InspiredbyYou Posted December 23, 2009 Posted December 23, 2009 Why do I keep coming back? Well, the first date went pretty darn well, the second was pretty decent as well, so hence the third, which may have been the swan song. Basically, the conversational chemistry is pretty good, with lots of eye contact, we have similar backgrounds/interests/and see a lot of what we want in the other...basically we get along great. At that point, you have a scenario that has shown some sparks between two people who seem conceptually like great matches...so why not give it a try? that makes sense! But I am not getting something are you kissing or not? And if so are you making the moves on her? Do you only kiss when you say goodbye or do you have a place where you can comfortably get some action throughout the date? At that point, however, you turn to waining electricity and interpretation of her lack of reciprication, with increasing awkwardness at close and little kissing. That said, the lack of fire is a concern of mine, hence my posts here...just trying to get a read on things, and many have suggested I just push the boundary on contact and see what happens. Obviously at some point if things don't change I need to call it quits, but when? Or just call it off now? It should be a concern it's weird. Does she stop kissing you or is she just going along but not into it?
Author Vintage79 Posted December 23, 2009 Author Posted December 23, 2009 Basically just a kiss at the end of the evening (the places we've gone aren't terribly conducive to kissing) - the first two nights she seemed into the kiss, but didn't really offer up much beyond a "I want to kiss you" kind of vibe. She didn't pull away, but it didn't really seem like she wanted more - just a nice kiss and good-bye. The third date was different - more of a "ok, I'll take it" kind of thing. Basically, she doesn't stop kissing me, doesn't really pull away, but she doesn't scream, "I want more" or even try for another kiss. That said, I've always had to make the move. I've offered up a bit of contact here and there, but it's never sent back my way, so I've been taking things slow as a consquence. I could come up with a lot of excuses, but it's hard to think that I'm doing everything right - the slowness could be all me on moving too slow, misinterpreting/missing her signals, her just not being into it, etc. I just know that I haven't gotten any major "go" signals during a kiss. That said, yeah, it seems pretty weird to me - I've dated plenty of people, but this scenario seems unusual, but she still intrigues me.
InspiredbyYou Posted December 23, 2009 Posted December 23, 2009 Sounds like she might be shy or a bit of a cold fish. Keep at it and see if you can get her out of her shell.
trueluV Posted December 23, 2009 Posted December 23, 2009 That said, yeah, it seems pretty weird to me - I've dated plenty of people, but this scenario seems unusual, but she still intrigues me. yes, same here. I've met plenty of guys too, but this one is the hardest and the slowest to figure out. and you've also mentioned there is SLOW but to some degree,,,yes, totally agree. i guess in your case, coming from a girl's perspective, is since you're a guy you have a good reason and excuse to initiate a contact. i wish i were a guy! still this society thinks and expects guys to make the first move. and in your case you've already had a good night kiss or a short kiss whatever you call it, so i'd say what's the fear! please do not call it quits now. at least go for the kiss and see how it goes. You only regret the things you haven't tried! good luck! and trust me, i am THE girl in your story.
InspiredbyYou Posted December 23, 2009 Posted December 23, 2009 (edited) since you're a guy you have a good reason and excuse to initiate a contact. i wish i were a guy! still this society thinks and expects guys to make the first move. and in your case you've already had a good night kiss or a short kiss whatever you call it, so i'd say what's the fear! yeah but it's one thing to let the man make the first move and another to be three dates in and acting like a cold fish and not giving the guy anything to go on. You can still be flirty and show the guy you are interested with body language and touch him every once in a while as you talk to him and three dates in you would think even the eye contact would be a lot more flirty and femininely suggestive, if there is sexual chemistry there. She sounds like a bit of a door knob, or like she fakes it really well and is only mildly interested in the OP. As a woman, why would you be out with a guy for three dates and be so reserved to the point that you are sending him asexual signals? at least go for the kiss and see how it goes. You only regret the things you haven't tried! he's already gone in for the kiss several times, he HAS tried it. Edited December 23, 2009 by InspiredbyYou
trueluV Posted December 23, 2009 Posted December 23, 2009 If you are both this shy.. I am going to guess neither of you is US born? I recommend when you see him next.. give him a hug and a kiss on the cheek. yep, we're both non US born, but lived here for half of our lives, but i guess we still have that "shyness" in us when it comes to dating! humm, we do hug, but a kiss on the cheek, i do it with my italian guy friends easily, but i don't think i can do it to an asian dude-it's just not in the culture and they would freak out. asking him to kiss me is easier-after having several glasses of drink! lol i might go to his place on the next date-maybe next week-so i'll see what happens. but i've already been to his place twice and nothing happened! i cooked for him, we ate, talked a lot, hugged each other good bye, and end of the date. maybe i might need your advice again before meeting this guy. I'll start a thread then thanks again
meerkat stew Posted December 23, 2009 Posted December 23, 2009 Different styles are accepted in different cultures. If you want to do things U.S. style, there should be some significant animal "heat" by the third date, not necessarily physically expressed yet, but "mating" urges should be in the air and fairly obvious to both. If not, move on to someone who will get more excited for you, or at least someone whom you have the power to excite.
InspiredbyYou Posted December 23, 2009 Posted December 23, 2009 I don't know how it is in the Asian culture (is this woman Asian?), but in the European and South American culture I can confidently say, three dead kiss three dates in is not a reassuring sign no matter how great the conversation is.
Author Vintage79 Posted December 23, 2009 Author Posted December 23, 2009 No, the woman's not Asian, and I would say that only one of the kisses was a dead kiss, but still...as the previous poster said, there should be some sort of animal "heat", which doesn't seem exist.
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