device04 Posted December 22, 2009 Posted December 22, 2009 Hi, I apologize for the length of this. Would love to get some opinions on my current dating situation. So I met this really cool girl through an online dating website right before thanksgiving. Due to the holiday we didn't meet up right away. To add to the disruption of the holidays, we both work a lot (my schedule is long but predictable, hers is unpredictably long lately due to a big project due in Jan) and so we didn't meet up until last Saturday. We went to a casual dinner, then went bowling. The date lasted about 5-6 hours and was a lot of fun. We got off the subway on our way back and she immediately says that she had a great time and that I should let her know when I'm free in the upcoming week (last week). I lean in to give her a hug and end up with a few kisses instead! Needless to say, I am quite surprised and excited. So, on Monday night I contact her to see if she'd like to go out on Wed. She says that she has a holiday party that night but possibly Thursday or Friday depending on work. I follow up on Wednesday, and she says that work is nuts but she's free Tuesday (today) before she goes home for the holidays. I follow up again on Friday about having dinner today. This is her response: "I'm really sorry but I am going to have to cancel for tomorrow - turns out the partner didn't read our big report yet, so I am most likely going to be stuck at work, and then unfortunately I'm at home for a good portion of the rest of the year. It was great meeting you though and I had a great time last Saturday. Hopefully we can catch up in the New Year!" This is the second time she's cancelled our 2nd date. I know the "general" rule is to walk away after being cancelled on twice. However, it is the holidays so schedules are abnormal, work is (supposedly) very busy, and she did reschedule the first time she had to cancel (when we hadn't really scheduled anything yet). Her above email seems very sincere and that she's still interested to go out again. A female friend of mine points out that if she wanted to she could have very easily made this an exit email rather than saying what she did. So, guys, is this worth pursuing? What would you do? Ladies, do you think she's busy but interested or trying to exit? Happy and Safe Holidays!
temple Posted December 22, 2009 Posted December 22, 2009 At first it looked a little like she was looking for some kind of exit strategy - she said she would catch up in 'the New Year', which is very vague and could really mean any time. On the other hand, judging from the date maybe she's playing hard-to-get mind games with you (in which case I'd say: are you ready for that ride?). Have you responded yet? Maybe the best thing to do in this situation is to send her a quick email saying it's not a problem and that you hope to see her soon. You're leaving the contact up to her. If she writes again in the New Year (I think she will...she initiated the kiss which more than suggests she likes you!) then great!
DustySaltus Posted December 22, 2009 Posted December 22, 2009 (edited) Hopefully we can catch up in the New Year!" So I guess sometime between Jan 1st 2010 and December 31st 2010 you'll get together? Boy, she really narrowed it down for you. Here's a couple theories: a) She really is busy. b) She's dating other people as well. c) She met someone since the night you went out (from the change of her tone in the emails, could be a possibility..i've had this happen before) d) She's going on a mission to Southern Asia Edited December 22, 2009 by DustySaltus
Yukikazi Posted December 22, 2009 Posted December 22, 2009 Wish her a Happy Holidays and a Happy New Year.. then wait till/if she contacts you. Nothing else you can do. I would probably refrain from sending a merry xmas or happy new year txt on those particular days... unless you do a mass txt and say Merry Xmas everyone
stillafool Posted December 22, 2009 Posted December 22, 2009 I think this is a very busy lady. I wouldn't call her or make contact again. Just wait for her to contact you. She could be dating others as well. She was definitely vague with you.
boogieboy Posted December 22, 2009 Posted December 22, 2009 Once she cancelled the second time, and didnt reschedule, she isnt interested at all. Dont even send her an email. Let her email you if she wants to try again, she is more interested in someone else, and she already actually went out on a date with him.
harmfulsweetz Posted December 22, 2009 Posted December 22, 2009 I would say she could be interested, she did reschedule the first time, and the second time, there wasn't a lot of rescheduling she could do due to being out of town. I would just wish her a merry xmas, and happy new year, and tell her to let you know if she wants to meet up when she gets back, and is free.
Yukikazi Posted December 22, 2009 Posted December 22, 2009 I would say she could be interested, she did reschedule the first time, and the second time, there wasn't a lot of rescheduling she could do due to being out of town. I would just wish her a merry xmas, and happy new year, and tell her to let you know if she wants to meet up when she gets back, and is free. Nooo skip the last part.. just wish her a happy holiday and leave it at that. She is well aware that she can meet up when she gets back.. reiterating it makes him sound like he will be waiting for her to return.. aka needy and clingy.
Miko Posted December 22, 2009 Posted December 22, 2009 I used to do that crap and give up too soon. F*** that, wait a week or two or three, contact again and believe her if she says she's busy. Maybe she's not IN LOVE with you but after 1 date why should she be. As long as you had fun the last time you were together there's no reason to assume that's changed. Hell, I've been trying to meet up with this girl lately and I can't really find the time until after new years or at least christmas and I sure as hell DO want to see her.
harmfulsweetz Posted December 22, 2009 Posted December 22, 2009 Nooo skip the last part.. just wish her a happy holiday and leave it at that. She is well aware that she can meet up when she gets back.. reiterating it makes him sound like he will be waiting for her to return.. aka needy and clingy. I wouldn't see it as that, I would see it as letting her know he is interested, and doesn't take her cancelling as a blow off, leaving the door open for more. Otherwise, she may wonder if he is actually still interested or not, and not call even if she wants to. If he lets her know his stance, the ball is then in her court. And if she doesn't get back to him, he also knows it's because she wasn't interested, not because she wondered whether he was or not.
