinions. Also, it is possible a woman may use sex as a lure or trap. Women are also notorious for thinking they can change a man's mind. Here is a rule: If you know her full name, you may want to think twice about casually sleeping with her. Don't even know her last name? Go for it.
Author thatguy85 Posted December 22, 2009 Author Posted December 22, 2009 Like I said, tread carefully. Women are notorious for suddenly changing their minds and opinions. Also, it is possible a woman may use sex as a lure or trap. Women are also notorious for thinking they can change a man's mind. Here is a rule: If you know her full name, you may want to think twice about casually sleeping with her. Don't even know her last name? Go for it. Ut oh...
Lizzie60 Posted December 22, 2009 Posted December 22, 2009 A player will mislead the women into thinking it could lead to something more serious.. A multi-dater is not afraid to say he's not looking for commitment... but only looking for f* friends...
Buckeye Candy Posted December 22, 2009 Posted December 22, 2009 Ut oh... Have you spoken her full name, including middle, aloud to her? Tsk tsk, you're in trouble now .
Author thatguy85 Posted December 22, 2009 Author Posted December 22, 2009 Have you spoken her full name, including middle, aloud to her? Tsk tsk, you're in trouble now . I fear I know much more about her than her full name. We've been friends for a couple years now... Just started dating though. I did tell her I don't want a relationship though BEFORE we started messing around.
Buckeye Candy Posted December 22, 2009 Posted December 22, 2009 I fear I know much more about her than her full name. We've been friends for a couple years now... Just started dating though. I did tell her I don't want a relationship though BEFORE we started messing around. Not dating really, just sleeping together. Friends with benefits is the term. Dating usually denotes an eventual transition into a relationship. You should ask her point blank if she thinks of your relationship as strictly friends with benefits. You may have told her you didn't want a relationship prior to boffing but that doesn't get you off the hook if she decides she has feelings for you. Of course, if you've been friends, she already has some feelings for you. Yeah, she could be feeling complicated right now. You should ask to make sure you are still on the same page.
Author thatguy85 Posted December 22, 2009 Author Posted December 22, 2009 Not dating really, just sleeping together. Friends with benefits is the term. Dating usually denotes an eventual transition into a relationship. You should ask her point blank if she thinks of your relationship as strictly friends with benefits. You may have told her you didn't want a relationship prior to boffing but that doesn't get you off the hook if she decides she has feelings for you. Of course, if you've been friends, she already has some feelings for you. Yeah, she could be feeling complicated right now. You should ask to make sure you are still on the same page. Yeah... Friends with benefits is a better term than dating.. She has referred to us as "buddies". I think she does have feelings for me though. Maybe it's a good time to stop messing around.
betamanlet Posted December 22, 2009 Posted December 22, 2009 Where can we draw a line between a guy dating multiple women, vs. a man being a player? Keep in mind no dating situation has been discussed and agreed upon as being exclusive; and there are definitely no boyfriend/girlfriend situations. For example: Say I was dating like 6 women right now... nothing crazy, just going on spot dates for dinner/drinks/etc. Not looking for anything specifically besides getting to know the women better... and who knows maybe find a new friend, screw-buddy, or even relationship. At what point would I be considered a dog/player, vs. a guy who is single and just looking and testing the waters? Dating multiple women is what you should do if you want to maximize your chances of getting one of them. If you put all of your eggs in one basket, you will simply care too much, and act desperately, and she will become bored with you.
betamanlet Posted December 22, 2009 Posted December 22, 2009 What about sex if it is already discussed that no strings can be attached? That's brilliant, beacuse she'll then want she cannot have. If you stepped up the relationship aspect, then she would lose interest... women want what they cannot have.
Crazy Magnet Posted December 22, 2009 Posted December 22, 2009 Yeah... Friends with benefits is a better term than dating.. She has referred to us as "buddies". I think she does have feelings for me though. Maybe it's a good time to stop messing around. Ooooo yes. Time to clarify where she stands before things get messy. The last think you'll want/need is messy drama. She may not be your biggest fan for a while, but it's better that you do it sooner rather than after you find another girl you want a relationship with.
