monkey00 Posted December 22, 2009 Posted December 22, 2009 So anyway I've been going out with this girl and we've been out on around 5-6 dates. Every time we talk we have a nickname for each other. The second time around she showed up at my house warming party and even met and chatted with my friends. My friends have actually taken a liking to her (for the ones that met her anyway). bads?: However what I have noticed is that she hasn't invited me to any events that she goes to, nor have I met any of her friends. And on top of that I've always been the one to initiate plans. However on our third date, she's told me she expects guys to make all the moves...what's worse is she's read the book "He's just not that into you". And she's never let me walk her home, but I've been to the street she lives on when we go out. Anyway we were supposed to go on a date last night, but she had a reasonable excuse and asked to reschedule for tonight. She knows my hours are unpredictable and I said I'd call her when I get off work to get together, as I've done previously on one of our dates. So a few hours ago I get this exact text from her: "Hey (nickname) I'm sorry but I can't go out tonight. My paper isn't done and I'm having trouble with a job app both due tomorrow and am super stressed! So sorry. I'm usually not this flakey but it's finals week and I'm heading home tomorrow so things are a bit crazy. Please don't hate me!" (Last I heard she was done with classes, but I could have heard wrong. And I recall her telling me she leaves for her trip the day before x-mas, though I could have remembered wrong too). My interest wanes around 60 - 70%. I'm not entirely bummed over the situation, just disappointed. Because I bought her chocolate that I know she loves, for x-mas of course. Now she'll never know. Plus she's flaked twice with no mention of getting together after her trip. And if I want to see her again it'll be in 3 weeks when she returns from vacation. How should I respond? Should I give her the benefit of the doubt? Should I play it cool and write something back so she knows I'm not mad?
meerkat stew Posted December 22, 2009 Posted December 22, 2009 If she had texted anything along the lines of "I had wanted to see you, and hate this," benefit of the doubt, based on all you type though, I'd move on. An interested person would make an hour or two during the holiday week to see someone they've been out with 5 times if that person was anywhere on their priority list.
boogieboy Posted December 22, 2009 Posted December 22, 2009 Dont respond, and if she texts you again, ignore her. She wasnt that interested in you to begin with, thats why she wasnt initiating any dates. She used the book as an excuse. Sounds like she just needed something to do, which was you, and then got bored of you and is too chicken to tell you so. BTW she will text you when she comes back, but that doesnt mean shes interested, shes just bored. If she was really into you, she would tell you that she will contact you during her time away. She will be contact the new guy she started seeing while she is away. (hes why she started backing off from you) Bail on this one permanently. If you answer any more of her calls/texts, you pretty much telling her your time isnt valuable and she can do anything she wants with you, with no effort.
JustLooking123 Posted December 22, 2009 Posted December 22, 2009 If you must respond, be sure to put the ball unequivocally in her court. For example, say something like, "I understand, let me know when your schedule quiets down and you want to hang out again."
Author monkey00 Posted December 22, 2009 Author Posted December 22, 2009 Dont respond, and if she texts you again, ignore her. She wasnt that interested in you to begin with, thats why she wasnt initiating any dates. She used the book as an excuse. Sounds like she just needed something to do, which was you, and then got bored of you and is too chicken to tell you so. Well the reason why I asked about giving her the benefit of the doubt was that one of our dates she claimed she doesn't play games and if she's not interested in someone she'll tell them. But I agree she could just be chicken. But what's hard about this is she's always made time for me and has been honest about everything (or at least I think). BTW she will text you when she comes back, but that doesnt mean shes interested, shes just bored. If she was really into you, she would tell you that she will contact you during her time away. She will be contact the new guy she started seeing while she is away. (hes why she started backing off from you) Bail on this one permanently. If you answer any more of her calls/texts, you pretty much telling her your time isnt valuable and she can do anything she wants with you, with no effort. I don't plan on talking to her again unless she makes a really good effort to contact me. As my interest wasn't that high to begin with anyway.
boogieboy Posted December 22, 2009 Posted December 22, 2009 Well the reason why I asked about giving her the benefit of the doubt was that one of our dates she claimed she doesn't play games and if she's not interested in someone she'll tell them. But I agree she could just be chicken. But what's hard about this is she's always made time for me and has been honest about everything (or at least I think). I don't plan on talking to her again unless she makes a really good effort to contact me. As my interest wasn't that high to begin with anyway. Heres the deal with people and dating....they say all kinds of things until they dont like you anymore, then all the things they said go out the window to avoid awkwardness. Theres very few people that have the balls to actually tell someone they arent interested to their face. They dont want to have to explain why.
D-Lish Posted December 22, 2009 Posted December 22, 2009 one of our dates she claimed she doesn't play games and if she's not interested in someone she'll tell them. People OFTEN say things that aren't true. I think you need to pay attention to her actions, not her words. But what's hard about this is she's always made time for me and has been honest about everything (or at least I think). Well it's hard to know what this girl is about after 6 dates right? It takes a lot more than 6 dates to know a person. It's certainly not time enough to decipher whether she is honest about everything. According to your own experience, you are already seeing contradictions... I don't plan on talking to her again unless she makes a really good effort to contact me. As my interest wasn't that high to begin with anyway. Well, I don't buy that. You have taken the time to write about her, and were thoughtful enough to buy her chocolates for x-mas. Honestly, if your interest wasn't high, you wouldn't give a crap about being blown off. I agree- don't talk to her, don't make contact with her.
