i want to be beautiful!!

[against_all_odds]

Hi,

Im a nice person and im the sorta person that is always trying to make people feel better about thereselves.Although ever since i was at school and im 25 now ive hated the way i look...i get loads of attention off men and im a size 8 but i look in the mirror and always find flaws and cant help but hate them...im always trying to lose more weight and im sick of having spots..i had acne at school and although i dont get that many spots there still under my skin...ive tried countless things to stop them and ive done nvq level 2 beauty so its not like i dont know beauty regimes....sorry im moaning on maybe its to do with my self confidence..ive been on courses to try and help but nothing seems to work ..please help!

[Kamille]

I'm sorry your trouble with spots makes you feel so low about yourself. Obviously, you have a lot going for you and I'm sure you know many people can see beyond the acne.

 

I'm sure you've tried modifying your diet to see if it would improve the situation. Staying away from processed foods, drinking plenty of water and eating lots of veggies does wonders for the skin. Also, counter-intuitively, staying away from alcool based products can help your skin's Ph to balance.

 

I hope other people can come up with more advice.

[against_all_odds]

thanks very much for the reply...

 

i do eat well i dont really eat sugary foods or anything as i just dont really like them and i try eating a balanced diet i drink tea most the time with no milk or sugar as ive heard its good for detoxing etc...having done beauty therapy youd think that id be able to keep my spots under control but no ive had them over 10 years and i know its to do with hormones it just gets me down.

 

i get compliments but i cant accept them i think in a way im my own worst enemy

[Kamille]

i get compliments but i cant accept them i think in a way im my own worst enemy

 

We're all our worst critics. It took me awhile to learn to accept the compliments and believe them.

 

My ex-bf would get offended when I dismissed his compliments. So next time someone compliments you, say thank you and tell yourself the person giving you the compliment wouldn't bother(sp) to tell you the compliment if they didn't mean it.

[against_all_odds]

i suppose your right but on the other hand in the past people havent always been so friendly..i was always the friendly ugly spotty one...with a nice personality..i like that i have loads of friends and people like me because im friendly etc its just i obbssess about my looks its getting ridiculous...i compare myself with people all the time and wish i looked better i sound so vain im sorry

[Kamille]

I used to think of myself as the nerdy-funny friends people put up with. That was until a few years ago when a few guys I attended college with, at various occasions, approached me to tell me that they had had the biggest crush on me but that I never gave them the time of day.

 

I now realize that while I thought they would never pay attention to me, I was in fact putting a shield against perceived potential rejection.

 

Maybe your perception of yourself as the friendly girl with a nice personality is doing the same thing for you.

 

I don't know what's prompting you today to write about your perceived lack of beauty - or even if you are single. One thing is sure, you are unique and the things that make you unique is what you have to offer to one special person. So try to stop focusing so much and outside beauty and focus instead on what makes you special.

 

You don't have to be the most beautiful woman in the universe to be happy. All you really need is to be happy to be who you are.

[against_all_odds]

thanks.. i do have a boyfriend and he always tells me im beautiful...i just dont believe it..especially when he says someone else is pretty i seem to think well obviously there better looking than me and obssess about it.it crushes me inside i hate the feeling...i want to stop being so jealous and i want to love myself for me i just dont know how.however much attention i get off men i still fin myself ugly

[quankanne]

I now realize that while I thought they would never pay attention to me, I was in fact putting a shield against perceived potential rejection.

 

that's probably the worst thing about being young: We fail to see those things that other people find stellar in us, but instead fixate on flaws that – in the overall scheme of things – are insignificant! Being 20-something is a real bxtch sometimes.

 

the good news? As you get older, you become less critical of your flaws and more accepting of them. Well, maybe "accepting" isn't the right word ... but you learn to peacefully co-exist with them. As in, being in my mid-40s has turned out to be a pretty cool experience because I no longer give a damn about what people think about what I look like – I just focus on being the one who gets them to relax, laugh and feel comfortable. If there's one thing I could tell you younger girls, it would be to stop beating up on yourself for not being "perfect," and enjoy what unique qualities you offer to the world around you.

 

believe me, you make a bigger impression with character than you ever can with looks (or lack of them).

 

so, AAO, stop the stinkin' thinkin' and embrace the fact that people like you for YOU, and not for superficial reasons.

 

as for the spots, have you checked with a dermatologist to see what course/Rx would work best for you in particular?

[threebyfate]

Both quankanne and Kamille have hit on some key points. No matter how beautiful, intelligent, compassionate, whatever you value, there will always be someone "more" than you. But, you're a composite of all positive and negative traits, therefore, are unique in your own way and people will value this within you.

 

Fix what can be fixable. Beyond that, accept the rest. Also, play to your strengths, rather than eroding on your weaknesses. Beating yourself up about what you can't fix, is just an exercise in masochism.

[against_all_odds]

thanks for the replies

 

i realise that beauty isnt everything its just a shame that some people focus on that mainly and i suppose me being put down in th past about the way i look has made me feel insecure.I know im not ugly and i know that i have a good personality.i have loads of good friends and i suppose they like me for me not for what i look like.I worry constantly that my bf will find other women more attractive than me.I treat him well and i know i sound shallow but i know hes looked at naked women on the internet before and had loads of arguements about it...hes promised not to look anymore because it makes me feel even more insecure but i cant help but think he was looking because im ugly..he doesnt understand how i feel ..to be honest i dont believe he wont look because hes promised loads of times before and hes always looked again..i feel bad because he shouldnt be able to make me feel this way i should like the way i look but i feel ugly.Its not just him looking at other women ive felt bad about the way ive looked for ages...just him doing that sorta makes me accept that im ugly more.

