A glimpse into my life...

[EricaH329]

I'm assuming what he means by the 'long shot' is that since him and I can't be together now (not for lack of effort on my part) that he is betting on when we can be together. The 'long shot', the part that's going to matter.

 

I don't know what goes through his head when writing that stuff... we rarely talk. But what I find is funny is that his mom had to chime in "It's not that nice guys finish last, it's just that there are bad girls out there that don't realize when a good guy comes along." Or something along those lines.

 

That's just too funny, considering she really has NO idea what he has put me through.

 

Ugh. Still feeling sick. I actually had to lay down because I feel so nauseous. I think it's my nerves. After deciding that i'm not going to talk to him anymore, reading that sort of threw off my train of thought. Only momentarily though.

[GrayClouds]

 

Oh btw -- I just checked his FB page, one last time, and I noticed he put up a status that says "Nice guys finish last but ima bet on the long shot. So it might work out in the end." I never know what he means when he writes that kind of stuff. Considering we only talk maybe once a week.

 

 

Just a line to keep you at bay, keep you in limbo. keep you from moving on.

 

I agree "I want you to be single for awhile" can be interpreted to many way, so keep it out.

 

(have you been reading Ms Joolie thread?)

[EricaH329]

I am SO tempted to comment on it and say "Nice guys?! You are right, they do finish last... but I don't see how that has any effect on you. If you are referring to our 'relationship' then you must be forgetting all the promises you broke and the serious lack of effort on your part."

 

I want to soooooooo bad. So that everyone doesn't feel sorry for him. No one has any idea (with the exception of everyone here) the way that he treated me, and is still treating me. They only hear his side and they feel as though i'm the bad person in this situation. Not fair! I feel like I keep getting the short end of the stick. When is it going to be my turn!!?

[EricaH329]

Just a line to keep you at bay, keep you in limbo. keep you from moving on.

 

I agree "I want you to be single for awhile" can be interpreted to many way, so keep it out.

 

(have you been reading Ms Joolie thread?)

 

Yes but we haven't really been talking that much, so I don't really understand why he would decide to post that on his page? It's crap! I'm so frustrated over that!

 

I haven't gotten a chance to thoroughly read her thread through yet, I noticed that it grew a lot since the last time I checked. I'm going to get to it shortly though.

[Island Girl]

This is the final e-mail I am going to send him, before blocking him from everything. Before you all say that he doesn't deserve a final e-mail, this is something I feel needs to be done.

 

If you feel you must to have closure then so be it. But let it be the last.

No follow up - no talking to explain - it is all truly pointless and you know it. He knows what was wrong this entire time. If he didn't you told him again and again and again and again...infinity.

 

You asked for revision suggestions. Here's mine (and yes this is what I would say):

 

N --

 

Being in contact with you is not going to help me move on and that is what I wish to do.

 

Someday and with someone else you will be a great boyfriend, excellent husband, and an even better father one day, when you are ready. Please take care of yourself.

 

I ask you not to contact me anymore and not for any reason.

 

I knowwwwwww!!! I hate feeling like time has been wasted!

 

Yep and your e-mail is full of things he can read and think "she still cares I just need to talk to her and get her back in the groove.

 

Erica - knock that off!

 

You want to tell him you love him??

He KNOWS. He treated you like absolute crap and you STAYED.

 

You want to tell him you hope he finds peace, love, and happiness?

He certainly could care less about knocking the wind out of you after all of those empty promises.

Nice thought - doesn't matter and you do not want this sent as a mixed message.

 

 

Oh btw -- I just checked his FB page, one last time, and I noticed he put up a status that says "Nice guys finish last but ima bet on the long shot. So it might work out in the end." I never know what he means when he writes that kind of stuff. Considering we only talk maybe once a week.

 

One - you shouldn't be reading his FB. He should have been blocked already.

 

Two - you don't know what he means because it COULD apply to you in fact you think it does but he is cryptic ON PURPOSE.

 

Three - he calls himself a "nice guy"??

That is funny. How nice was he to you? Not very. In fact mostly crappy.

 

Quit checking his FB. Get to deleting.

 

And for god's sake don't answer him or contact him. Not EVER again.

 

I'm really trying to send you strength and everything else you need to do this.

 

Remember WHO you are taking care of. YOU

The e-mail is about YOU not him. Everything for a LONG time has been about him.

 

Hold your head high - CUT THE TIES THAT BIND YOU - and walk away.

 

The e-mail should be short, sweet, and succinct.

[GrayClouds]

If you feel you must to have closure then so be it. But let it be the last.

No follow up - no talking to explain - it is all truly pointless and you know it. He knows what was wrong this entire time. If he didn't you told him again and again and again and again...infinity.

