Author EcstasyX6 Posted December 22, 2009 Author Posted December 22, 2009 The best gift you can give him is to be giving in the divorce process and not take advantage of a man who is still probably shell shocked. His ultimate gift will be when you and your OM ultimately break up, which is highly likely and you end up going from relationship to relationship because you will somehow continue to feel after a few years with each man that you simply aren't compatible. Well aren't you just lovable. Thanks for the well wishes, but I'm not that kind of woman, and I'm too mature in age to want to run from man to man. I'm sure hearing me fail and suffer would make YOU happy. He's not vindictive as you seem to be- actually wishes me the best, as do I for him. Having said all that, I would give him space as a gift so he can properly mourn his loss and move on. That or a tie :-) You sound very bitter. Sorry for your loss.
cupidotheblogger Posted December 23, 2009 Posted December 23, 2009 Thanks cupid! That sounds like the best idea yet. I know he'd appreciate that. You are very welcome! Enjoy your holiday and let us know what gift you decided on getting for him!
imagine Posted December 23, 2009 Posted December 23, 2009 Ecstasy, Ironically I'm trying to be your friend. I see you as a Lemming about to jump over a hill. Would it not be wonderful that you could be in love with the father of your children? I don't know your circumstances but let me guess... He neglected/misunderstood you. You got fed up and looked for a route out. Your husband does not know how to deal with you, he is inadequate. He thinks that if he tries to be nice and forgives you that you will come round. Well, you are right -he is inadequate. Peters principal wins out- too focused on business than his own marriage. Lets face it, where do you get a diploma to be a husband. Why don't you help him: Buy him a book- 1. Surviving an Affair or 2. Fall in Love/ Stay in love -(Dr Harley) If it does not work on you, it will help him in future. Despite my harsh words, I remain your friend.
floridapad Posted December 23, 2009 Posted December 23, 2009 Your not that kind of Woman to go from R to R? Well I'm sure early on in your relationship with your H you thought you were not the kind of woman that would have an affair. Right? Be honest!! People don't truly know what they are capable of until they live it in that moment. You are living proof of that. Do I sound bitter? Honestly not so much anymore. Just because someone holds you to a moral standard in a post with a "tough love" tone does not translate to bitterness. Guess what? YOU COMMITTED ADULTERY, and caused an enormous amount of pain to your H. If you think people are not going to take you to task for your actions or be pleasant about it is truly naive. You caused an enormous amount of damage. Good luck with Christmas. It is going to be tough for your H. Loss of family will hit him hard.
phineas Posted December 24, 2009 Posted December 24, 2009 My STBXW gave me a small gift "from the kids" She'll get nothing from me. The non-court ordered money I give her now is all the gift she will get from me. And I only give that so my kids can be comfortable when their with her.
Author EcstasyX6 Posted December 25, 2009 Author Posted December 25, 2009 You are very welcome! Enjoy your holiday and let us know what gift you decided on getting for him! This will surprise people, but here it is Christmas Day and we ended up both giving each other very nice expensive gifts as we do every year. A couple of days ago, we discussed the amount we should spend on each other, and he said that shouldn't be an issue as it never has been, so I went ahead an purchased his most desired electronic toy. I'd say he spent about as much on me(a few hundred $s). We enjoyed watching the kids rip open their gifts, took pictures and ate a hearty breakfast. My Mom is here which was nice too. I think it should be a lesson to people that just because you have made the decision not to remain married, doesn't mean it has to be "War of the Roses". Yes, it was painful, deeply sad, and bittersweet-especially when I think that this is the last Christmas we'll all be spending together.
Author EcstasyX6 Posted December 25, 2009 Author Posted December 25, 2009 Ecstasy, Ironically I'm trying to be your friend.Thanks, but I don't know how you could on a forum like this. You know extremely little about me. I see you as a Lemming about to jump over a hill. Would it not be wonderful that you could be in love with the father of your children? Yes, that would be wonderful, but it's not going to happen for reasons to involved to discuss here. I don't know your circumstances but let me guess... He neglected/misunderstood you. You got fed up and looked for a route out. He didn't neglect me per se, just didn't meet me halfway when it came to partnering. I didn't know marriage was a one woman show. Sorry, not for me. Your husband does not know how to deal with you, he is inadequate. He thinks that if he tries to be nice and forgives you that you will come round. Well, you are right -he is inadequate. Peters principal wins out- too focused on business than his own marriage. You're very wrong. He's a wonderful man, and not inadequate. I just don't want to spend the rest of my life with him. We have different expectations from marriage. Lets face it, where do you get a diploma to be a husband. Not sure. Probably from some perfect husband somewhere. Why don't you help him: Buy him a book- 1. Surviving an Affair or 2. Fall in Love/ Stay in love -(Dr Harley) I appreciate suggestions, but we've done therapy, and read lots of books. I know what I know. It won't work for me. But thank you. If it does not work on you, it will help him in future. Despite my harsh words, I remain your friend. You haven't said anything harsh.