Author monkey00 Posted December 22, 2009 Author Posted December 22, 2009 People OFTEN say things that aren't true. I think you need to pay attention to her actions, not her words. Well it's hard to know what this girl is about after 6 dates right? It takes a lot more than 6 dates to know a person. It's certainly not time enough to decipher whether she is honest about everything. According to your own experience, you are already seeing contradictions... Of course I have contradictions. I met her online. I've known all this time she's been talking to other guys (and probably dating others too). So I kind of saw this coming given that. Well, I don't buy that. You have taken the time to write about her, and were thoughtful enough to buy her chocolates for x-mas. Honestly, if your interest wasn't high, you wouldn't give a crap about being blown off. I agree- don't talk to her, don't make contact with her. Well I do give a crap to a certain extent because I wasted my time and money on her on dates, so of course I'm bummed. And considering the number of dates we went on and not buy her something for x-mas would've been rude. When I go out with a girl, I want it to either progress into something serious or end...I'm not the type of guy that likes to waste my time especially after X amount of dates.
woopster638 Posted December 22, 2009 Posted December 22, 2009 When I go out with a girl, I want it to either progress into something serious or end...I'm not the type of guy that likes to waste my time especially after X amount of dates. I was in a same situation very recently and i know it sucks dude.......best u can do is NC and pretend you never met her if u can't fight your feelings for her. But if you are like me who can cut off emotions fast, what i'm doing is shift my attention to some other chick/s and if you are lucky,she will come chasing for your attention and you can bang her and leave lol.........i'm still working on my plan,and it seems is going well, so i hope it works out for you too if you wanna try it
TheLoneSock Posted December 22, 2009 Posted December 22, 2009 So anyway I've been going out with this girl and we've been out on around 5-6 dates. Every time we talk we have a nickname for each other. The second time around she showed up at my house warming party and even met and chatted with my friends. My friends have actually taken a liking to her (for the ones that met her anyway). bads?: However what I have noticed is that she hasn't invited me to any events that she goes to, nor have I met any of her friends. And on top of that I've always been the one to initiate plans. However on our third date, she's told me she expects guys to make all the moves...what's worse is she's read the book "He's just not that into you". And she's never let me walk her home, but I've been to the street she lives on when we go out. Anyway we were supposed to go on a date last night, but she had a reasonable excuse and asked to reschedule for tonight. She knows my hours are unpredictable and I said I'd call her when I get off work to get together, as I've done previously on one of our dates. So a few hours ago I get this exact text from her: "Hey (nickname) I'm sorry but I can't go out tonight. My paper isn't done and I'm having trouble with a job app both due tomorrow and am super stressed! So sorry. I'm usually not this flakey but it's finals week and I'm heading home tomorrow so things are a bit crazy. Please don't hate me!" (Last I heard she was done with classes, but I could have heard wrong. And I recall her telling me she leaves for her trip the day before x-mas, though I could have remembered wrong too). My interest wanes around 60 - 70%. I'm not entirely bummed over the situation, just disappointed. Because I bought her chocolate that I know she loves, for x-mas of course. Now she'll never know. Plus she's flaked twice with no mention of getting together after her trip. And if I want to see her again it'll be in 3 weeks when she returns from vacation. How should I respond? Should I give her the benefit of the doubt? Should I play it cool and write something back so she knows I'm not mad? Umm... it's not flaking if she communicated with you, apologized, AND gave legitimate reasons. Get over it and quit thinking into it too much, over analyzing things is the girl's job. If she's doing this repeatedly, back off completely until she comes to you.
b52s Posted December 22, 2009 Posted December 22, 2009 So anyway I've been going out with this girl and we've been out on around 5-6 dates. Every time we talk we have a nickname for each other. The second time around she showed up at my house warming party and even met and chatted with my friends. My friends have actually taken a liking to her (for the ones that met her anyway). bads?: However what I have noticed is that she hasn't invited me to any events that she goes to, nor have I met any of her friends. And on top of that I've always been the one to initiate plans. However on our third date, she's told me she expects guys to make all the moves...what's worse is she's read the book "He's just not that into you". And she's never let me walk her home, but I've been to the street she lives on when we go out. Anyway we were supposed to go on a date last night, but she had a reasonable excuse and asked to reschedule for tonight. She knows my hours are unpredictable and I said I'd call her when I get off work to get together, as I've done previously on one of our dates. So a few hours ago I get this exact text from her: "Hey (nickname) I'm sorry but I can't go out tonight. My paper isn't done and I'm having trouble with a job app both due tomorrow and am super stressed! So sorry. I'm usually not this flakey but it's finals week and I'm heading home tomorrow so things are a bit crazy. Please don't hate me!" (Last I heard she was done with classes, but I could have heard wrong. And I recall her telling me she leaves for her trip the day before x-mas, though I could have remembered wrong too). My interest wanes around 60 - 70%. I'm not entirely bummed over the situation, just disappointed. Because I bought her chocolate that I know she loves, for x-mas of course. Now she'll never know. Plus she's flaked twice with no mention of getting together after her trip. And if I want to see her again it'll be in 3 weeks when she returns from vacation. How should I respond? Should I give her the benefit of the doubt? Should I play it cool and write something back so she knows I'm not mad? Yeah, I can't stand a woman that flakes, apologizes for it, and then STILL acts interested. Most women, I have known, flake out and then I never hear from them again....but then you get the rare ones that flake, but still call you to RE-schedule, and like a fool, you agree to it, and she flakes on THAT event, too.....and then apologizes yet AGAIN. "Yeah..I know...I'm sorry...something came up....lets dot his tomorrow" Like you're some danged Yo-Yo.
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