dailybattle Posted December 22, 2009 Posted December 22, 2009 My fiance broke up with me 5 days ago. Fortunately it didn't come as a complete surprise as it came after a several difficult months during which time she asked me to move out telling me she did not think she was in love with me anymore. Moved out 2 months ago. Some background: We were together for 6 1/2 years, the first 3 years of our relationship she was madly in love with me, adored me and believed that I was the man she would spend the rest of her life with. During this time I was an complete idiot and really didn't give a crap, at least that was the impression I gave her, although I did care. The next 2 years, it would be fair to say that we co-existed, we were great friends, but she began to lose her love, and fair enough too, as I wasn't really giving it back to her. I also hurt her, with things I said, like when she threatened to leave me, and I said "just go then" etc. All very hurtful - but she just didn't have the strength to leave me at that stage, which is probably unfortunate, as I may have "woken up" a lot earlier. At the end of last year she decided that she wanted to do some volunteer work in Africa, and when she got back I realised that she had changed, she had gained strength and independence and felt emotionally strong enough to finally end the relationship. That came as a massive shock to me and made me realise what I really wanted, how crap I had been and I did a complete about face, giving her the love and attention that she had been craving for so long. Problem is that I also became quite insecure in the relationship and probably quite needy and clingy at the same time, not attractive qualities. Anyway I have worked my butt off for the last 12 months, showing her how much I love her and how much I've changed. I know that I have probably done quite a good job of pushing her further away. We got engaged 6 months ago, and I thought things were going to be fine. Big problem we have had in the last 6 months is that she has been under enormous work pressure and has had no time or energy to put into the relationship, and I think that basically, because the relationship was already struggling, it just hasn't been able to survive. I do believe that she wants it to work out, but could not see any alternative to ending the relationship completely, having a clean break, with a view to us each getting our individual lives sorted before there is a chance we could start afresh. When she broke up with me, she said we need a clean break and we need to both get back to each being happy people in our own rights and see how things go next year. After I had left, she followed up a few hours later with a message "I am sorry that this is so **** at the moment. I do think it is the best thing for us at the moment. We both need to get our lives back on track and see what happens in 2010. I will miss u" The day after we broke up, I started NC, sending her an email saying I thought NC would be best and I would contact here when I was ready. I now need to focus on getting myself strong and confident again, and becoming the person she first fell in love with, while keeping the new improvements, more caring, thoughful, self-less etc. My questions I guess are, am I doing the right thing? Is there anything more I could be doing? And what will she be going through, thoughts etc, during this period of no contact? And another thing I am struggling with is there are quite a few loose ends. We have moved country during our relationship and have stuff in storage in the previous country. We have some shared passive investments - ie they don't need any action, but to view things as a complete breakup, these would need to be sorted etc. I just don't know whether to sort these out now, which would be an absolute mission, or to see how things pan out over the coming months and if necessary sort them then if things don't work out. I really want it to work for us, and I know if we do get back together and have each focused on getting ourselves sorted during this time, our relationship will be much stronger for it, we will be on the same page. Very happy to hear anyone's views on things.
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