cezza2011 Posted December 22, 2009 Posted December 22, 2009 Me and my boyfriend have been together over 4 years now, last night he sent an email to a mutual friend of ours saying he loves me with all is heart but he doesnt find me sexually attractive at all any more, ive always thought that i looked okay and sure ive put on and lost some pounds over the years, but i really need some help as now i dont know what do do, im only 19 and weve been childhood sweethearts, please help
boogieboy Posted December 22, 2009 Posted December 22, 2009 Youre both young, and youre growing apart, as people change at that age. He's been with you pretty long and he wants to move on, theres nothing you can do about it. You can try to look better on the outside, but whatever the reason is, he's not telling you, and that means he has already emotionally checked out of your relationship...and does not want to save it. All you can do now is check out emotionally yourself while youre with him so that when he breaks it off with you, it wont hurt as much.
aerogurl87 Posted December 22, 2009 Posted December 22, 2009 Youre both young, and youre growing apart, as people change at that age. He's been with you pretty long and he wants to move on, theres nothing you can do about it. You can try to look better on the outside, but whatever the reason is, he's not telling you, and that means he has already emotionally checked out of your relationship...and does not want to save it. All you can do now is check out emotionally yourself while youre with him so that when he breaks it off with you, it wont hurt as much. I think that's some pretty good advice ^^^
JustLooking123 Posted December 22, 2009 Posted December 22, 2009 How did you find out about the email?
D-Lish Posted December 22, 2009 Posted December 22, 2009 Not finding a long term partner sexually attractive anymore doesn't necessarily mean physical appearance. I was with my exH for 8 years, and although I loved him- I started to view him as more of a brother/best friend than a lover. I had lost the sexual attraction, despite the deep connection. It happens sometimes. Boogie is right- people outgrow one another, and it's nobody's fault, it's a part of life.
Kamille Posted December 22, 2009 Posted December 22, 2009 Or some communication first? not that I'm saying you can ignite sexual attraction with talk, more that every couple has to work to keep their sexuality alive after awhile. Figure out if it's salvageable. You can google something called the sex-starved marriage. It should give you some ideas on how to start resolving these issues (if he agrees to try and save the R).
BobSacamento Posted December 22, 2009 Posted December 22, 2009 How is "I don't find you sexually attractive" salvageable? The time for talk is over, get on with your life and don't waste your time with this guy.
stepka Posted December 22, 2009 Posted December 22, 2009 And please don't do what my SIL did--she and her now husband were 19 and he was ready to move on but she couldn't face it and tried to starve herself and threatened suicide so he felt bad and came around to cheer her up a bit and now they're married with children and she's paying for it every day of her married life and it totally doesn't appear to be worth it. They're wealthy though--there is that. Still not worth it.
Lovelybird Posted December 22, 2009 Posted December 22, 2009 Not finding a long term partner sexually attractive anymore doesn't necessarily mean physical appearance. I was with my exH for 8 years, and although I loved him- I started to view him as more of a brother/best friend than a lover. I had lost the sexual attraction, despite the deep connection. It happens sometimes. Boogie is right- people outgrow one another, and it's nobody's fault, it's a part of life. What is a lover like if he isn't a best friend of yours?
SoulSearch_CO Posted December 22, 2009 Posted December 22, 2009 Time for a preemptive break up! How is "I don't find you sexually attractive" salvageable? The time for talk is over, get on with your life and don't waste your time with this guy. EXACTLY. Do not waste your time. It's dead. I once was talking to a guy that said an ex of his was trying to revive the relationship, but he had already lost attraction for her and knew it was a waste of time. What is a lover like if he isn't a best friend of yours? Did you miss the BROTHER part of what she said he was like? BROTHER/best friend. Nobody wants to get it on with their brother.
Lovelybird Posted December 22, 2009 Posted December 22, 2009 EXACTLY. Do not waste your time. It's dead. I once was talking to a guy that said an ex of his was trying to revive the relationship, but he had already lost attraction for her and knew it was a waste of time. Did you miss the BROTHER part of what she said he was like? BROTHER/best friend. Nobody wants to get it on with their brother. So it means brother + best friend, not brother OR best friend, got it I wonder if she meant if he is your best friend, then he cannot be your lover
J dub Posted December 22, 2009 Posted December 22, 2009 What's your height and weight? dont answer this, it is completely irrelevant.
Lovelybird Posted December 22, 2009 Posted December 22, 2009 dont answer this, it is completely irrelevant. agree ! if you want someone love you, first you have to love yourself and accept yourself unconditionally.
Devil Inside Posted December 22, 2009 Posted December 22, 2009 This is very hard information to hear...especially if you still find him sexually attractive. I agree that you should not assume it is about physical appearance alone...there are so many factors that go into sexual attraction. I am sorry that you had to feel this rejection..but people growing apart and wanting different things are just one of the less pleasant aspects of life and relationships. You may want to have the difficult conversation about the email, however be forewarned, it will be very painful for both of you and do not initiate it if you do not think something constructive can come from it. As someone that has been on both sides of this situation...I have to tell you..it is probably not a relationship you want to stay in. Sorry.
Enema Posted December 22, 2009 Posted December 22, 2009 You guys just got together extremely young... hormones are raging and he wonders what fresh meat would be like. It's probably not that you've gotten unattractive - he's just bored with the same old 'tang he's had since he was a kid. This is so very common amongst young relationships. You can't turn this one around, start prepping now for a whole new exciting stage of your life once he's gone.
Jersey Shortie Posted December 22, 2009 Posted December 22, 2009 Enema sounds like he is giving advice about coldcuts, not relationships.
BobSacamento Posted December 22, 2009 Posted December 22, 2009 dont answer this, it is completely irrelevant. LOL - Reminds me of my 13 year old chat room days of A/S/L Memories...
boogieboy Posted December 23, 2009 Posted December 23, 2009 Enema sounds like he is giving advice about coldcuts, not relationships. Now Im stahvin'. I need to go to subway.
Enema Posted December 23, 2009 Posted December 23, 2009 In the mood for some roast beef, mate? eh? eh?
SoulSearch_CO Posted December 23, 2009 Posted December 23, 2009 ( and who knew Enema was a guy, with the pony icon and all... ) Even with a name like "enema" and the **** pile behind the pink pony?
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