 

You asked for revision suggestions. Here's mine (and yes this is what I would say):

 

N --

 

Being in contact with you is not going to help me move on and that is what I wish to do.

 

Someday and with someone else you will be a great boyfriend, excellent husband, and an even better father one day, when you are ready. Please take care of yourself.

 

I ask you not to contact me anymore and not for any reason.

 

 

 

Yep and your e-mail is full of things he can read and think "she still cares I just need to talk to her and get her back in the groove.

 

Erica - knock that off!

 

You want to tell him you love him??

He KNOWS. He treated you like absolute crap and you STAYED.

 

You want to tell him you hope he finds peace, love, and happiness?

He certainly could care less about knocking the wind out of you after all of those empty promises.

Nice thought - doesn't matter and you do not want this sent as a mixed message.

 

 

 

 

One - you shouldn't be reading his FB. He should have been blocked already.

 

Two - you don't know what he means because it COULD apply to you in fact you think it does but he is cryptic ON PURPOSE.

 

Three - he calls himself a "nice guy"??

That is funny. How nice was he to you? Not very. In fact mostly crappy.

 

Quit checking his FB. Get to deleting.

 

And for god's sake don't answer him or contact him. Not EVER again.

 

I'm really trying to send you strength and everything else you need to do this.

 

Remember WHO you are taking care of. YOU

The e-mail is about YOU not him. Everything for a LONG time has been about him.

 

Hold your head high - CUT THE TIES THAT BIND YOU - and walk away.

 

The e-mail should be short, sweet, and succinct.

 

^What she said!^

[EricaH329]

Even though he doesn't deserve an explanation (it's pretty obvious) I feel like i'll be able to sleep better at night knowing I gave one.

 

He will probably twist whatever I send him around and pin it all on me anyway. At least I know I gave the best explanation I could.

 

And you are very right, he isn't a nice guy. It makes me sick to think that through all of this he really still thinks that he is this wonderful man. The problem is that he honestly, truly believes that he isn't doing anything wrong! Even when I tell him he is doing something wrong, he doesn't understand it. He feels as though he isn't. So after all is said and done, he will refuse to believe that he did anything wrong. This is all my fault and i'm making up crap in my mind so that I can never talk to him again because I don't love him.

 

I can see him saying that to everyone.

 

Still feeling sick

[Island Girl]

Even though he doesn't deserve an explanation (it's pretty obvious) I feel like i'll be able to sleep better at night knowing I gave one.

 

Okay then it is for you.

 

He will probably twist whatever I send him around and pin it all on me anyway. At least I know I gave the best explanation I could.

 

At this point you shouldn't care if he tells people WHATEVER.

 

It won't change the truth. He knows the truth.

 

And this is again about taking care of YOU now - and from now on.

The people who CARE about YOU know what happened and they are on YOUR SIDE. You have troops rallying around you - even here on LS.

 

Everyone else? DOES NOT MATTER.

 

And you are very right, he isn't a nice guy. It makes me sick to think that through all of this he really still thinks that he is this wonderful man. The problem is that he honestly, truly believes that he isn't doing anything wrong! Even when I tell him he is doing something wrong, he doesn't understand it. He feels as though he isn't. So after all is said and done, he will refuse to believe that he did anything wrong. This is all my fault and i'm making up crap in my mind so that I can never talk to him again because I don't love him.

 

I can see him saying that to everyone.

 

It does not matter. If he is truly oblivious and doesn't believe he is doing anything wrong then I am surprised at YOU for going out with and wanting to marry such an idiot.

 

But really, he knows what he did. He is just used to snowing you and appearing confused and needing you help to work out what he did (umm so he can say "I had no idea! I will fix that.") keeps you all wrapped up and stuck.

 

I hate to tell you but he is a manipulator and has been pulling your strings all along.

It is insulting to be treated like a puppet or like "oh Erica is mad again! - push buttons A, F, G, and K and Erica stays."

 

But the truth is he knows what to say to reel you in and make you believe all over again. He knows how to play you like a violin.

 

And NO nice guys don't do that. Losers who have no problem hurting people who care about them DO.

 

Still feeling sick

 

Aww Erica! I am sorry you are feeling ill. I really am.

 

I believe these ill feelings are coming from an internal realization right now though and have nothing to do with what he is telling people.

I think you feel sick because you are done lying to yourself about love, taking off those rose colored glasses you have been seeing him through, and seeing him for more of who he really is now.

 

Keep posting! It will help you sort through everything.

 

{{{Erica}}}

[EricaH329]

Ah, i'm crying. Why? Not sure. Stupid emotions.

