Truly Lost Posted December 22, 2009 Posted December 22, 2009 Back in July of this year I started dating this man who told me he has two kids. I explained to him immediately that I had dated someone previously to him who also had two kids and how it didn't work out. Not directly because of the kids (they lived in another state), but he was not ready to be in a serious relationship and child support caused him a great deal of financial strain, which in turn, caused a strain on our relationship because he couldn't contribute to inhancing our relationship, as I was doing for him. Anyway, I told the new guy that I had reservations and we both decided we were going to take it slow, you know....see how it goes. Well, it's been 5 months and I have yet to meet his kids and we only see each other once a week. This is just recently. There was a time I didn't see him or talk to him for a month (I was still trying to figure out if I wanted to pursue him). I decided I did and we were seeing each other once every two weeks and now, more recently once a week. No real conversation in between, except a few text messages here and there or a comment or two on a social networking site. Regretfullly, we did start the relationship on a physical level first (had sex too soon, I know, not a good idea). Well, one day he took me out to lunch and it was awkward so I wrote him an email later that day and told him that it was an awkward date and that I didn't know, when I see him, if I should hug him or kiss him, or pat him on the back, or shake his hand. I explained that I wanted to know more definatively where this relationship is going. He replied, (but didn't answer any of my questions), stating that he was happy to see me and had fun chating but that he wanted to take things slow and see where it goes, but he would like to keep seeing me. I'll admit that I was happy that he wanted to keep seeing me, but annoyed that he didn't answer any of my questions. Well, we are still doing this once a week thing and we went out again and yes, later end up having sex, but before we ended the evening I told him very directly that it bothers me that I don't really know him and he doesn't really know me because we spend very little time together and we don't have a phone conversation in between our meetings. He said, "You can call me anytime." I said, "You are always busy." He knows that he can reach me whenever or make plans with me and I'll be, more than likely, able to go. I don't make a habit of asking him out because he is, more than likely, going to turn me down because of his hectic schedule with work and the kids. Well he decided, in response, to my comment, to reintroduce himself. You know, "Hi my name is.....". Ugh!!! That annoyed me and I made it very clear to him that it did. Well, we hung out again, except this time finally on a Friday...never could hang out on a weekend before because he always had his kids (except one time he tried to, but got the flu, or at least thats what he told me)....I really do think he was telling the truth about that. Anyway, we had a great evening out and he asked if I would like to come back to his place. I was excited because I thought we were going to spend not only the evening together, but sleep in and spend Saturday together. Well, not so......when we got back to his place I had said, "So glad it's Friday, at least we can sleep in." He said, "Uh, well at the very latest 8:30 or 9:00. I have to pick my kids up at 10:00 to go to a parade." Needless to say I was disappointed, but tried to get passed it and at least try to have fun with sex, which I'll admit was not good that night for me. Normally we usually have sex two or three times, throughout the night, before I leave the next morning, but this time he woke me up and whispered, "I have to leave soon to pick up my kids." And then was trying to get sex in before he had to take me home. I told him to stop and said "Sorry, but I'm just not feeling it right now...I should get ready for you to take me home." He could tell something was wrong. So again, back to another week of not really talking or seeing each other. Then he invites me to this ice sculpture thing and we go. It was awesome and very in the spirit of Christmas. He had also bought me gloves, because I lost mine and a scarf. They took a picture of us at the entrance and he bought two of those pictures, one for him and one for me. We then went out to eat and then we headed back home. He then asks if I would like to come stay the night with him. I said, "Not tonight" and told him to take me home. I explained the I have a christmas party to go to tomorrow for work and I have to prepare the food I'm going to bring. I had food to prepare but nothing I couldn't do in the morning. So he is still sending me text messages here and there and called me this weekend and we talked for the first time longer than 5 minutes. Our conversation was more like 20 minutes. I did most of the talking. Of course it was too late in the evening to really plan to go out, but it was nice for a change. Anyway, I'm really concerned that this guy is just using me as a booty call and only trying to keep me around till the bigger, better thing comes along. He opened up to me more this past week, but I'm still not convinced that he is interested more than sexually. My heart skips a beat and I feel on top of the world when I think he is going to be around me more often, but than I get disappointed when things go back to several days passing with next to no contact. He isn't a part of my life at all and it makes me sad. I feel silly to address it with him because I think he is perfectly fine with the way things are and will probably belittle any attempt I make to get some clarity. I've already tried to no avail. Any suggestions or thoughts?
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