Genesis of Me Posted December 25, 2009 Posted December 25, 2009 It's a tough call. Especially if your kids know you two are having problems. Getting him a gift may get their hopes up. Nothing more than a token gift, or at least gtting him a gift from "the kids". That's what I did.
HeavenOrHell Posted December 25, 2009 Posted December 25, 2009 I think it's great you're still on good terms, break ups don't necessarily mean we don't love each other anymore just that we might not be able to be partners anymore for various reasons. Me and my ex are on good terms, only ever had one row when we were together (18 years) and no rows since we split. He's not doing xmas at all this year, we're not swapping prezzies, we are meeting for a meal later though.
Author EcstasyX6 Posted December 25, 2009 Author Posted December 25, 2009 Your not that kind of Woman to go from R to R? Well I'm sure early on in your relationship with your H you thought you were not the kind of woman that would have an affair. Right? Be honest!! True. I'm sure most people who have affairs would say that. People don't truly know what they are capable of until they live it in that moment. You are living proof of that. Do I sound bitter? Honestly not so much anymore. Just because someone holds you to a moral standard in a post with a "tough love" tone does not translate to bitterness." Guess what? YOU COMMITTED ADULTERY, and caused an enormous amount of pain to your H. Yes I did. And it's something I'm not proud of. If you'd like to nail me by the thumbs for it, I've done it a thousand times myself already. But if it makes you feel good to continue to do so, by all means, go ahead. If you think people are not going to take you to task for your actions or be pleasant about it is truly naive. Is it naive. Naive? OK. If you say so. I can't control what people say, but I find a lot of responses here interesting. I tend not to judge others for their actions. I'm not God or a minister, but I've certainly asked God for forgiveness, and those close to me. At some point when you make a mistake, you have to ask for forgiveness, forgive yourself, and try to move on with your life, and not make the same mistakes. You caused an enormous amount of damage. Yes, I have. Good luck with Christmas. It is Thanks. It was tough for us both, but it actually went quite well...on the surface anyway. going to be tough for your H. Loss of family will hit him hard. I hope everyone here is enjoying their Holiday. All the Best.
nobmagnet Posted December 25, 2009 Posted December 25, 2009 my ex just picked my kids up after the worst two weeks. (they cut her hair without consulting me) awkward........not horrible though. I gave him a hug...........feel maybe it was/wasnt wrong?/ dunno got loud music on ,glass of wine, full tummy Ls.......I will survive........miss them already ugh
nobmagnet Posted December 26, 2009 Posted December 26, 2009 he text me and told me he loved me.................tw*t. Lowleyworm strikes again My present to him was me looking great and happy............it backfired. I dont want or need him any more. hey ho. hope your all doing well I can here the big train full of miserable dumpees arriving at platform 1 as I write this...................
trippi1432 Posted December 26, 2009 Posted December 26, 2009 he text me and told me he loved me.................tw*t. Lowleyworm strikes again My present to him was me looking great and happy............it backfired. I dont want or need him any more. hey ho. hope your all doing well I can here the big train full of miserable dumpees arriving at platform 1 as I write this................... Nob...I might do some fishing today...can I borrow the lowleyworm for the end of my hook? :laugh:
imagine Posted December 26, 2009 Posted December 26, 2009 Yes, it was painful, deeply sad, and bittersweet-especially when I think that this is the last Christmas we'll all be spending together. Does it have to be?
bestplayer Posted December 26, 2009 Posted December 26, 2009 It's to work out details of divorce. I'm not sure what to expect, but I've heard it's better than dealing with separate attorneys. I just hope Christmas will go smoothly, ,but I'll definitely follow-up on the outcome of the mediation in another post. It may be helpful to some people because it seems that most couples don't go this route. i think u already gave him a wonderful gift by cheating on him & then dumping him still u want to continue to mock at him by giving a nice gift ?? pls think about it.
bestplayer Posted December 26, 2009 Posted December 26, 2009 This will surprise people, but here it is Christmas Day and we ended up both giving each other very nice expensive gifts as we do every year. A couple of days ago, we discussed the amount we should spend on each other, and he said that shouldn't be an issue as it never has been, so I went ahead an purchased his most desired electronic toy. I'd say he spent about as much on me(a few hundred $s). We enjoyed watching the kids rip open their gifts, took pictures and ate a hearty breakfast. My Mom is here which was nice too. I think it should be a lesson to people that just because you have made the decision not to remain married, doesn't mean it has to be "War of the Roses". Yes, it was painful, deeply sad, and bittersweet-especially when I think that this is the last Christmas we'll all be spending together. i read ur posts and let me ask u " dont u think it sounds fake & double standard when u say it was painful & deeply sad for u when u r the one dumping him ? For ur husband it is definately painful but not for u . pls be honest atleast .
nobmagnet Posted December 26, 2009 Posted December 26, 2009 lowly worn is available for bate....................hmmm make sure he is well attatched! muhahahahah ta trippi xxxxxxxxx
nobmagnet Posted December 26, 2009 Posted December 26, 2009 my lowly worm is in denial too extacy. leave him to heal. move on. tell him about LS. best gift ever
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