 

IG - Thank you so much! I really do appreciate all of your posts! You make me think about things that i've been trying to deny all along. I have this way of making myself believe things aren't there. Lying to myself.

 

Wow.

 

I am great at lying to myself.

 

That's very sad.

 

I think I am feeling sick because this is something that I really don't want to do. I don't ever want to do it. But it has to be done. And I will be in a much better position a few months down the road. I have to do this. I need to do this.

 

I'm not really sure why, but I continue to see my ex the way that he used to be. My mother yells at me about that all the time. "What is it that you love about him NOW? Not then... but now?"

 

I never have an answer! Ever!

 

I'm clinging onto someone who isn't there anymore. He's not the same man he used to be. The man I fell in love with. I should have gotten over that by now, I grieved for awhile, and thought I had come to accept the fact that I do not love this new person. But I was wrong. If I had, I wouldn't have a problem with letting him go.

 

This HAS to be done. I am going to change the end to the e-mail I posted and send it to him.

 

This is breaking my heart all over again. I need to accept that he is no longer going to be in my life. Ever again. Once I do that, I think I will be in a much better position.

[GrayClouds]

Ah, i'm crying. Why? Not sure. Stupid emotions.

 

Because your facing letting go. Good luck

[EricaH329]

Because your facing letting go. Good luck

 

Thanks, i'm definitely going to need it!

[EricaH329]

Ok so i'm in a bit of a shock. My ex's mother just IMed me.

 

Now before I get into that, I should give a little bit of a backround first. She does not like me. She did at first, but then we got into a HUGE arguement and her and I never spoke again. We have not spoken in about 8 months. The last I heard, she was still talking trash about me.

 

So anyway, she just IMed me and started asking me about my Christmas and how i've been and what i've been up to. I'm a little confused as to why she is doing this. Maybe she just wants to be nosey?

 

I know a lot of our problems (my ex and I) were because of his mother. I know that he has been yelling at her a lot recently that he needs to get over whatever she is mad at me about. But, I never thought she would actually talk to me again. Especially since him and I aren't together anymore.

 

This caught me completely off guard.

[Angel1111]

Ok so i'm in a bit of a shock. My ex's mother just IMed me.

 

Now before I get into that, I should give a little bit of a backround first. She does not like me. She did at first, but then we got into a HUGE arguement and her and I never spoke again. We have not spoken in about 8 months. The last I heard, she was still talking trash about me.

 

So anyway, she just IMed me and started asking me about my Christmas and how i've been and what i've been up to. I'm a little confused as to why she is doing this. Maybe she just wants to be nosey?

 

I know a lot of our problems (my ex and I) were because of his mother. I know that he has been yelling at her a lot recently that he needs to get over whatever she is mad at me about. But, I never thought she would actually talk to me again. Especially since him and I aren't together anymore.

 

This caught me completely off guard.

 

It looks like more games. It's totally inappropriate for her to be IMing you. Did you answer her?

 

I've just been glancing over all these posts and my initial thought is that your ex is actually perfect for an LDR because it requires so little of him. I mean, think about it. He can be away and irresponsible and doing things behind your back, while still telling you what you want to hear and keep stringing you along. I don't really know your whole story but that was just my initial reaction. He actually enjoys things just as they are.

[GrayClouds]

LOvE RolLEcoASteR!

 

Wow that is a mind twister. I say good luck on trying to figure it out. Maybe the EX got your email and is blaming his mom for the relationship demise? Who knows.

 

The question, what do you want to do about it?

[EricaH329]

It looks like more games. It's totally inappropriate for her to be IMing you. Did you answer her?

 

I did answer her. Mostly because I wanted to see what she wanted. It was very strange, at the end of the conversation she said "I'll talk to you later, love you!"

 

I feel like i'm more confused now, than I was before.

 

I've just been glancing over all these posts and my initial thought is that your ex is actually perfect for an LDR because it requires so little of him. I mean, think about it. He can be away and irresponsible and doing things behind your back, while still telling you what you want to hear and keep stringing you along. I don't really know your whole story but that was just my initial reaction. He actually enjoys things just as they are.

 

I was thinking the same thing. But... on the other hand... when he was doing so little when we were together, I gave him crap all the time. I'm not going to lie, it wasn't a fun relationship. He did nothing, and I b*tched about it. That's the gist of our relationship towards the last couple of months. He got tired of the b*tching and I got tired of the disrespect.

 

LOvE RolLEcoASteR!

 

Wow that is a mind twister. I say good luck on trying to figure it out. Maybe the EX got your email and is blaming his mom for the relationship demise? Who knows.

 

The question, what do you want to do about it?

 

I haven't sent him the e-mail yet, i'm contemplating whether I should or not.