Buckeye Candy Posted December 22, 2009 Posted December 22, 2009 That's brilliant, beacuse she'll then want she cannot have. If you stepped up the relationship aspect, then she would lose interest... women want what they cannot have. He doesn't seem like he needs to manipulate women for sex. Some women want what they can't have. Some women appreciate what they do have. My mother and my sisters are all happily married for example.
Author thatguy85 Posted December 22, 2009 Author Posted December 22, 2009 Ooooo yes. Time to clarify where she stands before things get messy. The last think you'll want/need is messy drama. She may not be your biggest fan for a while, but it's better that you do it sooner rather than after you find another girl you want a relationship with. Ouch yeah... things will definitely get messy and she will feel rejected if I choose to pursue an actual relationship with someone else.. after we've been friends for years and are sleeping together. I'm in for a world of pain.
Author thatguy85 Posted December 22, 2009 Author Posted December 22, 2009 He doesn't seem like he needs to manipulate women for sex. Some women want what they can't have. Some women appreciate what they do have. My mother and my sisters are all happily married for example. Yeah I'm not really sure what to make of Manlet's post. Maybe I'm just failing at picking up on sarcasm inferring that I am manipulating women? I try to be very honest and upfront during my first date or 2 about my intentions, and my background. I've had several women lose interest in me for this, but appreciated to honesty and knew that they weren't wasting their time seeking something they weren't going to get.
Pizzaman81 Posted December 22, 2009 Posted December 22, 2009 Where can we draw a line between a guy dating multiple women, vs. a man being a player? Keep in mind no dating situation has been discussed and agreed upon as being exclusive; and there are definitely no boyfriend/girlfriend situations. For example: Say I was dating like 6 women right now... nothing crazy, just going on spot dates for dinner/drinks/etc. Not looking for anything specifically besides getting to know the women better... and who knows maybe find a new friend, screw-buddy, or even relationship. At what point would I be considered a dog/player, vs. a guy who is single and just looking and testing the waters? Difference is in the person's action and his intent. If he is dating multiple woman because he really wants a relationship AND that he doesn't make out with all of them, then he's not a player.
threebyfate Posted December 22, 2009 Posted December 22, 2009 There are ways to ethically multidate. If you explain it up front that this is the situation and don't pretend stronger feelings than what you have, through words, actions, lies or lying by omission, you're not a player. A player manipulates to score, whether scoring is quantified by an emotional win, a physical win or some combination of both.
meerkat stew Posted December 22, 2009 Posted December 22, 2009 "Player" is an empty, meaningless, sexist, often slanderous term. No one can agree on what it means, so it should be discarded, or at least afforded the same "credibility" that the term "slut" has when used to describe women. OP, until there is an agreement of exclusivity with one woman, and provided you aren't lying to any of them, you can date, and/or sleep with, as many women as you choose simultaneously without being considered insincere or a jerk. Same applies to women. Prepare yourself to be slandered though, as women freely slander men with impunity currently. In early dating, the other person's personal life is none of their dates' business whatsoever other than the presumption that they are in fact not already married or engaged. You have no obligation to discuss who else you are sleeping with or dating with a new date. Rest assured, they surely won't volunteer such information. As people date over time and get to know each other, their personal lives very gradually become the other party's business... very gradually.
Author thatguy85 Posted December 28, 2009 Author Posted December 28, 2009 So thanks for the tips Buckeye Candy... I've put a stop to the friends with benefits thing with the girl I was talking about earlier... Keeping it going would have definitely been a very dangerous road, as I know for sure she was growing some pretty strong feelings.. and due to a lot of mutual friends, I'm sure I will be seeing her A LOT for the forseeable future (Like, every week). Better to just end it now and avoid more extreme issues later. On the other hand, I dated another girl this past weekend and we slept together. I did tell her that I wasn't looking for a relationship, and it happened anyway. Maybe she isn't really interested in anything serious either right now. I don't feel like there is anything wrong with what I'm doing (dating/sleeping with multiple women)... but I have a very close female-friend telling me I'm being a player and I need to stop. This is why I created the thread to begin with. I wanted to know if others felt that what I was doing was 'wrong'.
Recommended Posts