Miko Posted December 22, 2009 Posted December 22, 2009 I wouldn't see it as that, I would see it as letting her know he is interested, and doesn't take her cancelling as a blow off, leaving the door open for more. DON'T TAKE EVERYTHING AS A BLOW OFF Makes you look frustrated and obsessed
Yukikazi Posted December 22, 2009 Posted December 22, 2009 I wouldn't see it as that, I would see it as letting her know he is interested, and doesn't take her cancelling as a blow off, leaving the door open for more. Otherwise, she may wonder if he is actually still interested or not, and not call even if she wants to. If he lets her know his stance, the ball is then in her court. And if she doesn't get back to him, he also knows it's because she wasn't interested, not because she wondered whether he was or not. She canceled the second date and gave him a vague time frame for another chance.. essentially maybe next year. He has been asking her out.. she knows he is interested. She failed to raincheck the second time. And who the hell uses the word "catchup" when refering to meeting up with a potential romantic interest? you say meetup/hookup/get together.. catchup says more friend then anything. Anyway.. op has to make the call.. we can only provide the info.. his choice what he will act on.
boogieboy Posted December 23, 2009 Posted December 23, 2009 Anyway.. op has to make the call.. we can only provide the info.. his choice what he will act on. He cant resist. He is going to call her, and she will blow him off...again. I hope he comes back and proves me wrong.
D-Lish Posted December 23, 2009 Posted December 23, 2009 She's not interested. I knew it as soon as I read her e-mail cancellation. When someone likes you- there is no such thing as being too busy. Her wording in the e-mail screams blow off. Don't respond, let it go, on to the next.
Okeydokey Posted December 23, 2009 Posted December 23, 2009 I would do: Too bad you couldn't make it, but hope you have a relaxing holiday season. Things are definitely going to pick up for me at work when I get back from the break, but shoot me an e-mail and we can try to work something out. That way she knows that the ball is in her court. It doesn't sound like a total blow off to me, but it could be. Like your friend said, you don't know. BUT, I would definitely let her know that the ball is in her court to propose another hang out. Often women feel like the guy has to do all of the initiating no matter how much canceling she's been doing - so I think that she needs the headsup that it is ok for her to reach out and that it really is her turn.
Author device04 Posted December 23, 2009 Author Posted December 23, 2009 (edited) Thanks for all the responses, it's always nice to see differing points of view. I think that the pessimist (or whatever you'd call it) in me would believe that she's no longer (as) interested. Like most of you, I don't understand why people can't just be honest about their intentions. I mean, even saying that you've met someone else (even if you haven't) would seem like a more direct approach than playing these mind games back and forth. What would be the purpose of her saying she had a great time on our date? I also wonder how much you can reasonably expect someone to "make time" and all that for you after just one date? I mean, as long as it went well, you'd want to see the person again, right? But if your life is just busy with other things, how far out of the way would you go to see that person again sooner, rather than later? If I know you're really busy and you go far out of the way to see me again, might that possibly scare me off? Yes, more mind games. In any case, I didn't call her, just wrote her a short email back letting her know it was okay, hope she has a nice holiday, and let me know when she's back in town. Like some people said, just leave the ball in her court. I think I've made it apparent that I'm still interested despite the cancelations. If she gets back to me, great, if not I haven't lost anything by sending the email. Thoughts? Edited December 23, 2009 by device04
jerbear Posted December 23, 2009 Posted December 23, 2009 In any case, I didn't call her, just wrote her a short email back letting her know it was okay, hope she has a nice holiday, and let me know when she's back in town. Like some people said, just leave the ball in her court. I think I've made it apparent that I'm still interested despite the cancelations. If she gets back to me, great, if not I haven't lost anything by sending the email. Thoughts?I think this was the best action on your part. If she responds after the holidays, Dec or in Jan; you'll know. Honestly the holidays is just bad timing. To many and so many things going on.
DustySaltus Posted December 23, 2009 Posted December 23, 2009 HONESTY= HURT FEELINGS Why tell the truth when she can just continue to string you along. Maybe she's interested, maybe not. If she's not she'll continue to be friendly but keep avoiding obvious questions. Such as, "Hey, i'll be available on the 15th of January, got a big project myself...what do you say we have dinner and catch up"? She'd either respond: "Sure, i'll let you know" OR *crickets*
stevejohnson1976 Posted December 23, 2009 Posted December 23, 2009 She's not interested. I knew it as soon as I read her e-mail cancellation. When someone likes you- there is no such thing as being too busy. Her wording in the e-mail screams blow off. Don't respond, let it go, on to the next. this^^^^^^^^ 10000000%. sorry bro. let her go. the 'problem' with these dating sites is everybody always has someone else besides you.....and usually more than that...
Miko Posted December 23, 2009 Posted December 23, 2009 Even IF she MAY not be interested, what's the point in convincing him that she isn't when she might be? Maybe she's got a gigantic pimple, maybe she IS busy(it happens). God knows what it could be but we can't guess. I had this girl who was maybe going to come over recently(on short notice) but my house was trashed and I didn't have time to clean so I let it go for that night. No women over unless house is clean period. Plus I had a big pimple LOL and had a couple drinks in me and didn't want to be buzzed. $hit happens. You can't IMAGINE the situations that people may have that they won't just out & tell you about.
stillafool Posted December 24, 2009 Posted December 24, 2009 It is possible to go on a date with someone and have a great time but no romantic chemistry (even after a kiss). I think if she had felt that chemistry she would have made time to see you again sooner. I think your last email to her was nice, but I wouldn't contact her again.
Recommended Posts