Skidog Posted December 22, 2009 Posted December 22, 2009 (edited) I'm 21 and until now I've had pretty much no dating experience. It's only in recent years that I've come out of my shell and started to find real confidence. But anyway, after a lot of failures I finally started talking to a girl I liked on a dating site who seemed to like me back. We're both into the same nerdy pursuits, share the same sense of humour and get along really well. After about a week and a half's talking online, she asked me if I wanted to meet the next week, and we did. It went really well and we hung out for about five hours, going around shops to look for presents for people we knew and sheltering from the cold in coffee shops. The next day she admitted online that she really liked me, and I her. We then made plans to meet at the weekend to go out for drinks, as my brother was having a big birthday bash (she even cancelled her plans with her friends to come along). So saturday comes along, we meet up and over the course of a few hours, get our drinks on. When she's fairly drunk, she starts poking me incessantly. In my drunken state, I decided this meant I should kiss her. So I asked her if she wanted to go outside for a bit (away from the group) and told her that if she stopped poking me, I'd do 'this', at which point I went for it. She reciprocated, aggressively. It was amazing. The group started moving onto the next bar, and on the way she called her friends and talked excitedly for about half an hour about random stuff. At the next bar we pretty much picked up where we left off, and after more face-chewing just sat with our arms wrapped around each other for a while. After a while, I decided it was probably best to call it an early night despite not having gone to the club we'd planned to go to, since she was fairly drunk and seemed to be ready to fall asleep. We didn't talk much on the taxi back, but I gave her a quick kiss on the way out and told her to call me tomorrow. When I got back in, she was on MSN and we had a tiny humorous drunken exchange before I headed to bed. At this point, I pretty much thought that I'd finally be past the stage of messing around; that now all the awkward stuff was out of the way, we could start moving away from the guessing games and towards something more comfortable. I was even happier that all my working on my confidence and self-esteem had started to pay off. On sunday morning we have a short exchange about the night before. She says that it was fun, but that she remembered barely anything besides getting in the taxi. The conversation's friendly enough, but ends on 'my line'. Most of the rest of the day, she has an away message up, so I decide she needs some rest time and I leave her be. The next day is much the same; we have a really short conversation in the afternoon, and then whenever I see her online for the rest of the day she has her away message up. I doubt anyone will really be able to help me with this, but after two days of racking my brains to try and figure this out, I figure I've got nothing to lose by getting some more opinions. It could be any number of things. On the same dating site, I'd messaged a girl a few times a week before, before giving up, who later turned out to be a close friend of this girl. It could be that they've only recently figured it out, and now she thinks I'm creepy or some kind of stealth pick-up-artist. It could be that since I only recently added her to facebook, she's looked through at some of my older pictures where I hadn't exactly figured out the whole "thin beards and tight shirts aren't pretty" thing. Could be that I weirded her out by heading home too early. Could be a bunch of these things, or it could be none. Right now I'm sticking with my decision to hold off, and I plan on not messaging her today at all, but it would be good to have some reassurance or second opinions on that decision. I very nearly messaged her to apologize for what I did whilst drunk, and that I regret moving so fast, but I decided again just to cool off. My worry is that maybe I've read things wrong, that she actually wants me to message her, and that if I don't before she leaves for christmas (she's going away wednesday and won't be back until the 1st of January) it's going to peter out. If I were perfect, I'd stop thinking about her because I'm such a stud and there are plenty more fish in the sea if it doesn't go right. Unfortunately, I'm not a stud and she is an extremely rare catch when it comes to what I like in personality. So any advice would be greatly appreciated. Edited December 22, 2009 by Skidog
squeaky Posted December 22, 2009 Posted December 22, 2009 ...another theory is that she's embarrassed by how drunk she got. but i think you're reading too much into things. you can't decipher a person's feelings based simply on how long she keeps her away message up. don't play games. if you like her, ask her to hang out again. if she says no, you'll know to move on. good luck!
Yukikazi Posted December 22, 2009 Posted December 22, 2009 She could be wondering why you didn't make more of a move the other night and wondering if you are worth the effort. You were both drunk and making out like crazy.. you may have missed the window...
Peaceful Guy Posted December 22, 2009 Posted December 22, 2009 .. you may have missed the window... dude, that's not funny! and, skidog.. this is what you should do.. don't play games. if you like her, ask her to hang out again. if she says no, you'll know to move on. good luck!
bac Posted December 23, 2009 Posted December 23, 2009 If you are 21, I guess she is around the same age. So, because she is a girl she is even more confused about dating than you. At least, you know that you want to have sex, but she is not even sure about that. IMHO, as a generalization, she expects you to be a man. In other words, she expects you to know what you are doing and she expects you to be dominant and to take the lead. She expects you to chase her, and she thinks that she should be chased. She expects you to take all the initial initiative and she expects you not to be afraid of all small negative signals from her and her confusion. Just go with flow and be flexible with her. Do whatever she wants.
Author Skidog Posted December 23, 2009 Author Posted December 23, 2009 (edited) Thanks for all the advice, you guys are spot-on. Overthinking things is a big problem for me, I think combined with all the emotions I worked myself into a frenzy of doubt and paranoia. She messaged me yesterday shortly after I posted this and I got my confidence back and remembered that I usually persisted in conversation and got things flowing even if I wasn't getting blatant reassuring "talk to me" signals. So I did exactly that. Unfortunately I didn't get a chance to say goodbye before she left, but I know she took the book I gave her as an early christmas present (when we were out shopping, she started debating buying it, so I insisted I'd get it for her since it was nothing big and it was christmas) to read on the plane, and I sent her a text to wish her a good flight/christmas so hopefully I'll see her when she gets back. Whilst I'm here, there's one more thing that's been on my mind that I forgot to mention ... when is a good time to let slip the fact that I've never been in a relationship? I'd much prefer to just be straight-up about these things, but I'm just worried that if she finds out she's the first girl I ever kissed, that will make her feel a bit weirded out or like there's pressure on her. Right now I've decided to wait until we're a little closer, but I thought I'd open the floor to some other points of view. Thanks again and Merry Christmas to everyone that took the time to reply! Edited December 23, 2009 by Skidog
Yukikazi Posted December 23, 2009 Posted December 23, 2009 Whilst I'm here, there's one more thing that's been on my mind that I forgot to mention ... when is a good time to let slip the fact that I've never been in a relationship? I'd much prefer to just be straight-up about these things, but I'm just worried that if she finds out she's the first girl I ever kissed, that will make her feel a bit weirded out or like there's pressure on her. Right now I've decided to wait until we're a little closer, but I thought I'd open the floor to some other points of view. Keep your mouth shut till further notice.
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