[Kamille]

We tend to pay attention to the things that confirm what we already believe and find reasons to dismiss what counters it. Brad Pitt could show up and tell you you're the most beautiful woman on Earth, and you would likely dismiss it by thinking he's only being nice (and then starting to compare yourself to Angelina Jolie).

 

Lots of people look at porn. Some couples even integrate it to spice up their sex lives. You're using porn to confirm that your bf doesn't find you beautiful in spite of the fact that he tells you he finds you beautiful.

 

It sounds like you've had this body dysmorphia for awhile now. Have you ever seen a therapist about it?

[quankanne]

i cant help but think he was looking because im ugly

 

I hear you – it's enough to make even a secure woman question her appeal. But that's just how guys are hardwired: Naked chicks are always going to catch their attention.

 

hell, even Ron "Tater Salad" White talks about this in his comedy shows. One bit has him talking about pulling up to a strip club that catered to bikers and going in to watch the show. There, on the stage was an older "rode-hard, put-up-wet" dancer shaking her thing. She goes up to old Tater and asks, 'Want to see my boobs?'

 

and he's thinking to himself, "She's old, she's saggy, she's not very attractive ... so I told her 'Yes!' Because when you seen one nekkid woman, you pretty much want to see them all nekkid."

 

it's not you, it's just how guys are.

 

you can also think of it this way: YOU are the one he comes home to, who he's loving, not those digital images of unrealistic looking women.

 

besides, it's not as if any of them are going to give the average joe the time of day, no matter HOW hard they fantasize that happening

[Meaplus3]

I always try to look at it this way. "Do the best with what god had given you". Just be yourself.. and forget about what anyone else looks like or has. Your unqiue to you and that's what makes you special. There will always be those that we may view to have better looks, more money and so on.. but that does not matter. What matters the most is that we are happy with ourselves.

 

Mea:)

[Awesome Username]

If you have cystic acne, which is under the skin, it's generally a genetic thing. you can drink water and wash your face, but don't blame it on your diet because it IS hormonal.

 

In some cases, especially if you're of mixed European ancestry, you can be born with "warm weather" southern oil glands and "Freezing weather" northern small pores. When this happens, pores tend to clog more easily. Certain laser treatments can fix scars, and some birth control will retard the oil glands a bit.

 

There is a crazy thing called "face primer" that you can put on under your makeup for special occasions that smooths out the face a bit - I suggest Urban Decay or Gosh (if in the UK) primer. It used to help smooth out the "putting on makeup" process before I finally bit the expensive bullet and lasered my face smooth.

 

But you know what's good about us young acne girls? We end up milfs because we generally wrinkle a LOT less in the face than normal people do at a later age. Sweet!

 

You seem generally in shape though, with a boyfriend that thinks you're beautiful. Sometimes we ladies think that guys are fixated on our flaws a lot more than they really are. Remember that, too.

[against_all_odds]

thanks for the replies everyone

 

ive been like this since i started senior school so i was 13 it was then when i started getting acne..i think it is hormonal because i wash daily and i know what im doing having done beauty therapy it just sorta depressing because im 25 now n they still wont go.i dont wear make up i prefer the natural look unless i have really bad spots

 

My bf knows that i dont like the way i look and it annoys him because he says he thinks im beautiful.I sound so vain to let the way i look get to me this much but its ruining the way i live.I have nice friends a nice bf and a lovely little boy..I want my little boy to grow up in a way where he doesnt judge others by the way they look but im constantly worried about how i look.

[Tayla]

its in the perception of things.

 

WOW can I relate to so many words of wisdom bestowed on this topic. Quakane really nailed it!.

 

Once I learned to embrace the goodness and be blessed for having health, endearing friends and a family, it amazed me to see how we attract folks with our kindness or well being ( at peace with ourselves).

 

ALso as for the guy thing. Here is my take. When I dated and a gent complimented my being, I held it as a false start. Then the very first time he complimented another lady, I smiled the biggest smile! And I can tell you why, because I was like WOW! If he considers that to be beauty or grace or dynamically appealling, then I must fall in that class too! So I learned gosh, when the time is right and its sincere, there is soo much to smile about when a compliment is accepted. So accept it as a validation that in their hearts (which deserve acknowledged) its true! Not all guys are feeding lines.

 

Its the most awkward of features sometimes that can be the most complimentary. Barb Streisand with her infamous nose- Her talent and grace truly outshine her other features. See what I mean, what you may perceive to be a flaw to another is what is becoming of you! Or Cindy Crawfords beauty mark, she never once cared for it and even considered having it removed, yet it became her trademark! IF she can make millions and be considered a sight to behold, then so can you! Iman (married to David Bowie) disliked her gawky height, yet it became for her a wonderful asset!

 

Best to you and ask yourself this, would you say the things you do to yourself to your best friend? For you are your own best friend too!

[against_all_odds]

thanks tayla for the reply

 

no i wouldnt say anything like that to a best friend or even anyone really i suppose when your on the outside you may see more and to be honest when i look at myself i dont see beauty at all.the mirror is defo my worst enemy sumtimes i feel like crying when i see myself theres always sumthing i find wrong...its unbearable tryng to get to this standard that i want and its making me miserable trying to be beautiful..i know i never will get to the point i want i just want to like myself..its just not happening

[terra]

if that is you in your picture you are beautiful... I think you need to accept yourself - flaws included. If you feel beautiful on the inside things like acne (although annoying) won't cause you to feel ugly. This will free up time to work on things that matter - relationships in your life, being better at something you are passionate about... this is what really matters. After all looks fade.