 

My ex and I haven't spoken since the conversation that I orginially posted, but I opened up my e-mail today to find an e-mail from him. He sent me something that I sent him a longgggg time ago. When we were living together and happy. It was telling him how much I love him and how I can't wait for us to get married.

 

It took me a second to realize that it was an e-mail that I sent him a long time ago, but once I did... it made me even more confused!

 

My mind is allllll over the place right now. I feel like I need to take a few steps back.

[Angel1111]

I was thinking the same thing. But... on the other hand... when he was doing so little when we were together, I gave him crap all the time. I'm not going to lie, it wasn't a fun relationship. He did nothing, and I b*tched about it. That's the gist of our relationship towards the last couple of months. He got tired of the b*tching and I got tired of the disrespect.

 

I think the whole thing reeks and I wouldn't talk to her or him again. I suggest leaving it alone.

 

It doesn't matter that he got chewed out by you about it all the time or not - the fact is you remained in the relationship until he ended it - i.e., you were willing to tolerate it, no matter what you said, and the only reason it ended was because of his decision, not yours.

 

Be very careful about getting into the habit of nagging. If you have a problem with a guy, then talk to him about it. If isn't a dealbreaker, ask yourself why continue having the conversation. If it is a dealbreaker and nothing changes, talk about it again and make sure he understands that you'll end the relationship over it. The next time it happens, don't talk about it. Leave. Men do not respond to words - they respond to action. What your words and actions are still saying is that you're still wiling to talk about this and still willing to engage him in one way or another. He is still able to have a form of a relationship while doing very little, except spouting a bunch of words.

[threebyfate]

Erica, are you ever direct with anyone? You have all these questions about your ex but never really express them to him and now, it's questions about his mother, but never express them to her.

[EricaH329]

He is still able to have a form of a relationship while doing very little, except spouting a bunch of words.

 

This sums it up.

 

Erica, are you ever direct with anyone? You have all these questions about your ex but never really express them to him and now, it's questions about his mother, but never express them to her.

 

I've been direct with him throughout our whole relationship. It's gotten me no where. It's pointless.

[threebyfate]

I've been direct with him throughout our whole relationship. It's gotten me no where. It's pointless.

So why do you hang onto him?

 

As for his mother, why haven't you been direct with her?

[EricaH329]

I'm so angry right now! It came out of no where! This is sooooo rediculous!

 

This is the LAST e-mail that I just sent him.

 

You know what N, nevermind. This is f*cking stupid. You TELL me all the time that you love me and want to be with me. But that's all it is! WORDS! You know that by saying those little things it'll keep me hanging on. But not anymore. I'm so f*cking angry. I'm SICK of this!

 

All the damn time it's words with no actions. We RARELY speak to eachother, and yet i'm supposed to believe that you love me and want to spend the rest of your life with me?? I don't want to hear about how your schedule is soooooo busy that you don't have any time to talk to me. You go out with your friends every SINGLE night to the bar. You've been doing that long before our relationship even ended.

 

I'm not sticking around for this anymore. I feel like a complete IDIOT!

 

Before you start to throw yourself a pity party, I hope you realize that I stuck around waiting for you longer than any normal person would.

 

Throughout all the things you've done to me to disrespect me, all the promises you never followed through with, all the degrading ways you made me feel like nothing. You need to own up to your part in all of this.

 

Although, I highly doubt that's going to happen. Since you are perfect and nothing you do is wrong, right?

 

I'm done N. Take care of yourself.

[threebyfate]

Good. Now stick to NC. If he responds, don't respond. He can only hang onto you, if you let him. If you cut the cord and move on, there's nothing he can say that can draw you back into the drama.

[EricaH329]

Good. Now stick to NC. If he responds, don't respond. He can only hang onto you, if you let him. If you cut the cord and move on, there's nothing he can say that can draw you back into the drama.

 

There is no way i'm going to answer to him. I'm so done with this! I can't believe i'm reverting back to the angry stage of all of this!!

 

I am not allowing him to control my emotions any longer!!!! He has not earned that right!

[LovelyDaze]

I am not allowing him to control my emotions any longer!!!! He has not earned that right!

 

 

Perfect, EricaH329. Put him under your shoe and yourself on a pedestal. YOU deserve that.

[EricaH329]

Perfect, EricaH329. Put him under your shoe and yourself on a pedestal. YOU deserve that.

 

Exactly!

 

He responded to the e-mail I sent him, but it's not even worth mentioning. I did not respond, nor am I going to.

 

It's time to focus on myself. There is a wonderful man that i've been seeing, and i'm finally beginning to make plans for my future.

 

This won't be easy, but it'll definitely be worth it.